"Bread?" asked Isabelle, feeling an uneasy sense of deja vu.

"Yes, bread," said the dragon-kobold. He produced a loaf of bread from somewhere inside his cloak. "I baked it myself. Would you like some?"

"Umm," said Isabelle. "Why would I want some bread? You're trying to kill me."

"Oh, come on now, you know I'm not," said Tahsi Junior. "Come on, take the bread. You know you want to."

If this was the Tahsi Junior Isabelle thought it was, she most definitely did not want to take the bread, but the hope in his eyes made her feel more than compelled.

[Stale bread loaf added to inventory]

"Aw, don't just put it into you inventory!" said Tahsi Junior with a pout. "I worked hard to make that bread. Why don't you equip it and take a bite or two?"

Isabelle sighed.

[Stale bread loaf equipped]

She took a laborious bite. Its texture was like a soft rock, and its flavor was nonexistent.

"So how is it?" asked Tahsi Junior hopefully.

"Terrible," said Isabelle.

Tahsi Junior nodded sadly. "That's what he told me you'd say."

"Can I ask why you're here, again?" said Isabelle.

"Oh, my dad sent me," said Tahsi Junior. "He was the one who told me you'd hate me bread, too. In case you were wondering."

"I wasn't," said Isabelle.

"Anyway, I'm supposed to find you," said Tahsi Junior. "Dad said you're the best at...well, actually, he didn't really say you were the best at anything. But he did say you were really overpowered."

"Oh, so he thinks I'm a dragon?" asked Isabelle, rolling her eyes.

"No, no, no," said Tahsi Junior. "Not a dragon. Just super powerful. Like, more than anyone else."

"That sounds kind of scary," said Isabelle.

"No, no, it's not," said Tahsi Junior. "You're not a bad person, Isabelle. I mean, you've done some pretty terrible things. But that's okay. You'll get better."

"Okay," said Isabelle. "So what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Well, Dad wants you to help him fight off the kobolds," said Tahsi Junior.

"Uh, come again?" asked Isabelle.

"The kobolds," said Tahsi Junior. "They're coming to attack us, and we're going to need you to help us win."

"Kobolds?" asked Isabelle. "Tahsi Junior, you do realize that your father is a kobold, don't you? And that we're currently in a nation that is what, like, ninety percent comprised of kobolds? I mean, do you really realize how vague you're being when you say that kobolds are coming to attack?"

"Yeah," said Tahsi Junior. "But I don't think they care."

"And who exactly are they, again?" asked Isabelle.

"Oh, uh, well, I guess you could call them the kobold army," said Tahsi Junior. "Or maybe the kobold legions. I don't know. They have lots of names, and they're all kind of stupid."

"Tahsi Junior, I haven't been here in Beaubinte very long," said Isabelle. "But I feel like if there was something called the kobold army or the kobold legions I probably would've heard of it."

"Well, yeah, I guess you would, seeing as you're super old," said Tahsi Junior. "I'm sorry, Isabelle. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm only a few days old and mentally I'm like, what, an eight-year-old human? I'm just trying to help my dad out, he's in a real mess of trouble over in Chox."

"Chox?" said Isabelle.

"Yeah, it's a big city," said Tahsi Junior. "It's where my dad lives, and he's kind of in charge there."

"Wait," said Isabelle. "Chox, as in the Cult of Chox?"

"Yep," said Tahsi Junior. "My dad's the leader of the cult."

"Okay, I'm not sure I understand," said Isabelle. "Are you saying that the kobolds are attacking because your dad has somehow become a cultist within the last week or so that I've been away in meditation?"

"No, no, no," said Tahsi Junior. "Cults take years to build up. My dad's been a cultist for at least a decade."

"How is that even possible?" asked Isabelle. "He never mentioned being in a cult to me! He was a baker his whole life, far as I know."

"Well, that's just how it works," said Tahsi Junior. "My dad started out in a bakery, but then he became a cultist and he moved to Chox. It's where the other kobolds live."

"Oh my god, I know that other kobolds live there! Kobolds live all over the place!" said Isabelle. "Ugh. Why do you keep speaking with such authority on things that you obviously know nothing about?"

"Hey, go easy on him, Izzy," said Stelas. "He's just a kid."

"Yea, what the severed head guy said. I'm just a kid," said Tahsi Junior.

"A kid who knows everything about kobolds," said Isabelle. "Which is precisely why I'm having a hard time believing that kobolds are coming to attack you."

"Well, that's what Dad says," said Tahsi Junior.

"Also, while I will admit your father had a high char score when he was a part of my system, I don't think he has the know-how to run a cult, kid," said Isabelle.

"Yea, I've got to back Izzy up there," said Stelas. "Tahsi is a bit of an airhead. Also, the whole thing with the Choxian Cult, aka the Cult of Chox, which is headquartered in Chox, is that it's run by a guy named Chox. So I don't see how a bread-loving baker named Tahsi could be its leader."

"You guys are just so old that your heads are probably full of boogers and poop," said Tahsi Junior. "If they weren't, you'd realize that I'm right. There's a huge kobold army getting ready to give my dad the ax, and we're going to need your help to fight them off."

"So, you're telling us that the kobolds are attacking because your dad's a cultist?" asked Isabelle. "Just, you know, to clear everything up."

"Yes, exactly," said Tahsi Junior. "That's what I'm saying."

"Hold on," said Isabelle. "I think I get it now. You're saying that the kobolds are attacking because they hate your dad's new religion?"

"No, no, they love the religion," said Tahsi Junior. "It's just that they hate him. It's purely a personal problem."

"Oh, okay," said Isabelle. "I guess that makes sense. But why would kobolds want to kill your dad?"

"Because he's a horrible leader," said Tahsi Junior. "Ever since he got in power nobody's been brainwashed at all! If you even bring it up he just starts talking about bread washes instead. It's ridiculous, honestly. He says he wants Chox to become the baking center of Beaubinte."

"What?" said Isabelle. "That's an absolutely ludicrous goal! It'd be like trying to turn the Vatican into an orchid farm!"

"Well, I've never heard of either of those two things, but he's trying to make it happen," said Tahsi Junior. "And the people of Chox are very unhappy about the whole thing. They say he's taking the religion too far, or I guess not far enough, and he needs to stop."

"Well, that's really unfortunate," said Isabelle. "But if it's that bad, why haven't you done anything about it?"

"Gods know that I've tried!" said Tahsi Junior. "Why, I've sent messages to the other leaders of the cult, but none of them have responded! Not one! And I've gone to the temple of Chox to talk to their priest, but he won't listen to me either! He just drones on and on about how the Church of Chox is a beacon of hope for all mankind and how I need to get my head out of my ass."

"Wow," said Isabelle. "That sounds terrible. How can you let this go on? I mean, if you're so angry, you should just take over the cult yourself."

"I don't give a shit about the cult!" said Tahsi Junior. "I just want to study the art of sandwich making, if we're being honest. I've always thought that bread would be more enjoyable with something else in the middle, and my dad always says I'm being ridiculous. But, all that said, I do give a shit about my dad, and I don't want him to die. That's why I need your help. Can you come with us and stop the kobolds from killing him?”

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Isabelle looked at Stelas.

"I'll tell you what," said Stelas. "We'll help you, but only because I feel bad for you. You're clearly just a kid, and I think it's great that you care so much about your dad."

"What the fuck was that?" asked Isabelle. "Who said you get a say in what we do, Stelas?"

"Hey, I'm just saying that I'm willing to help," said Stelas. "I didn't say you had to take my advice."

"How can you help?" asked Isabelle. "You're a severed head!"

"Well, he can always store things in my inventory," said Stelas.

"Like what?" asked Isabelle.

"Like a giant pile of heads," said Stelas. "He can put a bunch of severed heads in my inventory, and then we can use them to distract the kobolds while you sneak around behind them and stab them in the face."

"I like that plan," said Tahsi Junior. "Putting a bunch of severed heads inside a severed head's inventory. It's very meta. I approve."

Isabelle sighed and looked at the quest request in her line of sight.

Quest: Save Tahsi From Himself

Description: Tahsi is running the Cult of Chox into the ground, and the people are angry at him! Join up with his son, Tahsi Junior, to save your old ex-party member.

Activate? Y/N

Isabelle thought yes.

[Quest ‘Save Tahsi From Himself’ activated]

[Loading quest]

[…]

[…]

[Quest prepared]

[Talk to Tahsi Junior]

"Fine," said Isabelle. "We'll help you. But I want to hear more about your dad's new religion before we go anywhere. What does it involve?"

Tahsi Junior smiled, which was probably his best feature.

"It involves lots of bread," said Tahsi Junior. "Bread is the foundation of everything, really. It's what makes the world go round. Bread is the key to life."

"I'm pretty sure it's water," said Isabelle. "Also, this sounds like what your father's been preaching to the Choxian Cult. I'm more interested in knowing what they were teaching before he became the leader."

"Ah, yes," said Tahsi Junior. "That's where things get interesting. The Choxian Cult used to be all about brainwashing and obedience. We were all expected to live our lives according to the will of the Church. But then, one day, Dad came along and started preaching about bread. I mean, he's right, obviously. Bread is awesome. So now the cult has changed its focus to spreading the word about bread. My dad's followers believe that if everyone ate bread, the world would be a better place. They also think that by eating bread you'll get smarter, and you'll have less sex, which I guess means that they're trying to convert us all into celibate monks. It's actually kind of brilliant if you think about it."

"I don't know," said Isabelle. "It sounds like the same old shit to me."

"Well then tell that to all of the other cult followers!" said Tahsi Junior.

"They're convinced that my dad's radical, progressive views on bread are going to derail civilization as we know it. They're all ready to kill him. They think that bread is only one facet of his subversive agenda, and that he's secretly planning to take over the world. They take quotes of his sermons out of context and tell each other that he's planning on using bread to enslave humanity. They've started stockpiling weapons and ammunition, and when the time comes, they'll storm the compound where my dad is hiding. And since they're all crazy, I'm not even sure if they realize that there's nothing wrong with bread. That's why I need your help. You're the only person who can stop them."

"That is absolutely batshit," said Isabelle.

"I mean, his bread is pretty bad," said Stelas. "So maybe the Cult of Chox just doesn't like Tahsi's bread. Maybe if they liked his bread, all this shit wouldn't be happening."

"Oh, I agree," said Isabelle. "If I had to choose between bread or brains, I'd pick brains every single time."

"You don't have to choose," said Tahsi Junior. "You can eat both."

"No thanks," said Isabelle.

"Did everyone just kind of forget I was here?" asked the false prince of Sharithlond, who was still tied up on the back of Lugano. "Because I'm starting to get a little bit offended."

"Sorry," said Isabelle. "But I'm pretty sure that's the point of being a hostage."

"I'm not really sure what you mean," said Tahsi Junior.

"Don't pay any attention to him, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. "He's a con man, and he's heartless."

"I am not heartless!" said the false prince. "Also, I have high blood pressure, I'll have you know. Something you can only have when you have a heart."

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Well, then. I guess we ought to head off to Chox?"

"That would be nice," said Tahsi Junior. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Are you sure?" asked Isabelle. "Because I was thinking that we should probably try to get some help first. If your dad's followers are really that crazy, then we might need an army to fight them off."

"An army?" asked Tahsi Junior. "Isabelle, didn't you kill the Overlord?"

"No, I didn't kill him," said Isabelle. "I just exploited his stupidity. Something that's a lot harder when you've got what sounds like an angry mob ready to spill blood."

"Oh, well," said Tahsi Junior. "Maybe we could ask the Tufa for help?"

"The Tufa?" asked Isabelle.

"You haven't heard of the Tufa?" asked Tahsi Junior.

"She's a player, kid," said Stelas. "She hasn't heard of a lot of things."

"There are these people called the Tufa," said Tahsi Junior. "Well, okay, I wouldn't necessarily consider them people. More entities. Rock entities, in fact."

"Rock entities?" asked Isabelle. "Like, like rocks that can talk? Or are they like, like, rock-shaped creatures?"

"Yes!" said Tahsi Junior. "They're sentient rocks! They live in caves and mountains, and they're very friendly. They're not dangerous at all. I mean, they're definitely sentient, but they don't seem to do anything more than sleep and sing songs. Anyway, we can go see them. They're very nice."

"Very nice?" asked Isabelle. She rolled her eyes. 'Very nice' was hardly a descriptor she liked to hear about a people that were supposedly going to help her fight against an army of zealots.

"Yeah!" said Tahsi Junior. "They wear cool hats, and they have really good manners. And they like to sing songs and drink lots of spirits."

"Okay," said Isabelle. "But how exactly are they going to help us? Are they going to crawl out of their caves and dance a jig at the enemies?"

Tahsi Junior looked at Isabelle, and then he laughed. "You're funny!"

"Glad to hear it," said Isabelle sardonically. "Anyway, I think we need to figure out what we're going to do before we start asking for help."

"You're right," said Tahsi Junior.

"Wait just a fucking second," said Stelas. "Did I just hear you correctly, Isabelle?"

"What do you mean?" asked Isabelle.

"Did you just suggest we make a plan?" asked Stelas.

"Well, yeah," said Isabelle. "We can't just go charging into the middle of a cult with no idea what we're doing."

"You're so smart," said Tahsi Junior.

"Not really," said Isabelle disingenuously, as her int was pretty high at this point. "I'm just saying that if we want to survive this, we need to come up with a strategy."

"A strategy," said Tahsi Junior. "I like it."

"So do I," said Isabelle. "And I'm going to give you one right now. You're going to stay here while I go find someone who can help me. Then I'm going to bring them back here, and we're going to have a meeting. We'll decide what we're going to do from there."

"What?!" said Tahsi Junior. "Seriously? I just have to stay here alone?"

"Oh, you won't be alone. You'll have Stelas to keep an eye on you," said Isabelle.

"What?!" said Stelas.

"That's kind of creepy," said Tahsi Junior.

"Hey, I resent that," said Stelas. "You try being a disembodied head for a few days, see how 'creepy' you feel, kid."

"Also, I don't really vibe with the idea of being completely sidelined," said Tahsi Junior. "Sounds like a hint of ageism if you ask me."

"It's not a hint of anything," said Isabelle. "This is what we're going to do."

"Wow, so alpha," said the false prince of Sharithlond.

"More like alfalfa, am I right?" said Stelas.

"Shut up, Stelas," said Isabelle.

"You're a bitch," said Stelas.

"Fuck you, Stelas," said Isabelle.

"Fuck you too, Isabelle," said Stelas.

"This is some pretty intense language to be using around me, a youth," said Tahsi Junior. "I'm a little offended."

"I don't care," said Isabelle. "Let's get started."

"All right," said Tahsi Junior. "Oh, holy shit. I think I just got added to your party, Isabelle."

"Wait, really?" asked Isabelle.

"Yea, there are all these green letters dancing across my vision welcoming me to your system," said Tahsi Junior. "That's cool! Does that mean I can loot things now?”

"Yeah, it means that," said Isabelle. "But I wouldn't mess around with the system if I were you, Tahsi Junior. It can be dangerous business."

"Danger is my middle name!" said Tahsi Junior. "Tahsi Danger Junior, that's my official name. It even says so on my character sheet! Isn't that cool? Don't you want to see my character sheet, Isabelle?"

"No, I don't want to see your character sheet, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle.

"Oh, okay," said Tahsi Junior. "Well, I guess I'll just sit here all by myself and wait for you to return, sobbing soft tears of sorrow and abandonment."

"Don't worry," said Isabelle. "I'll be back soon."

[Combat mode activated]

Isabelle groaned. "Are you fucking kidding me? What's attacking us now?"

A giant, shadowy figure was running toward them in the distance.

"Shit, oops, I thought I mentioned it," said Tahsi Junior. "There's a fucking cyclops chasing me. I hope you know how to fight."

Isabelle scowled. "Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't know how to fight! I'm a fucking formidable warrior, damn it!"

"What does being a woman have to do with it?" asked Tahsi Junior. "I just meant that you can't really use magic against the cyclops because it's magic resistant is all. And I figured that might be inconvenient because you're the mage of shadows."

"I'm not the fucking mage of shadows!" said Isabelle.

"Yes, you are," said Tahsi Junior. "In fact, denying being the mage of shadows is prophetically a huge sign of being the mage of shadows. Maybe if you agreed that you were the mage of shadows, I'd believe that you weren't the mage of shadows."

"Okay, fine, I'm the mage of shadows," said Isabelle.

"I knew it!" said Tahsi Junior.

"What? That's not what I--" Before Isabelle could finish her thought, a huge ray of energy shot out of what seemed to be the giant cyclops' eye and consumed her in a fiery light of pain.

[-38 hp]

"Fuck!" said Isabelle. That cyclops had just taken a whole lot of hp from her! She'd have to act fast.