Blanche took a moment to go through all of those memories about Seraphina's miscarriage before she replied. “That was why you warned her about a possible bitter surprise, didn't you? Because you think that her child doesn't deserve to die because she did something wrong.”

Theodore slowly nodded at her. “In the last world, I couldn't feel a single thing for that child, even though I hated myself for that. That was why I wanted to change the outcome this time. But back then... I was just numb to everything. So, I couldn't even feign empathy, which caused the people that noticed to call me a tyrant for real, and I actually agreed with them. That was the day that I finally understood that I had completely lost myself. Normally, I should have grieved and felt horrible, and I partly did, but my whole body was just...tired. I was in a daze and couldn't even shed a tear while she and her maids all sobbed.” He let out a huff of air without any amusement. “My first reaction was saying that we deserved that because the gods had punished us. Obviously, she wasn't too happy about that and looked at me as if I had broken her heart, but something about my expression made her stay quiet. Or maybe I just didn't listen to her. I can't remember. I only know that I left her without another word to sit by your grave for hours, hoping that your presence could do something against the growing dread inside me. I talked to you and desperately tried to get a response for so long. At first, you weren't there, and I got more unstable with each passing second, and then-”

Blanche hadn't wanted to speak up, but the words came out of her mouth on their own. “I was there. I was there the whole time. I could see you cry there and wanted to console you, but I couldn't do anything.” The longer she thought about it, the clearer the image in her mind got. She saw how her lover had sat there with an empty gaze while leaning against the gravestone for hours. She had only attempted to call his name because she had known that touching him would never work. But at some point, she had been desperate enough to try. “And then I...”

Theodore's lips formed a faint smile, but his eyes only held sadness. “You reached out for me and suddenly appeared. It wasn't more but a breeze of air, but you stroked over my head, and I completely broke down. I lay there and thought that you could truly touch me. I still don't know whether I just imagined that out of pure despair. But it was enough to make me stay there until the next morning without moving. After a while, people tried to disturb us, but I ignored them. Do you remember that Gloria came? She wanted to yell at me for leaving that woman alone after such a tragedy, but she just froze after seeing you. It was so satisfying to know that I wasn't the only one that knew about you. She ran away after a moment, but the very next day, everyone's image of me changed. I wasn't just the mentally unstable emperor. I was the insane ruler that was accompanied by a ghost. And that made countless people avoid me, which only helped us in the end.”

She could faintly remember that too. She had trailed after Theodore whenever her strange consciousness allowed her to control her movements. He had been followed by whispering no matter where he had gone, and still, it hadn't bothered him. He had looked more emotionless every day. Sometimes, had faked a smile for the people he was close with, like Owen and Leon, but his eyes hadn't lit up then. More often than not, he had begun crying as soon as he had been alone, and she had hated being unable to do anything about it.

So, consoling him had become her main goal, which only caused him to stay in her arms for hours at a time even though she hadn't been able to touch him. While other people usually hadn't seen her, some had whispered about catching a glimpse of her when they passed by. The longer she had been with Theodore, the more people had sworn that they saw the silhouette of a woman in a dress next to him. No one had dared to ask him, but rumors had circulated quickly.

Blanche remembered one thing especially. “Didn't they think that I was a vengeful spirit? I believe that someone told you that they could get a priest to get rid of me. And you threw them out of the palace.” In reality, that was even phrased nicely. She was pretty sure that the poor priest had only wanted to help, but he had probably been scarred for life after seeing the emperor so angry.

Her lover held her hands between his and pressed a kiss onto her fingers. “That wasn't just some priest. That was the most powerful high priest at that time himself. But I got so scared that he would actually be able to push you away that I couldn't risk letting him consider that option. I told him that I would not let anyone live if they tried to harm you in any way. Needless to say, the whole palace knew about it.” His mood quickly darkened again when he had to address a different topic. “And I'm pretty sure that that witch saw you in her dreams again during that time too. Because just a few days later, the rumor that a ghost had been at fault for her miscarriage went around. That you had gotten your revenge on her. That was obviously a lie, but some people truly seemed to believe it to be true. They were clever enough not to say it in front of me though. I would probably have snapped at them if they had said it. Either way, the rumors suddenly stopped after a few days. From what I gathered, that was because that woman heard a voice asking her whether she would blame all her mishaps on you. Since she had framed you for murder already and knew that she was guilty, that must have scared her.”

Blanche took a moment to think about that before she remembered that scene. She had usually ignored Seraphina. But then that woman had tried to convince Theodore that her miscarriage may have had something to do with the person she kept seeing even though they should be dead. The emperor had ignored that while passing by.

Even so, the concubine had lost her composure for a moment and had told the other woman to shut up while following her lover. She had only stopped for a few seconds and asked whether an execution wasn't enough to satisfy Seraphina. Afterward, she had let out her anger about being accused of harming her beloved's child again, which she would have never done. Of course, she hadn't been able to yell anything thanks to her bleeding throat and had only mouthed most of that. But it had brought the message across in some way.

A bit later, she had realized that Seraphina was staring right at her and not through her. Most likely, the empress had been able to see her too at that time, just this once. Because after that, Seraphina hadn't dared to utter the name ‘Blanche’ ever again and had focused on trying to win over Theodore. The concubine had to admit that she had been a bit content with seeing how that had failed countless times.

It seemed like Theodore would talk about that exact time now as well. He looked at her through half-lidded eyes and tried to hold back his anger, but it was impossible. “A bit later, I felt bad for her. At least I told myself that I had to show that minimal amount of care for someone who had been married to me and lost her child. Enough people had told me how horrible it was to ignore her too, and I went along with what they said because it was easier. So, I came to see her when she asked, but I didn't have the energy to fake happiness nor did I ever stay for long. That just upset her more. She never got over the loss of her child, but she soon found enough ways to mess with others. Like clinging to me when I had made it clear that I wanted to be alone with you. Like that first time when I scared her for real.” Theodore couldn't hide that he was imagining that very scene in front of his inner eye. “She had come to sit in the pavilion, and I sent her away. She didn't leave though, even after I told her that this wasn't her place to be. She acted heartbroken when I said that it was yours and mine and that she couldn't be there. But she still refused to leave until I raised my voice at her. Then she finally got scared and ran away. After that, I could sit there while looking at you in peace.”

Hadn't Blanche once dreamed about seeing Seraphina in the pavilion with Theodore? It seemed like her brain had taken that scene out of context, which had twisted the situation's tone quite a bit. But Blanche didn't interrupt and just listened.

Theodore paused for a moment and took a deep breath while stroking over Blanche's hand with his thumb. “Time passed, and she understood that I didn't truly care about her. It was obvious. I never went to so see her on my own anymore, and when she came, I either sent her away or sat next to her in silence. So, she used another one of her mind games. She got closer to Luciano Vasquez, who clung to her back then, and pretended to have an affair with him. Probably because that witch knew that I had been jealous when you were with other men and that I always made sure to spend time alone with you after that.” He narrowed his eyes at that and pressed his mouth into a thin line. “Obviously, her plan was unsuccessful. I didn't bat an eye. I completely ignored it and was happy as long as she left me alone. She snapped at that and came to me while crying and asking why I didn't care. Then she asked whether I truly loved her. At that point, I was sitting next to your grave and was hugging your ghost again, so it should have been obvious. I just inquired whether it looked like I ever cared for anything but you. She was devastated upon hearing that. Apparently, she had felt hurt even though she had watched my one true love die because of her. So, she wanted to hurt me too. She said that I was the one that killed you.” Oh.

That couldn't have gone well.

Theodore seemed to get upset even at the memory, but he still let out a chuckle without any amusement. “That wasn't a good decision. I momentarily blacked out. I don't remember what I did. I only know that I reminded her that she was the one that had made my appeals to pardon you disappear and that she insisted that I couldn't lead the trial. And I said that I would have never allowed you to be punished if I had been thinking clearly, since I didn't care about any crimes that you could have committed more than about you. So, I basically said that I didn't mind her being poisoned that much. I think I didn't bother to hide how close to insanity I was at that point, so she actually ran away in fear. I didn't care enough to chase after her. That was the second time that I had threatened her and one of the many times to follow. In comparison to what came later, that was being nice though.”

Once again, memories that she shouldn't have filled Blanche's mind. She knew exactly what would follow now. She remembered Theodore's wrathful expression and how Seraphina had backed away with terror on her face. For some reason, she knew that she had seen that woman's grief countless times afterward.

Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.

When the empress had understood that her husband's love had never belonged to her, she had been overcome by sadness and cried regularly. At the same time, both Sophia and Allen had been troubled by their own problems and hadn't been able to meet their sister, so Seraphina had suffered without their help. And it would get even worse than that.

Maybe that was why Blanche couldn't hate the other woman that much anymore. Because the supposed heroine had suffered for much longer than the villainess.

The concubine caressed her lover's hands while making eye contact with him and speaking in a soft voice. “I saw that scene too. I tried to comfort you afterward, didn't I?”

Theodore weakly nodded. “For hours. But of course, knowing that you still loved me after how I had treated you made it worse. I spent the night at your grave again, and when people came to bring me back, I ordered them to disappear. When I returned the next day, I could basically see how everyone doubted my ability to rule. Apparently, some servants had seen how I threatened that witch, and that caused them to fear me. Rumors about me having lost my mind after your death had been there already, but by that point in time, the whole nation knew that it was a fact. When Leon warned me about that, I didn't care. I thought that a revolt against me wouldn't be so bad if they wished to kill me.”

Leonard had been so desperate when he asked whether Theodore just wanted to rot away and die. And upon hearing an affirmation, he had gotten angry and argued that Blanche would have never wished for him to end up like this. The emperor had said something about her greatest wish having been for them to be together and that he would gladly die if he could see her again but doubted that the gods would give him that chance. Afterward, Leon had tried to find professional help in secret, but Theodore had never told the doctors anything but that he longed for his angel. No one had been able to do anything for him.

Blanche remembered that time less clearly than the rest, except for some more detailed scenes. So, she knew what he would tell her now. She remembered exactly how she had given her all in an attempt to cheer him up a little.

Theodore slowly let go of her hands to cup her face instead and stroked over her cheeks with his thumbs. “From then on, my sanity deteriorated even more. I didn't know what I was doing half of the time. I just ran after you whenever I caught a glimpse of you and spent hours at your grave without eating or drinking. My decisions were less deliberate. I didn't care much about most things and signed what Leon had examined, which many people noticed. I only read the most important documents and went through them as quickly as possible so that I could leave to see you again. That's how I trained myself to read so fast. In the end, Leon probably governed more than me though. But I was glad. Because I could finally have conversations with you. You had brought out a little bit before that too, but then you finally managed to let me hear your voice without me needing to read your lips. Of course, you still couldn't say much because you could barely speak with your...throat hurting so much.”

Because her ghostly form had imitated her decapitated state right after her execution.

Theodore clearly hated remembering that. He let out a shaky breath before resuming. “You were constantly hoarse and had to pause in between. But you said a few words to me, and that was enough. The first time you spoke was during a really rough time when I considered killing myself again. You reached out to me and told me that you loved me. For a moment, both of us were shocked because you could speak, and then I began crying and couldn't stop for what felt like a whole day. Because I still couldn't understand why you would care for me after everything I did. But from then on, you spoke more often. You were in so much pain each time you did, but you still forced yourself for me. Because hearing your voice gave me enough strength to go on for another day, and you could see that.”

The concubine didn't need to think much to remember the burning ache in her throat that had come whenever she had tried to speak. Normally, it had been bearable, but with every uttered word, it had gotten worse. So, she had quickly learned to stop before she reached the point at which she would inevitably begin crying again.

To her, it had seemed too pathetic that she was still a crybaby even in death, and seeing Theodore's expression when she pushed herself over the edge had been too painful too. She had never spoken as much as directly after when she found out that she could talk to him with enough effort. That was good since she had wrecked herself completely on that day.

Still, she hadn't said the one thing that she had wanted to convey.

That she was innocent.

Blanche hadn't dared to voice that in fear of upsetting her lover again, or maybe she had known how he would react upon finding out.

So, she had focused on the things that were more important. Like that she loved him and wanted him to be happy. Back then, he had told her that he could never be happy without her, which had crushed her heart. Afterward, she had done her best to tell him how much she loved him countless times, which had ended with her sobbing and clutching her neck because it hurt too much. Of course, that had just made Theodore more desperate.

So, she had limited herself during the next few days and had slowly begun to find out how much she could say without the ache overwhelming her. Short conversations had become the norm, and she had wished her lover a good morning and a good night when she had had the chance. To everyone else, it had probably looked like Theodore was talking to himself, but he had insisted on replying each time that she even uttered a small noise. Because of that, she had only tried to address him when they were alone, but his expression when she hadn't spoken for a while had been too worrying. So, she had gotten used to occasionally calling his name, just to remind him that she wasn't gone. That had always calmed him down at least a little.

Upon remembering those horrible times, Blanche felt the need to cry but not necessarily out of grief. More out of happiness that they had gotten another chance. That they had been blessed enough to live another life was something that they had to celebrate. Now she could talk as much as she wanted and truly put her arms around her lover. She carefully put her hand on top of his, which was still resting on her cheek. “I'm here to blabber on about whatever you want to hear now. I can talk without limitations as long as you give me some water in between. So, there is no need to worry about horrible things that happened back then. We can speak to each other and cuddle now.”

Theodore's expression became more dejected at that. “But it doesn't undo what happened. I'm still a monster for leaving you behind. Even if I did everything to keep you safe this time, I hurt you last time. I should have never lost my trust in you just because someone else manipulated me. I swear that I will use my whole life to protect you and-”

She gently cut him off with a kiss. She only brushed her lips above his, but it was enough to quieten him. She nuzzled her face into his touch again before whispering to him. “If I'm not angry at you, you are not allowed to punish yourself. You will not continue to say bad things about yourself. We want to move forward, remember? That's why we are talking about this now. So that we can close this chapter of the book. Even if it doesn't undo what happened, it just proves that the both of us are in love with each other. Our love is so strong that we destroyed the flow of time. We completely rewrote the whole story because we want to be together, and now this whole world is entirely different. If that doesn't count as evidence that we are fated to be happy, I don't know what would. After all, we were given this chance to change everything.”

Her lover slowly nodded at that and moved his arms around her to pull her body against him. “I won't give up this time. I will fight for us. So that you will always smile and be happy no matter what. I will make sure that you experience so much happiness that you forget what being sad feels like. If you hold my hand, I will be able to do anything because you are here. I will create a world that we will enjoy to the fullest. I love you so much, my angel.”

Blanche leaned over to kiss him again, for longer this time. When she pulled back, she rested her head on the pillow so that her face was directly in front of his. “I love you too, Theo. That's why I want to be happy with you together. You will be happy too, I can guarantee you that. I will cuddle and kiss you until you forget everything else.” Now she could finally do that without needing to remind herself that she couldn't touch him whenever he cried.

Theodore showed her a weak smile as he brushed his fingers over her back. “You are always here to help me. It's almost scary how you always console me no matter what. You've done it when you could hold me and when you couldn't and only hinted at an embrace with your presence. I'm so glad that you can touch me again. Back then, I missed that so much. Even if you tried to console me then, I could only focus on the fact that I had hurt you even though I should have protected you.” He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he continued the story. “No matter what you did, I got worse. It was obvious that I couldn't be happy knowing that my lover who had suffered so much because of me still cared. Not when you should have wanted me to be met with nothing but pain. When the news about the war with Ocrea worsening came, I once again couldn't bring myself to have any personal feelings about that. But I accepted going there to join the battle without hesitation. As you can imagine, my only goal was to die there, and I thought that the odds weren't so bad in a losing war. But I couldn't go there while saying that I was actually just searching for a way to commit suicide, a way that didn't require looking into your eyes and admitting the truth about not being able to continue. So, I had to train.”

Ah. Then another horrible part would follow. Blanche already knew what would happen here as her stomach churned and just listened.

Theodore paused and stared into the distance as if he was remembering what had happened back then. “Leon and Owen were harsh while training me because they wanted me to survive. But that was nothing in comparison to what had happened on the battlefield. Everything there was horrible. There was so much blood and death everywhere. Even when Owen and I just arrived, there were already so many causalities. I should have been traumatized, but I could only think about how to rush into battle. But people wouldn't let me get into dangerous situations, and I needed to hold back to keep them from being slaughtered. Though...the actual reason that I held back was you begging me to be careful. So, I needed to plan how to move during that war. That's how I learned to fight. How to use a sword and aim an arrow while killing as efficiently as possible.”

That made everything much more logical. Blanche could remember so much about how he had improved while she had stood next to him and worried about him getting hurt. The landscape of Northern Ocrea was a constant image in the back of her mind when she thought about how he fought.

It was no wonder that Theodore had been able to shoot so many animals during the hunting festival. He was used to aiming at soldiers on horseback that aimed back at him in return, so he had learned to be quicker than they would be. Shooting at a rabbit wasn't much of a problem in comparison to that. It also explained why dealing with the mercenaries hadn't taken him longer than a few seconds. He had learned to be efficient in many ways.

Blanche felt her heart ache at the thought, but she didn't interrupt. She carefully patted her lover's head and waited for him to continue.

Theodore enjoyed her touch for a moment before he moved on with the story. “To be honest, I just wanted to gain everyone's trust by fighting well. Then I would be able to rush into a dangerous situation alone and could hope that I would finally be killed by some enemy warrior. So, I became the most well-known soldier on the battlefield. The enemies called me a bloodthirsty monster. They saw that I was completely emotionless while moving on the battlefield, but they didn't know that I was actually just waiting for them to strike. I was so reckless and always rode toward the worst conflicts first. It should have been easy to ambush me or to aim a damn arrow at my head. But I wasn't lucky. There were countless life-threatening situations, but something always went wrong. Either something coincidentally saved me or...you appeared.”