When Theodore calmed down a bit, he opened his mouth and began speaking in a whisper. “I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes. As long as I knew what would happen, it was fine. But now they showed up, and everything is different. It's much better, but still, I would have liked to have a few months to prepare. There are times at which I feel like I'm way too cruel, and then I remember occasions at which I was lenient. Like when I arrested my family instead of finishing everything back then. I should have stripped them of their titles at least if not... But Cedar was barely fifteen then. He was a child. I couldn't have executed him without blaming myself for my whole life. I should have gotten rid of his mother though. Maybe he wouldn't be that much of a threat if she was gone. Or he would be worse. I don't know.”
Blanche wanted to calm him, but she didn't dare to interrupt for a moment.
He paused, and just when she thought that it was her turn to speak, he resumed. “In the end, it was always better for me to be brutal. When I acted without having anything to lose, when I immediately destroyed future obstacles before they became more of a problem, it was simpler. Like the men that worked for the dowager empress. Or Cedar's personal guard, the one that visited us during the hunting festival. I would like to say that I'm sorry. But I can't even feel pity for those people anymore. I think I'm only holding back because I know that eliminating whole families will make me a monster. But I thought about it multiple times now. Killing people...even if it's indirectly, is one of the most efficient ways after all. Is thinking that unhealthy? It probably is.”
Blanche continued to run her fingers through his hair and wrapped her other arm around his neck. “I don't think so. You're hurting people that will try to hurt you. Your targets already acted first, so they have no right to be seen as innocent or helpless now. The fact that you think about whether this is right proves that you are kind. You wouldn't bat an eye otherwise. But if you try to do the right thing, you reveal that you have good intentions. So, don't worry about that too much as long as you don't hurt innocent people.”
Theodore chuckled quietly, but it sounded pained. “You have no idea what kind of things I did. The people call me a tyrant emperor. I don't threaten the people of the nation nor do I target ones that never harmed me, but there is still blood on my hands. A lot of blood. And still, I dare to touch you and hold you close. It's ridiculous.”
The concubine immediately leaned back to force him to look at her and shook her head. “What are you talking about? You never did anything unnecessary. You may be a bit harsh sometimes, but that doesn't take away your right to be happy.”
Her lover showed her a sad smile. “I'm not sure about that. Sometimes, I think the gods want me to do everything right and gave me this chance because of that. And then something horrible happens. I know that you being here with me is the biggest blessing of all and that even if everything goes wrong, I will find a way for us to stay together. But I worry. What if I already gave up my right to be happy with you because of my own foolishness? That word isn't even enough to express how stupid I was. No word is enough for that.” He paused and averted his eyes for a moment. Then he made eye contact with her and cupped her face to bring her closer to him. “Do you think I'm cruel?”
That question made Blanche freeze. He was her lover. What did he want her to say? “Obviously, I don't. I wouldn't be with you if I did.”
A second after she said that, an image of her dream appeared in front of her inner eye. She knew that Theodore could be cruel. She had seen it in her nightmares and read about it in the novel. Once he had grown to hate someone, he would treat them so coldly that there would be no mistake. Even if that person previously had been his beloved concubine. She shook her head to push away those memories and focused her attention on her lover.
Right now, he looked at her like he wasn't sure whether her answer had been true.
So, Blanche hurried to continue. “You should know that I trust you with everything I have by now. It's obvious that you aren't a bad person, or I would have noticed it already. But sometimes, you are cruel. When you hate someone, you are. For example. But those people deserved it then.” She struggled against her own mind while trying to keep the thoughts about her being abandoned by her lover because she had tried to kill his wife and child away. She tried to change the direction of her thoughts and ended up saying something she hadn't wanted to voice at all. “I just think that you should slow down a bit sometimes. Just...confirm whether... I mean...” She silenced herself after that came out, but it was too late.
Theodore had already heard her. “What were you going to say? Please continue.” His eyes were staring right into hers, so it was hard to avoid being honest.
Before she knew it, her words began rushing out. “I know that I have no idea about politics or things like that. But I feel like... While executions are a valuable method to go against traitors, they should be used sparingly for only the vilest crimes. And even then, it should only happen after an excessive trial. I know that you were sure about the maid being guilty of poisoning me, but there are cases in which people aren't truly as vile as they may seem at the first glance. For example, someone could have put that poison into her possession to frame her, right? And finding clues in public spaces to use them against singular people is always...difficult. So, you should be sure before making a judgment. There have been a lot of unjustified executions. And something like group punishment is completely stupid. If the whole family is killed because the father did something that wasn't even supposed to hurt anyone, that is plainly wrong.”
Those words left her mouth, and only then, she realized why she was getting more emotional every second. To her, this was about her family. Her father, who had traded goods with another nation just to gain a bit more money. Surely, it hadn't been right of him to do that. But to execute him along with his innocent wife and three children, of which two had barely been ten? That wasn't fair. She couldn't help but hate the laws that allowed such a thing to have happened.
But her lover couldn't know that. He absentmindedly stared at something on the other side of the room while running his fingers through her hair. “I understand that, but we do use decisive evidence during trials here. The laws in Artias are pretty strict. It would be nearly impossible to have a trial that isn't fair. Unless a member of the royal family got involved, that is. I can also assure you that most judges are very thorough and avoid the worst options. We mainly hear about executions because the crimes I need to deal with are the ones with the highest punishment. Aside from treason, few crimes directly lead to execution. Family members aren't punished that often unless the crime was serious either. I understand how it would seem strange to you, but it's a given that most people in a household share the political views of the family's head or their parents in our society. If there are traitors, especially people who go against our nation and commit treason, there most likely will be others too. Weeding them out quicker leads to less collateral damage than leaving them roaming around. Surely, it would be better to put them in prison, but that would be much more expensive, and the risk of them getting out again would remain. We can't put morality over practicability, or we will endanger our country.”
Of course, he would see it like this. Theodore had never been in the position of the person that was put on trial. He had never witnessed how people that were important to him had been arrested and had been thrown into a prison to wait for their death. Naturally, he hadn't been abandoned by his lover while begging for forgiveness and pleading for his innocence either. He had only seen how Althea was killed in front of him and that he couldn't punish the perpetrators properly because rules restricted his freedoms. It was clear that he would not question the laws that had been written in the constitution for centuries when he needed them right now.
Blanche knew that she should just nod at that and accept. Her lover knew much more about politics and trials than she did. She couldn't judge properly when her mind was clouded with bittersweet memories of the only two trials she had been involved in, which had always brought terror to her. Neither her family's execution nor her own one was something she wished to discuss. So, she wanted to drop the topic.
But then Theodore continued to talk, and Blanche felt her heart breaking at the phrase ‘collateral damage’.
Her parents and the twins weren't just collateral damage. They had been living and breathing people that died for no reason. She herself was supposed to be dead too and had only been lucky since a power-hungry man had chosen to use her as his pawn instead. She didn't want to speak up, she really didn't. But she couldn't help herself.
“Ignoring morality completely is not good either. I know what you mean, but still, I think that trials like that have to be treated with more care. You might think you are certain, but executions are not always justified. Trials are not always fair. I said that already, but I feel like it's important. Because people can be released from prison, but you can't take back killing them.” Blanche knew that she would become much too emotional in a few seconds if she continued to think about that. Explaining why she was so sensitive would be hard, so she used the one ace up her sleeve to end the conversation. “But I have no idea about politics, so I wouldn't know. We don't need to talk about that anymore. I have a surprise for you.”
She stood up and fought against her weak knees, which almost made her crash to the ground as she stumbled towards the door. Like this, her lover wouldn't see her face. As long as she kept quiet, it was fine. Hopefully, a distraction would be enough to keep her from breaking down.
But even then, a lump was already forming in her throat, and she could barely hold it back. She pressed her hands against her neck and scratched herself in an attempt to cover up her uncertainty and only let go when she reached the door. She put her hand on the handle and pressed down to open it.
Blanche had barely opened it a little when an arm pushed past her and pressed the door shut again. She hadn't even heard how Theodore had moved, but he was here and hugged her from behind.
His hold on her was so tight that it almost felt like he could crush her with just a bit more force. But despite him keeping her in place, he was the one searching for an anchor. He pressed his face into her neck and repeated the same words over and over again. “I'm sorry. I'm so stupid, I'm sorry.”
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In an instant, Blanche's mind was completely focused on reality again. She couldn't turn around even though she wanted to do so. She could only hold onto him and reach over her shoulder to pat his head. “Theo, what's wrong?”
Her lover just pulled her closer to him at that. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...”
Blanche had no choice but to stay in his arms while being unable to move. He didn't reply to her question properly, no matter how often she asked, and just clung to her with no intention of ever letting her go. At some point, she managed to wrench herself away from his arms, just enough so that she could turn around and face him.
Theodore still refused to look at her and buried his face in her shoulder, but at least she was able to stroke over his hair now. He was crying, and she was too. This might be about more than just a few careless words. So, they just hugged each other and gave one another as much comfort as possible.
Blanche knew why she couldn't hold herself back, but she had no idea why her lover was sad. She tried to ask him again. “Why are you crying? Everything is fine. Don't make me cry too.” But it was obvious that it was too late for that.
Theodore still didn't let go or budge, but at least he replied. “I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll never ever say something stupid like that again.”
She still had no clue what he was referring to. She definitely wasn't aware of what this was about. She couldn't be. Her voice trembled. “But...you didn't-”
“I did. I hurt you. I'm sorry.” So, he had noticed that she had been about to cry and blamed himself now.
Blanche tried to shake her head, but that was almost impossible with him being so close to her. She would like to lie about not being upset, but he would notice that she was lying immediately. She would have to console him in another way. “You didn't do it on purpose. You just...said what you thought to be true. It's fine. I'm not angry.” She really wasn't, but she didn't want to talk about this.
Theodore dug his fingers onto her back. “It's not fine. It's not. I should have paid more attention, I should have noticed. I should have listened to you properly when you said it so clearly. But I just went along with what that-”
His words seemed to make her brain stop working for a moment. “Theo, don't. Please.” That was all that left Blanche's mouth before she could even think about it. Thankfully, it helped.
Her lover cut himself off and stiffened. He began shaking slightly, but still, his grasp on her didn't loosen. He pulled her against him and made it impossible for her to see his face by resting his chin on her shoulder.
The concubine clung to him as well while being torn between trying to calm him or herself. It would probably be better if she composed herself first so that she could take care of his worries, but that was almost impossible when she heard his shaky breathing. It pained her much more to witness him like this than any of his words before had.
For a moment, she thought she knew why he was so upset. Why she didn't want to talk about this.
Then her brain shut down as Blanche focused on the conversation again. She should have swallowed her emotions for a few more seconds and then come back with the bouquet and a smile on her lips. Her lover, who was in a much worse state than she was, needed someone to distract him now and not a person that cried the whole time. But there was no way that she could stop herself within a second.
It took her a long time of breathing in and out deeply until she finally managed to stifle the noises coming from her nose.
By then, Theodore had already recovered too. He lifted his head and cupped her face with his hands. “I'm sorry.” He gave her a sad smile. “I should have composed myself more. Today was a bit much. I didn't think about what I was saying at all. Starting with that so suddenly....”
Blanche put her hands on top of his and met his gaze. “You didn't do anything wrong.” He couldn't know about her family's situation after all. She had never told him anything. There was no way for him to have known that she would react this sensitively. “That topic is way too complex for me to say anything about it. It's fine if you disagree with me.”
Her lover closed his eyes and swallowed before looking at her again. “I don't disagree with you. You're right. I just didn't think about it properly because I'm stupid. Just because things were always like this, and I never changed them, that doesn't mean that I can't do it now. In fact, I have to do it. I want things to be different, as different as possible. To make sure of that, I need to act. I can't do it at this exact moment because there is still too much going on. I need those laws if I want to get rid of the people that are working against us. But after we won, and maybe after another five years that allow me to clean up our nation, I can change them. I will.”
Blanche froze. “What do you mean by that? You don't intend to change the law because I said some careless things, right?” She truly expected and hoped for him to say no, but he just stared at her with a serious expression.
“I will gladly implement or erase any law that you desire if it helps Artias. But this isn't because of that. This is because I made the mistake of not understanding that I couldn't continue like the previous emperors before. I already changed some things, so I should have thought about doing something new more often. You are completely right about everything you said. I will look into the matter and make the appropriate choices when it calms down.”
She was speechless at that. He couldn't be serious, could he? He couldn't just change the constitution because of something she had said. She had no experience with the court system in Artias except for the tiny bits that Leon's lessons or the trial of the villainess had given her. She had just thought about her own past and used that way of thinking to compare all executions in the nation, which obviously wasn't a clever thing to do. In fact, it was rather stupid. To consider altering the law because of the words of a random woman without a clue was even worse. “What are you talking about? If you are sure that this is right, that is fine. But you can't just do that because you spoke with me about it once.”
Theodore's response came immediately. “I will. Because you were right the whole time. Executions should not be seen as a convenient way of getting rid of criminals unless it's truly necessary. And as you said, group punishment doesn't make any sense. I just thought about my family. I don't have anything to do with their crimes, but if one applies the rules for people that aren't royalty, I would be held responsible when they commit treason too. If I acted by those rules, I would also have needed to execute my fifteen-year-old brother for just standing next to his vile mother. How is that helpful? There need to be investigations within the family, and the guilty ones will be punished too. But the rest cannot be put on trial unless they act as witnesses.”
Blanche could barely believe what she was hearing. How could her lover change his mind so quickly? She would certainly like it if he was beginning to think about the subject more, but his sudden decision worried her. He should not come to a completely different conclusion just because she had voiced some unconvincing arguments.
But she couldn't bring herself to criticize him for that.
Even if she didn't want to admit it, she would be calmed tremendously if she knew that this law was changed. She remembered how much her family and she herself had suffered due to questionable trials, and her heart was still aching whenever she thought about them. That one judge's decision had destroyed the life of five people at the same time couldn't be forgotten. If something like this could be prevented in the future, she would feel better. Much better.
Even if it didn't bring her family back, she could rest assured knowing that others wouldn't suffer the same fate she did. That would ease her mind.
Still, it didn't feel right for her to demand that of her lover. Blanche stared into his eyes while trying to find out whether this was truly his own decision or whether he just wanted to calm her down. “Are you sure about that? You suddenly sound so different from before. You know better than I do, so...”
Theodore shook his head. “I'm a human like you are. There is no way that my opinion is more important than yours or that I can't change my mind. I know that it sounds strange to you that I am saying something completely different now, but I just thought about it for the first time. Before this conversation, I just saw those laws as useful. For me, they are a way to get rid of people that wish to hurt us. So, I need to keep them for a while longer. But when this is resolved, I will make changes. Altering a few paragraphs when it can improve the situation in Artias isn't demanding too much, believe me. I should have listened to you properly from the very beginning, but I was still upset. I was just angry about the fight before, and that's why I didn't think clearly. Please forgive me.”
Blanche put her hands to his face. “I was never mad at you, so there is no need for you to feel bad. It's alright. If you want to change laws, I will support you. But I never wanted to pressure you into doing anything. Just do it if you believe that it's better for the nation. If you don't, then don't do it. It's really not-” She was cut off by a noise from outside.
It sounded like someone was running toward the door. Before she could turn around, Theodore pulled her away from the entrance.
A second later, the door was slammed open, and Leon rushed inside. He looked around in a panic, but upon seeing the couple alone, his face showed pure annoyance. “She's already gone?”
The emperor shrugged. “She left at least twenty minutes ago.”
Leon covered his face with his hand while closing the door with the other one. “So, you're telling me that you fought with her for two hours and didn't think it was necessary to inform me first? Some guard had to approach me and tell me that the most powerful couple in the nation is at each other's throats. I ran here all the way, and now I find out that I wasn't needed anyway because Lady Blanche came first?”
Theodore didn't seem impressed by that. “It was your day off. You don't have to come here when I argue with that damn...with unpleasant people.”
Leonard narrowed his eyes, but at the same time, his shoulders slouched in relief. “Last time, you said something completely different. You are usually very happy about letting me manage the discussions with the empress. Because in contrast to you, I at least pretend to care about her issues. Do you know how stressful that is?” He didn't receive a response and just an indifferent stare. That made him sigh as he walked over to the sofa and plopped down on it. He was silent for a moment before nodding toward the concubine. “By the way, good afternoon, Lady Blanche. Thank you for keeping this person that normally is so good at controlling his expression from killing someone.” That seemed like an exaggeration. Hopefully, it was one.
Blanche greeted him with a tired smile. “Good afternoon. I don't think it was that bad. They just had a disagreement and-” She thought back to the argument. She had only seen a small portion, but that had been enough to make her cower. “Actually, I have to revise my statement. I would say it was pretty bad.”
Theodore just nodded at that.
Leon gazed at the emperor and left out another sigh. “Do I need to worry about you doing anything that will cause trouble in the future? You didn't insult her to her face, right? And she left on her own accord, right?”
Blanche paused for a moment, and when her lover didn't reply and only pressed kisses onto her head, she spoke up instead. “He didn't insult her, I think. Not directly. But indirectly. She was really angry, and then he sent her out. She didn't like that.”
Leonard leaned his head onto the backrest and stared at the ceiling. He was quiet for a while before opening his mouth. “Great. I can assume that I will need to deal with the empress during the next few days. Because someone doesn't want to see her, I have to come up with new excuses each time. How I love to spend time with someone that is fuming because my superior refuses to talk to her even for a minute.” Sarcasm was dripping out of his voice. It seemed like everyone here knew that the empress' anger wasn't pleasant.
At that point, Theodore finally replied again. “Don't sulk about that. You're on your free day, so don't sit around here. Blanche and I will leave now too, so you can enjoy the final day without needing to manage a raging storm.”
Leonard just glared at him for that, but the emperor didn't care much.
Theodore just wished his secretary a good day before opening the door and leading his lover outside. Without looking at the knights, he guided her through the corridor and up the stairs.