Blanche's whole body reacted upon hearing that voice. Her eyes shot open in panic as she jolted her head upwards.
Theodore stood directly in front of her with his widened eyes that were trained onto her shivering form. Why did he have to be here at this moment?
Thousands of thoughts ran through her mind, but she had no idea which ones to voice, not that her strained throat would allow her to speak properly. She lowered her gaze to the floor and desperately tried to sort the words and images that filled her head. Of course, she was unsuccessful. Damn it.
Theodore reached her within a few steps. He fell to his knees in front of her and reached up to cup her cheeks. “Blanche, are you hurt? What happened?” The panic in his voice was undeniable.
She wanted to calm him down but was unable to respond. She only shook her head and refused to meet his gaze. The voices in her mind became louder and screamed all the things that she wanted to say while memories of the execution came back to her. She closed her eyes and attempted to block them out. The whirl of memories didn't quieten down but only threatened to overwhelm her more with every second. Her sobs felt like they were stuck in her mouth and kept the air from flowing into her lungs as she tried to keep herself quiet. She was about to suffocate.
Theodore carefully wiped away some of her tears with his thumps and hushed her. “Blanche, look at me.” He sounded like he was as scared as she was.
Blanche didn't have any strength left to fight her growing urge to see him. She gave in and opened her eyes. As soon as she focused on the blue of his eyes, the voices in her head died down. It felt like a stormy ocean returning to its calm state.
“That's good. See? I'm right here with you. Everything is going to be alright. You are fine. Breathe with me, yes?” Theodore wasn't composed right now either, but he gave his best to calm her down.
Blanche weakly nodded and timed her breathing with his. She didn't take her gaze away from his face once. From this close distance, she could see every detail of his features. She found herself captivated by his eyes even if she had been lost in the different shades of blue countless times already. Right now he didn't look at her with hatred like he had done it in her dream. He genuinely worried about her. By the gods, she loved him so much. Just having him here with her made it much better. Still, she took a while to recover.
One or two minutes passed, and not once did Theodore turn away from her. By then, Blanche was able to steady her breathing, and finally, oxygen filled her lungs again.
Eventually, her tears also dried, and Theodore wiped away the remaining ones before he whispered to her. “Do you feel better now?”
It was almost ridiculous that this worked so well. Blanche responded with a shaking voice. “Yes...” She couldn't bring herself to say anything else. She felt much better than before, but she was still miserable because she knew that she would lose all of this in a few months. Would crying be all she would do then too? How pitiful.
Only now, Theodore let go of her face and sat down next to her before he pulled her into his arms. He remained by her side quietly for a while and stroked over her back to allow her to relax as much as possible. When he broke the silence, it was obvious that he was still as worried as before and just fought against his panic to help her. “This is just like when we first met, isn't it?”
That was probably meant to distract her, but it only reminded Blanche of her previous assumptions. Him consoling her didn't mean that he was truly in love with her. She lowered her head again, but her lover put one of his hands on her chin and kept her from doing so.
“Don't look away. Focus on me and not on what scared you. Tell me what happened.” Theodore's expression showed a mixture of worry and anger. If a person was at fault for her tears, he would without a doubt make that person regret it. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy.
She didn't know what to answer with. The root of her problems was the existence of this cursed novel, and she couldn't explain that without sounding like an insane person. The last time she had tried to express her worries, he had dismissed them as a silly dream. Even though it was her fault for describing it like that, it still had hurt. And frankly, she was too exhausted to come up with another excuse. She was so tired of being in pain the whole time. “Nothing happened.”
Not yet.
Theodore furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. “I have never seen you cry this hard ever before. You wouldn't do that for no reason. Don't lie to me, Blanche.” The accusatory tone of his voice brought back the images of her nightmare, and a shudder ran down her spine. Her lover only became even more gentle after that. He slowly caressed her cheek while staring into her eyes. “Everything is alright. I am right here to protect you.”
She swallowed which was quite painful after her constant sobbing. “I...” She began but still had no idea how to finish her sentence.
When she didn't continue, Theodore spoke up again. “Tell me what happened, and I promise that the problems will get resolved. There is nothing here that I can't deal with. You just have to let me know what's wrong. No person is more powerful than I am, so I can make sure that something like this never happens again. Please tell me.” He began to stroke over her head in a soothing motion.
His words were supposed to reassure her, but it was obvious to Blanche that he wouldn't be able to ease her worries. Just like she couldn't tell him about the novel, he couldn't change the outcome. This meant that she wouldn't give him the real reason. Trying to find an excuse that seemed believable was nearly impossible when the thoughts inside her brain still twirled around. So, she told him the most simple truth. “I can't.”
Theodore's eyes narrowed a little, and Blanche feared that her response had disappointed him. Surely, he would be upset if he thought that she didn't trust him. But anger overcame his features instead of uncertainty as his jaw tensed and his voice trembled a little. “Who was it?” His eyes seemed to pierce her very soul as he showed her the rage that was only reserved for his enemies. “You can be honest. Normally, you tell me everything. When you don't, that's only because you had a quarrel with someone powerful and are afraid of being blamed for it. The other person involved is usually the empress. Did you two fight again? I swear to the gods. If that woman dared to say something that hurt you this much, she can forget hiding behind her title.”
He wasn't wrong about any of this. For the most part, Blanche was pretty vocal about her emotions, wishes or worries. Thus, Theodore was always aware of what was going on inside her head. The only exceptions were anything connected to Marquess Sefare's intrigues and the many conflicts with Seraphina. Withholding this information had only been necessary because Blanche was a guilty party in those situations. Her lover would have been upset with her because of this, so she had stayed quiet.
More often than not telling him, she rushed to his side to complain though. In those cases, she had tried to make Seraphina seem like the one responsible for the disputes and complained about the other woman. Theodore always comforted her then too, and that had been very necessary. After all, her body seemed to activate her tear ducts as soon as someone made a mean comment or gave her a strange look. Despite that, she rarely sobbed this much, and it seemed like he could tell the difference easily. And when she hadn't told him about an argument, he could assume that it was awful, so his reaction made sense.
Obviously, he assumed that a quarrel with Seraphina was the reason for her emotional outbreak which was definitely the most likely cause. But it wasn't entirely true this time.
Blanche fought the urge to tell him that the heroine was, in fact, the core of her problems and tried to be calmer instead. The last time that she had seen the empress, who had been with Theodore on the balcony, had been yesterday. So, she couldn't have been crying because of that woman. She sniffled a bit before replying. “No, I haven't seen her today at all.” Her voice was a bit hoarse, but she managed to form coherent sentences now.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
Theodore relaxed a little, but his anger still hadn't disappeared. “Good. Did someone else upset you?”
“No.” Her lover still didn't seem to believe her, so she underlined her answer by shaking her head.
Theodore stared at her and visible confusion came onto his features. “There is no way that nothing happened. Remember that you can tell me anything that's on your mind, and I will take care of it. No matter who they are, I won't let anyone hurt you even if their status is the highest in the country.” It was quite ironic that he said this now without foreseeing that he would be the one to order her execution if the story progressed normally. “But even if you say that you didn't have a fight with anyone, something must trouble you. You wouldn't cry for nothing.” It was obvious that he wouldn't let this go until Blanche gave him a reason.
She would have to respond. But she was too unimaginative and exhausted to come up with something new, so she decided to stick to her original excuse. It couldn't get worse anyway, right? “It's because of the dream.”
Theodore took a second to process that. Then his face fell, and his eyes widened. “What?” He was speechless for a moment before he brought his face closer to hers. “You mean the nightmare that you told me about two days ago?”
She nodded in response and lowered her head. Still, kept her gaze on him. Saying that thinking about him leaving her was what terrified her wasn't wrong, so she shouldn't feel too bad about this. And yet, she felt the shame rise up inside her. To him, this probably was way too confusing while she kept bawling about trivialities.
Her lover's reaction was enough to make her feel somewhat guilty. Theodore barely seemed to comprehend what she had told him. “This is...” He paused and stared at her. His mouth opened a few times before he closed it again as he struggled to regain his composure. “This is what distressed you this much? That dream? I...”
He interrupted himself and covered his mouth for a moment before he brought both hands on the sides of her face to make her look at him. “You were this scared because you feared that I would abandon you? Blanche, I won't leave you! I would never think about that! I never ever stopped loving you for one second, and I won't in the future either. You are the person that I care about most in this whole world, and I love you more than anything else. Ever since we first met, you have been the light of my life, and no one will come between us and change that. The other half makes even less sense! I couldn't stand to hurt you, let alone execute you. How can a dream scare you this terribly?”
Those were the same empty words that anyone could have given her. But she couldn't help it. Blanche's heart felt like it would burst with joy, and she had to admit that she had needed to hear this even if she still knew about the destined ending. Another wave of tears threatened to spill from her eyes, and she started to sniffle. “Theo...”
In an instant, Theodore pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her body. She didn't take long to return the embrace and buried her face in his neck. They stayed in this position until she managed to repress her emotions. During the whole time, her lover calmed her with soothing phrases. He pressed small kisses onto her forehead and reminded her that she was going to be fine at his side.
When she had finally stopped crying, Theodore pulled back a little to look at her but still left his arms around her waist. “Did this help you to calm down a little bit?”
Embarrassingly enough, it had. Even if the situation hadn't changed, just having him console her made everything seem much more pleasant. Theodore had shown that he honestly cared about Blanche's well-being which made her want to believe in his love again. He had to like her at least a little. Otherwise, he would have already gotten annoyed with her constant crying. The villainess didn't even deserve to ask for more.
So, Blanche nodded curtly to affirm his question.
“Good.” Theodore let go of her to push one of the messy strands of hair away from her face. He slowly leaned forward and cupped her chin with one hand to softly press his lips onto hers.
The kiss only lasted for a couple of seconds, but the flood of bliss that followed it was enough to remind Blanche that she couldn't live without him. If she could just stay here with him, she would be happy. Why did the damned novel want to take that away from her?
Theodore backed away again, and she dug her fingernails into his uniform to get him to stay. He loosened her grip and took her hands in his before he stood up and carefully pulled Blanche to her feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her along the pathway with slow steps. “Let's go back to your chambers. It has gotten late.”
A short look around the garden while they walked towards the palace proved his words to be true. The sun had already set, and the garden was dark except for the light coming from the lanterns by the paths and the palace.
During the whole walk back, Blanche stayed as close to Theodore as possible and cuddled herself against his side. Thankfully, he fulfilled her desire for touch. He kept his arm around her and even stopped once to give her another kiss.
They followed the shortest path back and entered the palace. Theodore led his lover through the corridors until they reached her bedroom.
When Theodore's fingers touched the door handle, the door flew open, and Stella stood before them. The maid was completely out of breath, and her eyes were widened as they locked onto her mistress. “Thank the gods! You are here, I-” She stopped mid-sentence and inhaled slowly before letting her shoulders fall forward. When she managed to regain her composure, she bowed deeply.
Theodore blinked a few times as he witnessed the servant's outburst but remained silent and only nodded. He guided Blanche into the room and let her sit on the bed before dismissing Stella, who quickly left the chambers.
He helped his lover undress and change into a nightgown before putting away his own clothes. Then he lay down next to Blanche and covered them with the blanket. As usual, he pulled her into his arms and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder while he stroked over her head.
Blanche felt so content in this position that she could fall asleep immediately. But she also wanted to stay awake to make the most out of every single minute that her lover spent with her which created a dilemma.
The couple cuddled in silence for a while, in which the both of them were content with just touching one another.
Theodore seemed like he was lost in thoughts until he spoke up again. “Yesterday, I left a letter asking you to visit my office. I was waiting on the balcony and saw you in the courtyard. Why did you turn around and leave?” So, he had noticed her back then despite her being sure that no one knew about her failed attempt to meet her lover.
Once again, Blanche stuck to a half-truth. Of course, without mentioning that she hadn't wished to witness one of the story events, in which her lover would begin to become interested in the heroine. “I saw that you were discussing something with the empress and thought that it was important. So, I didn't want to interrupt.”
Theodore turned his head to look at her. The dim candlelight was reflected in his eyes as he showed her a serious expression. “It was about an important topic but nothing urgent. We didn't argue for too long, so you should have come anyway. I would have made time for you.” He gave her a reassuring smile, but he didn't seem overly joyful. “Next time, you can inform one of the guards of your visit, and they will let you in immediately, alright?”
Even though Blanche should probably avoid meeting him more often, she nodded. A small yawn escaped her after that.
That made Theodore stroke over her head again before he spoke up in a whisper. “Worrying the whole day probably made you tired. We'll go to bed now so that you can rest.” He left their embrace for a few seconds to put out the candles next to the bed before lying down and hugging Blanche again.
She gazed at him for a moment before letting her head rest on the pillow. “Goodnight.”
Theodore looked at her as if he still wasn't over her breakdown, but he didn't say that. “Goodnight. I love you with my whole heart. Don't ever doubt that.” He gave a small kiss on the top of her head before laying his head on the pillow too. He waited until she closed her eyes before presumably doing the same.
After some time had passed, Blanche could hear her lover's breathing steadying. It sounded like he had fallen asleep. The concubine, on the other hand, was wide awake even though she had been tired first. But that was no wonder. The thoughts inside her mind refused to settle down. This meeting with Theodore had left her even more indecisive than before.
She opened her eyes again.
The darkness was now illuminated by the moonlight which had tinted the whole room in a silver glow. She ignored the motionless beauty and stared at the peacefully sleeping man right in front of her. His chest was heaving in a constant rhythm, and all of his muscles were completely relaxed. After watching him long enough to be sure that he wouldn't suddenly wake up, she let out a quiet sigh.
A look at Theodore's unconscious face was enough to make her consider forgetting all of her previous plans in favor of staying with him. But she couldn't risk her life only to avoid leaving her lover, could she? When she had been ecstatic after receiving his letter yesterday, the decision to stay in the palace had seemed so simple. Logically speaking, if she continued to be a character in the story, she should be fine as long as she didn't oppose the main characters. But what if she still became the antagonist for some reason beyond her control?
Being executed was the most important thing to avoid, and that would be easier if she maintained some distance from the protagonists. Maybe the dream of her demise last night had been a reminder to make choices with her head instead of her heart. Still, she could only support the conclusion that she had reached so many times.
Leaving wasn't an option.
When she looked at Theodore sleeping beside her, it only proved that she wouldn't be able to ignore her feeling for him. So, she would stay. This was her final decision even if it was a very stupid one, and she would stick to it. She wouldn't hesitate and delay her choice anymore. She had made her resolve and would bear the consequence, even if they led to a bad ending. If everything went downhill, she could still change her approach and adjust her actions if necessary, but she would stay at Theodore's side.
Blanche slowly lifted her head and lightly stroked over his hair while being careful not to wake him. “I love you.” She whispered that as quietly as possible. Then she closed her eyes and cleared her mind of all thoughts.
After that, sleep overtook her quickly.