Blanche awoke with a jolt. She sat up and lifted her gaze. Her throat became dry when she made eye contact with Cedar.
It only took a second for her to realize that she was dreaming. There was no other explanation for the lack of surroundings otherwise. Aside from the table in front of her, her chair and that person on the other side, nothing was here. She couldn't even look down to see her own body properly, which proved that this wasn't real.
This calmed her a lot since it explained why she was drinking tea with a horrible person. If this was just a figment of her imagination, then she didn't need to worry about being abducted. Still, a big portion of frustration remained. Why did she have to dream about Cedar, out of all the people she knew? He was the one that she wanted to avoid seeing the most, especially since he was grinning like usual.
So, why did his smile feel much more forced? And why would she like to see his usual smile so much more than whatever he showed right now?
Just when she thought about using this chance to ask him why he constantly smiled, just because she could, he slammed his cup onto the table. The clinking surprised her and made her flinch, but she couldn't move her chair back when she tried to stand up.
Cedar was looking at her with an expression that didn't make any sense. He did smile, but his eyes held the bitterness of a person that had been tortured for years. “Why?” Even his voice wasn't full of fake friendliness but anguish. “Why don't you see what will happen? I wouldn't lie to you, you know that. I'm not the only one that told you the same thing. All the signs lead in the same direction. I said that you shouldn't go back, and Harris did so too. Why are you ignoring all of our attempts to help you? If everything continues like this, you will get hurt. Don't you understand that?” He became louder near the end as his voice shook with a mix of rage and despair.
Blanche was torn between asking him not to be so upset or playing along with her stupid dream and asking what he was talking about. But before she had a chance to make that decision while doing her best to ignore how much her chest hurt, he continued already.
“Please listen to me. Just this once. You don't know how horrible this could end up being if you return. I am absolutely certain that what happened until now will lead up to brutal consequences. I told you how I'd continue this plan, right? You are already suffering, and it will only get so much worse from here on. Don't risk this for someone too stupid to see what is going on here.” He grabbed his cup more tightly.
A long pause followed, in which his eyes moved up to her again. He watched her as if he was listening to something that Blanche was saying despite her being quiet.
Cedar's fingers dug into the porcelain so that it looked like it might burst in a few seconds. He gritted his teeth and lowered his gaze onto his cup. “He isn't. If he was, you wouldn't be here right now.” He spoke with so much resentment that it almost made her step away.
Again, they were silent, and slowly, his emotions changed.
Cedar leaned his elbow on the table and buried his face in his palm. He took a couple of seconds before speaking at a low volume. “I can't stop you, can I?”
Another five seconds passed.
He let out a laugh without any amusement as his smile grew. It didn't look as happy as usual. He just seemed like he had never felt any real joy. “I see. Then can I at least promise you something? I will help you no matter what happens. I want you to contact me if you feel threatened by anyone, especially that despicable person. You know who I mean. I will find a way to bring you out, no matter what. I have enough ways to break in if necessary, and I can bring you into another country too. You just need to say or write one word, and I'll be there. Take Harris with you, and make sure that he is always close to you. He can act as your witness in the case they are making false accusations and will inform me if there is an emergency.”
Once again, a short pause followed. This time, Blanche hated it even more than before though. Everything about this conversation made her sick, even though she had no idea what it was about. Her aching heart felt like it pounded in her chest, and a stinging ache reminded her of the fact that she didn't want to see this. She didn't want to know about what would follow. She wanted to wake up now.
Cedar chuckled quietly, but it sounded sadder than anything else. He slowly lowered his hand and lifted his gaze to hers. He showed her a soft smile that didn't do anything to cover up his empty eyes, which seemed like he wasn't seeing her at all. “You already know why. You're not that dense. Don't make me say it, Blanche. Have a safe return. I hope that my instinct will be wrong for once.”
This was even worse. She couldn't say why, but those words pained her. They burned in her heart. It sounded too final.
She needed to wake up now.
It took all her willpower to turn her head to the side. This was a dream, right? All of this happened in her mind, so she should be able to control it to some extent. Then she didn't want to see something upsetting. She did not need to witness someone bidding her farewell for what felt like the last time. She didn't want to chat with Cedar. If she had a choice, then she wanted something nice, something that might be a little less uncomfortable for her. Theodore or, since he was present in her real world already, her family, whom she missed dearly. If she had to pick something, she would like to see them.
Blanche stared at the table and focused her every thought on how she imagined her parents' faces and how her siblings were running around her.
Slowly but surely, the scenery around her was changing. The light became dimmer, and there were silhouettes of walls and furniture next to her. She barely dared to raise her head out of fear of being disappointed.
But then her eyes landed on her mother's face. “Mama?”
The woman at the table had alabaster-colored locks that framed her face, which looked just like Blanche's with the exception of a slightly different nose. She showed her daughter a gentle smile that made small wrinkles appear next to her thin lips. “Blanche. There you are. Do you want to eat dinner downstairs, or are you still mad because Papa and I forbade that you eat even more cake?”
It felt like the world crashed down on Blanche. She wanted to sob and fall into her mother's arms, but she could do none of that because it was just a dream. Still, her emotions were very much real. It flowed out of her immediately. “Mama. I love you. You and Papa, and Noel and Nelly. I miss you.” She would have already broken down if this was the real world, but even like this, her voice barely came out. Her neck hurt. She turned her head to the side anyway and found her father sitting next to her mother.
Her father lowered his newspaper and looked at her with the same loving gaze she still remembered from her childhood. “So, our princess has decided to honor us with her presence. We love you too, Sweetie. More than anything else.”
A small squeak from beside her father made her turn to the side. The twins were standing there and hiding behind their parents while showing her grimaces. Only their light hair stood out from the dark background, and they almost glowed whenever they made eye contact with her. Their giggles made her heart constrict with a mix of joy and grief.
She had missed that so much.
It felt like Blanche couldn't breathe anymore, even though she knew that she wasn't truly reliant on oxygen in her dream. She couldn't help but repeat her words. “I love you. I love all of you. I'm sorry.”
Her parents exchanged a confused look before gazing at her again. Her mother was the one that spoke up in a soft voice. “What do you mean? Don't worry about the argument earlier. It's fine. We have enough dinner for-”
“No!” Blanche cut her off, and now she felt like the world was shaking. Her emotions became more and more unstable, so it was a surprise that the dream stayed upright. She didn't know how long that would last, so she hurried to continue. “I'm sorry for running away. You stayed behind, and I shouldn't have left without you. I'm sorry.” The spot where her heart should be felt like it was hollow. She couldn't hear it beating nor did she feel any warmth from her blood but only freezing coldness that was piercing her veins. Still, she spoke. “Because I left you, you were killed. I should have been faster and found help instead of Sefare. I'm sorry.”
The expression of everyone in the room turned to utter confusion at that. Her father put the papers on the very edge of the table before talking to her. “What are you referring to, princess? We're fine as you can see.”
Blanche wanted to act like that was true. She truly did. But that would only hurt her more. “No, you're not. You're dead. Because I-”
A high-pitched voice interrupted her. Nelly looked up at her with irritation. “You say stupid things. We're here because we have to eat dinner. Whether you join or not, we will eat together.”
Noel chimed in when his twin finished. “She doesn't just say stupid things. She is stupid. After all, we're not dead. You can come over here and check for yourself.” He extended his small arm towards her.
Blanche didn't hesitate to move her arm in his direction as well. She longed for nothing more than to be in her family's embrace at this moment.
But before she could even take a step, her mother's voice echoed through the room. “Don't.”
Blanche froze at that.
Her mother turned to the twins. “Noel, she can't.”
The boy pouted at her and crossed his arms. “Why not?”
“Because she doesn't belong here.”
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Suddenly, the atmosphere seemed to have changed. Blanche's whole family was looking at her, and all of them were smiling calmly.
She took a step forward, but the table didn't seem to get any closer. “Mama? What do you mean?”
Her mother just continued to smile. “We love you. That is why you can't come here yet. You need to live happily first. All of us prayed for that after all.”
Blanche tried to walk forward again. “You prayed for me?” She carefully took another step, but her mother lifted her hand to stop her.
“Not only we. Everyone that you ever saw here prayed for you. So, use it wisely. Fulfill our wish and be happy. I love you.” Just when she said this, her body blurred so that she was only some shadowy figure.
“Mama?” Blanche wanted to run forward now, but she couldn't move her feet off the ground.
One after the other, her father and her sibling told her that they loved her too before turning into silhouettes, no matter how often she called their names. Then they began waving. Only now, she realized that she was slowly becoming lighter.
The world around her was fading while she was slipping through the floor. The coldness disappeared and was replaced with burning warmth that covered her whole body except for her head.
----------------------------------------
She was touching something and didn't know what it was, but she wanted it gone. She began kicking her legs and moving her arms to get it off her before a voice reached her mind.
“Blanche!”
She woke up and shot into an upright position. She whipped her head to the side and didn't even have enough time to orientate herself before Theodore's face already appeared in her field of view.
Her lover cupped her cheeks and made her look at him while speaking to her at a louder volume. “It's alright. I'm here. Calm down. No one here will hurt you.”
It took Blanche one second to remember that she had been poisoned and another one to be reminded of her dream. This time, there wasn't something magical that kept her breaking down while she thought of the people she had cared so much for. People that couldn't be in her life anymore. The tears had already stained her face from before she had woken up, but now they were rushing out much more quickly, and she was sobbing. It felt like her lung was cut off from her airways. If she wanted to breathe properly, she would have to stop crying, but that wouldn't happen anytime soon. She was bawling like a baby at this point and was more than grateful that Theodore wrapped his arms around her.
He pulled her into a tight hug, and she gave her best to return it.
Blanche quickly noticed that she barely had any strength in her arm though. Her whole body felt weak, and her limbs were trembling whenever she strained the muscles there. She wanted to call her lover's name, but there wasn't enough oxygen for that. So, she just opened and closed her mouth like a fish outside of water. She loved him. She loved him so much. It hurt not to be able to say it.
But seemingly, her motion was enough for Theodore to understand her. “I know. I love you too. I'm right here. You're safe. The person that hurt you is gone forever. You need to focus on breathing. I'm here. You're awake. Thank the gods. I love you.” He sounded like he was about to cry as well as he repeated those words for himself as much as for her. Maybe he was already crying.
There was no way for Blanche to tell when her sobs drowned out everything else. Why had she been so stupid and asked to see her family in a dream? It should have been obvious that this would hurt her. Her chest was aching as if it had been cut open with a knife. But this wasn't a physical wound that could heal after a few weeks or months. She would never get over her family's death, no matter how much time passed. If she was lucky, she could avoid thinking about it, but that was all she could hope for.
Grief was a horrible emotion. It flowed through her veins and made her heart ache in a way that caused her to feel the pain everywhere. She hated it. She didn't want to feel this. It wouldn't bring her parents and the twins back no matter how often she cried, wouldn't allow her to turn back the time to save everyone she cared for. It was useless.
That realization was more present in her mind than anything else. It made her feel like this world was doomed and that there was nothing for her to do. If she had been alone, she might have given up fully now.
But inside this mountain of despair, one thing kept her sanity anchored. One thing that hadn't left her this time.
Theodore was holding her tightly and stroked over her head while telling her that he loved her and that everything was fine. A little part of her believed every word he said. She knew that nothing was fine at this moment, but this small part of her was enough to keep her from breaking.
A lot of time had to have passed, but he was still with her and protected her from the turmoil in her head. Blanche blocked out everything else and just focused on her lover's voice. She listened to him and focused on inhaling and exhaling when he did. It was a painstakingly slow process, but she forced herself to breathe normally and managed to choke down the sobs. Her tears were dying down, but that probably happened because she had used up all the water in her body and not because of her efforts. It would be better not to drink anything until she calmed down.
But on the other hand, her throat was aching and burning. She wanted nothing more but to drink something cool, even if that meant that she could cry again. Slowly, she turned from sobbing to sniffling and dug her fingers into her lover's shirt while not caring for the snot she probably left on his clothes.
Eventually, she managed to silence her noises completely so that Theodore loosened his hold on her to look into her face. She opened her mouth to tell him that she loved him and urgently needed water too, but nothing came out.
Instead, pain flowed through her body so that she grasped her neck with her hands. She hurriedly pointed to her mouth in hopes of her lover possibly understanding what she was referring to.
Luckily, Theodore knew her well. He had prepared everything already and acted quickly despite his horrified expression. A glass of water was standing next to him on the nightstand, and he immediately held it towards her. He was kind enough to leave it in his hands and tilt it for her to drink, which was a wise decision. She would have dropped that glass after a second. He slowly moved it up and stabilized her head with the other hand. “Careful. Don't drink too much.”
Blanche had intended to listen to him, but when the saving liquid reached her throat and eased her pain, she hurried to gulp down another sip. She would have taken even more, but Theodore pulled the glass away.
“Not that fast. You'll choke.”
She couldn't help but retaliate at that. “But it hurts.” She cringed at the sound of her own voice. She was awfully hoarse, and it felt like she hadn't spoken in days. Too familiar. Her throat still ached, but at least it wasn't as bad as it had been before. That didn't keep her from wanting to drink more though. She could finally ease the pain, so she needed to do it now. She looked at her lover with pleading eyes, only to forget about her own desires at the very moment that she focused on his expression.
Theodore was crying, and it seemed like he had done so for a while. His eyes were glassy, and the dark rings below them revealed that he hadn't gotten any rest for a while now. Still, he forced himself to give her a smile. “I know. You can drink more, but you need to go slow. Your stomach has been empty for many hours, so you have to take your time. Just one more sip, and then we'll wait a few seconds again.” He brought the glass to her lips, and she fought against the desire to swallow the whole content in one gulp and only took one sip as he had instructed her. He pulled the glass away again. “Does your head still hurt?”
She paused for a moment to check whether she felt anything, and when there was no dull ache, she shook her head.
“Good.” Theodore placed the glass onto the nightstand and grabbed her hands. “Then it would be better to lie down again. You need to rest before you over-exhaust yourself. We need to conserve energy for your recovery.” He turned his head around. “Give her more of the medicine. And you, bring me more water.”
Only now, Blanche collected her strength to move her head and look at her surroundings, even if it was way more exhausting than it should have been. She wasn't in her room anymore but inside the doctor's office. The royal doctor and the assistants were running around and preparing a mixture while one brought another glass to the emperor.
Owen was standing in the corner of the room with a slight frown. It wasn't much, but this was one of the rare times that he showed emotion. She was pretty sure that he had been more affected while she had asked him to help her throw up the poison, but she couldn't remember anything but a hazy figure that had asked what was wrong.
But the more Blanche thought about it, the more of her memories came flooding back. The last thing she remembered was drinking the tea that Stella had brought her. The liquid seemed to have contained the same poison that had been used on Seraphina originally. The person that had put the medicine inside the cup seemed to be Kate, who had been responsible in the novel as well and had helped Stella with the preparation this time. Blanche could only assume that that woman was the guilty party here since her own maid would never have done something like this.
It was a bit pathetic. Blanche had known about this issue before it had happened. She should have been prepared. The only reason she hadn't taken care of Kate had been because the empress would have protected her servants and would never have let her go without evidence. Since Kate had just committed her first crime, it would have been hard to eliminate her before. Though, maybe Blanche could have tried it with Theodore's help instead of being mean enough not to care if Seraphina drank poison. This was what she got for acting like a villainess that was indifferent when the heroine got hurt. But Blanche didn't really have time to scold herself now. Something else mattered much more.
In “To Be Empress”, the poison had knocked out the empress for over three days despite her only drinking a sip. Seemingly, the concubine's plan of getting rid of the liquid had worked, but she had still been affected by that medicine. How long had she been sleeping? Her lover's face told her that it hadn't just been an hour.
She gazed at him and wanted to ask him when he put his palm on her forehead and spoke up.
“The fever has finally gone done. Can you remember what happened?”
Blanche carefully nodded, but when a slight stinging sensation in the back of her head grew stronger, she stopped moving. Maybe talking would be better. “I do.” Her voice still sounded raspy, so she grimaced.
Theodore relaxed a bit at that, but it was obvious that he was tense despite her response. “Can you recognize where we are then?”
She was taken aback by that. Why would she not know where she was? “Yes. The doctor's office. At home.”
Her lover showed her a little smile and raised his hand to her cheek to caress her skin softly. “Yes, thank the gods.” When she leaned into him, he looked like he was about to begin sobbing, but he just watched her for a while. He only turned his head when someone moved on the other side of the bed. He looked at that person, and she followed his gaze.
The doctor was standing next to her and stirred the contents of a small bowl with a spoon. “Please drink this, Lady Blanche. It will help you with the pain.” He held it towards her, but Theodore grabbed it before she could even react.
The emperor showed her the green sludge, which made her grimace. “I know that it looks disgusting, and it's bitter too, but this helped you already. Please open your mouth. We will give you one spoon after the other.”
The concubine stared at the strange mixture and almost gagged as she imagined what this would taste like. But if this was good for her and made her regain strength, she would have to swallow this sludge. Hesitantly, she opened her mouth. When the cool underside of the spoon met her tongue, she braced herself for a disgusting flavor and was pleasantly surprised when she didn't taste much. The mixture was watery with a slightly bitter aftertaste, but it wasn't that bad. She didn't like it, but she would be able to deal with this stuff. The second spoonful also didn't taste any worse, and so, she swallowed the contents of the bowl until she was done.
Theodore handed the container back to the doctor before leaning forward to her. “Good girl. You will fully recover in a few days. There is no need to worry about anything. For now, you should rest and get as much sleep as possible.”
Blanche felt drained, so he was definitely right. But she didn't want to sleep under any circumstances. Her dream just now had been horrible, and she didn't want anything similar to this ever again. So, she had to drink her herbal tea before closing her eyes again. She looked at her lover with round eyes as he helped her lie down and pulled the blanket up to her neck. “Don't want to.” She extended her arms towards him and didn't need to wait for more than a second before he lay down next to her and hugged her.
Theodore carefully stroked over her head, and she allowed herself to rest her head on the pillow while gazing up at him. He kissed her forehead before speaking up in a whisper. “Did you have a nightmare again?”
She nodded and began playing with his hair to distract herself. She didn't want to think about that dream, or she would cry again. That wouldn't help her. It would just make her head hurt again and worry Theodore, so she would have to hold back.
Her lover's face shifted in an instant. Theodore looked like he was fighting the worst emotions he could feel as he pulled her a bit closer to him. “Was it about me again?” His voice was a bit too uncertain for her taste.
Blanche quickly shook her head, which made him relax. He looked like he wanted to ask about what she had seen then, but she hurried to change the topic in her hoarse and quiet voice. “What happened after I fainted?”
The emperor's expression darkened at that. She could swear that she had seen a glint of unrivaled fury, but he covered most of it up. Still, his anger was undeniable. “We took care of everything. I'll tell you later when you are feeling better.”
Blanche considered letting him postpone this conversation but decided against it quickly. She had the right to know what they had found out. “Was it Kate? She put the poison in my tea, right?”
Theodore paused for a few seconds before nodding. “Yes... But she isn't a threat anymore. Don't worry about this now.” That didn't sound good. Originally, Seraphina had pardoned her maid and had asked her husband to exile her, but the spouses weren't very close in this storyline, so her appeal would have fallen on deaf ears here. The result was obvious.
Blanche asked anyway. “Is she dead now?” Kate dying wasn't a great loss, but the concubine would like to know anyway.