Theodore scanned her expression as if he waited for recognition.

Blanche just nodded at him. “I remember the war. I know what the border looks even though I never saw it in this life. I can remember what the camp was like too. How many soldiers were there and how often you got hurt. It was horrible there. You were in danger the whole time, so I began acting like a spy. I tried to sneak into the enemies' camp a few times in hopes of getting helpful information, but I couldn't go far away from you. I could just run around the battlefield and watch everything. Since I was connected to death in some way, I was always drawn to the biggest dangers and used that to save you.”

Her lover gave her a weak smile. “You did that so often, and I couldn't bring myself to ignore your warnings even when I wanted to die. So, I spun around when you told me to or stepped to the side. I evaded countless attacks like that, which only made the enemies fear me more since they claimed that I could foresee the future. Our soldiers admired me. They asked how I could read the enemy's attacks like this, and I told them the truth. Except for Owen, they all thought that I was insane. At least until you warned me about an attack that could have ended with the entire troop being subdued. They acted like I was accompanied by an angel or some goddess afterward, and they weren't completely wrong by saying that.” He stroked over her hair once before caressing the side of her face. “You saved so many people by saying things that I never knew about, so I finally convinced them of you being real. You helped even more than anyone else ever could. You led me to injured soldiers or warned me about attacks and anything else that posed a danger. You even helped wounded people. Because the ones that were closest to death could sometimes see you, and you either calmed them in their final moments or distracted them and encouraged them to hold on. It isn't false to say that you were the most important person in that war, so it was obvious that people believed you to be a deity. Because of you, we had a huge advantage, but my fighting skills were still not perfect. I got hurt. A lot. Those things were very painful but not as bad as the heartache, even if that sounds like an exaggeration. So, I got numb to those wounds quickly, which is why I didn't mind the little cut on my arm when I came here.”

Blanche knew that too. “I was always more worried about you than you were worried about yourself. I always sat there and cried when you were being treated because I got scared about you being in pain. I gave my best to comfort you during those times, but you didn't get much better. Every few days, you got more injuries. Those only became fewer after you fought for a while.”

Theodore responded in a soft voice. “Yes. Because I forced myself to get better at fighting. I didn't want to worry you after all. So, I improved until I was one of the best warriors and could even keep up with Owen. It took months, but in the end, we won despite the countless casualties on our side. Everyone screamed out of joy when the enemies finally capitulated. But I was as cold as always, which probably made the men notice how bad my mental state was. I went to Northern Ocrea's capital and met Linden's sister there. She is as manipulative and calculative as that woman. She wouldn't ever be peaceful even if she was on the verge of death. But she cared for her nation and agreed to end the war because of that. Still, it was obvious that it was only a matter of time until she tried something again.”

Blanche had the exact image of that woman in mind. She had disliked her from the very beginning. That might have been because that person had tried to manipulate Theodore, but the aura around her had seemed odd from the very beginning. “She is the type that would do everything to improve her nation's standing, right? That's why she would have liked to use the war to steal Artias' mines as compensation. And when she failed, she even dared to...”

Theodore put his arms around her waist and tightened his hold on her. “So, you remember that. She tried to gain my favor to receive the best for her nation. She probably hoped that I would be lenient as long as she blinked her eyes a few times and physically came closer. I refused her by saying that my heart belonged to another person. She asked whether it was my wife, and I automatically denied that. At that point, I started being honest out loud too. If you remember what she tried, you will also remember how quickly she gave up after I told her that I loved you. She must have seen that she had no chance. So, she changed her strategy and began to negotiate. She tried to get us to relinquish every bit of territory that was claimed during the first war. I would have agreed, but there was no way that the citizens would have been content. We needed to replace the fields Ocrea had destroyed somehow, so it would definitely have taken a lot of convincing to make us give away the new land. Linden's sister didn't change her mind though. That short conversation was enough to make one thing clear.”

Blanche could imagine.

Theodore's expression darkened and the well-known wrath that was only reserved for Seraphina came back. “In contrast to Linden, his sister isn't against violence, which is why he needs to rule under any circumstances. That is why I needed to let that woman live. She has to deal with Linden's sister, or he will lose the fight for succession and a war will come. I couldn't risk that. So, I needed to...let her get away. But believe me. One single mishap, and I would have slit her throat. She kept quiet, so I managed to hold back, but each time she argued with me or dared to say anything about hiding my relationship with you, I was close to snapping. I despise that woman with all of my heart. It's good that she is far away now, or I wouldn't have been able to accept her being alive. Seeing her during every ball would have been too much.”

Blanche carefully stroked over her lover's hair. “I finally understand that now. I was always wondering why you disliked her so much and said that she deserved death. The motives she named for framing me were logical, but I could still never accept that she came between us because of that.”

Theodore gave her a dejected look as he tugged a strand of alabaster-colored hair behind her ear. “You should be just as upset with me. Because I allowed her to do it from the very beginning. I should have woken up at some point. I swear that I was always seconds away from just doing the right thing, and I regret not acting with my whole heart. I will regret that for the rest of my life too, no matter what you say. But I will not push you away or live without you. I'm too selfish to keep you from showing me that much affection. In return, I will-”

She shushed him carefully. “I told you to stop apologizing. If you keep saying such things, I will get sad. So, don't focus on that. Tell me your story until the end, and we may begin this discussion again. Only for me to end it with one sentence, of course. Because I still haven't changed my mind about loving you. I still adore you with all of my heart and will never give up on us. That's why this past of ours won't be an issue. It only brought us together. Having those memories made sure that nothing bad could ever happen again, right? It also prevented two wars and many other catastrophes. It did something good for us too.”

Theodore's face scrunched up at that. “I refuse to say that. I will never say that me betraying you in the worst way was good. I hate that past more than anything. That is why I will make sure that nothing like this can ever happen again. I will protect you and...” He stopped himself when she gave him a kiss. Then he rested his forehead against hers and continued in a calmer voice. “You want to hear the rest of the story. There isn't that much anymore, but one of the most important parts comes still. I thought about killing Linden's sister, but then I would have risked her psychopathic guard or one of his followers taking over. I couldn't do that. So, I just left after signing some contracts and put a person I trusted in charge of watching over her. Then our troops returned home. On our way back, we passed Ibela, where I met the owner of that small restaurant and ate the salmon dish for the first time.”

The one they had visited this time too for very different reasons. Blanche just listened as her lover gave her a sad smile.

“Of course, it reminded me of you. Knowing that you could never taste it made me break down completely. Afterward, I could just cry and locked myself in the inn the entire day. I didn't even find the motivation to pretend to celebrate with the others. We didn't stay there long and quickly continued our way back home.”

Blanche vaguely remembered her lover having a conversation with the owner of that restaurant back then. The man had given his best to cheer up Theodore despite not knowing who he was until a bit later. Even though the emperor had been cold, the other man had kept attempting to help and had done it in the sweetest ways possible. It was good to see that he lived happily with his family right now.

Theodore couldn't focus on that part though. He paused for a moment before resuming in a bitter tone. “When we came back to the capital, our army was celebrated like we were heroes. And I couldn't even fake a smile. The war had taken any desire to fake anything. We returned to the palace, and the first thing I did was go to your grave even though people were waiting for us. Surprisingly, a big group of soldiers followed me because they thought that I would visit your temple. They wanted to thank the deity that had saved their lives. That day, they found out that you were actually not a goddess that had granted me her protection but the love of my life that had died at my own hands. We all knelt there and thanked you for your help.”

She remembered that scene. The image of all those men kneeling in the small glade had burned itself into her brain. But the most important part had been her lover being back home without any lethal wounds. Though, that hadn't helped much. Even though he had seemed healthy from the outside, he had been broken. Seeing this had hurt her too even if she had tried to smile brightly for Theodore. Then they had gone to see Seraphina though, and Blanche's fake happiness had quickly turned into shock.

Her lover stroked over her head as if it helped him calm down and continued speaking about that exact same thing after he swallowed. “When we greeted that witch, her smile disappeared upon seeing me. Leon was pretty concerned too, so it had to have been bad. Apparently, that wasn't just because of my scars but because of my face. I was told that I had the eyes of a cold-blooded warlord afterward, but I don't really know whether that was true. But I have to admit that I was pretty cold in general at that point, so it might have been accurate. My passion and all of my emotions were reserved for you back then, and I just proved that once again.” Theodore let out a depressing chuckle. “The first thing I greeted everyone with was asking whether a high priest could give you a saint title. The servants must have thought that I was a maniac by then. Giving a person that was convicted of treason a saint title seemed ridiculous. But when that woman dared to say that you could never deserve something like that, she received the backlash she deserved. I told her about how you had saved at least a thousand people and probably a hundredfold if one accepts that our battle had decided the whole war. Of course, my soldiers agreed.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Blanche remembered that ridiculous question well. “I was so embarrassed when you did that. I only wanted you to stop, but you told me that I deserved recognition. The problem was that no one but you saw me, so everyone that didn't believe in me thought that you lost your mind when you loudly had a conversation with me.”

“To be honest, I had lost it a long time ago at that point. I would have gotten you your saint title if I hadn't died before that. I'm happy that I got killed though. That allowed me to be here after all. I would tell you how grateful I am again, but you told me to explain the story until the very end.” Theodore took a deep breath before resuming. “When I slept here for the first night after the war, I was almost assassinated. Harris tried to kill me. He had been one of your close friends and saw how lonely you had become because of me, so he wanted to get his revenge on me. I wasn't even mad. He brought a knife in the middle of the night and held it to my throat to end it. I was only awake because I had been lying next to you while trying to talk about something else but how I regretted losing you. He completely caught me off guard, but he didn't use his chance. I listened to him yelling at me for minutes and couldn't even refute how horrible I was.”

Blanche knew exactly what that scene had looked like too. She had been in utter panic while trying to tell Harris to stop while he threatened the emperor. But her friend hadn't heard her. He had just cried and reminded Theodore that him abandoning his lover had caused her death. The emperor had cried too and agreed to everything while accepting his death. Harris would have truly killed Theodore if Owen hadn't come in because of the noise.

Maybe that was why Blanche had been so mad at Harris in this world from the very beginning. She had desperately pushed everything about being close to Cedar from her brain because she knew that she had hurt Theodore with that. Thus, she hadn't remembered Harris, whom she had only befriended after he regularly brought her to the prince, and only the hint of him trying to kill Theodore had remained in her mind.

Obviously, she would have been upset about that. She still was. Not only with Harris though.

“You know... I was really mad at you then. You were in danger and just offered him your throat. I was a moment away from breaking down, and you just acted like you wanted to die.” Blanche immediately continued when Theodore opened his mouth. “I know that you thought like that back then. Don't say it again. I dislike hearing it when you say that, just like you hate hearing me promising that I would die if I lost you. Alright?” She puffed out her cheeks and let her lover stroke over her face as he weakly nodded before she continued. “So, you understood. Perfect. Then let us continue. Isn't this where...he showed up?”

Theodore caressed her skin while replying in a hoarse voice. “Yes. The next morning, I found out that Cedar and the dowager empress had come. That they had made some great progress during the war. My brother had won a lot of power while I was away, and I couldn't even bring myself to care. It was probably easy for him. The nobles had the choice between the charismatic younger brother or the insane emperor that was still covered in blood from the war. I didn't do anything to steer against those troubles either. I just went to meet him when he requested to see me. He greeted me with a smile... One that was even brighter than what he shows us now. I immediately knew that something was wrong though. That look in his eyes was far too cold. Even his smile couldn't hide that he resented me. Even so, I could tell that he was grieving too. Or at least, he had grieved before pushing away all of his emotions like usual. He was just...dead inside, more so than ever before. Like me.”

And even so, the brothers had been destined to only destroy each other more from then on.

Theodore looked like he imagined his brother's expression while he continued. “In fact, I never saw Cedar without that stiff smile in my presence in that world ever again. He only changed that expression when he acted and openly glared at me to show that he hated me or announced that I was unfit to rule the nation in front of witnesses. He wanted to make sure that everyone knew that he despised me. That should prove how serious it was. I could imagine where that hatred came from, but back then, I didn't know that you had been innocent yet. I didn't find out too soon either since he didn't say anything at first. It only took a little while until Cedar told me a part of the truth though. That he had cared for you so much after getting closer. And that he would never forgive himself for letting you go back when he had warned you countless times. But more than that, he told me that he wouldn't forgive me. He swore to take away the nation that I loved so much and that he would crush everything I care about. And I said that you were already dead because of me and that my heart had died with you. That he couldn't find anything to hurt me anymore.”

Blanche bit the inside of her cheek. All memories that were related to Cedar were somewhat blurry because she had tried to distance herself from him in each way imaginable. But she did remember that she had been in so much pain while watching that conversation. Because she had known that two of the people she cared most for would tear each other apart in the near future. She had begged Cedar to refrain from doing something like that, but he hadn't heard her. Later, Cedar had started to believe that his brother could see Blanche's ghost, but he had never had the chance to talk to her himself. Blanche regretted that again, but at the same time, it might have been for the best. After all, Cedar had been merciless at that time. “He told you that he would find something anyway, didn't he? He knew that you cared for Owen and Leon and targeted them.”

Theodore replied in a whisper. “Later. In the beginning, he didn't do anything but gain more power. I stood by and watched. His ultimate goal was hurting me, and he still held the ace in his sleeve at that time. He didn't reveal it back then. Cedar wanted to crush me later. He was only honest about three things from the very beginning. That he had cared for you more than anyone else, that he would get revenge and that he despised the empress. He didn't hold back when publicly calling her a murderer and announcing that he would personally watch over her execution in a few months, which only proved that no one could really do something about a prince voicing threats. He hated that woman more than anything but wouldn't give more than vague hints about the reason. I assumed that it was because she had been your greatest enemy and because she had been the alleged victim in the trial, and that wasn't wrong. But he hid the most important information from me.”

That Blanche had been innocent. Cedar hadn't explained that immediately, probably to be able to break Theodore down later. Though, the emperor had been broken at that point already.

Theodore averted his eyes and pondered about something before resuming in a quiet voice. “The dowager empress wanted to talk to me at some point. That was the first and only time that she seemed like a normal human with emotions to me. She told me that she had sympathized with you because you reminded her of herself. Then she said that I was as horrible as my father for leaving behind the woman that had loved me so much. She was right about me being horrible, but I couldn't tell her how right she was back then. Because if I did, I would have given away the last bit of my sanity too. So, I just muttered that I knew and was waiting for them to pay me back before I left. But I soon forgot about Cedar and everything else because... Because...”

His expression was enough to tell her what came next. The most horrible part of all of this, without a doubt. This was the time in which Theodore had lost the last thing that had kept him somewhat sane.

Blanche put her arms around his body and pulled him closer to cuddle against his chest. “Take your time. You met Leon because he had something important to tell you, right?”

Her lover shivered slightly and nodded. “He brought me evidence regarding your trial. Before, he had wanted to protect me, but upon seeing that I almost allowed Harris to kill me, he knew that my mind was already irreparably damaged. So, he thought that honesty was better. But at the exact moment that he wanted to tell me, Allen Duremont came. Apparently, he had had a horrible nightmare about you and couldn't stop himself from telling me the truth back then. He had felt so guilty that he had ignored all the knights and rushed into my office without knocking. Then he confessed to everything.”

And so, the facade had come crashing down.

Theodore's hold on her tightened and wrath took over all of his other feelings. “How that woman framed you for every single crime. How her brother had helped create evidence and broke the butterfly ornament. How he had brought the poison vial into the palace. How you also had never had any feelings for Cedar nor tried to harm that witch at all. How the only thing you had done was try to get my attention when you thought that I left you behind for another woman.” He held her in his crushing grip as he breathed in and out for a while to calm down.

Blanche knew how his expression had looked upon hearing that. He hadn't gazed at Allen at all while listening but had only stared at her with wide eyes as she had tried to calm him with a soft smile. But it had been too late. She had seen how the pitiful remains of his sanity had cracked in two at that.

And in that exact moment, the rest of the Duremont family had arrived to visit the emperor.

“It's alright, Theo. You can skip that part if you want to. I know that...” Everything had only gone downhill from there.

Theodore was insistent though. “No, I want to tell you everything. After hearing that, I had stumbled out of my office. I don't know where I wanted to go, but it didn't matter. Because a moment later, I saw that disgusting, vile person.” His voice trembled with anger as he said that. “I absolutely lost my mind then. I put my hands around her neck and slammed her head against the next wall. I almost killed her that day. Her expression made it clear that she knew that I had found out. Her father was already screaming at me, but I ignored it completely. I yelled at her, but I don't know what I said. I probably told her that she would suffer from the wrath of all gods for all eternity or that I would kill her before she could even lift a finger. I definitely called her a murderer too and told her how disgusting she was. Her father tried to pry me off her at that point, but I was much stronger. He kept telling me to get myself together until I snapped at him. How could I ever calm down when the person that murdered my beloved stood in front of me? By then, she had begun apologizing over and over again. I obviously got more angry at that.”

Blanche remembered standing directly next to him while trying to stop him. But her words had remained unheard since Theodore had been much louder. He had been so immersed in his hatred that she hadn't been sure whether he would even be able to see her. She had actually feared that he would break Seraphina's neck at that time, but her greatest concern had honestly been his mental health. So, she had just wanted to tell him that she loved him, but he had been in the middle of a scene full of yelling.

Her lover watched her expression for a moment before he continued with despair on his own face. “I really thought that I would end her life that second, but Leonard came to stop me. He told me that you wouldn't like to see me like that. That made me turn to you. You were clinging to my arm, but I obviously hadn't noticed you before. I immediately let go and began apologizing to you.”

He had apologized many times before that, but that day, he probably said it more times than ever again. His throat had been completely sore by the evening, and even with his hoarse voice, he had apologized again and again. As long as he had still been able to speak, he had used that ability to the fullest to express his regret while being full of despair and trying to hug her even though she had had no physical form.

It had been the beginning of a long-expected end.