Theodore pulled Blanche against his side and moved toward the exit.
She walked alongside him and barely finished her goodbyes in time. “I'm glad that you are alright, Leon! But be careful.” She looked back once to see the secretary's smile before turning to her lover. “Theo, is it a good idea to leave the knights alone? I mean...we just went through a revolt. Shouldn't you, as the emperor, stay with them to take care of everything now? They may worry about what will happen now. Since we got attacked, they might wonder whether the palace is safe at all and lose trust in our security system.”
Her lover stroked over her back while responding. “That won't happen. They knew about that gap in our security because I warned them about it. I left it open on purpose. Among the servants, there are a few people that used specific carriages to transport forbidden goods inside. There were some smaller empty spaces below the vehicles, so they stored their food or jewelry there. You can smuggle in people like that as well, and this is exactly what the mercenaries did. I assumed that it was better for our enemies to use a way that I knew about, so I didn't do anything about it. We will take care of it now, so there is no need to worry. And you don't need to worry about the knights either. Since I knew how this attack would look like from the very beginning, I already prepared them for it. They know what to do, and Leon is there too. I fought with them the whole time and acted as our strategist, so no one will complain about me resting.” He was silent for a moment before he quietly added the second part. “We need to deal with something very important now, so we can't stay there. I told you that I would reveal my secret as soon as we won. Now we won, and I feel like throwing up because I'm so nervous.” His hold on her waist tightened.
He wanted to do this now? She hadn't expected that.
Blanche quickly leaned against him and tried to show him that she wouldn't let go by gripping him with more force as well. Of course, she was curious about her lover's secret, but more than that, she finally wanted to unburden him. He was still tense because of his secret, no matter how often she had told him that everything was fine. So, she wanted to hear everything from his mouth, only to pull him into a hug while smiling to show that she still adored him. In the end, he could tell her everything imaginable, and she wouldn't judge him nor would her feelings change.
But she also didn't want to force him. If he was so uncomfortable with this, maybe he just felt pressured to tell her. And no matter whether he truly wanted to tell her or not, today wasn't the right day. Even she, who hadn't done anything special, was still too exhausted to calm down properly. For him, it had to be much worse.
So, Blanche spoke up in a whisper. “Theo, I will listen to whatever you want to tell me. But are you sure that we should do this today? It was really exhausting for you, and you had to fight for the first time in a while. Maybe it would be better if we sleep for the night and deal with it tomorrow. Then we both will be more relaxed.”
Theodore glanced at her before directing his eyes onto the hallways in front of them again. “I would love to delay this. I already told you how nervous I am, right? My stomach is churning, and I feel like my legs will give in soon. You can't imagine how much I would like it to just say that we should do this tomorrow. But then I would suggest doing it another day later and then another day. If I don't force myself now, I will lose the will to do it.”
The concubine looked at him for a moment before replying in a soft tone. “If you don't have the will, you don't need to force yourself though.”
“It's fine. I really, really want to tell you. So that we can close that chapter, I hope. Even if that thought is so selfish that it hurts.” Theodore stopped at the staircase and bowed down before her. “Let me carry you up.”
She wanted to refuse first since she knew how exhausted he had to be. But she could see that he wanted to do this now, so she didn't argue with him. She carefully moved her dress out of the way so that he could lift her and then held onto him while he brought her upstairs. While they were walking, Blanche looked around a bit, just to ensure that they didn't run into any unexpected danger.
It seemed like the royal guards had already returned to patrolling the hallways as always. They didn't appear to be scared at all, which proved that her lover's plan had to have been flawless.
But upon seeing all those people, another thought crossed Blanche's mind. “Theo, where are my maids? Are they injured?”
The emperor shook his head. “There were no injured people among the servants. Only some guards, but they are being treated already. If everything went well, your maids were in the wing with the servants' quarters. If not, they are hiding somewhere around here. Should I order someone to search for them?”
Blanche nodded. “Yes, please. I don't think that I can calm down with them being alone somewhere.” The very thought of something possibly going wrong and them being hurt terrified her. She didn't want anyone here to suffer, especially not her friends.
Theodore easily noticed her tension and returned to muttering soothing phrases to her while he brought her to the third floor. To her surprise, he didn't steer toward their room immediately but went into the hallway across from it. Her maids' chambers were located here. Theodore stopped in front of one of the doors, which belonged to Stella's room, before speaking to his lover. “Maybe they were here. Try to knock, and if they aren't hiding here, they are probably on the second floor. Then I will send people to search for them.” He slowly let her down onto her own feet.
Blanche didn't waste a second before knocking as loudly as she could. The noise echoed through the hallway, and she tensed. No answer came, and panic rose inside her. So, she knocked again. “Stella? Are you in there? It's me, I-”
The door was pulled open from the inside with so much force that she almost had a heart attack.
Stella appeared in her field of view, and within a second, the maid pounced on her mistress. “My Lady!” She was wailing and came forward with so much force that Blanche would have fallen backward if Theodore hadn't supported her. Stella wrapped her arms around the other woman and began sobbing. “You are alright, thank the gods!”
Only a second later, the door was opened completely, and Angelica and Darlene jumped out as well. They both joined the hug without saying a single word. Angelica was somewhat calm, even though tears were running down her face, while Darlene could barely breathe because of her sobs.
Blanche couldn't do anything but put her arms around them to the best of her ability while trying to breathe despite the crushing hug. “I'm fine, you don't need to worry. I'm not hurt, and no one else is either. Everything is alright. You just need to take a deep breath, and everything will be alright.” She said that while knowing very well that it wouldn't help in the slightest. Being told that everything was alright while she was in shock had often only upset her more. But now she truly couldn't do much but repeat that she was unharmed.
Of course, it still took a minute for her maids to calm down.
Angelica was the first to let go before she spoke up. “We are so glad that nothing happened to you, My Lady. We were hiding in here, and it was so loud outside.”
Stella refused to end the hug and tried to talk through her sobs. “We didn't want to leave, but Sir Maillont told us to. So, we hid here. We wanted to get out to help you, but we would only have been in the way. And it was so loud that we got scared.” She repeated information without noticing it. “And then those men yelled that the emperor was dead, and...we were so scared. And we didn't know whether you were hurt too. It got quiet, but we didn't dare to...” She nuzzled her face into her mistress' shoulder.
Darlene only tightened her hold on the other woman and sobbed louder. “My Lady...” She didn't bring out any other word.
Blanche began patting the heads of both of them while smiling at Angelica. “I thank you for worrying about me, but you can calm down now. Everything has been taken care of. We will deal with the rest in the near future. For now, the most important thing is you calming down. So, please take a deep breath and relax. You aren't hurt, and I'm not hurt either. Maybe it would help if you go meet your friends too? None of the servants were injured, so you can rest assured that they were fine as well. They should be in their rooms. Do you want to go check on them?”
Darlene slowly nodded but still didn't make any attempts of letting go.
Stella slowly loosened her hold on the other woman while wiping her tears away with one hand. “We will look for Clark and George. We will tell you how they are as soon as we come back.”
The concubine gave her best to show the most encouraging smile she had to offer. “I'm not trying to rush you. You don't have to go there now. Please calm down first. You should sit down together and drink some tea until you stop shaking.”
Stella tried to keep her hands still at that. “It's fine. The others must be worried about you too. We'll go tell them as soon as Darlene calms down.” That was obviously an excuse for her to gain some time as well, but the other maid just nodded.
Darlene needed some time too after all. She barely dared to move while clinging to Blanche. It was strange to see the confident and loud Darlene like this. It actually felt horrible.
The concubine quickly stroked over the other woman's hair. Everyone around them had to have been so scared. She herself had known that Theodore had a plan, but the staff members had to have been terrified. Even if no one had been hurt, the servants that had come into direct contact with the mercenaries were probably traumatized. Such an attack didn't go unnoticed.
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Even if this had been the last puzzle piece that had been missing to ensure that the dowager empress would never be here again, it had come with a consequence. It would have been nice if that could have been avoided, but it had been necessary. With this, they had prevented any future attacks that might have been way worse.
Blanche took a deep breath before whispering to her maids. “I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I want you to recover now. Take off a week and relax as much as possible. You should start by visiting the-” She cut herself off as she reminded herself that the knights were searching for any hidden enemies right now. “No. It's better if you stay in your room for now. If any royal guards come in, just let them search the room. In a few hours, everything should be completely normal. The knights are working hard to ensure that everything is completely safe.”
Darlene slowly let go of her mistress and nodded. A moment later, she fell into Angelica's arms and continued crying.
Stella blinked away her tears and held back her sobbing as well. “Of course, My Lady. We will be waiting right here for your orders. But we won't take off a week.”
The concubine gave them a little smile. “We'll see about that. Thank you for all of your efforts. For now, I will tell you to rest. Go back inside and sleep a bit longer for once. We will see you in a while. Sleep well.” She hadn't intended on leaving that quickly, but it seemed like this was the best option right now.
Her maids were too nervous to have a conversation and only needed to calm down. At the same time, Theodore seemed to become more uncertain with each passing second, so she wanted to hurry to their room with him. Thankfully, her attendants were fine with that.
Angelica nodded while trying to console her crying lover. “Alright, My Lady. We will wait here. Take care of yourself.” With that, she walked back into the room after bowing her head to the emperor and pulled Darlene with her.
Stella wanted to follow but stopped to hug her mistress one more time. “Thank you for staying safe. I was really scared.”
Blanche returned the embrace and pulled the other woman a bit closer. “I was scared too. I worried about you more than you can imagine. So, I'm glad to see that you are fine. That's why I need you to rest a bit while the knights clean up. You will need your energy again when I ask for your help in a few days. So, sit and have a drink together for now.”
The maid weakly nodded before letting go. She gave her best to put on a smile before going backward. She waved to her mistress and then slowly closed the door, not without saying something else before that. “Good afternoon, My Lady. You have to rest too. And...Your Majesty too.”
Theodore showed her a weak smile. “I intend on making sure that she doesn't do anything exhausting for the next weeks. I wish you a good night.” When the door closed, he immediately pulled Blanche back into his arms. “Let's go back to our room. The knights cleared it out a while ago, so we can be sure that we are alone there.”
Blanche nodded at that and let him lead her to their destination.
It seemed like Theodore was getting more uneasy with each passing moment so that he could barely wait until they finally went into their room and opened the door. It only took a few seconds for them to do that, but if it had taken even a bit longer, he might have begun shaking.
That was why Blanche only dared to give Owen a quick farewell. “You fought well. I thank you for protecting Theodore, and I am relieved that all of you are fine. Maybe you should go to bed earlier today too.”
The knight faced her with the same emotionless expression as always. “I thank you for your concern, but there is no need to thank me. It is my duty to protect you and His Majesty. Especially now, I will not withdraw. If anything seems odd to you, do not hesitate to call for me. Please go ahead and rest. I wish you a relaxing afternoon and a good night if we do not see each other again.”
Theodore just put his hand on the other man's shoulder for a moment. “Thank you. I apologize for cutting this short now. We will talk later.”
Owen put his own hand on top of the other's. “Go rest, Your Majesty.” It seemed like even he noticed how unwell the emperor was feeling right now.
Blanche took that as her cue to drag her lover inside the room. “We wish you a goodnight too, Owen. Take care of yourself, alright? Don't over-exhaust yourself.” Even if it was unlikely that Owen would manage to overdo it with the dozen guards that were standing in front of the emperor's room as well, she wanted to say it. The concubine slowly closed the door behind them and waited for Theodore to trap her in his embrace.
As expected, her lover's arms immediately wrapped around her again. He barely allowed her to breathe with his tight hold, so she needed some energy to begin steering him backward. It took a lot of effort, but she managed to bring him to the bed without tripping.
Then she tapped against his chest. “Come on, let's sit down. You want to tell me something bigger, don't you?”
Theodore nodded weakly and plopped down onto the bed, which effectively pulled her onto his lap. He didn't say anything yet and only kept her close to bury his head in her neck. He was crying.
Blanche did her best not to begin sobbing just because of that, but it was hard. The fact that he was so vulnerable because he was scared of her judging him was horrifying to her. But she needed to console him now, so she desperately bit her tongue to hold back.
Blanche stroked over her lover's hair and stayed quiet for a while until she regained enough of her composure to speak up. “Theo, I love you with all of my heart. You could have eliminated a whole country, and I would still love you. There is no need for you to be this scared. I want you to tell me, just so that I can calm you down and prove that I still adore you as much as before. Just like how you did it for me when I told you about my past. But I won't force you either. Are you certain that you want to tell me? You truly do not need to talk about this if you don't want to. I won't be upset if you choose to stay silent. We can also delay this a while longer if it helps you. Know that my love will remain steady no matter what you choose.”
Theodore tensed at that and dug his fingers deeper into her clothes. “I need to tell you. I don't want any secrets left between us. Secrets always made everything worse. And waiting won't make it better but worse too. I kept this secret for over ten months now. Ever since the first attack during which I got hurt. I should have told you back then already, but I was so scared that I postponed it even though I knew that it was wrong. I should have been honest from the very beginning, I'm sorry.”
“It's alright. I kept my secret too, even after you swore to stay by my side forever.” She had carried the secret about her past for over two years before she had revealed it out of fear of it being used against her. Him keeping silent about something else couldn't be a bigger problem. “So, there is no need for you to feel bad. Just tell me if you are sure that you want to. I will listen and give you a kiss immediately afterward. I can also give you kisses in between to cheer you up.”
Her lover let out a low chuckle, but it lacked all amusement. He lifted his head to show her a smile while his eyes were only full of grief. “You are too kind to me. If that changes, I don't think I can take it. Even if you should have found out by now, I'm scared. I hoped that you would just confront me at some point, but that was just cowardly. In the end, we both didn't hide it well, but neither of us addressed it. I at least need to work up the courage to talk about it now.” He slowly loosened his hold on her and gently pushed her to the side.
Blanche didn't want to let go of him at all, but she did so anyway. She sat down on the edge of the mattress and kept her eyes firmly on her lover. “Theo, I swear that I won't change because of this. I could never. I love you too much, and I trust you. So, please don't be so scared. It hurts me to see you like this.”
Theodore lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a small kiss onto the backside of her hand. Then he moved forward to stand up. He sank to his knees before the bed and took her hands in his.
Blanche hated seeing so much regret on his face and that he put himself down like this made it worse. “Theodore, don't do that. You don't have to apologize like this. I will forgive you for everything you could have ever done. Please come back up.”
He shook his head. “If I am asking for forgiveness that I don't deserve, this is the least I can do.” Tears were rolling down his face, and he took deep breaths as if he was struggling to bring air into his lungs. After a moment, he leaned forward and rested his head on her on lap.
Blanche began to pat his head while trying to quieten her own sobs. Her chest ached, even though he hadn't said a word about his secret. Her chest ached so much that it felt like her heart was being stabbed by a dozen knives. Yet she couldn't bring herself to stay silent. “Theo, you know that I will forgive you. So, don't say things like that. It makes my heart hurt.”
Her lover slowly lifted his head to look at her through his teary eyes. “I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you again. Doing it once was already too much. Before I tell you everything, I need to make sure that you keep two things in mind. I never loved anyone but you, and I never stopped loving you. No matter what I said. And I know that I don't deserve forgiveness, but as long as you keep looking at me, I will be content. I will do whatever it takes to make you forget how horrible I was.” He paused and tightly squeezed her hands while gritting his teeth. “You should have noticed what this is about. We even talked about it a few times. It was quite obvious. Because I did so many things that only make sense if you guessed what I was thinking. Ever since the attack, I was different. You should have noticed that. Do you know why? The thought must have come to you at least once already.”
Blanche didn't know.
Theodore had told her that she should be aware multiple times, but her mind was in disarray whenever she tried to think about it. Or rather, she had always done her best not to think about it at all. Could she imagine what her lover's secret was?
The reason why he had become even more doting and protective over the course of a single night and changed his mind about hiding their relationship.
The reason why he despised Seraphina so much but couldn't admit it without naming his secret.
The reason why he seemed to know about the future before it happened.
The reason why he had diverged from the original storyline so much.
Theodore hadn't visited Seraphina after waking up with his injury. He hadn't been in much pain when he should have originally been. Instead, he had suddenly learned to fight without Blanche noticing it, and during the hunting festival, he won the doubled amount of points that he should have gotten. He had made sure to stay by Blanche's side at all times during the vacation and never left her alone so that she couldn't get lost in the confusing building. He had spent the night there with her and not with Seraphina.
And when she had returned from the summer mansion, he had increased his efforts even more.
He had prevented a war with Ocrea and saved the life of hundredths of thousands of people with that. He had implemented the minister law before it should have existed too. From then onward, he had done his best to protect his lover from any dangers and showed the public that they were a couple without a care in the world. He had become so confident that he had so much power as the emperor that he could disregard Duke Duremont and everyone else without consequences, which he would have never done before. He had even made Blanche his fiancée and planned to make her his empress. Then, in the end, he had predicted the exact outcome of an attack on the palace with far too much accuracy.
What had given him the conviction to pull through with this? Why had he been so overjoyed when she had explained that she had never met Cedar before that welcome banquet? Why did he suddenly enjoy bringing the Duremonts into uncomfortable situations, and why had he even wished death on Seraphina? Why did he keep apologizing to his lover for hurting her and stating that he deserved no forgiveness?
Why?
The more Blanche thought about that, the more her stomach began to tingle and her chest ached. “Theo...”
She didn't know.
Or...
Did she not want to know?
“I...” Blanche's voice barely came out, and she felt like she was choking on her own words. “I don't know, Theo. I know that you suddenly changed, and it was wonderful because you stayed with me. You showed me more affection than ever before and chose me no matter what anyone said. And still, you're the same person, and I love you with all my heart. But I... Why would I know what your secret is?” She let her head hang forward so that her hair fell down at the sides and hid her expression.
Theodore's hands let go of hers before they slowly wandered up to her face. He gently brushed her hair behind her ears before cupping her cheeks. He looked directly into her eyes while tears streamed down his face. “You would know. Because we share the same secret. I remember it too, Blanche.”