Blanche could barely keep her emotions in check while she had to respond to her lover's plan. “Didn't you hear me? I won't let you go alone! What if they attack you and no one is there to help you? I can't do much, but I'll always stay by your side to support you. That was my promise. Don't make me break it.”
Theodore put his hand on her cheek to calm her and tilted her head upward. “You'll keep your promise, and I'll keep mine. But to do that, to have the happy ending that we are wishing for, I need to fight this battle before you can join me. I have to get an overview of the situation, and as soon as I can be sure that your safety is guaranteed, I will write you a letter to let you come to me. Do you understand? We'll be together again after a few weeks, and after that, I'll never let go of you again.”
He connected their lips gently, but Blanche poured all of her despair into the kiss as she clung to him. When they separated, tears were running down her face, and all thoughts of holding herself back had been lost. “I can't do that.” She dug her fingers into his arms. “I need you, Theo. I can't stay here without you.”
Her lover was trying to be strong so hard, but he couldn't keep his eyes from becoming glassy either. Still, he continued to stroke over her head to console her. “I need you too. That's exactly why you can't be anywhere close to these people. I won't take you into the lion's den when they are waiting for my return. You are the person that I care most about in this whole world. I can't live without you, and they will see that after one glance at us. I refuse to endanger you because of my own selfishness that doesn't want to be separated from you. I need to know what they are planning first. This is only temporary. We'll reunite soon. Only in a few weeks. Please understand.” His voice got quieter and more hoarse in the end until it cracked. He pulled her closer so that she was pressed against his chest and cradled her head.
Blanche wasn't able to think clearly at this point. The only thing that her mind told her was that she didn't want to be away from him for an unknown amount of time. That had never happened ever since they had met on his birthday two years ago. He had always been in the same building as her and never left for more than a day. Even if they had been forced to go without seeing each other for a while, he had been in her reach. In an emergency or when she hadn't been able to take it anymore, she had had the chance of going to his office to meet him at any time. Even as the villainess, she had never left his side until the very end unless one counted the two-week difference after she had been sent home during the summer vacation.
But now it was different. Theodore was supposed to return to the capital and fight against the dowager empress and the second prince for an uncertain amount of time? The very people that had attempted to kill him on multiple occasions and proved that blood relation or empathy didn't mean a single thing to them? And during that time, Blanche would stay here and stand by while Theodore could be suffering there? That would feel like sending him to war alone. She would never let that happen no matter in which state she was in.
“That's impossible. I don't want to.” No matter how bratty she sounded right now, there was no way for her to accept this reality.
This hadn't happened in the novel. The emperor had never been forced to end his vacation early to take care of his horrible relatives. He had been able to stay with Seraphina and spend time with her. Why did this world develop like this as soon as Blanche had managed to avoid her doom? Was it someone's sadistic joy to watch her grasp her happiness, only to pull it away at the very moment that her fingers began to close around it?
Theodore leaned his head forward to rest his forehead on hers. “I know, I know. I don't want this either, but we don't have a choice. I can't risk anything happening to you. If you came to harm, there would be no reason for me to continue living.”
Blanche's heart felt like it was being ripped in two at this statement as she pushed away all the bad memories to the best of her ability. “Don't say something like this. You need to protect Artias.” She barely managed to press this out of her aching throat before she broke down. She clenched her teeth and tried to choke down the wave of sobs that was threatening to overwhelm her.
Her lover put his hand on the side of her head and made her look at him. “What does that matter if you aren't here? All I'm doing is for you. That is the only reason I'm here.” It was unfair. Why was he saying this now when Blanche being with him was the reason for this mess in the first place? If her meddling had truly ruined his happy end, she would never forgive herself.
“Theo...” She couldn't do anything else but whine his name as she clung to him, as if that would make the world around them disappear.
Theodore buried his nose in her hair as he tried to stifle the noises coming from his mouth, but the wet streaks on her head betrayed him.
Just when she thought all of this couldn't get any worse, Owen spoke up. “I will do it.”
The emperor relaxed at that while Blanche tensed. He lifted his head for a short moment to reply. “Thank you.” Immediately after that, he lowered his head and hid his face in her hair again.
She couldn't be quiet about this though. “What will he do?”
Theodore didn't respond.
Owen was the one that answered her question, and his grim expression as he talked scared her, but his words were worse. “His Majesty told me to stay here to protect you, Lady Blanche. At first, I refused as it is my duty to be his shield until the day I die, but he insists that he can defend himself while you are helpless. His enemies are ruthless, so he assumes that they will target you if they realize that he won't give up easily. So, I will stay here with you.”
Immediately, Blanche's despair came back and crushed her. “No!” The word came out as a scream as she whipped her head to her lover. “You can't-” She cut herself off and turned to Owen. “You can't do that! You have to stay with him. They'll try to kill him again! You're the best knight in this world, you have to stay by his side to protect him. He's the emperor of Artias. His life matters much more than-”
“Do not say that.” Theodore interrupted her and pushed her chin up so that she had to look at him. “Don't ever say that.” His voice was shaking with anger, and the wrath in his eyes made her freeze for a moment.
“But I'm just-”
“No. By now it should be clear that I value your life much more than mine. So, if you want me to be strong and look into the future, you need to stay safe. I already said it. Without you, nothing in this world matters.” Theodore had said things like that often by now, and it got worse each time.
Blanche felt like the temperature dropped at that, and her heart struggled to pump the icy blood through her veins. “If you don't want me to speak like that, why do you keep saying it? I don't want you to... I'll...” She didn't even know what she had intended to say. She was already crying and feeling like her world was collapsing. There was nothing that could hurt even more except for her losing her lover forever in one way or another. She sobbed and buried her face in his chest. It really felt like sending him into a different kind of war.
Owen moved closer to them without her noticing it. She only looked up when he put his hand on her shoulder. The head knight was struggling to keep calm, but his expression still hadn't returned to his usual emotionless facade. “Ever since the hunting festival, His Majesty has proved that he is more than capable of defending himself. He spotted an intruder that eight royal guards and I didn't notice and defeated him in one movement, not to mention the bear that he killed the same day. He will be accompanied by other knights the whole time, and you know that he never was a reckless emperor. You should trust that he wouldn't ask me to stay here if he wasn't serious about it. I can't read his mind, but he wouldn't allow himself to be hurt under any circumstances. His greatest wish is to protect you, so he cannot die or get injured. He will be fine even if he returns alone.”
This sounded reasonable, but logical thinking was the last thing Blanche was capable of now. She sobbed with even more volume as she pressed herself closer to her lover. She had no way of arguing against Theodore, and she knew that. But how could she accept that he would leave without anyone being there to help him?
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The emperor began stroking over her head again. “You hear that? You don't have to worry. Leon is waiting for me in the capital too, and he is on the same level as Owen. He'll fight for me if anything happens.”
Blanche couldn't say anything against that. The decision had already been made, and she had no way to reverse that now. So, she just kept quiet and clung to her lover. No matter how long he hugged her and consoled her by repeating how much he loved her, her tears didn't seem to cease. Only when her tear ducts had emptied, she stopped crying. Still, she was as horrified of the prospect of Theodore leaving without her as before. When no tears came out anymore, she lifted her head. “Will you go alone?”
He nodded. “Only a few servants and knights will accompany me. Everyone else will stay. But if you send me a letter, anyone unpleasant will be sent away immediately.”
This didn't make this awful situation better, but at least Seraphina wouldn't return with him. The main characters suddenly getting closer to each other while the concubine stayed in the summer residence would be the only thing making this even more horrible. Not that being here with the empress was nice, but the concubine could deal with that as long as enough servants surrounded them.
Blanche stared at her lover and could barely force herself to speak. “I'll send you letters every day.”
“I'll read and treasure all of them and send a reply each time.” Theodore pressed a kiss on top of her head before slowly standing up while waiting for her to set her feet on the ground so that she could stand on her own.
Blanche's legs were shaky, but she managed to stay upright while keeping a hold on his hand as if it was the only thing keeping her alive.
Theodore began leading her through the room at a slow pace, which irritated her until he started showing her small hiding spaces and secret escape routes. Her brain was buzzing too much to remember all of that, but Owen said that he had memorized everything in the case of an emergency. Theodore then listed even more secret passages in the manor for the head knight to remember. When he was done with that after an eternity, he dismissed Owen and Stella, who seemed quite dejected in the corner of the room, and they left.
Then the emperor brought his lover to the bed and laid her down next to him under the blankets. His face was as red and tear-stained as hers, but he had already regained more of his composure. “I'm sorry for not being honest from the very beginning. I knew that you would hate this, and I hate it too, but...” He pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen onto her face. “The other choice would be putting you in danger. I'll always accept a temporary separation when I know that we will be together again after that. But if you got hurt, our separation would be final. I could never deal with that. I'd break apart and be twisted and turned into something I had never wanted to be. We both know that.”
She didn't reply and just bit her lip as he raked his fingers through her hair. She was already tasting blood, but she wasn't able to stop herself. Maybe that slight ache was the only thing keeping her anchored at this moment. So, she didn't speak and lifted her hand to her face to show him her pinkie finger.
He understood immediately and linked his with hers. “I swear that I'll remain unharmed even when I'm alone in the capital on everything that I hold dear in this world. I will get an overview of the damage they can cause, and when I'm sure that it's safe, you will follow me. Until then, we'll both stay healthy and wait for that day to arrive. After that, I will get rid of any dangers around us, and we'll live happily ever after. My devotion to you will never waver or be in doubt. You will be the person that owns my whole being. From the very day that we met for all eternity, I will be yours It was never different, and it shall never change. This is my vow to Blanche, the woman that I love more than I ever loved anyone else. The only one I ever truly loved.”
Blanche felt new tears forming at that and quickly blinked them away. “I swear to love you and only you for the rest of my days. I'd never betray you. While you stay safe in the capital, I will wait here for your letter, and at the moment that you call me, I will come back to you. I will gladly sacrifice all I have if that means that we'll be together.”
Theodore brushed his fingertips over the side of her face. “You don't have to sacrifice anything for me.”
“But that is my vow to Theodore Estien, the man that taught me what it means to love with all of my heart.”
Her lover slowly moved. He propped himself up on his arms and leaned over her. For a moment, he just looked at her before pressing his lips onto hers. The kiss felt like it pulled her in and banished everything else from her mind.
Blanche wrapped her arms around his head and kept him in place as she allowed all her love and despair to spiral into fiery passion. Even when her lungs protested for air, she didn't give in but held on until she couldn't anymore.
When her lover pulled back, he gazed at her with pure admiration, but she didn't let him move further away from her.
Her arms stayed around his neck, and Blanche made sure that he couldn't think about putting distance between them. “Tonight, I only want you and me to exist and nothing else. Just you and me and our love.” If he was going to leave tomorrow, she wouldn't let him go unless he gave her another special memory first.
Theodore brought his hand to her head and stroked over her scalp. “I will shower you in all of my love so that we can remember this until it's time for us to be together again.” With that, he captured her lips in a kiss again and made the world around them fade.
That night was just about him and her.
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The next morning was stressful. Servants were rushing through the corridors and preparing for the departure. They were collecting their own things, said goodbye to their colleagues and took care of the baggage that needed to be put into the carriages. The hallways were full of the people that would leave and those that wished to bid farewell to them. So, squeezing through the crowd was rather uncomfortable, but when they noticed Blanche and stepped aside to let her pass, it felt even stranger. But the worst thing of all was the chaos of emotions that was forming a whirlwind in her head.
Theodore had left their room five minutes before her to make an announcement to the staff, but even that had been enough to make her cry. The whole time, her despair about him leaving was a constant presence in her mind, and it was boiling directly under her skin. One word would suffice to make her break down at this point, and she resented that. Stella had been forced to put so much powder on her face that it was almost suffocating. In retrospect, they could have refrained from doing that since it was obvious that the concubine would cry and ruin all the maid's efforts within seconds.
It felt like every little vibration could cause the brimful barrel of her emotions to tip over, so Blanche desperately needed to hold onto something. Thus, she clung to Stella's arm as they walked out of the building and looked around the square by the main entrance. About a dozen carriages would leave today along with countless knights. Even though more than half of the staff was staying, so many people would accompany the emperor when he returned to the capital.
If someone had asked for the concubine's opinion, she would have sent the rest of the guards with him too. But of course, no one would do that. After all, the empress would stay here too and couldn't be left without protection.
Blanche's eyes darted across her surroundings in search of her lover and found him quickly. He was standing next to Gloria and spoke to her about something. With shaky steps, the concubine approached him, and her maid's grip was definitely keeping her upright more than her own strength did.
As soon as Theodore saw her, he finished his conversation with the head maid and turned to her. “There you are. Did I forget anything in our room?”
Blanche shook her head even though she hadn't even looked around once in the morning. She had been way too exhausted for that. “No, you packed everything.” The short silence after that was enough to bring her close to the edge again, so she was lucky that her lover spoke up.
“That's good. But it wouldn't be problematic if I forgot something either way. You will return to the capital soon, and you can simply take the things with you then.”
She nodded, more to convince herself that she would truly join him soon than to respond. After that, they were quiet again, which threatened to open the fragile gates that were holding back her tears more with every passing second. This time, she hurried to open her mouth to prevent that. “When will you leave?”
Theodore let his gaze roam across the square before looking back at her. “In a few minutes. The last suitcases are being put inside now, and the first of the carriages are already moving into our formation. I'm just here to say goodbye one last time.” That sentence alone made her chest ache.
Blanche pressed her hands against the part of her rib cage that was directly in front of her heart, which was so beating so quickly that it felt like it would stop working soon. “Please be careful.” She wasn't able to push out more than that. She was already at her limit, and speaking was harder than it should be when her brain was refusing to form a coherent sentence.
The emperor gave her a soft smile and put his hand under her chin to make sure that she met his gaze. “I already survived a war, so this is nothing compared to that.” She went rigid at that, which immediately made him add something. “That's a metaphor. Artias hasn't been involved in a war for over a century. I just meant to say that I survived worse things than this. I'll be fine. I promise you that.”
“If you break your promise, I will personally visit and punish you for that.” She sounded serious when she said that, and if she was honest, it was true that she wasn't joking at all.
Her lover let out a low chuckle as he grabbed her hand and led it to his face to kiss it. “Then shall I give you proof of my vow?”
Blanche nodded without hesitation.
Theodore reached into his coat and pulled out a small box. She recognized that container, but before she could say anything, he opened it and took one of the rings out. “This is...” He gave her a soft smile as he slipped it onto her finger before lifting her hand to his face and kissing it again. “A promise, one that no one could ever break.” He held the box towards her.
This time, Blanche knew exactly what to do. She picked up the ring between two fingers and gently put it on his finger. That was the gesture that made the tears spill over. Within seconds, her sight blurred, and she let out a singular sob before retraining herself.
Theodore's arms caged her in an instant, and he pulled her against him. For a moment, they remained in that position in silence before he placed a small kiss onto the hair over her ear and whispered to her. “Wait for me. I'll make all of our dreams come true.”
That didn't help to make her calm down even though she wanted to believe him so badly. But right now, it seemed more like some of her nightmares might become reality after all. Theodore leaving her behind, even if it was quite different now, had been the worst part of her fear, and it would happen in just a few minutes. How could that not be called nightmarish?