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The Emperor's Concubine
Chapter 92: Thinking Clearly For the First Time

Chapter 92: Thinking Clearly For the First Time

When Blanche awoke, her lover was already up and gently stroked his fingertips across her face. She murmured a “Good morning” before closing her eyes again and pressing her face into his chest to avoid the light that was coming in through the windows.

“Someone sounds like they are still very sleepy.” Theodore began lifting strands of her hair before dropping them again and planted small kisses onto her head until she finally opened her eyes. “Breakfast is already prepared. I didn't want to wake you, but if you sleep any longer, it will be time for lunch.”

She turned around to glance at the clock before sinking back onto her cushion and yawning. “It's so late already? But I don't want to stand up yet.”

Her lover chuckled at her sulky tone and raked his fingers through her hair once more. “Then I might have an idea that makes you happy. You just need to wait for a moment.” With these words, he sat up and climbed off the mattress, leaving the concubine in an oddly empty bed. Luckily, he didn't take long and returned after a few seconds with the cart that the servants normally used.

Blanche sat up upright and watched how he moved a plate and utensils onto a tray before he slipped underneath the blanket next to her. She couldn't help pointing something out. “It's only been three days since you were injured and we started lounging around, and we are already too lazy to sit at a table to eat breakfast.” She said that, but her expectant smile had to have betrayed how pleased she was by this decision.

Theodore responded while already preparing their meal. “Why shouldn't we? We can't always do something like this, and when we have the opportunity, we should use it. We'll just be careful not to drop anything, and we won't have anything to worry about.” He began taking small potions of every dish that was on the cart and put them onto the plate before moving closer to his lover. He held one of the strawberries between two fingers and lifted it to her lips. “Open up.”

She complied immediately and allowed him to place the fruit in her mouth. Then she imitated his actions and fed him one too.

Theodore swallowed the piece before grinning at her. “The day can only be wonderful if it already starts with you indulging me.”

His words reminded Blanche of the mass of gifts that she always received, which made her smile. Theodore was the one showering her in affection, so it was amusing for him to view such a small gesture as being pampered. “Who is indulging whom? If I remember correctly, you were the one who says that he will fulfill my every wish. You even wrote that in the note I found in my room next to the fan, which I insisted that I didn't need. I suspect that it just coincidentally appeared there without your doing.”

Theodore shrugged. “I told you that I didn't need it here. You said that you didn't want it, but your eyes showed me something different.” His smile faded slowly. “It would be ridiculous for me not to give you the things that you clearly like just because you didn't admit it. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to own anything you need or just want for no reason. After all, I have the resources to offer the world to you, and I won't hesitate to do so. You know that you can always tell me about your wishes, right? Even if you don't, I will gift you something when I see that you like it. Otherwise, I might simply buy everything to be certain that you'll enjoy one of the things. So, it just would be easier to tell me directly.”

Blanche felt a tug at her heart. She did want to accept his presents, and she definitely wouldn't reject them, but asking for more was the thing she had to avoid. Not only because she had to act as different from the original villainess as possible but also because of the Theodore in her nightmares. Her lover wouldn't understand either one of these arguments though. “It's not... Of course, I like receiving gifts, you know that. But I already own more things than I can use, and my dressers and my huge wardrobe are full. It would be best not to get too many new items for now so that I can finally wear all of them at least once.”

“Creating enough space for your things in the palace isn't really a problem. There are guest rooms behind every door in the hallway by your room. We obviously don't need that many empty rooms, so it would be fine if you took one or two of them for now.” Theodore showed her his typical stubborn expression. That meant that she could stop arguing since he would always respond with a different reason and refuse to give in. However, his last sentence made her worry that he really intended to give her more than one room.

It was already strange enough to the public that Blanche, who officially was a guest, had lived in the palace for over one and a half years now. But allowing her to use another room, or even worse, more than that, would make her role as a baroness that was just a friend of the emperor even more unbelievable. Both Theodore and the empress only had one set of chambers. Surely, those were bigger than Blanche's, but still, it would be irritating to give a guest more rooms than the household's master and mistress. Considering the strained relationship between the emperor and Duke Duremont, piling up even more reasons for Seraphina's father to feel like his daughter was losing power was unnecessary. It might even cause a dispute.

Theodore couldn't afford to have a fallout with his biggest supporter while his mother and brother were lurking in the shadows to seize the throne the first opportunity they got. Especially not because of a triviality like a dressing room that the concubine didn't even need.

So, she insisted on discussing. “Aside from the fact that I'm too materialistic already, I don't think that it would be clever to do that while I'm officially a guest here. This would just destroy that facade even more until no one will believe in our excuse anymore. I know that you told me not to worry about others, but that's what politics are about. Everyone is aware of our relationship already, and admittedly, that was mostly my fault because I was clinging to you in public, for which I sincerely apologize. But that doesn't mean that we can just stop pretending. In this society, it's impossible for us to act like we want to.”

Just when she thought that she might have been able to convince him, Theodore's face scrunched up. “First of all, you're not materialistic. Liking gifts is not the same as ignoring all human decency to strive for wealth while others are starving around you. I know that you keep on saying that because of...” He ran his fingers through his hair and averted his eyes before continuing in a bitter tone. “Those nightmares.” His gaze met hers again. “But I can assure you that there has never been a single moment in which I thought any of the things that I said in one of those nightmares. All of those were lies that don't contain a drop of the truth. I have never ever believed that you didn't care about my gifts. How could I when I can see how your eyes light up whenever I give you something? And secondly...”

He put his hands on both sides of her face to keep her from turning away as he resumed. “Don't apologize for showing me your affection. Whether it's in public or while we are alone, we love each other. Being watched by some arrogant nobles that love to look down on others doesn't change that. It's bad enough that we had to hide our relationship in the first place, and Duke Duremont should be thankful that we even put that much effort into holding back. So, I won't complain about you not always keeping your distance. It's been official that we were close from the very start, so everyone can just interpret that as us being friends if the other option bothers them.”

That wasn't a logical statement.

Blanche hurried to refute that. “Theo, you might not remember how often I messed up, but I do. Ever since the first time I saw the empress and knew that she was your fiancée, I grabbed your arm in front of her. Then you married. The aristocrats didn't notice, but I'm sure that every single servant heard me yell at you when you told me about it, despite you not wishing for this either. And what was the reason for me not to attend the wedding? You knew that I would cause some kind of trouble, so I had to stay away. However, I had the genius idea to storm in later and led you into your bedroom before you could exchange a single sentence with the empress in private.” She hated remembering that day since it had been a nightmare to her. But she couldn't help wanting to underline what she had done wrong. “Then I wore black for a week to express my dismay about this connection, which is quite problematic when the emperor married. That is already enough proof.”

Theodore still didn't say anything in agreement though nor did his face reveal dismay about those memories.

So, Blanche added even more. “That was only the beginning. Do I need to talk about all the times that I hugged you at a ball or wanted to dance with you? Or the moments in which I took the empress' place and provoked her? The people who haven't noticed us by now have to be so dense that I wonder how they survived in this society.” Expectantly, she looked at her lover in hopes of him finally admitting that she had made it pretty obvious.

Instead of that, Theodore just shrugged. “But in the end, that didn't cause any problems, right? It only had advantages.”

She couldn't help but narrow her eyes at him. “You're joking.” She searched for any indication of him holding back a smile, but he was completely serious.

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“Why would I joke about that? Even if people gossiped, none of your actions had consequences for us, except for Duke Duremont overreacting and the empress being her usual self that feels insulted when someone reminds her of the truth. Other than that, the only effects were us having more chances to be together and showing the public that no one can just ignore your presence. Of course, us spending the wedding night together was a good decision too. I intended to do that from the very beginning, but your enthusiasm only served to lighten my mood after an otherwise horrible day. So, it wasn't a problem for you to cling to me, as you call it. I love it when you do that, and every issue that others saw in your actions was resolved quickly.”

Those words seemed so uncharacteristic for Theodore, who normally gave his best to please the nobles with his behavior. How could it not have bothered him to be forced to negotiate every time that his lover had caused another issue? In the past, he had asked her to be calmer in public on multiple occasions, and now he was defending her ignorant actions.

This was enough to convince Blanche of an assumption that she had already thought about earlier. “Say. I want to ask this just in case. Do you remember most of the attack? If so, is it possible that you hit your head in the process? You haven't really paid attention to your or the empress' reputation ever since the day of Duke Lamont's banquet, so I just thought...”

The emperor began laughing at that.

Blanche was stunned for a moment before she began to sulk. She added another few words in a slightly louder volume.“What? That's not funny at all! I'm worried! If your mind is somewhat hazy, we have to call the doctor. Maybe you worked too much these past few days. You need to recover before attempting to over-exhaust yourself.”

Theodore continued to chuckle for a moment before becoming quieter and finally stopping. Only now it became obvious that he wasn't truly amused but rather attempted to cover up the sadness that appeared on his face. “My mind isn't hazy. On the contrary. I can think clearly for the first time. This incident was exactly what I needed to wake up. You are the most important thing in my life, and if I have to prioritize something over another thing, you will obviously play the most crucial part. That wasn't the only realization that was long overdue. There are quite a few things that I will have to reconsider from now on. For example, this attack made me understand that I can't just hide behind Owen. I have to be able to protect the people I care about on my own. Though I tested a few things, and that made it seem like I can rest assured for now.”

Blanche was about to ask him what he meant by that, but her lover didn't give her a chance.

Theodore turned to the cart, and when he faced her again, he was lifting a spoonful of yogurt to her mouth. He gave her a bright smile that didn't seem to match his previous seriousness. “We can't delay breakfast forever, can we? We'll slowly have to begin now.” It was clear that he didn't wish to talk about that topic anymore.

She could only assume that he was going to heighten the palace's security, which she would be happy about. After all, Sefare was still a threat, and she could only depend on the protection of the walls around her. Still, she was a bit concerned about the emperor. While Theodore spoke clearly without any signs of a hazy mind, she suspected that he was too emotional at times ever since the attack. She couldn't blame him after that disturbing experience, which had to put pressure on his mind despite him insisting that it was fine.

She just hoped that Theodore would be more careful in the future. No matter how much she adored being pampered by him, he couldn't forget that doing this in public threatened to worsen his relationship with Duke Duremont. He couldn't afford to do so.

Though Blanche couldn't deny the positive aspects of her lover's current mood either. The next few days were blissful. They spent more time together than they had in the last few months, and she was by his side every night. Stella was even complaining that her only task was bringing new clothes to the emperor's room and being a teacher at this point, but Blanche didn't think about changing anything.

The concubine used the four hours that Theodore spent in his office every day to improve her less than satisfactory sewing skills with her maid's help and slowly made progress. She had already chosen a pattern and the golden thread that she wanted to use and begun to work on the navy silk that served as the base for the handkerchief. She still had a week until the hunting festival, which should be enough time for her to finish. After all, she wouldn't miss out on giving her lover a present after the competition to make him feel better since he wouldn't participate.

At least she thought that he wouldn't, but seemingly, he had a different plan.

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“I decided that I will take part in the hunting competition.”

Blanche would have dropped her cup if Theodore hadn't caught it in time. She just stared at him in disbelief while he carefully placed the cup on the small table that they had placed in front of the bench inside the pavilion. Seemingly, her lover hadn't just longed to return here for tea time but also thought that their special place would cause her to accept the news more calmly. However, her stomach was already churning at the thought of him running through the woods despite being in pain. “Please tell me that you aren't serious.”

Theodore took her hand in his and gently guided her to his shoulder, where the injury should be. “As you can see, it doesn't hurt. Even if you press against it, I don't feel anything worse than a small paper cut. The thread hasn't been removed yet either, so it's unlikely that the wound will reopen. Consequently, there is no need for me to refrain from taking part in the festival. It's a tradition after all.”

Blanche pulled her hand away carefully to not accidentally brush against his wound while responding in a pleading tone. “No one cares about a tradition when you just survived an assassination attempt. You wrote a public letter, didn't you? Every noble in the capital should know about it by now. There is no way that anyone will demand that you participate.”

“The attack itself doesn't give me a reason not to hunt. The injury would allow me to skip the festival this year. But I didn't mention that I was wounded in the letter to not encourage anyone to finish me off while I'm officially unable to use my left arm. After all, I couldn't tell the nobles that this wound doesn't hurt.”

Blanche moved away from him to look at his face and tried to find any emotion that might help her persuade him. “If you told them, everyone would believe that you are some kind of monster. At first, I just thought you simply weren't that sensitive, but this is ridiculous.” She threw her hands up while still making sure that she wouldn't hit her lover in the process. “We should ask the doctor why you are in this condition. Maybe there was some poison on the sword that numbs the area around the wound?”

Theodore shook his head. “There wasn't. I'm not numb there either. I feel the pain, it's just not as bad. Even the doctor is about to lose his mind because of this. You were with me the last few times, so you should have realized that he is desperately trying to figure out why I don't care about a flesh wound.” He gave her a soft smile that was probably supposed to calm her but only irritated her even more.

“This is abnormal, no matter how you put it. Aren't you worried?” Blanche was extremely worried.

Theodore, however, seemed to be perfectly fine with this. He wasn't even surprised. “I'm just glad that my body is able to bear something like this. It means that I can deal with whatever is thrown my way.” He was definitely too relaxed about this.

But maybe this was the case because Blanche was so concerned that she worried enough for the both of them. That would explain why she was so nervous that it was nauseating. She had been happy about her lover not participating for the past week, and now he had suddenly changed his mind. If he was as stubborn as always, she wouldn't have a chance to convince him to reconsider. That meant that she would have to listen to Henry's threats, deal with the noble ladies' gossip and risk meeting the Vasquez family or Sefare on her own without the emperor's protection.

But the worst part was that Theodore would take the empress' handkerchief and blush after being praised by his wife. This was the last thing the concubine needed after she had been able to direct the story to a better course.

Shivers ran down Blanche's spine as she shook her head to force herself to stay calm. Maybe she could still get him to rethink. Even if the odds were low, it was her best bet. “Did you tell the doctor about your plan? And Leon? I presume that they wouldn't be joyful upon hearing that the emperor is that reckless.”

Her lover let out a huff at that. “You're right about that. Leon scolded me for an hour, and the doctor almost had a heart attack. I was a bit worried about him, but he seems to be fine.” He ended his words with a smile, which only underlined how little he cared about their well-meant advice.

Blanche buried her face in her hands and massaged her temples for a moment. She only opened her eyes when Theodore intertwined their fingers and pulled her hands in his direction. “So, you will truly defy rational judgment and ignore the reasoning of three people that were present during the initial treatment and saw your unconscious state?” When her lover nodded, she sighed and squeezed his hands tightly. “Theo, you know that I don't want to annoy you with this, but I worry. I feel like you aren't paying attention to your body and might worsen your state to the extent that it's more dangerous than the cut itself. This stupid competition is not only completely useless and endangers innocent animals, but it's also annual. That means that you can still participate the next fifty times. If that isn't enough for you, you can also arrange another hunt at any given time. There is no need for you to exhaust yourself now. Besides, you never liked the competition since they will let you win no matter what. So, you don't have to force yourself because of some ancient tradition.”

Theodore pressed a few kisses onto her knuckles before glancing up at her. “I'm not forcing myself. I wouldn't discuss something like this with you otherwise, would I? I want to take part and show them that I won't cower in fear even if they threaten me. Especially our dearest friends need to understand that, so I will give them a display of my abilities. I promise that I will stop as soon as the pain gets worse though. Still, I would like to win this year again. If I do, will you give me a reward?” A smirk graced his lips, and a playful glint appeared in his eyes.

That made Blanche sigh again. “I shouldn't encourage you to do something this reckless. I also shouldn't reward you for giving your best because that isn't what your body can do right now. You have to rest. I must have said this for the hundredth time, but you still don't listen to me.” She shook her head to herself and glanced at his confident grin before resuming in a dejected tone. “But I might be preparing a gift for you. It's not supposed to honor your win. I would have offered it to you anyway, so it should be fine if you see that as your reward. It would be a shame to not give it to you after sacrificing my baking time for that.”

The corners of Theodore's mouth only lifted even more upon hearing that. “I look forward to your present. You shouldn't have told me. Now I won't be able to sleep because I will ponder about what that might be.”

Blanche let out a nervous chuckle. “Don't value it that highly. I'm making something myself, and as you know, my hands aren't very skilled. It won't have the quality that you are used to.”

Theodore gently separated their hands to turn hers around and ran his fingers over her palms. “Don't say that. Any gift from you might as well be sent by the gods.” The glowing smile on his face made her heart skip a beat.

She had to clear her throat before replying. “Now you're exaggerating.” And even though she knew that her skills would never be sufficient to create something that would be worthy of being gifted to the emperor and that he would only like it because it was hers, his words motivated her.