“So, after I listed all of this, do you still believe that you haven't changed?”

Blanche was quiet in response. She couldn't state the opposite, but agreeing with her lover would only increase the pressure on her. What reason could she give that would justify all the things that he had explained? Despite her efforts to find the most logical solution, her excessive contemplating had never given her an advantage but only caused harm to herself and Theodore.

She had worried him again and again over the course of the last two months. Her alternating between pushing him away and pulling him close without giving him an explanation or considering his feelings had hurt him so much more than she could have imagined. “I...” She began, but her voice gave in.

Theodore put one of his hands onto hers that still rested on his chin while leaving the other arm wrapped around her body. Even when he whispered, his voice was hoarse. “So, please tell me. What happened that took away the trust you had in me? What made you doubt my love for you? Did someone hurt you? Or is this still about the dream?”

Even after he had spoken for so long, Blanche didn't know how to respond. It felt like nausea grew in her stomach with every second that passed with both of them remaining silent. This clouded her judgment even more than it had already been. She wanted to be honest, but she could never mention this cursed novel, the source of all of her problems. Blaming all of this on one dream wouldn't serve as a satisfying reason either. She tried to come up with something that made sense, but her lover was too skilled at reading her expression.

“You're thinking about an excuse again, aren't you? This is exactly what you keep doing whenever I address this topic! You get quiet and evade my gaze, only to dismiss your concerns afterward. Then you say that you are fine or that you're tired, but you have never been a good liar. I notice when you're dishonest with me, and I hate it. You have no reason to withhold the truth from me. I want to ease your worries, but I can't do that if you don't tell me about them.”

Blanche fought the urge to look away from him, but the tension made her eyes sting. She slowly retracted her hand from Theodore's cheek to wipe her tears and was stopped when he guided it back to his face.

“Blanche, I love you more than my own life. I don't want to lose you, so please...talk to me.” The words almost died in his throat, and he barely finished them before breaking down and pulling her into a crushing hug.

She returned the embrace without hesitation. She pressed herself against his chest and took deep breaths to calm herself enough to speak for longer. At this point, she couldn't even consider staying quiet anymore. As much as he feared losing her, she resented the possibility of living without him. Due to her withdrawing, he had misunderstood her feelings completely, and she couldn't let him believe in that misunderstanding any longer. She loved him and would do whatever was in her power to protect him and their relationship from harm, even the emotional one that she had caused. So, she would tell him everything that kept her busy.

However, she still would exclude one crucial part. The novel.

“That dream...”

As soon as she uttered the first words, Theodore's body relaxed at once, with only his arms remaining unmoved around her waist. Still, he didn't interrupt her or make any noise. He even held his breath at her pause and only continued breathing when she resumed.

“That dream wasn't the source of this...fear. It was more of a small idea that implanted itself in my brain and wouldn't leave. I'm so scared of you leaving me behind.” Blanche moved her head away from Theodore to look up at him. “Not because I doubt your love, but because of who I am.”

She was the villainess. Destined to be abandoned by everyone and beheaded at her former lover's command. Her only purpose was to obstruct the heroine to raise the stakes and be eliminated in the finale to satisfy the readers.

Theodore reluctantly leaned backward to meet her gaze with a frown, but he didn't speak up, which gave her a chance to explain her statement.

Blanche had to stay quiet for a short moment to collect her thoughts before she could resume. “Our relationship has always been...one-sided. You are the best lover one could ever have. From the very beginning, you were so kind. You took me in without demanding anything in return and provided me with food and clothes and everything I could need. You've always taken care of me and made me happy. Not just when you were bored but also when you were drowning in work. Even despite your duties, you never forget about me. You pamper me with so much attention and countless gifts, all while being the most considerate person I ever met. On the other hand-” She paused to swallow. “I just cause problems that you have to solve in return. A big part of the reason for that is that I'm simply not a good person.”

Theodore didn't skip a beat before chiming in after that sentence. “Don't say something like that.”

Blanche shook her head, which made him become silent again. “You shouldn't refute things that you know to be untrue. All the people in the palace can attest that I'm not that pleasant to be around. I behave like I own this place and don't accept criticism. When something doesn't go my way, I cry and complain until you get involved and make sure that the situation is resolved in my favor. But you've never seen me acting as bratty as the servants have, so I whine a bit, and you believe that they did me wrong. Because of this, I caused so many scenes and forced you to step in to protect me, even if I provoked the quarrel with my inability to show respect and understand the consequences of my behavior. You're so mature and educated and kind, and I'm just...dependent on you. I'm unable to do anything on my own.” She stopped to wipe away a few tears that had begun to spill as she opened her heart to him.

During her explanation, Theodore didn't look away even for a split second, which made her feel even more insecure about her words. Would he think that she overreacted since she still couldn't mention the full reason? Either way, she couldn't base her narration on the book, so she would have to continue and wait for his reaction no matter what.

“When I realized that, I felt unworthy of being with you. And I tried to change to become a better person that deserved to be by your side. I gave my best to show you that I adore you with every fiber of my being. Looking at how deeply I upset you, it doesn't seem to have worked out. But I intended to give back a little since you always offer me so much. I wanted to be a safe haven for you when you come out of your office, but I can't keep myself from crying when I imagine a future in which you noticed how selfish I truly am. But I gave my best to prevent that! In some aspects, I managed to make a change too. I am friendly to everyone now unless they pick a fight with me first. Even then I attempt to ignore it without throwing a childish tantrum that forces you to deal with even more frustrating matters.”

Again, Blanche paused to inhale and closed her eyes for a moment. She leaned her head against her lover and allowed him to pat her scalp. She sorted her thoughts before returning to meeting his gaze and resuming. “But while I started to think about my actions and the perception of me that others have, I realized that the issue was much greater than I originally thought. You are the emperor, the ruler of Artias, and you carry the pure blood of the royal family inside you. And who am I, who is standing next to you? A commoner with an unknown background, who suddenly appeared in the palace and gained your favor due to some miracle. This is all I ever do, receiving the gifts you give me. And there is nothing but my love that I can return to you. But just with my presence I already cause more problems.”

With every word, Theodore's frown deepened. Even though his eyes shone with the desire to interrupt her monologue, his mouth stayed closed.

Blanche waited for an objection, but when nothing followed, she continued her story. “The people in the capital are aware of our relationship, even if it hasn't been made official. They also noticed the stark contrast between us. Everyone wonders why you still put up with me, especially since you could have another wife or concubine from the most influential households to secure their support. Because of this, rumors spread that you let yourself be manipulated by me, which decreases your credibility. My lacking knowledge about etiquette in noble society also casts a poor light on you. Every singly one of my mistakes has harmed your reputation since people questioned why you didn't teach me before showing me to the public. When you defended me, they assumed that your judgment was clouded by me, which only underlined their pre-existing opinion that was formed by gossip.”

The emperor seemed like he struggled to let her resume but still didn't interrupt.

Blanche almost wished that he did. Now the most upsetting part would follow, and she hated talking about this so much. “This is where the empress fits in. She can stand by your side without any consequences. No one would bat an eye if she was the one who was kissed by you in public. She is your wife after all. Her family gives her a prestigious background, which allows her to be on eye level with you. As if that wasn't good enough, she is also composed and extremely intelligent. She has the qualities to be the ideal empress and rule over the country. She is perfect. People love her. She is everything I'm not. That's why I'm scared of her. It feels like she could take everything away from me in an instant, especially you. She is married to you already, and your personalities are so similar. She doesn't make mistakes or attracts the nobles' mockery like I do, so you don't have to be ashamed when you are seen with her.”

Theodore's self-control shattered at this statement. His hands moved to her face and tilted her chin upwards so that she was forced to meet his gaze. His grasp was almost tight enough to hurt and didn't leave her any chance to turn away, even if she had put all of her strength into it. “I have never, not even once, been ashamed of being seen with you. The only reason I didn't announce-”

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“I know.” She cut him off in a gentle but firm voice while ignoring the fluttering of her heart at his words. “You had no choice. Naming me as your lover would offend the Duremont family. I may have been unreasonable in the past, but now I agree with your decision. Everything else would have been foolish. But you can't risk provoking them now either. The only time that the empress doesn't seem untouchable is when our relationship is addressed. This is the singular topic that provides her enemies with a chance to strike, and they love to use it. To avoid any more gossip that could cost you Duke Duremont's backing, I came up with a plan. If I stayed away from you in public, the nobles couldn't take advantage of any interactions that would harm the empress' reputation. That is why I let go of your hand in the garden and why I didn't want to hug you in front of the ministers.”

Theodore let out a deep sigh and put his forehead against his lover's. “You did this for that reason?” He breathed out shakily. “I already thought that...that you didn't want me to be close to you anymore.”

Blanche quickly tightened her hold around his torso and responded. “No way! Whenever all of this comes to my mind, I feel the need to cling to you, especially in front of others. I want to tell the whole world that we're in love. But that would only make the rumors even worse.”

Theodore gave her a weak smile, and he started caressing her cheek with his thumb. “Thank the gods, I was so terrified of-” He didn't finish his sentence and hesitated for a few seconds before putting his arms around her again. Then he took one step backward and pulled her with him. He guided her to his bed with a slow and steady pace. As soon as his legs touched the wooden frame, he collapsed onto his back on the mattress. This movement caused his lover, who was still trapped in his embrace, to let out a small yelp as she landed on top of him. He rolled onto his side with great care to not lay on any of her limps.

Blanche shuffled around a bit until she found the best position for her body and nuzzled her face into his chest. She listened to the calming thumping of his heartbeat and his breathing that slowly began returning to its normal rhythm, which undeniably calmed her. Though her puffy eyes and sniffing still showed that she had cried, the tears in her eyes dried up within minutes.

The couple remained silent for a moment before Theodore eventually spoke up. “I'm blessed to have you here with me, and I never want that to change. I love you.”

She moved her head slightly to meet his gaze. “I love you too. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you with my actions. I only wanted to prevent you from losing some of your power because of me.”

“This wasn't your fault. We should have talked about our feelings earlier. I shouldn't have let it go in the very first conversation about your nightmare. I also shouldn't have read something into your behavior without asking for your reasons. We both messed up, but in the end, there won't be any negative consequences. We're still together, and nothing will separate us. I don't want anything to stand between us, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem. All the fears you listed will not influence my love for you. Still, they burden you, and we can't leave it like this. So, we are going to discuss every single point you made, and I'll tell you why it doesn't endanger our relationship, alright?”

Even if she doubted that this could ease all of her worries since the novel's existence wasn't erased by a couple of words, Blanche needed to hear his response anyway. These things had clouded her mind for too long, and sharing them had relieved her incredibly despite none of the problems being solved. Talking about this would pacify her anxious consciousness even more. Maybe her lover also had an idea how to evade a few of the issues they would have to face to be together. So, she nodded.

Theodore lifted his hand and ran his fingers through her hair in a gentle manner as he reassured himself that she was still looking into his eyes. “First of all, you are not a bad person.”

She snorted quietly at this. Her character had literally been introduced to annoy readers and then amuse them with her doom. The author had mixed the most infuriating personality traits together to create the villainess of their novel. Still, the emperor was insisting that she was a saint. “In front of you, I wasn't bad. But you can't watch me all the time. You only need to ask the servants, and most of them will be happy to list all the times that I overreacted and troubled them because of trivialities. You've never seen that, which allowed me to hide this side from you.”

In response, a little grin began to form on Theodore's face. “You hid something?” The teasing undertone in his voice made it clear that he doubted her statement, even though she hadn't said anything that wasn't true.

Blanche frowned slightly as she answered. “Yes, I did. I'm a very self-centered person, you know? But I didn't show that to you, so you never noticed. I don't understand what about this is funny.”

Theodore pushed a strand of hair away from her face, and his smile widened. “Blanche, you are a terrible actress. I don't believe that you ever managed to hide anything from me. After over a year with you, I'm good at reading you. I haven't always addressed it, but when something is bothering you, I always notice it. If you don't tell me about that topic, I stay quiet because I assume that you don't wish to reveal whatever happened to me. Sometimes, I also might have given up too early even though I should have insisted on a conversation, but I was always very much aware of how differently you act when you are stressed.”

To be honest, his explanation made sense. When Blanche got upset, it felt like all of her muscles were tensed and countless invisible pairs of eyes were observing her. How could she expect to interact with Theodore as if nothing was wrong while her body refused to listen to her? It actually would have been more surprising if he couldn't guess her emotions since her face was like an open book in that regard.

Theodore continued in a soft tone. “So, don't you believe that I would realize if your whole behavior around me was fake? I would have if that was the case. But it wasn't. Plus, you aren't selfish. You only like to be pampered by your lover, which is completely normal. You aren't immoral when you accept my gifts since exchanging presents is part of a romantic relationship. Due to my position, I can give you more than others might be able to offer their partners, but that doesn't change anything. I'm happy to fulfill all of your dreams. While some things remain impossible even for me, I will do my best to get you anything you could want.”

Blanche agreed with most of this, Still, she had something to add. “But it's unfair that I don't gift you anything in return.”

Theodore shook his head to dismiss her worry. “You give back more than you realize. Affection isn't necessarily reciprocated through material means. Your support and presence in my life are what show me that you care. I don't need gifts when I can talk to you and cuddle you at any time. Besides, I already have all the possessions that I require to live more than comfortably. Of course, I'll gladly receive anything you give and cherish it, but you don't have to look for a present because you feel indebted. Actually...”

Theodore paused for a moment while his expression became a bit more serious. “You feeling indebted is the last thing I want. I know that...my position and the fact that I am the one providing for you cause some sort of dependency. I worried about that a lot, especially in the beginning. But not because it's bad that you accept my gifts or anything like that. It is the opposite. I was more worried about what this meant for your feelings. I never wished to trap you in a relationship with me or something like that, so... That is why I was hesitant. I never wanted to make you think that you have to be with me in return for my help.” There was something in his eyes that made it seem like he was truly concerned about that.

Blanche didn't like that at all. For some reason, it truly hurt her to hear that so much that it was almost overwhelming, so she hurried to refute what he said. “I never thought that you were like that either. I love you, and I loved you from the very beginning. You didn't force me nor did feel like being with you as a favor. You probably saw that too. I was overjoyed when you finally kissed me because I already loved you then.”

Theodore watched her while she spoke before a faint smile came back onto his lips. “I know. But I was just...insecure in that regard. Now I understood that you really are with me because you want to be my lover, so it's fine. We don't need to worry about that. I am not giving you gifts because I want to bind you to me either, even if some people speculated about that. That only proves how little we should listen to others.” For a moment, he didn't seem like he was sure whether he should be angry or relieved before he noticed how much they had changed the topic. He quickly returned to the previous subject. “Anyway, letting me indulge you doesn't make you selfish. You're not a bad person.”

Blanche felt like there was a bit more to the topic he had mentioned before, but her mind was too focused on the rest of the conversation to think about that while she listened to Theodore. So, she concentrated on what he said now. She had to admit that her heart screamed in joy at hearing that he was so keen on defending her. Though it didn't erase her perception of her past self. “You think so? But I was pretty mean, especially to the empress.”

“You mean the woman with the greatest power in the whole country? She is more than capable of defending herself and should be used to others criticizing her. That your interactions were not very friendly is partly her fault too. The both of you disliked each other from the first time that you ever met, and she didn't attempt to hide that at all. I mean, you didn't either, but as an empress, she should have been able to conceal her emotions. Even during your first meeting, she was really impolite, so she's also responsible. We had a conversation about this already. As I said back then, her judgment is clouded when it comes to you. She sees you as a person who purposefully breaks rules to upset her and won't change her mind about that, even though you never were like that.”

Actually, before gaining the book's knowledge, Blanche had found it quite tempting to provoke the heroine at any given chance and often disregarded social norms to do that. Apparently, Theodore was as blinded by his love as the novel had described him, but she didn't intend to speak up to remind him of that and just listened to him while he resumed.

“In addition, you might have had some troubles with the servants, however, you have never punished anyone. Whenever you involved me, it was because someone had made a grave mistake. And as far as I am aware, there haven't been any occurrences during the last two months. In other words, ever since the day you decided to be more careful with your actions, nothing happened. You weren't spiteful in the first place, and you became even kinder now. It's calmer this way, but you obviously shouldn't avoid conflict when someone is treating you badly. Fighting back doesn't make you bratty or whatever you might call it. No matter what anyone might have said, you are a good person. You can trust my ability to read people. As the emperor, I had to interact with enough actors and flatterers to identify them after one glance. I've always been a deliberate ruler and made decisions that were best for Artias. So, you aren't disagreeing with my judgment, are you?”

“No...” This was part of the reason why Blanche was bewildered by him being unable to see how his concubine had increasingly become viler over the course of the novel. Shouldn't he have realized that she wished to harm Seraphina? There were also some other crucial things he hadn't noticed, like her fake amnesia and her connection to Marquess Sefare. That was strange.

Theodore resumed as soon as she had given her response. “See? Then let's address another topic. Your rank doesn't matter to me. My feelings wouldn't be different if you were a princess of a distant kingdom, a duke's daughter or a commoner. I didn't want you to gain a political advantage. Various royal families all over the continent like to take in wives and concubines as some sort of tool to get the backing of other influential people, but I would never think of us as something like that. I fell in love with you, not with a shallow title. Do you understand?”

The fluttering of her heart almost made her forget how to talk. Blanche barely managed to nod and voice a small “Yes.”

Theodore, on the other hand, was already eager to resume his narration. “Then the only thing that is left are the rumors.” He faltered for a short moment, in which he seemed to ponder over what he should say. “As you said, they already know about us. So, we aren't required to go to such great lengths to keep them from finding out. We shouldn't overdo it, but you don't have to pull away from my embrace in our own home either.”

Blanche felt a pang of guilt at that. Even if her actions hadn't been unreasonable, she had still kept her lover in the dark about her motivations and let him fill the gaps in her explanations. Naturally, he would come to the wrong conclusion because of that.

Though it didn't seem like Theodore had intended to remind her of this since he didn't pause to allow her to think. “It's enough if we don't kiss or hug too long in front of noble guests at events. I'll speak to Owen and ask him to inform the knights that I won't allow any unannounced visitors to walk around in the estate from now on. I will have to directly tell the ministers that as well. After all, they originally were supposed to wait in the entrance hall, a guest room or my office and not roam freely through the corridors. Seemingly, they forgot that, but once I remind them, we won't have to worry about them interrupting us.”

His idea itself was good, however, he hadn't grasped the full gravity of the situation yet. But how could he when he hadn't witnessed the extent of the latest gossip? Blanche would have to give him a small example, which should already prove that her worries were a bit more important than he assumed them to be. The tea party was the perfect piece of evidence.