Blanche's stomach was churning with nausea already. “If Theo had another reason not to take me with him, please tell me. I want to know.”
Owen sat down on the chair that was standing by the foot of the bed. “Of course, I cannot guarantee that this is true since His Majesty never explicitly stated it, and I do not wish to put words into his mouth. So, please do not accept my words as the complete truth. But there has been an unfavorable rumor about His Majesty ever since his coronation. Back then, it was spread by Her Majesty, the dowager empress and her supporters including the Dukedom of Vasquez. Since her faction is gaining more power at this very moment due to their schemes, we have to assume that they will use that rumor against His Majesty again. He would never doubt your trust in him, but I believe that he might be uncomfortable with the idea of letting you hear those things about him.”
That made the concubine's heart skip a beat. “He really thought that I would...” How could her lover be so uncertain? She would never trust some gossip without listening to him first. Even the worst rumors would have a hard time influencing her love for him, so he had no reason to hide this from her. When seeing his worst parts hadn't made her stop loving him, why would a stupid rumor change anything? In fact, he should have told her about this rumor on his own so that she would have been able to support him from the very beginning. She clenched her fists. “I would never believe baseless rumors and doubt him because of things that horrible woman said. What is that rumor about?”
Owen paused for a moment before breathing out and moving his chair next to her. He began explaining in a very quiet volume. “Ever since His Majesty's early childhood, he had a strained relationship to Her Majesty, the dowager empress. This only worsened when he was crowned after the esteemed former emperor's death at the end of a long sickness. While the people believed that it was a serious sickness, that death was sudden and took them by surprise. Along with the fact that His Majesty became emperor in the very year that he had become an adult while His Royal Highness the second prince had still been under-aged, this caused wild speculations. Some people viewed this as some sort of intrigue and spread rumors about His Majesty killing his own father to gain the crown before his brother reached the age that would allow him to compete for the throne. Naturally, that does not make sense since His Majesty had been named the heir at the very moment of his birth, so he would have become the emperor anyway. Still, the gossip spread, and presumably, Her Majesty the dowager empress played a role in this as well.”
The longer he spoke, the more obvious it became that he hadn't named the rumor itself and just stated how it had developed.
Blanche had a premonition about what he might be referring to, so she interrupted him. “Is it the rumor about Theo being a ‘tyrant emperor’? I heard that from Duke Vasquez's son. Of course, I don't believe in that, but the Duchess of Duremont mentioned that there had been some problems that were linked to this.”
Owen was silent for a few seconds before nodding. “Yes, that is the rumor that created most issues for him. It was unreasonable from the very beginning, but it only gained popularity when he began being stricter with the servants to sort out the corrupt and vile people among those working for him. He dismissed many staff members, and some had to be punished harshly for endangering the inhabitants of the palace as well. After he confined his mother and brother after the assassination attempt, those rumors became even more widespread. Over time, His Majesty proved that he is a wise emperor by bringing peace and prosperity to our country despite his young age. So, the gossip stagnated, but there are still remaining traces. Should the people that back Her Majesty the dowager empress gain more power now, they will definitely try to remind the citizens and nobles of this rumor to harm His Majesty's reputation.”
That sounded awful. Couldn't this destroy every bit of effort Theodore had put into making the people trust him? That still wouldn't make the second prince the heir to the throne since the deceased emperor had named his firstborn son the crown prince, but it could change the situation in the dowager empress' favor. Still, that didn't explain why Theodore hadn't told Blanche.
Wouldn't it have been better if he had informed her of this so that she could support him? Instead of that, he even went so far to keep her away from the truth that Owen assumed this was his reason for letting her stay in the summer residence. It seemed like he was that scared of her hearing the things others might say about him. As if he didn't believe that she would always give him a chance to explain. Her lover had been like this after she had eavesdropped on his conversation with the guards about some prisoner too.
Blanche knew everything about him. She had seen his good sides and bad sides. His love and his fury as well as his utter despair. Why would he be so worried about her distrusting him when she had never stopped loving him? That he only wished to protect the nation to the best of his ability should be obvious to everyone by now. Especially to her, who had been the person that was the closest to him for more than two years. She would never doubt him before asking about the situation. Why would she when he had never questioned her despite her odd background and strange behavior after gaining the novel's memories? She had caused so many problems due to her ignorance, and he was still by her side. So, it should be clear that she would do the same even when he had to use harsher ways to secure peace in Artias.
“He should have taken me with him...” Blanche hadn't intended to voice this, but her thoughts came out as a whisper.
Owen immediately replied. “His Majesty has his reasons. He would never separate from you unless he truly believes that this is for the best. Believe in him.”
She grabbed a pillow again and began picking at it. “I do. That's why I want to support him from up close. Sending him back alone feels awful.” She was silent for a moment and dug her fingers into the fabric. “But if he thinks that this is for the best, he will be right. He always is when it comes to politics.”
The head knight nodded at her. “He is. That is why I have to trust that he will be able to defend himself too.” That reminded her of the fact that Owen was in a dilemma as well. If anything happened to the emperor now, he would never forgive himself for letting Theodore go alone. In the end, this situation wasn't just awful for her but for everyone.
Blanche pulled her knees to her chest and allowed herself to hide her face by pressing it into the cushion that she was holding. “Thank you for telling me that, Sir Maillont.”
“I did it gladly. And now that you address this, you may call me by my first name. You already did so a few times in the past, and it is easier to be less formal if we are going to spend more time together.”
Now that he said that, Blanche realized that she was very inconsistent in how she addressed some people. After remembering the novel, she had given her best to address anyone in the most respectful way, but over time, she had become a bit more informal. She lifted her head to make eye contact with the knight. “I'm sorry for doing that without your permission. You don't have to offer this to me because I messed up.”
Owen replied without the slightest change in his expression. “That is not why I offered you to address me with my name. While I try my best to be as courteous as possible, I do not care for any titles connected to my name.”
The concubine was quiet for a moment before giving him a slight smile. “Alright then, Owen. You can address me casually too.”
Immediately, the knight shook his head. “I'm afraid that I cannot do that. I do not wish to disrespect a noble lady. My own title differs from the aristocrats' ones. I might cause serious trouble by carelessly calling your name. As long as the person with the higher rank has permission and speaks informally to the one with the lower rank, it will be accepted, but if it is the other way around, rumors will spark.” He was correct about that, which made Blanche want to sigh in annoyance for forgetting that.
There was a reason why her friends still didn't address her without her title. After all, people of lower ranks would quickly be accused of attempting to curry favor with their superiors and would have a lot of problems if others deemed them to be disrespectful. At the same time, there was another issue that might arise. People that addressed a person with a higher position with their first name would be assumed to be close to that person. There had been a couple of occasions in the past on which this had been seen as a sign of an affair, and Blanche had actually experienced this firsthand too.
As soon as she had started calling her lover ‘Theo’, the rumors about their relationship had increased rapidly. Before that, there had only been talking about the emperor spending a lot of time with a young woman that was suddenly living in the palace. The people had still given them the benefit of doubt at that point and just assumed that he had pitied the person that had appeared in the pavilion without a recollection of where she came from. So, the servants had kept the gossip within the royal walls.
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But from the day Blanche had called Theodore by his pet name without his explicit permission, which, in retrospect, was one of the most impudent things she had done, the servants had immediately turned their attention to her. When Theodore hadn't scolded her but responded after a short moment of surprise, this incident had marked the start of the rumors outside the palace.
Directly after that, Seraphina had come to inquire whether those rumors were true. That had been a meeting that Blanche would like to completely erase from her memory along with a few other occasions on which her blatant disrespect had caused a lot of trouble.
Blanche shook her head and focused on her conversation again. “I didn't think about that and carelessly proposed something rashly. I'm sorry.”
Owen nodded towards her. “I do not mind that. It is quite tiring that one has to keep the nosiness of the staff in mind while choosing how to talk, but that is something that cannot be changed.”
The concubine scanned his expression while he spoke and let out an inward sigh. It was hard to know what the knight was thinking when he didn't show any emotion. His blank face didn't give her a single hint on whether he was truly not offended or whether he was just hiding it. In any case, she would have to learn how to deal with that. After all, he would stay close to her in the near future even if she hoped that it wouldn't be too long before she could meet Theodore again.
Blanche already missed her lover despite only having gone without him for a few hours at most. She glanced at the clock and sighed again. It was only the noon of the first day without him, and she felt empty already. How would she survive the next weeks? She could only hope that it wouldn't take that long. A rumble in her stomach reminded her that she hadn't even eaten breakfast yet, so she turned to her maid. “Stella, can you tell the kitchen staff to bring my food to this room for now? I really don't want to go out.”
The servant immediately jumped up. “Of course, My Lady. Should I ask for something specific?”
“No, thank you. Just ask them to bring me what they already prepared. For dinner too.”
Stella nodded and rushed out of the door, leaving the concubine to gaze after her.
Blanche would have liked to have so much motivation too. But right now, she only felt like staying in bed.
In the end, that was what she did for the whole evening too. She didn't move unless it was to sit up to eat and to lean against the pillows or to bury her face in them. There were moments in which the tears suddenly welled up again, and then they were drying up without any new ones coming so that she was just staring blankly into the distance. It was ridiculous to be so upset already, but Blanche figured that it was because she was unwillingly reminded of what could happen if her lover left her again.
Stella gave her best to distract her mistress, but the result was only short-lived.
Blanche had to avoid thinking about her lover completely to calm herself down. But whenever she tried that, her mind randomly revealed some old beautiful memory of him, and her mood was ruined again. When the sun set, she was exhausted despite not standing up from the bed ever since the morning, so she was happy to sleep. She dismissed Owen and got changed, only to lie motionlessly under the blanket without being able to stop overthinking. Whenever she closed her eyes, scenes from her life with Theodore and ones from the novel appeared in her mind. Images of different people, situations and bits of random scenery overwhelmed her. She would definitely not fall asleep like this.
The concubine opened her eyes and stared at the empty space next to her that was illuminated by the silver glimmer of the moonlight. Lying here alone on the huge bed made her feel even more lonely than she had acknowledged before. She extended her arms and stroked over the mattress. She had already stolen Theodore's blanket and pillow and was sleeping on his spot, but that didn't replace him. Nothing she did would cause him to magically appear next to her.
She forced herself to close her eyes again. If she wanted to fall asleep, she had to lie down for a bit longer. Just when she did that, a realization came to her mind. She hadn't drunk her tea today. Nightmares were the last thing she needed now, so she wouldn't risk it. She sat up abruptly and pushed the blanket to the side to stand up. She took a few clumsy steps before her legs were getting accustomed to being used again and then walked to the door that led to her maid's room, which was bordering on the master bedroom. She knocked twice before waiting a moment. “Stella?” The door opened so quickly that Blanche jumped back in surprise.
Stella immediately came towards her. “Yes, My Lady? Can I get you something?” The servant seemed to have anticipated that her mistress wouldn't sleep calmly tonight.
“I would like to drink my tea. I forgot that today.”
Stella's mouth opened in surprise. “Ah! I forgot too. I will get you some hot water immediately. Please wait here.” She ran out of the room and vanished into the hallway.
The concubine sat down on the sofa while waiting and leaned her head against the backrest. She wanted time to pass quickly. She just wanted to be with Theodore. Was that too much to ask? Her eyes aimlessly darted across the room. There was nothing here to protect her from the worries that were swarming her head.
The only part of the chambers that caught her attention was the window. A full moon was enthroned in the night sky, and its dim light was enough to illuminate the whole room. Blanche slowly stood up and moved closer to the window. There was something majestic about this view. The entire scenery consisting out of wide fields and a couple of singular trees that were spread across the horizon. The whole image was still as if no living being was anywhere in the vicinity. She didn't know why, but this made her feel like this moment was a bit magical. So, she did something she had never done in earnest.
Blanche sank to her knees and folded her hands as she closed her eyes and began praying like priests in the palace had done it. She struggled to keep herself from crying, but she managed to hold the tears back for now. She began to appeal to every god and goddess that she had ever heard about and asked for Theodore's safety. She continued by asking for the novel's benevolence as well. Even if she didn't understand how any of this had come to be, she wished for this unknown entity to bless Theodore's future. She didn't care if anyone answered her prayers, she just wanted her lover to be happy. She ended her speech by stating that she would rather have the original storyline than a world in which Theodore would suffer, but for some reason, a part of her wished for neither option even though she valued her lover's happy end so much. After that, she remained in her kneeling position for a moment before slowly rising to her feet when the cool floor against her skin started to make her shiver. She was lucky enough to have sat down on the couch the very second that Stella came back.
“I'm sorry for taking so long, My Lady. I just brought the finished tea with me already so that we don't have to wait for another servant.” The maid set down the tray on the small table by the sofa before taking a seat next to her mistress.
Blanche thanked her quietly before drinking her tea in silence. Even though they weren't speaking, it was comforting to have someone by her side. That made her speak up. “Stella... Would you mind sleeping next to me tonight?” She almost expected the servant to refuse since they would be on the emperor's bed, but the maid nodded.
“Of course. I'll just get a blanket, and then I will be back.” Stella left for a minute before returning with her covers. She spread a sheet over the side that her mistress usually slept on and put her things there.
After Blanche finished her tea, everything happened rather quickly. The women went to bed and tried to sleep. It was still hard to get the turmoil in her mind to cease, but it was better than when she had been alone. At some point, she took her maid's hand to remind herself that she wasn't on her own. Theodore wasn't here, but there were other people by her side. She was still not in the best state, but she managed to push her memories aside for a bit. She fell asleep in hopes of leaving this horrible day behind.
It had to get better from now on.
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Blanche dreamed of a battlefield that night. She had never seen a war, so the images were far too detailed for her, even though everything flashed by without her being able to focus on anything. She only heard screaming and saw blood as the dread that was as real as if she was in danger filled her veins. She truly felt like something horrible could happen. That was odd since none of the soldier-figures without faces around her attacked her. They didn't even notice her presence. But when she whirled around and saw Theodore fighting against someone, she fully understood why she was scared and raised her voice to warn him.
She didn't see the end of that dream.
Rapid flashes of countless different images filled her mind. There was a grave with purple flowers, a sword and blood. A strange medicine that had been put in tea. A man cradling her body as she was unable to move. Doctors, crying people and woman sitting on a bloody bed. A chandelier falling down onto a man. A whole troop of kneeling men on a small glade in the forest.
It was all too much to make sense of, so Blanche was more than relieved when it finally ended.
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Blanche woke up with a jolt to hearing her lover telling her not to cry since this was what he wanted, that this was the only right ending. She jumped up and whipped her head to the side to search from where his voice had come as fear filled her. Naturally, it had just been her mind playing tricks on her. With a dejected sigh, she sat down on the mattress again and watched Stella, who was still sleeping peacefully and cuddling against the soft pillows.
The concubine definitely understood why her maid was this content with such a wonderful bed, but she didn't have the mental strength to distract herself enough to be happy with this alone. She leaned forward to grab the ring Theodore had given her and put it on before taking a small booklet off the nightstand. Yesterday, she had marked the day of his departure, and now she could cross off that date. Just when she was about to shut the book and place it on the nightstand again, her eyes landed on today's date. She had circled it three times and written ‘Stella's birthday’ there.
A few seconds passed before she had processed this and jumped up. Blanche cringed at the creaking of the floorboards under her feet and gave her best to stay quiet as she moved to the dressing room. She was completely focused on not waking up her maid while taking the gifts she had bought in Ibela out of the drawer of one of the dressers. She had already put the glass sphere and the fabric for sewing into a small basket with two red bows. Along with that, she had wanted to present Stella some pancakes since Clark had said that she liked those. But the concubine had been too busy with herself to think about the fact that she would have to get up earlier than the servant to do so.
In all honesty, Blanche had completely forgotten that it was Stella's birthday, so she was glad that she had written it down. Luckily, she had prepared the physical part of the present already, and she could simply make the pancakes later so that they were fresh. She had intended to spend a lot of time in the kitchen anyway since baking was the only distraction she could think of. If she was just sitting around, she would cry, and crying wouldn't help anyone at this point. So, she had to find something to do at all times, and this was fitting.
She tiptoed back to the bed and sat down slowly to not accidentally cause some noise due to the floorboards. She put the basket in front of the maid's face and leaned back. Now she would only have to wait until Stella woke up. After all, disturbing someone's sleep on their birthday would be mean.