“I remember it too, Blanche.”

Blanche's heart pounded so loudly that it drowned out everything else. She could just stare at her lover as a small noise of surprise escaped her throat.

What did he remember too?

It felt like her mind was clouded so that she could barely think clearly. If there was something related to secret memories, there was only one thing for her. She had memories of the novel. The ones that had allowed her to foresee the future and change the plot. That was why she had become a different person overnight.

And now Theodore told her that memories were the reason why he had suddenly acted way more affectionately than before and why he had been able to predict the future. There was only one true option.

He had the novel's memories too.

Shouldn't it have been obvious? Now that he had said it, it all made sense.

Had she really not known, or had she just been telling herself that she had no clue? She wasn't sure anymore. Blanche's eyes widened as her mouth fell open. She didn't know what to say about that, and it felt like her mind was spinning. “You...too? To Be Empress?”

Theodore looked at her without the slightest sign of recognition. “What do you mean?”

The concubine felt her mouth dry and quickly swallowed to speak again. “You said...that you have the memories...too. So, that means...the novel?” Her voice was so quiet that even she herself could barely understand herself. But even though she had repeated herself to clear it up, her lover's face didn't show any trace of him knowing what she was talking about.

Theodore gently stroked over her cheeks while whispering to her. “What novel?” So, he wasn't talking about the book. But what else could he have been referring to?

Blanche lowered her gaze as she desperately tried to think clearly despite her increasingly hazy mind.

Theodore had some sort of secret memory that predicted the future but had nothing to do with the novel that had directed her every move for the first six months after she had gained those memories. But even so, didn't his actions match up with what he could have done to prevent the original storyline from happening?

He had reminded her that he would never leave her at all times and had taken it upon himself to show her how little he cared for the heroine. He had increased his displays of affection in public and especially in front of Seraphina. From then on, he had even manipulated specific scenes from the novel.

Theodore hadn't gone to meet his wife after waking up injured after the assassination attempts, so their first kiss hadn't happened. He had warned Noah not to trust the empress, so the knight hadn't fallen for that woman. He had saved Blanche when Henry had confronted her during the hunting festival. Then he hadn't accepted Seraphina's handkerchief and praise and taken his lover's instead.

He had caught Blanche when she had tripped during their vacation. Then he had shown her around in the confusing summer house, spent the first night after a while with her and clung to her for every single minute. He had prevented the Ocrean war and used Seraphina's minister rule before the empress had known about it.

After that, he had continued to push the heroine away from him more and more to avoid all further romance. He had spent his birthday with his lover instead of his wife too. He had written a warning about Evelyn and Grace being close to the water without Blanche telling him about the fountain and helped to save the little girl without questioning Blanche's reason for knowing what would happen.

Then he had proposed to his lover. And a little later, he had been with her during her whole birthday instead of leaving her behind. He had clung to Blanche on a day that might have been close to the date that the villainess died in the original novel while refusing to let any dangerous objects in her vicinity.

And he had known about her past and her relationship with Sefare without her even saying anything and claimed that her letter hadn't been the only reason.

No matter how you put it, it didn't make sense for him to have done all of that without knowing what had happened in the novel. The novel had directed all of those events, and to prevent them, one would have needed to have read it. At least unless you were granted those memories without ever reading that book, like it had happened for Blanche. That novel had made Seraphina the heroine and Theodore the love interest. That novel had made Blanche the villainess and only given her a second chance because she had gained those memories.

That novel...

At first, it was just a little thought. A little question mark in her brain.

What did the novel look like? Who was the author? What had the summary on the back looked like? How many pages had it had?

How had it covered so much content and created such a complex world with many character constellations in one volume? Why had Blanche been able to remember the dates so well when books normally didn't go into such great detail?

How come Blanche knew that a second part existed, that the story would go on, if she had absolutely no memory of the name or an appearance? Why would she have read a book, which also didn't exist in this world, despite her missing interest in reading?

All of that only led to one further question.

Did that novel truly exist?

She had been sure that her memories had come from a novel called “To Be Empress.” But she had no recollection of reading it nor could she imagine a cover. Not even the author's name came to her mind. Her head was only filled with the plot and the characters and nothing else. So, her doubt was easy to understand.

Did that book called “To Be Empress” exist? She didn't know, and any answer would leave her with more questions than before. Blanche's head was spinning, and she just wanted to close her eyes to avoid all of this for a moment.

But Theodore was still kneeling in front of her and held her hands. To her, all questions regarding the novel were very much real, but he had no recollection of anything like that. He just had the memories of what had happened in that book.

And that could only mean one thing.

She could barely speak. She opened her mouth and did her best to bring words out, but her voice was hoarse. “So...all of that really happened?”

It felt like the world came crashing down on her as her nightmares came flooding back to her. Of course, those lifelike visions couldn't just have been dreams. She remembered everything she had seen, heard and felt in those nightmares.

How she had been arrested and thrown into a cell.

How she had been starving herself out of pure desperation and how Theodore had come to see her.

How she had been executed.

And how she had watched her lover while Seraphina's pregnancy had been so progressed that Blanche couldn't have been alive at that point anymore.

That hadn't just been nightmares that had developed because of the scenarios that she had found in the novel. The ache in her chest and the feeling of the cold cell floor under her legs had been too real. As well as the axe that had come rushing down on her neck.

Like cracks that broke through her whole brain, everything began puckering, and she let out a pathetic huff of air.

Theodore moved and was the only thing that kept her anchored in reality. “Blanche, please look at me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

The lump in her throat was so big that Blanche almost choked on it. It wasn't necessarily grief that filled her though. It was something entirely different. Her lover remembered the other version of their world. The one that had ended with him and Seraphina being happy together. And still, he had chosen his concubine upon having another chance. He had pampered Blanche despite all that had happened and had wanted to make her his wife.

As if the cork had been pulled off, she couldn't hold back anymore. Blanche jumped toward her lover and wrapped her arms around him. She didn't care about the fact that they collided with the floor or that her face had to have been a mess because of the tears and the snot running down her chin. She couldn't talk right now. Too many sobs were wrecking her throat, but she had to speak. “Theo...” She brought out a pathetic wail and not much more.

Theodore was crying more than she had ever seen too, but he could speak. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I always loved you, and I didn't stop for even a single second. I love you, Blanche. Please forgive me.” That he felt the need to ask for forgiveness didn't make any sense.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

To her, he was more wonderful than ever before. Despite him having the chance to be with Seraphina forever, he had chosen to be with Blanche. He had twisted the story so that his concubine could be with him even though that had been much harder than following the original storyline.

He loved Blanche more than Seraphina. Theodore had wanted to save their relationship more than to keep one of the most competent and intelligent rulers by his side. He had wanted Blanche and not the so much more mature heroine, who didn't start crying because of every little thing. Why was Theodore acting like he needed to apologize for that?

Blanche wanted to say so much and thank him for choosing her, but she didn't even know whether her words truly came out. She took a dozen attempts before finally bringing out one sentence. “You remember everything, and you still love me and not her?”

Theodore's eyes widened at that as nothing but pure dread came upon his features. “What? Of course, I always loved you. I never loved that wretched monster for even one second. And still, I hurt you so much. Why are you still looking at me like this? Don't you hate me?”

She vigorously shook her head. “Not at all, I love you! Why would I ever hate you? You chose me! Even though you had the chance to be with her again, you chose me. You gave up your happy ending for me.”

Her lover froze. “Happy ending?” There was so much desperation on his face that she froze too. “Without you, I was never happy for a single second. I was suffering the whole time while waiting for the next excuse to put myself in danger in hopes of being able to die so that I could come to you. But something always saved me, no matter what. Either it was the vilest luck one could have, or you appeared. You pushed me away when the chandelier came crashing down, you warned me about the attacking soldiers. Every time I caught a glimpse of you, I just wanted to throw myself out of the window, and the only thing keeping me from doing so was you trying to protect me. I even went to war and gave up all humanity while hoping that someone would finally aim an arrow right at my head, but I returned unharmed. I lost my mind on the very day that you left me because I... Because I-” He cut himself off and gritted his teeth while hugging her tighter. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

It felt like time froze for a moment.

This was odd. Theodore claimed that his lover had protected him even after her death, but how should that have...

Blanche did remember seeing him in bed with Seraphina while men had approached the balcony. That had been in one of her dreams. She hadn't been able to touch anything then, but she had tried to wake Theodore up to show the attackers to him. But when she tried to remember anything else, a white veil seemed to cover everything.

However, the image of a chandelier was certainly there. A loud crash echoed in her head as she saw the vivid motion of the glass shattering on the floor as splinters flew to all sides. And she remembered spreading her arms to shield Theodore.

But that hadn't happened in this world or in the novel.

Blanche suddenly felt like shivering and couldn't prevent her body from doing so. She unwillingly tightened her hold on her lover's shirt. Her mind was spinning so much that she could barely think. “I... You were sad because of me?”

So, even her death as the villainess after committing countless crimes hadn't made Theodore love her less. Even though she had been vile enough to poison a pregnant woman out of jealousy, he hadn't pushed her away this time but made her his fiancée. More tears joined the already existing ones.

Blanche forced herself to speak even though her throat hurt so much. “Why are you apologizing when you are the one that still holds me close despite all that happened? You forgave me for everything I did? Even for trying to poison your child?”

She could barely see Theodore's face through her veil of tears, but she could discern what he was feeling. It was pure terror.

Theodore refuted her words immediately. “What are you saying? You didn't do any of that! And still, I didn't believe you.” The more he talked, the more fury came upon his features. “Even though I should have been on your side no matter what, I left you behind. I didn't believe you and treated you so horribly. You died because of me!” Of course, he had been rather harsh with his lover after being with Seraphina, and he had ordered her execution, but that wasn't a surprise.

Blanche cupped his cheeks. “But...Theo. I committed treason. So... It would have been normal for me to-”

Theodore cut her off while vigorously shaking his head, his voice even louder than before but almost breaking with every word. “Don't say that! You didn't do anything! That wretched personification of evil framed you! For everything! You told me that over and over again, and I never listened.”

Framed? But that...

To Blanche, it felt like the world stopped when she heard that. It didn't make sense, She remembered the scene during her arrest and the one while she had sat in the cell due to her nightmares. Her original self had always repeated that Seraphina had framed her over and over again. Obviously, that thought had seemed stupid to her.

The heroine was always the innocent one while the villainess was the horrible, disgusting person that blamed others for her crimes. But if that novel didn't exist, there was no guarantee for that.

It never had made sense to Blanche that she would work with Evelyn, who had murdered a child, or poison a pregnant woman. Not having done that would relieve her. But could she simply assume that she had been really innocent?

The words came out in her slurred speech before Blanche could do anything. “But I... Didn't I try to poison her? All the evidence pointed to me, so...” Flashes of a broken purple butterfly appeared in front of her inner eye. “My butterfly too...but I...” She had been confronted with so much evidence, hadn't she?

There had been so much that a trial would have been unnecessary, but it had still been held. The judge had presented piece after piece, and she had only been able to deny knowing anything about it while cursing Seraphina. Needless to say, the decision that she was guilty had been made quickly. But why did she only remember that now? That hadn't been mentioned in the novel for more than a few sentences, but she saw the courtroom in front of her inner eye. Her head felt like it was about to burst, and she lifted her hand to press it against her own skull.

Theodore below her only began crying more. “You never did anything! She framed you for everything! Every single piece of evidence was falsified! Letters, gifts, the whole poisoning incident, your ornament. She even got false witness testimonies of her brother and that maid. You knew that you were innocent the whole time. Why don't you say that now? Did you tell yourself that you were guilty to justify what I did?”

Blanche had no idea. Everything was spinning as bits and pieces of the reality that she had played off as a work of fiction appeared in her mind. She remembered the aching of her heart as no one listened while she repeatedly begged them to believe that she was innocent.

She remembered talking to Allen, who had allegedly been the one to find her butterfly in the pharmacy where the poison had been bought, in her cell as he came to apologize. Only for her to ask if he was happy to destroy her life because his sister wished for it. Hadn't she questioned Stella about whether the maid wanted her dead because of a false testimony too? In the middle of a trial, she had desperately tried to convince even a single person to doubt the empress at least once, but she had remained unheard. She had been shown letters she had never written and items that had been called gifts which she had never received, and her rebuttals had been ignored.

Blanche felt like her throat was cut off as more of those memories flooded her mind, but they felt odd. As if they couldn't be hers. But they became more familiar with each second.

She did remember going to meet the important person that Claude had wanted her to meet.

Cedar. The one wanting to meet his mother's puppet had been Cedar, and Blanche had trusted Sefare without hesitation even as he asked her to visit a palace in the south of the capital. She had visited the prince. Not once or twice but countless times. And she had cared for him, deeply.

And then Seraphina had accused her of having an affair.

For a moment, the concubine's head hurt so much that she flinched and tried to cover her skull with her hands as she let out a shaky breath.

Theodore said something to her in utter panic. He was probably worrying about her, but she couldn't understand him.

The turmoil in her head drowned out everything else. Small memories of her final moments as a free woman crossed her mind. She had wanted to ask Seraphina for a chance to stay peacefully in the palace while being willing to promise to be content with just seeing Theodore from afar. And then guards had rushed in, and her lover had accused her of trying to poison the other woman. She had seen how Seraphina had averted her eyes when she had looked toward the empress in disbelief.

So, everything she had learned through the novel had been a lie? She truly had been innocent and Seraphina had framed her? To Blanche, this made much more sense than her suddenly being willing to help a child murderer. If this was true, she hadn't attempted to kill Theodore's child either. She had been abandoned by her lover and had been executed because of crimes she hadn't committed.

And she had just told herself that it had to be like this because she had been the villainess. And if the villainess died, the love interest could become happy with the heroine. It was easy to see why this version had been so much more pleasant than knowing that Theodore was with a vile person that had caused his former lover to be executed.

Blanche's head hurt so much that she thought that her skull might split. And then within a second, everything was gone. No new memories came, even though she was sure that the majority was missing. Maybe because she was putting up her protective mechanisms again and would need time to remember. But at least the pain had finally stopped. She relaxed in relief, and her head fell onto Theodore's chest.

Her lover was frantically touching her face while trying to get a response out of her. “Blanche, are you alright? Can you hear me? Please talk to me!”

She slowly lifted her hand to brush over his hair. She only managed to find his scalp out of pure luck even though she hadn't brought herself to lift her head yet. “I'm awake. Everything is alright.” As much as it could be when she had found out that everything she had believed until now was a lie.

Had everything about the novel truly been an illusion of her brain to keep herself from suffering because she had kept the memories of that world? It made sense.

She was actually happy about not remembering most scenes as if she had lived through them. She only knew them as if they had been written in a book, and that had been painful enough.

After taking a moment to understand all of that, Blanche finally lifted her hand to look at her lover. For now, she had stopped sobbing, probably because her tears were used up for the year, so speaking was easier, but her words were still slurred. “So, I didn't do anything that vile? I didn't try to kill your child, and I didn't help Evelyn?” That was actually more relieving than most other news could have been. That meant that her lover didn't remember her as the disgusting villainess either. “I was just a bit bratty and jealous and greedy? But I was like that from the very beginning, so you have no reason to despise me because of your memories.”

Once again, her words only seemed to shock Theodore more. He reached up to cup her face, and she happily leaned into him. “Why are you so... I could never despise you! You're not bratty or greedy or anything like that. No matter who said that lied. Even I did. While I believed that you did all of that, I still loved you with my whole heart. But I didn't save you. I hurt you so much and did one thing after the other that broke your heart. And then you were...killed because of me.” He sobbed in the middle of saying that. “Why don't you hate me or tell me to go die? Why are you smiling at me?”

Blanche had begun smiling as soon as she had come to the conclusion that she hadn't done anything despicable at all, even as her eyes were still watery. That wouldn't change now either. “I would never hate you. You only did that because you thought that I was a criminal. If I tried to commit treason by poisoning an empress and the royal heir, execution is the logical consequence. No matter who I am. It's obvious that you wouldn't stay with me if I was that horrible. And now we are here together without us needing to worry about being ripped apart again. Because I love you and you love me.”

“But you never did commit a crime like that...” Theodore's expression was full of pain. “I should have believed you. I should have listened to you just once. I should have made certain that this wasn't a plot. Or I should have just brought you out secretly. I should have never turned away from you in the first place. I shouldn't have looked at that woman when I knew that I could never love her for real. I should have-” He became more desperate with each word.

Blanche slowly stroked over his head again. “Theo... You couldn't have known. As you just heard, I myself thought that I was guilty too. So, there had to have been a lot of evidence. To think that all of that was falsified... And you said that...Seraphina did that?” She hated saying that name. It almost felt like it burned her tongue. Apparently, she wasn't alone with that sentiment.

Pure rage came onto Theodore's features. “She did. And she defended it until the last second. She always claimed to have been righteous while wanting the best for the nation. That is why I hate her, despise her, resent her more than anything else. Words can't contain how much I hate her. I would have killed her if it wasn't for the situation with Ocrea. We can't have a war if I want you safe. I planned on killing her anyway, but you were always so insistent on me being kind to her that I took that as you wanting to spare her. But I didn't know that you didn't remember everything. If you want me to do it, I can immediately-”

She knew what would follow and cut him off. “Don't. I still need to remember to... No, actually, I don't want to remember. But don't do anything rash to Northern Ocrea's future queen. I...” She thought about Seraphina and how her feelings around that woman had always been steered by fear or caution, even after the former empress had been kinder. Maybe that had been because of their past.

But no matter how much she thought about that, she didn't find as much hatred as she had expected. A bit of fury for taking away her Theodore was there. And now that she purposefully thought about this, she also felt disappointed upon finding out that Seraphina had effectively been trying to ruin her life. But it was odd.

It almost felt like a huge amount of hatred had been there, but a big part had ebbed after the other person had suffered for a long time. Blanche still didn't have any specific memories though. The more she tried to remember, the clearer the picture got, but it was still very vague.