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The Emperor's Concubine
Chapter 155: Reminiscing

Chapter 155: Reminiscing

A shiver ran through Blanche's body, and she leaned closer to her lover. “That's why Cedar acted so strangely at the party? Because they need to get rid of me to avoid you having a child with me?”

The emperor pressed a kiss on her forehead and rested his warm lips on her skin. It seemed like he was stalling for time so that he wouldn't have to reply immediately. He took a deep breath before speaking up quietly a moment later. “Partly. Like I said, Cedar would relish in seeing me break down. So, he'll give his best to make you leave me. He will shower you with gifts and compliments and empty promises. I know that it may be hard to understand, but he is different now. He'll-” The pain in his voice was audible even to someone who was barely listening.

Blanche couldn't hold herself back for long and cut him off quickly. “I know that you don't want to voice this out loud. I don't have to hear it either, so don't force yourself. He is your enemy, so I hate him. That is final. I told you that a few times, and I'll say it as often as you need me to. So, you can burn everything that he sends here on my behalf, and I won't talk to him unless you are there either.”

Theodore looked down at her, and his gaze was full of affection as he just stared at her. “Thank you. I know that you're on my side, so you should never-”

Another voice chimed in. “Your Majesty.”

The emperor kissed her nose before turning to the person next to him. “What is it, Owen?”

Owen bowed. “I apologize for disturbing you, but I examined the arrow, and there is something that you should be aware of.” He handed the arrow over to Theodore, who reluctantly took one arm off his lover's back to receive it.

The emperor lifted the arrow to his face and scanned the wooden shaft and the feathers at the end as well as the metal bullet point that was still dirty from hitting the soil. There seemed to be nothing strange about it at first glance. But he froze after a few seconds and let go of Blanche to pull a white roll-out from a small hole in the arrow. He unfolded the small piece of paper and read it. Within a second, his expression turned into a mask of pure rage as he balled the paper into a little sphere, but he didn't throw it away. He let the ball disappear in his pocket instead before giving the arrow back to Owen and pulled his concubine towards him in a sudden movement.

It was obvious that he was fuming, so Blanche quickly wrapped her arms around him and allowed herself to rest in his embrace. She was curious about what had made him this angry, but she wouldn't ask and enrage him even further. She could still ask when they were at home and he had calmed down a bit. “Shall we go back now? It won't help if we stand around here much longer.” Just when she said that, she remembered that Theodore would have to lead the investigation, and she inwardly reminded herself to think before she spoke. “I mean...unless you have to take care of the matters here. Then, of course, I'll stay with you.”

The response came in a way softer tone than she had expected after seeing Theodore so upset. “No, it's better if we leave. Leon will deal with the investigation. I can see him running around over there. I assume that he saw us, and after I nodded at him, he didn't want to come over anymore. We're too cuddly for him.” Theodore nuzzled his face into her neck and took a deep breath before slowly loosening his hold on her. “We should go home. I don't want to be here anymore.”

Blanche was the one that didn't want to stay any longer. With every second that passed, she became more aware of the danger her lover had been in. That a corpse was lying only a few steps away from them wasn't pleasant either. So, she favored going back and was extremely happy that her lover had agreed.

Theodore slowly let go of her, only to link his arm with hers immediately. She hugged his arm and leaned against him while he gestured to Leon, who came over to them.

The secretary scanned them for a moment before speaking up. “The both of you are unhurt, right?”

The emperor nodded. “A few knights have smaller injuries, but we are fine. We'll retreat now. I don't even have to say who I think is responsible. They didn't wish to kill us but to make us scared, but they were dangerous anyway. It seemed like those men were number two and three of the strongest people that our enemies had. I told you about them. There won't be any helpful evidence for a trial, but just collect everything and bring it to the palace. Get rid of the bodies after searching them. After today, all security measurements in the royal estate will be doubled, and the ones in the palace will be thrice as harsh as before. Otherwise, you know what to do. I'll write a report later and will give you details about our future plans too. Is there anything else you need to know?”

Leonard shook his head. “I understood everything you told me. Your report will give me any information I still need. For now, I'll ask the knights, and that will be enough. I just have one request. Please visit the royal doctor and allow him to check on both of you. Just to be safe. You might be in shock, and he could have ideas on how to calm you down.” While he said that, he glanced at Blanche, so it was obvious that he was only referring to her.

Theodore nodded and pulled her a bit closer to him. “We will. Be careful.”

“I should tell you that.” Leon stepped to the side and gave the concubine a small smile before facing the knights and returning to a blank expression.

The emperor didn't waste time and led his lover toward the palace. Without him saying anything, a group of guards followed them. It was clear to see that all of them were way tenser than before, and even Blanche could feel how she dug her fingers into her lover's sleeve. She gave her best not to think about the things she had seen just now, but her body shivered randomly, and she could only move closer to Theodore in an attempt to keep the freezing feeling away. The emperor didn't ignore that for long and changed his position so that he could wrap one of his arms around her. Even if it was impractical to walk like this, she didn't intend on letting go and was glad that he didn't either.

During the few minutes they took to get to the palace, no one dared to utter a single word.

Thus, it was a stark contrast to enter the foyer and be greeted by dozens of staff members chatting loudly. All of them seemed to have gathered to look at the emperor and quietened down a few seconds after he stepped inside

Everyone made way for him except for the empress, who approached him directly. Seraphina had a deep frown on her face as she stopped in front of the couple. “I heard what happened. Is anyone of you hurt? Are there any injured knights?”

Even now Blanche couldn't bring herself to refrain from gripping her lover's clothes tightly, despite the burning sensation of the scratches on her palms. It felt like she would faint if she just let go of him, so she couldn't think about loosening her grip a bit. So, she just put in even more force.

Theodore noticed that immediately and pulled her against his chest. He pressed a kiss onto the top of her head and wrapped his arms tightly around her, which finally gave her some hold. “No one was hurt. The enemies aren't a threat anymore. But we'll have to increase our security again. No going out from now on. Ask a knight, and he will give you the details. We need to go now.”

Seraphina nodded and made eye contact with the concubine, who was being led away by the emperor.

Blanche didn't know how to react. There was a turmoil in her mind, and she had no clue how to convey any of it. She wanted to smile at the other woman to prove that she was fine but couldn't bring herself to do that. So, she just kept a blank expression.

Climbing up the stairs was torture with her weak legs, so Theodore had to carry her after a few steps. He brought her to the third floor and into his room before telling a knight to call the doctor.

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The elderly man arrived quickly and immediately examined the concubine due to the emperor's request. As expected, he only found the scratches that Blanche had gotten as she had fallen to the floor. He disinfected them and gave her an ointment that would help heal the wounds, but she was more worried about her lover. Thankfully, the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with the emperor and just prescribed them some relaxing tea. He told them to rest for the next days and then left.

The couple changed into other clothes in silence with only a few occasional professions of love in between.

After they finished, the concubine sat down in the armchair to rest her trembling legs when Theodore went onto his knees in front of her. He reached up and gently stroked his fingers through her hair to pin a strand behind her ear. “I'm sorry.” His voice was hoarse, and he looked up at her with eyes full of regret.

Blanche leaned forward and ran her fingers through his hair in return. “What do you mean? This wasn't your fault.” She gave her best to fake a little smile, but she still wasn't able to convey it properly.

Her lover grabbed her wrists and slowly moved her hands downwards so that he could look at the scratches on her palms. “But this is my fault. I swore that I'd never hurt you again, and there I go making such a stupid mistake.”

The concubine let out a chuckle without any amusement. “It hurts less than being cut with a sword. Even if it was painful, you just did it to protect me. Don't think about me now. I'm not the one that had to fight for my life. I should comfort you, so I shouldn't be this silent and do something useful instead.”

“I'm perfectly fine. I'm...” Theodore closed his eyes. “Used to this. But you... This is the first time that you had to see something like this...while...you know. And I'm so, so sorry. I should have made sure that you were looking away.”

Blanche heard how his voice cracked and immediately slid off the chair so that she was directly in front of him. She put her hands onto his cheeks and made him raise his head a bit so that she could crash her lips onto his. She didn't mind any of the things he had done to protect them. Why didn't he understand that?

She only pulled back when she didn't have any oxygen in her lungs anymore. She took a few seconds to catch her breath but didn't let go of his face during that. “You protected us. It's alright. That's not why I'm so nervous. I'm worried about you. The fact that you are this calm despite such a horrible situation is...” Her heart hurt just upon thinking about it. “It's awful. Just how often did you face death like this? And there is nothing that I can do except for making you risk your life as you give your best to keep others away from me. It's always like this, whether it was this fight or when you kept me in the summer mansion. Or when you need to defend me from nobles. I want to help you too, so I shouldn't cry about every little thing.”

Theodore moved so that he was positioned sideways from her and put his arms under her body before abruptly standing up. He carried her to the bed and laid her down in the middle of comfy pillows. Then he climbed up next to her and wrapped them in a warm blanket before pulling her against his chest. “You already did much more than you can imagine. You saved me in so many ways that you don't even know about. Or rather you do, but...I can't put it into words now. I promise that I will tell you someday, but you should know one thing. Without you, there is nothing in my life. No love, no happiness, no colors. Nothing.”

Blanche didn't like the tone in his voice, which was so void of any hint of ease. He was deadly serious, and the thought made her heart sting.

“Before meeting you, I was a walking copy of my father. I was a shell that lived every day just to work and help Artias. And when I met you in the pavilion, I was more than that for the first time. I felt like a person instead of my father's heir and the dowager empress' enemy. It was like I felt human for real. I cared for Althea deeply, but I never knew just how much I could care about someone before seeing you.” He met her gaze with teary eyes. “You hold my life in your hands. You can make me drunken on bliss or break me into a thousand pieces just with a few words. So, if you want to help me, just stay with me for all eternity. Don't think about anything else. I won't let anyone take away our happiness ever again. There is nothing that can bring us apart, so you don't need to cower in front of any noble. If they hurt you, I won't ever forgive them. They'll regret ever being born. So, don't keep your mouth shut just because you don't want to offend anyone. Just give me a bit of time, and I'll make sure that no one can ever disrespect you again.”

Blanche could only nod hurriedly. She felt the same and so much more, but she wasn't able to put it into words. Still, her brain began working, and the sentences flowed out against her will. “I love you, Theo. More than you can imagine. I don't want to be without you. I can't be selfish, I shouldn't, but I can't help it. This is... I never thought that I could be this happy. I was so scared of losing you after I...” After she had regained her memories of the novel. “And I changed everything, but because of me, your happy end is endangered. Those people want to hurt you, and I can't do anything. I hate it.” She was so distressed that she had almost revealed everything to him, and her mind was still eager to do so. She barely held herself back, so it was better that Theodore spoke up quickly.

“What are you saying? How would I have a happy ending when you aren't there? Don't even think about something like that. You can't influence everything, no matter how hard you try. None of this is your fault. It's mine. Everything that ever went wrong happened because I was blind. And now that I can finally see, I won't let our enemies win. Even if the whole world collapses, I'll create a future that allows us to be together. I swear on my life. So, trust me.”

“I do. I trust you with every fiber of my being.” Blanche met his gaze and let out a mix of a sob and laugh as she saw that tears were running down his face too. “Now you made the both of us cry.”

Her lover gave her a slight smile. “After such a day, that's not surprising, is it? We'll make sure tomorrow is better.”

Blanche returned the smile as well as she could before trying to distract the both of them. “You know what was really awful? My dress is dirty now. The soil can be washed off, but the blood will stain the fabric. It was one of my favorite dresses.”

“I'll replace it. If the servants can't fix it, I will tell Madame Charture to create a replica. She is able to do it without a doubt.”

Blanche nodded to herself as she looked at her lover. “But you have to give it to me like you gave me the original one. You have to lead me into my room and say that you brought me a surprise that will make my life in the palace a bit more luxurious.”

Theodore's smile widened. “I didn't say that. I said that I wanted to have you stay with me as long as possible. I was so nervous to ask whether you intended on leaving at some point. So, I brought you to your room while being on edge the whole time. And then I just stated that you would need a dress for going outside if you stayed with me longer. After that, I wanted to hit myself because I feared that you would think that I pressured you into living here. At that time, I was extremely scared of you only being with me because you were grateful that I allowed you to move in too. So, I didn't dare touch you in the beginning. When you hugged me, I always got so flustered because I was worried that hugging you back would make you think badly of me. It took me ages to finally kiss you.”

Blanche giggled at that. “It took a little over two weeks.”

Theodore smiled back at her. “For me, that felt like an eternity. I was still terrified of making you feel pressured to be with me because I was the one providing for you. I didn't dare to do anything to you. But then you stood in the pavilion one day when we took a walk at night, and I just...” He chuckled too as his tears began to dry up. “Couldn't hold myself back. That was the first time that we kissed, and I felt horrible for a moment. I wanted to apologize in case I made you uncomfortable, but then you looked at me with shiny eyes and flushed cheeks, and I just kissed you again. That day, I knew that it was over. That was obvious from the very day that I met you, but after our kiss, I finally understood.”

Blanche felt how her body slowly became less tense. She was finally able to think about something else than the events of this day. “I was very nervous on that day too. Because you looked like you wanted to kiss me a few times before. But since nothing happened, I felt like an idiot for thinking about you like that. I was so happy when you finally hugged me that I thought that my heart would jump out of my chest. It still reacts strongly to you, but back then, I feared death whenever you kissed me. You kept me waiting for long enough, but in the end, the kiss was worth it. Under the starry sky in our special place... It was perfect. But, you know...” A wide grin appeared on her lips. “I needed to wait much longer for something else.”

Theodore slowly moved one of his hands up to her head and began playing with her hair as he hummed. “I was even more worried when it came to becoming intimate with you. I wanted it for so long, but I feared scaring you. After all, I was still uncertain whether you would feel forced in some way because of my position. I wanted to wait even longer, but one day, you sat on my lap and left hundreds of kisses on my neck. When you reached my collarbone, my self-control was completely used up.”

“That's not true. You made me tell you that I was fine with what we were doing at least a thousand times before even undressing me. After that, I needed to repeat it a hundred times again, and I was so embarrassed by that. It was still more than worth it in the end, but the wait was a bit too painful. Do you know how worried I was when we were in a relationship, but you didn't approach me? I tried to lure you in countless times, but you either didn't respond, or I was too embarrassed to do it right and ended up stuttering. I thought that you didn't find me attractive, so I was even more scared to address that topic. You really made me misunderstand back then.”

Theodore raised one of the strands of her hair before rolling it around his finger. “You thought the opposite of what I was pondering about. I was convinced that I imagined you trying to get closer to me, that I was just interpreting your actions wrongly because of my own desires. But you managed to break down my wall of patience with a few kisses. As I said, you hold my heart in the palm of your hand. You don't know what you are doing to me.”

Blanche slowly propped herself up on her arms and leaned over her lover. “Then I should use that to my advantage, shouldn't I?” She pressed her lips onto his and blocked out everything that had happened on that day. She just wanted to think about her lover and nothing else.

Theodore accepted the kiss and engulfed her in his warmth as they cuddled into each other.

It wasn't close enough. She wanted all of him at this moment.

Luckily, her lover felt the same.

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That night, Blanche dreamed about far too much blood. She could see a reddened landscape all around her no matter where she looked on the wide field. She vaguely recognized some shadowy people around her too, but her eyes only locked on the one person she cared about. As she saw Theodore fight for his life with a sword, her mouth opened to scream his name. All that came out of her mouth was a low cough though. Her neck ached like she had drunken acid after.