Isabelle felt her blood run cold. This couldn't be happening. Not to her. Not now. She had so much left to do, she had so much still to live for! She was a mage! She was a hero! She was, or at least would've been considered in her past life, a damned queen!

Ryzer charged her.

"I'm so fucking sorry," said Isabelle.

She pulled out Jopher's gun, which she had been holding the whole time, and shot Ryzer in the face.

"Aaaaaaahhhh," screamed Ryzer as his mouth exploded into flames and melted off his head.

[Critical hit]

[22192 damage dealt]

['Ryzer' is dead]

[Achievement unlocked: fire a gun]

"Fucking shit, this did a whole hell of a lot of damage," said Isabelle, admiring the smoking gun. "I mean, it's not like I've ever really used guns before, but wow."

"I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of impressed," said Ryzer's corpse. Then he stood back up. "But I'm also kind of disappointed, Isabelle."

"Um, what the fuck?" said Isabelle as she watched the ashes of Ryzer's face rebuild into themselves. He looked like he'd never been shot at all, and what's more, he looked ten years younger! "I thought you were dead."

"Oh, I was," said Ryzer. "But I'm a Phoenixborn, remember? It doesn't matter if I die, because I always end up coming right back. Reborn in the ashes and all that jazz. Plus, it means that if my skincare ever gets lacking I can always just set myself on fire and start all over again."

"Ugh, you are the worst."

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you too," said Ryzer. He raised his hands and they ignited in flame. "Now I'm going to absolutely morb the shit out of you."

"You what now?" asked Isabelle incredulously.

Ryzer's entire body ignited and shifted and changed as he started to look more and more like a giant, evil bird and less like a man. His skin grew blacker and drier, and his eyes got more narrow and eagle-like.

"Uh oh," said Isabelle. "It looks like we're both fucked." She raised her gun.

"Not true!" said Ryzer, "Because I can still use mana, unlike yourself!" He threw an orb of fire in Isabelle's general direction.

"Ah!" exclaimed Isabelle, jumping out of the way of the explosion. "That could've done some serious damage to my face!"

The orb of fire exploded in the air, creating a massive shockwave and a small mushroom cloud.

"Holy hell, that's strong!" said Isabelle. "How did you learn to do that?"

"I studied at the School of Fire Magic," said Ryzer. "It was there that I learned how to manipulate elemental mana in such a fashion."

"Oh. Okay. Cool." Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Do you know how to turn your back on me or do I have to shoot you in the ass next?"

"I can't turn my back on someone who's already dead, Isabelle," said Ryzer. "It's like trying to turn away from a mirror."

"You know, you're kind of a dick sometimes," said Isabelle.

"Thanks, I try."

"So, you're going to kill me anyway?"

"I don't know yet," said Ryzer. "I definitely want to."

"'Definitely'? That sounds pretty final, if you ask me," said Isabelle. "You fucking dick."

"You're right," said Ryzer, "I'll admit it. I'm a dick. But I do have a heart of gold."

"What the actual fuck does that even mean?"

"It's my thing," said Ryzer, "And I'm going to beat the shit out of you until you die."

"Why?!" said Isabelle.

"Because you don't have a heart of gold," said Ryzer. "If anything, Isabelle, your heart is black as coal and you probably need to burn in hell for what evil you've caused in this world. I would've realized it sooner had I not been so blinded in infatuation."

"Well, good luck with that," said Isabelle, aiming her gun at his disappointingly flat ass. "I guess we'll find out soon enough."

"Oh, so you're going to shoot?" said Ryzer. "That's interesting."

"Shut up, asshole," said Isabelle, cocking back the hammer on her gun.

"Shoot, Isabelle," said Ryzer. "Shoot my ass, if you want. The bullet will never reach me."

Isabelle took a deep breath.

"Okay, Ryzer," she said. "Here goes nothing." She pulled the trigger.

[Critical hit]

[696969 damage dealt]

A green dragon fell to the deck of the airship, blood spurting from its exploded head. It had swooped down and gotten in Isabelle's way just in time to get absolutely murked.

['Young Poison Dragon' is dead]

The dragon twitched and hacked as its eyes rolled into the back of its head. It tried to stand but its legs gave out beneath it and it crashed back down onto the ground, dead.

"Holy shit," said Isabelle. "This is the first time I've ever one hit killed a dragon!"

[Achievement unlocked: one hit kill a dragon]

"Congratulations," said Ryzer. "You've just saved me the trouble of doing it myself."

"I wasn't going to kill it, I was going to maim it," said Isabelle. "Just a little bit, to prove that I could do it." She looked down at the corpse of the beast and saw that it was only about fifty feet long. "This must've really been a young one, huh?"

"It was a young poison dragon, after all," said Ryzer. "The one that ate Jopher, actually. But if you think that will make me forgive you for the evil you've displayed, Isabelle, then think again!"

Ryzer raised his hand toward Isabelle and his eyes glowed red. He closed his fingers into a fist and unleashed a torrent of flame that engulfed his arm.

"Fuck," said Isabelle.

Ryzer opened his fist and released a blast of fire that knocked Isabelle off her feet. The heat was so intense she felt it burning through the fabric of her clothing. When she turned around, Ryzer was standing directly in front of her with his fist raised high in the air.

[-20 hp]

"Don't move," he said. "Or I'll incinerate your face."

Isabelle dropped to her knees and put her hands over her head. She looked up and saw Ryzer's lips moving.

"You're a fucking asshole," Isabelle said. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

Ryzer lowered his fist, but only slightly.

"What was that, Isabelle?" he said. "Did you just beg me to stop?" "No," said Isabelle. "But I did ask you to give me some space!"

Before Ryzer could respond, Isabelle used her other breath weapon, 'Wave of Water,' to send a torrent of water spraying out of her gullet. It shot out like a geyser and battered Ryzer's body. He was blasted backward and crashed through a support beam in the ship, causing it to collapse.

[19238 damage dealt]

"Ow," Ryzer said. "You bitch! That hurt! You must've figured I'm weaker to water because I'm a Phoenixborn, and you figured correctly." He stood up and brushed himself off, shaking the dust from his clothes. "That's gonna leave a nice scar."

"Yeah," said Isabelle. "That's why you should've given me more space, you fucking dick."

Ryzer sighed. "Very well, Isabelle. I'm going to fuck off. Just do one thing for me, please."

"What?" asked Isabelle. "What the fuck do you want?!"

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"Kick me from your fucking party so I can abandon you. Until you've kicked me, I can't help but stay here in combat mode."

"Fine," said Isabelle. She thought, 'Kick Ryzer From Party.'

[Notification: Are you sure you want to kick party member 'Ryzer' from your party? This cannot be undone]

[Y/N]

Isabelle thought yes.

"Thank you," said Ryzer. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to go find a purpose in life other than conducting emotional affairs with powerful women."

"Wait, wait," Isabelle called after him. "There's something I want to ask you!"

"What?" asked Ryzer, turning back around.

"Why do you hate me?" Isabelle asked. "You know what I am, right?"

Ryzer shrugged. "I hate everyone, Isabelle, whether they're a player or a mage of shadows or just some lame prick. You're just one of the people I've met recently who I'm not particularly fond of."

Before she could respond, the Phoenixborn shot off into the sky in a blaze of flames, leaving Isabelle standing on the deck alone save for the dead dragon's corpse in the tattered remains of her robes.

"Hey, Isabelle, there's only that big, scary dragon left to fight now!" said Tahsi Junior. He landed on the deck next to Isabelle and pointed to the big dragon with red and black scales hovering in the sky above them. "All the other ones are either dead or flown away. I've tried to land some good hits on it, but I'm more of a healer if we're being honest. Speaking of which, Isabelle, you look like you've been in a real doozy of a fight. Might I offer you some healing in this trying time?"

"Sure, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. "Go for it."

Tahsi Junior activated his breath weapon, exhaling green air upon Isabelle.

[+5 hp]

[+6 hp]

"I keep getting better at healing people," said Tahsi Junior. "Isn't that cool? Now I can heal people as much as I can breathe!"

"Thanks, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. She had to admit, it was actually pretty cool.

"By the way, what happened to Ryzer? Where is he?" asked Tahsi Junior with wide, innocent eyes.

"He, um," Isabelle racked her brains for a response, "he sort of... left me."

"Oh," said Tahsi Junior. "That's too bad." "I know," said Isabelle, sighing.

The giant red dragon swooped down toward the ground and landed on the deck behind Isabelle. The whole airship shook under its powerful weight.

"Speaking of which, Tahsi Junior, there's something else I need to tell you. Something about Jopher," said Isabelle.

"Jopher," said Tahsi Junior, looking at the dragon behind Isabelle and shivering. "That sounds like a pretty cool name. I think I'll take it. I'm going to call myself Jopher from now on."

"Yeah, whatever," said Isabelle, shrugging.

"So, what were you saying about Jopher?" asked Tahsi Junior.

"Oh, right. Well, there's something going on with Jopher that I really need to talk to you about."

"I know he doesn't like being called a midget, Isabelle," said Jopher. "He was very clear about that. Halfling is the proper term. Also because he's not a human, he's a whole separate race! ...Not that I can really tell him apart from a human other than the height, though, personally. I mean, don't tell him I said that, but you all kind of look the same to me. Also, Isabelle, there's a dragon you should be focusing on."

The dragon loomed its jaws over Isabelle's head.

"No, no," said Isabelle. "It's nothing like that. It's just that... well... he's--"

"Dragon, Isabelle, Dragon!"

"No, Tahsi Junior, he's not a dragon! He's dead! Jopher is dead, and we killed him!" proclaimed Isabelle.

"We did?" asked Tahsi Junior. "How?"

"Okay, sorry, we didn't kill him," said Isabelle. "I was just caught up in the moment. Actually, this dragon I shot to death killed him." She gestured to the dead corpse of the poison dragon.

"Wow, you avenged Jopher!" said Tahsi Junior. "To be honest, I probably would've just looted him for all his cool guns if I were in your position."

Isabelle was speechless.

"But then again, I'm pretty sure Jopher isn't a real person," said Tahsi Junior. "I mean, he's a halfing, so it's hard to tell, but I'd wager he's just some monster you summoned by accident."

"What did you say?" Isabelle asked, her eyes widening. "You don't think Jopher is real?!"

"Of course I think he's real!" said Tahsi Junior. "Why would I think that?"

"Because you just told me he wasn't real!"

"I'm a kid, Isabelle," said Tahsi Junior. "Sometimes, I just say things because I'm bored. Also, there's a dragon literally about to bite your head off, by the way."

"That's not helping me take you seriously, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle.

Tahsi Junior rolled his eyes. "Fine. If you're so sure he's not real, why don't you go ask him yourself?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Isabelle. "Tahsi Junior, there is absolutely not a dragon about to bite my head off!"

"Sure," said Tahsi Junior. "And Jopher's come back to life as a zombie!"

"What is wrong with you, Tahsi Junior?!" said Isabelle. "You're absolutely obsessed with zombies!"

"It's not an obsession when they happen to be real!" said Tahsi Junior. "And you can't prove otherwise! I'm just trying to help you!"

"I already have one 'dragon' trying to bite my head off, thank you very much," said Isabelle. "I don't need another one telling me how stupid I am."

"You're doing it again!" said Tahsi Junior. "You're being rude to me! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm only half a dragon? Respect the fact that I'm also half kobold, please. I have a full identity, and it deserves to be seen and represented."

"I'm sorry, Tahsi Junior, but that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life!" Isabelle yelled.

"I'm sorry, did you just insult me?" asked Tahsi Junior. "I'm offended, Isabelle! Stop being stupid!"

"Yes, Tahsi Junior!" said Isabelle. "Well, your whole existence is stupid!"

"That hurt a little, Isabelle," said Tahsi Junior. "I'm starting to understand why Jopher died. You probably killed him. He probably died of a broken heart. Broken because you're so mean."

"I bet you're glad he died, anyways," said Isabelle.

"Yes, I am," said Tahsi Junior. "I never thought you would be so cruel to someone who was trying to help you. I'm only happy he's dead because he was able to live the last few moments of his life getting eaten by a dragon and not questioning whether the player whose party he'd just joined is an absolute psychopath."

Isabelle's left eyebrow twitched. "He wasn't dead yet!"

"Oh, you're not even listening, Isabelle!" said Tahsi Junior. "You probably just killed him on purpose so you wouldn't have to talk to him anymore. You're such a bitch."

"Don't call me names," said Isabelle.

"I'm not the one calling you stupid, Isabelle. You called me stupid, if you've forgotten!" said Tahsi Junior. "I'm just telling you the truth. You're a terrible person."

"You're a terrible kid!" Isabelle said.

"My dad says I'm cool!" said Tahsi Junior.

"Well he was full of shit! You're not! You're a fucking nuisance!" Isabelle yelled.

"I'm just joking!" said Tahsi Junior. Tears streamed down his face, and he was choaking on his words. "I know you're not that bad at all. I'm just messing around with you. I'm the one calling you names, remember?"

"You're the one acting like you're better than me because your mom's a dragon and your dad's a kobold!"

"No, I'm not," said Tahsi Junior. "I'm just saying that there's still a dragon with its jaws looming right over your head and you should really be careful, and this isn't a joke, and I feel compelled to warn you even though you've been nothing but cruel and insulting to me as of late."

Isabelle's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"The dragon," said Tahsi Junior. "If you don't believe me, you can go and check for yourself. It's right behind you."

"Oh, no, no, no," said Isabelle. "I don't buy it."

"You don't have to!" said Tahsi Junior. "The dragon isn't for sale, it just wants to eat you."

"How do you know that?" asked Isabelle.

"I just know!" said Tahsi Junior. "Go ahead, turn around and look!"

"Why should I?" said Isabelle. "There's no reason for me to believe you. There could just as easily be a zombie behind me. Tahsi Junior, if I told you there was a zombie behind you, would you look?"

"Oh, shit, there's a zombie behind me?" Tahsi Junior gasped and looked behind him. "Hey! You lied! There wasn't a zombie there!"

"That's the whole point, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. "It's why I don't think there's a dragon behind me."

"Oh, fuck, there's a zombie behind you, too!" said Tahsi Junior.

Isabelle rolled her eyes.

"Why didn't you look?!" said Tahsi Junior.

"Because I don't want to see zombies!" Isabelle said. "Now stop acting like one, and leave me alone."

Tahsi Junior looked at Isabelle and smiled. "I guess there is a dragon after all, huh, Isabelle?"

"No, there isn't," said Isabelle. "And I hope you choke on your own dick, Tahsi Junior."

Tahsi Junior laughed and shook his head. "You're crazy, Isabelle. Seriously, though, please turn around and look at the dragon so I can stop picturing it biting your head off and your blood spewing all over the place. It's a terrifying intrusive thought I keep having."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Tahsi Junior!" Isabelle said. "There isn't a dragon behind me. You're just being ridiculous."

Tahsi Junior put his hands on his hips and looked at Isabelle. "I don't believe you, Tahsi Junior. My name's Isabelle, and I hate everyone. I'm no fun. I've never smiled or felt joy in my whole life and I have no intention to ever start."

"Tahsi Junior, you stop imitating me right now. That's a terrible impression," said Isabelle. "Plus, I'm not a kobold or a dragon or a mix of the two. There's no way you could convincingly imitate me without doing something akin to humanface."

"Oh, no? But you're not human, either, Isabelle. Not really. You're a monster!" said Tahsi Junior. "Hell, you're a dragon."

"No, I'm not!" Isabelle said.

Tahsi Junior put his hands on his cheeks and gave Isabelle an angry look. "Well you're going to be inside one pretty soon."

"Oh, just shut up about dragons!" said Isabelle. "Your father met one of those things once, and then he fucked it, and now we all have to deal with your disgusting ass!"

Tahsi Junior's face turned even redder than it already was. "Take that back!"

"No. Stop trying to insult me. I'm not a dragon, I'm not an elf, and I'm not some kind of kobold hybrid."

"That's exactly what you are!" Tahsi Junior shouted. "You're a monster, Isabelle. On the inside, that is, you're a monster. And you're a fucking mage of shadows, too."

"No, I'm not," Isabelle said. "And I'm tired of you saying that. If you're going to make jokes about me, then I'm going to tell you where to shove them."

"Oh yea? Where?" asked Tahsi Junior.

"Up your fucking urethra, and then you can piss all over yourself!" Isabelle screamed.

Tahsi Junior leapt forward, grabbed Isabelle by the neck and lifted her into the air. "Fuck you! I'll shove my jokes right up your ass, Isabelle!"

Isabelle suddenly noticed something warm and wet touching the top of her head. And she looked up. And noticed that the forked tip of a dragon's tongue was right there.

"Holy fuck," said Isabelle. "There was a dragon there the whole time."

The dragon slammed its jaws shut, enclosing both Isabelle and Tahsi Junior in perfect darkness.

"Told you so," said Tahsi Junior.