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The Emperor's Concubine
Chapter 63: What Worry Means (2)

Chapter 63: What Worry Means (2)

In the end, the doctor examined the concubine twice, only to find no signs of inner or outer injuries anywhere. He took a few more notes before closing his book and putting it back into his bag. “As expected, I can't determine any problems except for the protracted cold that I had previously noticed too. Though in any case, it appears like you are getting better now. After resting for a few days, you should have completely recovered. I'll prescribe you medicine with a strengthening effect too. That will help your body get rid of the illness soon. Still, you seem to be a little weak in general, so I would recommend going out more often and maybe taking walks within the royal property regularly.”

Blanche was sure that she had actually been outside way more often in the last three months than before, but she nodded nonetheless.

However, she couldn't voice her response since Theodore was already speaking up. “Well, the next few days, you shouldn't go out at all. I won't send you into the garden before you are fully recovered. We don't need another relapse. And even though I pray for you to stay healthy, we have to remember to act differently next time. If you get sick again, you'll tell me about your sickness and not go to an unimportant ball. And in the future-” He turned to the doctor and narrowed his eyes at him. “You will inform me of the slightest signs of any illness that she might have infected herself with, no matter how meaningless it seems.”

The sharp edge of his voice caused the doctor to strain his shoulders and let out a nervous chuckle. “You already made yourself very clear in that regard, Your Majesty. From now, on I will give you a detailed summary of every examination of Lady Blanche.” It sounded like the emperor hadn't overstated when he said that he had been angry with that poor man.

Though Theodore didn't pay much attention to how intimidated the doctor looked but made eye contact with his lover. “Until you are doing better, he'll check on you every day. After that, we should do a monthly examination, so we can keep an overview of your health. I know that you didn't like that when I first asked you. But I think that doing one a year isn't enough, especially since we saw how strongly this illness influenced you.”

Blanche blinked at her lover a couple of times. She could vaguely remember rejecting such an offer only a couple of days after she had arrived in the palace. But she still knew exactly that monthly examinations were only done for members of the royal family. While the doctor was ready to treat anyone in the palace, servants only approached him when they had a problem that required his help. The regular check-ups, in the rare case that someone bothered to go through with them, were performed by the doctor's five assistants, who were without a doubt skilled, however, they didn't match their mentor yet. It wasn't normal to insist that the specialist himself should take care of Blanche, and it was also exaggerated to do so because of this one unfortunate incident.

Blanche was rather sure that her lover would insist on this though. Still, she asked. “You mean that one of his assistants will check on me monthly, right? Because the doctor is only there for royalty.”

The emperor frowned at that, but the doctor spoke before him. “No, due to a request by His Majesty, I will take care of you. My responsibilities don't only include treating the members of the royal family but also other people who hold special positions in the palace or are especially endangered. You do not need to feel uncomfortable with that. Besides, I have more than enough leeway to add another patient to my list. Currently, I only have two, which leaves me with a lot of free time.”

Blanche glanced at her lover, and his expression already told her that he wouldn't change his mind about that. She sighed inwardly and turned to the doctor. “Alright. Then I have to thank you for all of your future efforts.”

“There is no need to thank me.” The doctor smiled at her before rising from his chair. “During the next days, you should focus on consuming healthy food to strengthen your body again. I will return sometime tomorrow. Just send a servant to get me, and we'll do another examination. I don't want to disturb you any longer, so I'll leave now if Your Majesty allows me to do so.”

Theodore nodded at him, which caused the doctor to bow once more before taking his bag and approaching the entrance. Seconds after the man had left, someone knocked against the opened door.

After the emperor told them to enter, Stella came into view. She was pushing a cart with multiple small bowls and plates. The maid bowed to Theodore and waited for him to give her instructions on where she should leave it, but he didn't say anything.

Blanche assumed that he didn't know why the servant had retrieved food, so she explained it. “I asked her to bring me something because I was hungry.” She pointed at the spot next to the bed while turning to Stella. “Can you please put it here? I can reach it from the bed like that.”

Theodore seemed to wake up from his daydream and quickly interrupted. “No, move it over to my side.”

The concubine was taken aback by that, but the maid listened to the order without hesitation.

Just when the servant had let go of the cart, the emperor already dismissed her. “Leave us alone.”

Even though his tone hadn't been harsh like in Blanche's hallucination, hearing these words in his voice made a shiver run down her spine. They were actually directed towards Stella, who didn't seem affected at all and left to return to her room, but her mistress was struggling to fight back the memories of Theodore threatening her. If her own mind's imagination of what might happen in the future terrified her this much, how would she be able to stand him looking at her with that hatred in his eyes? Blanche shivered at the recollection of his glare and only realized that her lover was staring at her when she turned to face him.

Immediately, Theodore's palm covered her forehead. “Do you have a fever again?”

She let him check her temperature despite being sure that she was fine. “No, I don't think so. I don't feel unusually warm or cold.”

Theodore touched her for a few more seconds, in which he didn't evade his gaze, before lowering his hand. He quietly nodded to himself while muttering a small “Good” and then focused on the cart. He began to lift every cover and revealed the dishes, including a few fruits, bread and yogurt. Then he used a fork to move the food around to take a closer look at every single bit of the meal.

At first, Blanche was grinning at Stella's exaggerated buffet, but then her lover's caution started to irritate her. “What are you doing?”

Theodore glanced up at her shortly before continuing his meticulous task. “I'm making sure that there aren't any cherries here this time.” His statement left her in utter confusion, however, he didn't explain himself any further until he had finished. Then he looked at her with an odd mix of annoyance and worry. “Apparently, some servant messed up and put cherries in your food despite them knowing that you were allergic to them. That happened three months ago, and I just learned about that now because the doctor was intimidated after I scolded him for not telling me about your cold.”

Blanche's lips parted slightly as her brain pieced together what he was referring to. This was about her allergy outbreak, which had happened a few days before she had gained the novel's memories. She opened her mouth to refute the subtle accusation that accompanied his words but realized that there was nothing she could argue about. So, she used the weakest defense that she could come up with. “You knew about my allergic reaction. I asked a servant to inform you about it back then.”

Theodore put down the fork with a clink and crossed his arms before replying. “You did. You also asked them to lie to me though. I was informed that you yourself picked fruit from one of the trees in the garden despite your allergy because you thought that it wasn't that bad. I was also told that your only problem was being hoarse for a few hours and that you just stayed in your room to calm down. But now, the doctor generously let me know that you were actually in pain for two whole days back then and that you could barely breathe through your swollen throat. And that only happened because a servant was stupid enough to not remember the one thing that you can't eat. Even after three months, you never felt the need to enlighten me about what really occurred.”

His response silenced Blanche for a moment. It was true that she had lied to him about that incident. She had ordered the servants who brought him the message to recite a false version. She had even been forced to do that by writing it down since she had been unable to speak in her state. Naturally, she had downplayed the severity to not worry her lover as she knew that her allergic reacting would only stay for a couple of days, like it had in her childhood.

While she adored being smothered in affection and whining to be comforted, she had always resented troubling Theodore. Since she had rarely gotten infected with a serious illness, and he was always very busy, avoiding him for the short time had never been a problem. The doctor had covered for her without a single exception, so Theodore had never found out about that. It seemed like that would be over now though.

“I didn't want to worry you.” Blanche felt a bit embarrassed while saying that.

Theodore let out a huff in disbelief. “I think that this here is a fundamental misunderstanding about what worrying about someone means. When you are sick, you aren't doing something on purpose to make me feel bad. I worry when you are unwell because I care about you. That isn't a reason for you to not tell me how serious an illness is. It's the opposite!” He got a bit louder for a moment before lowering his voice again. “You have to inform me so that I can do something about it to make it better. Don't you think that I would feel much worse if you were to come to harm after I didn't do anything in time because I didn't know?”

While he talked, Blanche had lowered a gaze, only to lift it after he finished. He was right about everything, but he had forgotten about one crucial detail.

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Blanche pointed it out without hesitation. “How can you tell me not to do that when you do it too?” Her lover froze at those words, which gave her a chance to resume. “I can see how tired you are when you come out of your office. Of course, you can't just ignore your duties, but you don't have to lie to me about how you are feeling. You are already busy with so many tasks, so I can't simply add more troubles to your giant pile of problems. I am only in the palace for you, so you should relax around me and admit when you aren't feeling your best.”

For a moment, both of them were silent and only looked into each other's eyes. Though they didn't endure that for long before Theodore moved onto the bed, and they fell into one another's arms.

He whispered to her in a barely audible volume. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so angry. I was just feeling terrible about not having been aware of what happened. If you don't tell me about things like that, it makes me believe that you don't trust me.” That was enough to make her feel bad.

Blanche hurriedly refuted it. “That's not what it means at all. I only want the best for you, so I always think that I don't have to bother you with issues that you can't solve.”

Her lover slowly backed away after her reply to meet her gaze without letting go of her. “I understand that part. But why weren't you honest about the servant's mistake? Why did you say that you yourself caused your allergic reaction? I would have made sure that something like this couldn't be repeated and dismissed that person.”

“That's exactly why I didn't want you to know.” The emperor frowned at her statement, so Blanche continued to elaborate. “This person made one error by putting a normally harmless fruit into a cake. It would be horrible if they lost their position here because of that. Even though I mentioned my allergy a few times, there is no way that the servants have time to pay attention to a small detail like that. Besides, I treated them like slaves, so it isn't surprising that they didn't care much for my countless complaints. Since I whine pretty often, they most likely thought that I was just exaggerating again.”

Theodore wasn't convinced by that at all, and his expression revealed that before he even began to speak. “That small detail almost made you choke to death. No matter how busy they are, it can't be an excuse for forgetting such things. And their personal feelings towards you also have nothing to do with their work. If you, as an inhabitant of the palace, tell them to refrain from putting cherries in your food, they have to comply without questioning your reasoning. Did you at least tell them about the severity of your allergy so that they'll remember not to do it again?”

Blanche might have planned to do that, but the novel's memories had been more important than screaming at the cooks at that point. “I didn't.” Her lover sighed, so she added the full truth. “Stella did. I think that she said something about her making sure that they'd refrain from repeating that.”

Still, Theodore wasn't satisfied with her response. He moved his hands away from her back to cup her cheek instead. “I wish I could figure out who the responsible one was, but I fear that too much time passed. There is nothing that we can do about that anymore. I expect that you won't agree to me going into the kitchen and informing the servants of my thoughts?” She nodded, which caused him to resume after exhaling deeply. “Then there is only one comment that I'd like to add to this. Please let me know when you are sick. And don't over-exhaust yourself by doing things like attending a ball while you can barely stand. You have to take better care of yourself. I love you, so I can't bear the thought of you hurting yourself because you won't take a break and get my help.”

Blanche put her hands on top of his and looked at him with as much sincerity as she could muster. “I know that going to the ball was a stupid idea, and I already promised that I won't damage my health with rash decisions like that anymore. But you have to be honest too. Since I love you, I don't want to see you suffer either.”

Theodore gave her a weak smile as he stroked over her face with his fingertips. “Then let me tell you the truth. I feel horrible. When you didn't wake up for over a day, I thought that I was going to break down, and believe me, it was close. Then you finally reacted to being called and managed to swallow some food, but you didn't stay conscious for longer than five minutes. I prayed to the gods every hour, despite usually never doing that. And after you opened your eyes for real, I was so happy that I can't even put it into words.”

He paused and leaned forward to kiss her forehead, which she gladly accepted. Then her lover backed off a little to make eye contact before he resumed. “But I haven't slept at all during the last two days. While I don't regret sacrificing my sleep to keep an eye on you, my body isn't too satisfied with it. I also feel terrible for not having thought about my duties once before you woke up. I completely ignored everything and left it all to Leon. He must be close to passing out, but I can't bring myself to consider leaving you to help him.”

Blanche frowned as heard his last words. “You won't work now. Just as you said, you are extremely tired. You need to sleep as soon as possible.”

“I will. After we get you fed and cleaned, I'll allow myself to rest for a short while.” Hopefully, Theodore didn't only mean a few hours by that. Judging by the dark circles around his eyes, he would have to rest for at least the whole night despite being used to working hard with little sleep. But for now, he didn't seem to think about that. Theodore let go of Blanche's face to pat her head instead before he turned around to the cart and began to sort some fruits and bread while asking her what she wanted.

All the dishes looked tasty, and Blanche was hungry, so she would have loved to devour everything, but she was well aware that Stella had brought way too much for her alone. After some contemplation, she decided to take a small bite of almost all the food items. Her lover followed her demands and moved closer to her after she was done with listing everything. Her attempt to grab the spoon was evaded by Theodore taking it first, which caused Blanche to look up at him in confusion. Sometimes, they joked around by stealing each other's food, but surely, he wouldn't make her fight for her share now.

Even though a small smile adorned his lips, Theodore's expression immediately showed her that he wasn't fooling around. He took the bowl with yogurt into his free hand and put a small portion pnto the spoon before lifting it to her lips. “You're still weak, so I'll feed you.”

Blanche lifted her hand to show that she could control her movements already. “It's not that bad. You don't have to.” She said that but moved to sit directly in front of him and opened her mouth anyway. She was able to eat by herself, but why should she refuse when he was offering to do it for her?

During the meal, she simply enjoyed spending time with her lover. Since they both needed to focus on more soothing topics, they chatted about some lighthearted themes. Blanche managed to get Theodore to consume a good portion of the food as well, which calmed her worries about his health a bit. They took longer than they would have normally, but that was to be expected since Theodore was extremely careful about not letting her eat too fast to not over-exhaust her stomach after the days of barely ingesting anything.

By the time that they were finished, the sun was beginning to set. That only made Blanche aware of how much she had disrupted her lover's schedule, and she wanted to hug him again to apologize for this, which she eventually did. Theodore didn't seem to mind and returned the embrace with no intention of letting go in the near future. Unfortunately, they had to separate for a moment after Stella returned the cart to the kitchen and brought a basin with water and some cloths. Blanche dismissed her maid for the night and watched as she left the room.

Her lover wasn't willing to let her clean herself either, so he did it for her. In the process of that, the concubine noticed that she was still more tired than she had previously realized. Within a few minutes, she had already yawned multiple times, and her eyes were starting to feel heavy.

Theodore observed her with a grin, which filled her heart with joy. He was beginning to look happy again after having seemed dejected from the moment that she had awoken. “Someone is sleepy. Just five more minutes, and we can close our eyes.”

Blanche yawned again before she replied. “It's weird though. I was the one who slept for two days, so you should be the tired one instead. You look like you should have passed out hours ago.”

Her lover laughed at that. “Thank you. You're the one to talk.”

His words reminded Blanche that she hadn't looked into a mirror after waking up at all. She had no idea whether her sickness was still visible, but apparently, it was. “Is it that bad? Can I see?”

Theodore hesitated for a moment and scanned her expression. “You weren't conscious for days and just woke up, so it would be strange for you to seem unaffected. After you rested for a bit, you will be completely normal again, so you don't have to worry about anything.”

Blanche paused at that as well. Did he think that she would be upset about looking like she was sick? She had certainly paid a lot of attention to her appearance in the past, but she was still reasonable enough to understand that she wouldn't appear as neat as she mostly did. As long as her lover didn't push her away because she looked too scary, she didn't mind. “I won't get frustrated. I only want to see my reflection once to check how awful it truly is.”

Theodore wasn't excited about the idea, nevertheless, he brought her a hand mirror and allowed her to inspect herself.

Blanche froze at her image before letting out a little giggle. “I look like a walking corpse.” It was true. Her skin was paler than a healthy person's should be, which only made the dark rings under her eyes stand out even more. Her tangled hair seemed like it hadn't been brushed in ages, and Stella definitely would take an eternity to get it back into its original state. The way she slouched her shoulder right now also served to stress the impression that she was about to fall asleep.

Though all of that didn't stop her lover from attempting to pacify her. “You are exaggerating. It's not that bad. Nothing that won't be better after you sleep for a bit.”

She handed the mirror back to him and pretended to pause to inspect his face before running her fingertips over his skin. “At least we match now. We can have a contest, and the person with the darkest circles around their eyes is the winner.”

Theodore snorted at that and left the bed for a short moment to put the hand mirror back into a drawer of the dresser and close the curtains. “We should rather focus on getting rid of them instead of being proud of our exhaustion.” He returned to her side and undressed to lay down next to her.

Blanche allowed her body to fall back onto the mattress as well and waited until he covered them both with the blanket to snuggle against him.

Theodore put his arm around her. “That's why we should sleep now, and tomorrow, everything will be better.”

Blanche was about to close her eyes and allow herself to fall unconscious until she remembered something. She lifted her head off the pillow to look at him. “Theo?”

Her lover hummed to signal that he had heard her and opened his eyes again to meet her gaze.

There was something the concubine hadn't forgotten about. She felt like she shouldn't dismiss this now, even if she was awfully

tired. “Didn't you still have something important to tell me?”

For a second, Theodore hesitated, and seriousness showed on his face. He quickly covered his grimace with a neutral expression though. “Did I?”

His inquiry made Blanche hesitate. Earlier, he had seemed like the topic was urgent, and now he claimed that he didn't remember it anymore and expected her to believe that. How was that logical? Momentarily, she considered dropping the subject since he had sounded like it wasn't a pleasant one. If he didn't want to talk about it, she shouldn't push the matter. But then again, just keeping quiet about it wouldn't be right.

So, Blanche tried it once more. “Yes, you did. Just before the doctor came, you said that we had to discuss something. Then he knocked onto the door, and you told me that we would readdress it later when we are alone.”

Theodore was quiet for a few seconds, in which he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he showed her a soft smile that made her heart flutter. “I have a vague recollection of saying that, but I forgot what I was referring to. Apparently, it wasn't that important. I'll tell you when I manage to remember. Since I am really exhausted, I definitely won't be able to do so today. We should sleep before thinking about anything else.”

At first, Blanche had been convinced that he was trying to change the subject, but his expression didn't look like he was acting at all. Maybe it had really been a minor problem, and he didn't wish to bother her with that while she wasn't fully recovered. In that case, it made sense for him to lie about not remembering. But then again, he truly didn't look like he was lying, even though that might have been because she was too tired to pick up on anything too. Her brain was barely able to process the information that her senses were giving her, so she surely couldn't read his expression well either. In fact, Blanche wasn't even capable of having a discussion with him now either, so pointing out her confusion wouldn't allow her to reach her goal. She would trust him in hopes that he would be willing to open up about it in the near future.

“Alright. If you do remember, don't forget it again before you can tell me. We should really sleep. Good night.” They kissed once more and then closed their eyes. As soon as Blanche's head hit the pillow, drowsiness began to overtake her. She only managed to hear her lover whisper before she had fallen asleep.

“Good night, my angel.”