“The key to the system?” asked Isabelle.
“Yes,” said the dragon. “The key to the system.”
“So, what is the key to the system, exactly?” asked Isabelle.
“The key to the system is, well,” the dragon paused for a moment. “Here, how about I show you the key to the system instead of telling you it.”
“Okay, as long as I find out what the key to the system is,” said Isabelle. She was eager to know what exactly the key to the system was.
“Okay,” said the dragon. “I’m going to show you the key to the system.”
[Initializing key to the system experience]
[…]
[…]
[…]
“Uh, how long does this take?” asked Isabelle.
“Oh, it takes a while. Or, should I say, it may seem like it takes a while to initialize. Really, it won’t take long at all, seeing as you’re meditating. I’d be surprised if this whole meditation session lasts more than five seconds in the real world,” said the dragon.
Isabelle was frustrated. After all that talk of the key to the system, she was going to have to wait to see it?
[…]
[…]
“While that’s initializing and I’ve got you here, why don’t we go over some more tutorial things?” asked the dragon.
“Fine,” said Isabelle with a sigh.
“Great!” said the dragon. “So, one of the things I wanted to also talk to you about was the class system, and how to pick a class. See, right now your class is undefined, as all players start with when they first beign a tutorial. However, you can get certain stat bonuses by defining your class. If you want to pick a class, all you need to do is think ‘Open Class Menu.’”
Isabelle was at first eager to open her class menu. However, the more she thought about it, the more apprehensive she became. Hadn’t she bested the Overlord and Maviel in part due to her ability to use all different kinds of systemic abilities, not limited by her class? Would she be giving up some of what she already had if she defined her class?
“Uh, dragon?” asked Isabelle.
“Yes, Isabelle?” said the dragon.
“What if I’m on the fence about defining my class? Like, what if I don’t even want to define my class at all really, if I just want to stay undefined? I’ve been doing pretty well so far without a class, why would I need one now?” asked Isabelle.
“Isabelle, sometimes in giving up things, we gain things that are just as if not more important,” said the dragon. “I hope you will seriously consider defining your class, not just because it could help you but because leaving an undefined value in your character sheet opens you up to a higher risk of systemic corruption. Now, given, it’s not too much of a higher risk. But it is higher. And it would be much better for everyone if you defined your class.”
Isabelle was starting to feel uneasy. Better for everyone? As far as Isabelle was concerned, everyone could go fuck themselves, because they were always trying to kill her. She was starting to wonder if this dragon’s motives were entirely benevolent.
“I think I’m going to keep my class undefined for now,” said Isabelle.
“Very well, very well,” said the dragon. “It’s just, you have to realize, you can only define your class at timed interval events such as this. You can’t just think ‘Open Class Menu’ at any point in time, oh no no. You’ve got to do it during a tutorial event such as this one. So, I’d really advise you to consider it.”
“I’ll think about it,” said Isabelle. “How long do I have?”
“Until we end this meditation,” said the dragon.
“Okay,” said Isabelle. “Is there anything else you can tell me?”
“Yes, of course,” said the dragon. “Now, I’m sure you’re well acquainted with leveling up by now? And combat and magic as well? You see, usually the tutorial kind of covers all the basics in the world and the system, but you’ve been doing kind of a DIY thing for a while so the best I can really do is just help you fill in the gaps in your learning.”
That sounded almost like an excuse for laziness to Isabelle, but she didn’t tell the dragon that.
“It is not an excuse for laziness!” said the dragon defensively. “Remember, Isabelle, your thoughts are as clear as your speech in this state of being. Always remember that, actually, because there are far stronger entities out there than me that may one day greet you in meditation, and you will need to be focused and controlled with the way you think around them. Truly, meditation can be a realm all of its own. You think the Nexus is one thing, and indeed it is, but the Nexus is not all that meditation has to offer. You see, meditation puts you in line with the systemic source code, Isabelle. Which, incidentally, is also what I’ve been trying to show you vis a vis the key to the system but it’s taking forever to initialize. But that’s beyond the point. What I’m trying to say to you, Isabelle, is that anything is possible in meditation. It’s like your imagination on crack, if you know what crack is. Did they have crack in your past incarnation, Isabelle?”
“…Yes,” said Isabelle. She wondered if this dragon had a drug problem or something.
“I am not on drugs!” said the dragon. “Plus, can you imagine how much gold I’d have to give away to get enough drugs to get a big old dragon such as myself high? I don’t even want to think about it. Ugh! Gods almighty.”
“Okay then,” said Isabelle.
[…]
[…]
“Well, we’re still waiting on that, it seems,” said the dragon. “Would you like to reprogram your character sheet display, Isabelle?”
“What do you mean?” asked Isabelle.
“Like, would you like to change how you look at your character sheet? So that you don’t have to shrug every time?” asked the dragon.
Isabelle pondered this. There was a part of her that had grown a little fond of shrugging to level up. At the same time, it was kind of obnoxious to be essentially kept away from using normal body language due to a system quirk. “Yes, I’d love to change that,” she said with decisiveness.
“Excellent,” said the dragon. “Do you have any idea what you’d rather do? Some options include sneezing, blinking really fast, thinking about birds—”
“What if—and this is going to be apparently a pretty wild idea—but what if I just had it open when I think ‘Open Character Sheet’?” said Isabelle.
“I mean, I guess you could do that,” said the dragon. “I’m not really sure why you’d want to, but okay. I personally open my character sheet by thinking of a specific fractal image that I find quite pleasing to my mind’s eye, but whatever. Also of course my character sheet would be incomprehensible to you for various reasons what with me being a dragon and having the original version of the system instead of your frameworked-up hack job of a system. But, whatever. You do you.”
Isabelle felt a little irked, and honestly more than a little judged by this dragon. But she wasn’t giving in. She wanted an easy, unobtrusive way to open her character sheet, and she was going to get it.
“Ah, shit!” said the dragon. “I thought about the fractal too much and opened my character sheet. Hate when that happens. Anyway, let me interface with your system and I’ll change how your character sheet pop up.”
“Interface with my system?” asked Isabelle.
“Yes,” said the dragon. “Don’t worry, it’s not dangerous. Well, okay, it can be incredibly dangerous. After all, you have to let entities without a security certificate interface with your system to install mods from the Nexus into your system, and that’s probably how the Overlord got his system all fucked up. But don’t worry, Isabelle, because you have the power of choice. I’m going to attempt to interface with your system so that I can modify it and change your character sheet display trigger. You will have to accept me. But, the good thing about me is that I have a security certificate. This means that I’ve been systemically verified to not be a malicious actor. Be very, very wary of anyone interfacing with your system, Isabelle, especially if they do not have a certificate.”
Isabelle felt a little uncomfortable about the dragon interfacing with her system.
“Trust me, you’ve got the power!” said the dragon. “Here, I’m going to send you an interface request.”
Interface Request
Request Origin: Zirsiem the Dragon
Interfacer has a current security certificate and is verified and trusted
Description: Zirisiem is requesting to interface with you so that he can change your character sheet display preferences.
Accept? Y/N
Hmmm. It did say he was verified and trusted. Also, the dragon’s name was Zirisiem. That was interesting enough. Isabelle figured it was safe enough. So, she thought yes.
[Interface request accepted]
[Processing acceptance]
[…]
[…]
[Accepted]
[Interfacing]
[…]
[…]
[Interface completed]
[Character sheet display preferences successfully updated. Please quick restart your system to see the changes]
“Quick restart my system? What does that mean and how the hell am I supposed to do it?” asked Isabelle. It reminded her of rebooting a computer back in her past life.
“Oh, it’s no big deal,” said the dragon. “Though I wouldn’t necessarily compare the system to a computer like you’re thinking of, those things seem terribly simplistic and banal. You’ll need to restart your system out of your meditative state. Restarting a system when it’s corrupted is bad, but it can be good for your system to restart every once and a while if it’s a healthy system. Just think ‘Quick Restart System’ to restart your system, by the way.”
“Okay,” said Isabelle. “Thanks.”
[…]
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[…]
“Ugh!” said Isabelle. “It still hasn’t finished initialized the key to the system experience!”
“Don’t worry, Isabelle, it will be worth the wait,” said the dragon. “Now then. Is there anything else tutorial wise that I can brief you on while we’re waiting? We’ve made a lot of progress so far. You could always look at the classes available to define, you know.”
“I still haven’t made my mind up about choosing a class or not, sorry,” said Isabelle.
“Fair enough,” said the dragon. “Well, let’s see… hmmm… what else can I tell you about? We already went over all the theoretical things that could go wrong, didn’t we?”
“Yes,” said Isabelle with a sigh. If she wasn’t completely immobilized by her meditative state, she would’ve rolled her eyes.
“Okay, okay… no theoretics… already did those… hmmm. Oh, did I ever explain to you why you reincarnated as an adult, as opposed to a child or embryo or what have you?” asked the dragon.
“No,” said Isabelle.
“Great! That’s something the classic tutorials would’ve covered, too, if the Overlord hadn’t broken them all, so I feel obligated to tell you,” said the dragon. “You see, there was a lot of debate by the BDC as to what age they should accept reincarnating souls and how those souls should reincarnate. For a while they wanted you to, on reincarnation, get loaded immediately into a system dialogue where you’d get to completely design your appearance with sliders and the like. Yes, you would’ve even been able to pick a race with a thought form. So, you’d immediately on reincarnation get loaded into this thing and it’d say would like to be an orc, and show you an orc, or would you like to be a kobold, and show you a kobold, et cetera.”
“Interesting,” said Isabelle sarcastically.
“Yes, I know!” said the dragon, obviously not picking up on her sarcasm. “Plus, you could pick how many eyes you had, if you had a scar or a birthmark, oh what a joy it was. They even trialed a dragon race setting for a bit, though we dragons shut that down pretty quickly for obvious reasons. Can’t have any new dragons reincarnating in Beaubinte what with all the dragons that are already there, eh?”
“But what about all the new dragons that are popping up around Beaubinte?” asked Isabelle. Honestly, she was more interested in this question than she was in much of what the dragon was telling her. At this point, did Isabelle really even need a tutorial? She didn’t really think so. She’d used the system expertly, in her own opinion, just through learning from experience. Sure, she’d had some close calls, but that wasn’t really her fault, was it?
“Really?” asked the dragon. “You think all that, Isabelle?”
Isabelle sighed. She kept forgetting the dragon could sense her thoughts while in meditation! What a hassle.
“Well, I’m going to finish telling you about the fate of the appearance designer thing,” said the dragon. “You see, once we dragons were all against having a dragon race option in there, the BDC started to have a bit of a… disagreement. There was concern over whether reincarnated players would know or care about all the available races, or if they’d just pick human every time because the alogrithm designed to filter souls towards Beaubinte disproportionately selected human souls due to overfitting. Worse still, the BDC realized that none of them had actually done any of the spellcasting work required to build such an appearance customizer, and instead they’d spent the whole time drawing mockups and talking about how cool it would be. Soon, it just left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and due to laziness and frustration they tabled the project and decided to just copy whatever age and appearance you had in your past life and port it over here to Beaubinte like a carbon copy. Of course, then the argument of the races came up again with that, so they randomized race selection with an RNG, or a random number generator. Of course, the problem with that is that random is never truly random, and the system has only reincarnated humans for the lat 200 years. The Overlord was the only player the system ever incarnated into a dark elf, for instance. Troubling and problematic stuff, but nobody wants to to the work to fix it at this point. Plus, all the original devs are dead now since the Overlord had them slaughtered.”
“Wow,” said Isabelle.
“Wow indeed, Isabelle,” said the dragon. “Wow indeed. Thus are the wicked whims of the world we inhabit together.”
[…]
[…]
[Key to the System Experience Initialized Successfully]
Isabelle felt excitement flutter in her chest. She’d be so anxious to see what the deal was with this!
[Welcome to System Key Version 0.69.1]
[Notice: An update for System Key is available. You might want to download that by thinking sys!~install syskey]
“What the fuck?” asked Isabelle, balking at the purple lettering. “Seriously, like, what the fuck am I seeing right now?”
“This is the key to the system, Isabelle,” said the dragon. “This is how the system really works.”
“Um, I have a question,” said Isabelle.
“What?” asked the dragon.
“Should I install the update for system key?” asked Isabelle.
“Oh, gods no,” said the dragon. “Just ignore it, that thing updates all the damn time and nobody can ever tell a difference. It’s just a formality really, nobody ever updates it.”
“Okay then,” said Isabelle. Though, there was a part of her that wondered if not updating it was a somewhat negligent choice.
[Please think a prompt to begin: ~;;]
[~;;]
“This is so strange,” said Isabelle. “It keeps showing me a tilde symbol and then two semicolons.”
“Oh, it’s just prompting you to get started,” said the dragon. “Think something like ‘Get.SystemStatus’ and it’ll tell you a bunch of cool stuff.”
“Okay,” said Isabelle. She thought, ‘Get.SystemStatus.’
[~;;Get.SystemStatus]
[:///*]
[***System Status***]
[Running: System Version 3.3.4.2.0]
[1 Restart Pending]
[Error codes: ZKVZTP9 (resolved), 8CYDWK3WL (resolved), CY2JJBM7 (resolved), WV73D8K (resolved), S32SFC3F9 (resolved), JF2P2FPJ (resolved), XZ6XU5VGP (resolved), 4YWNJSX (resolved)]
[SAM: 493021908340 TFS]
[TPS: z43 TeU x19]
[fGjQ Runtime Disoperative Locator: BB87 .021]
[Beaconing: Disabled]
[L1ghth0u5 operative: Inactive]
[EPI: 1.95 iterits]
[FS Systemization: Yes]
[FP Systemization: No]
[FR Systemization: Maybe so]
[FQ Systemization: I don’t know]
[S.T.U.P.I.D. Status: Unverified]
[BS Name: Operating]
[Pivotal Radius: 6.9]
[LCD Soundsystem: Overrated]
[Sink Speed: 15 knots]
[Think Speed: too slow]
[Content: DFU]
[********]
“Wow,” said Isabelle. “That sure was a lot of… something.”
“I know, right?” said the dragon. “I’m a really big fan of it myself, I love seeing all the nitty gritty. Of course, that’s only a simple command. What’ll really get you hooked to messing with the key to the system is magic script.”
“Magic script?” asked Isabelle.
“Yes—” said the dragon, “—magic script. Magic script is a language that the devs developed to make it easy to build on to the already existing framework in the system. In other words, if you use magic script, you can effectively add your own features to the system!”
“Oh, shit,” said Isabelle. “That’s kind of a game changer.”
“Yes, I thought you might think that,” said the dragon. “Magic script really can change the game. The possibilities are endless. Why don’t you go ahead and try it out?”
“Okay,” said Isabelle. Her interest was piqued. “What do I do?”
“First, you’ll need to install magic script into your system,” said the dragon. “To do that, of course, you first need to install SystemOutsideOfSystem, or sysoosys. To do that, of course, you first need to install SystemPackageHandlerGloves, or sysphug. To do that, of course, you’ll need to install SystemPackageHandlerHandler, or sysphh. To do that, of course, you first need to install LoveHandles. Fortunately, you can install LoveHandles natively in syskey by thinking ‘sys!~install lh.’”
Isabelle groaned. “My head hurts.”
“Don’t worry, it gets easier as you go,” said the dragon. “Go ahead, think ‘sys!~install lh,’ Isabelle.”
“Very well,” said Isabelle. She thought ‘sys!~install lh.’
[~;;]
[~;; sys!~install lh]
[:///*]
[Finding package…]
[Searching for package…]
[Looking for package…]
[Package located!]
[It was the wrong package…]
[Looking again…]
[Still looking…]
[Package located!]
[Preparing package for install…]
[Unboxing Love Handles…]
[Love.Handles.install.packet.a1 |||||||||| 100%]
[Love.Handles.install.packet.a2 |||||||||| 100%]
[Love.Handles.install.packet.b1 |||||||||| 100%]
[Love.Handles.install.packet.b2 |||||||x 70%]
[Reloading Love.Handles.install.packet.b2…]
[:///*]
[:///*]
[Love.Handles.install.packet.b2 ||||x 40%]
[Error 000333339291812 INVALID DATATYPE IN THE P SECTOR]
[Error 220044040454004 PACKAGE HANDLING LOOSE AND SLOPPY]
[Error 9384920400002200 FUMBLED PACKAGE]
Shit! What the fuck was happening?
[Invalidated]
[Invalidated]
[File corrupted]
[File corrupted]
[No openings in sausage packets]
[No packets in the sausage opening]
[It is not a summer sausage]
This was just weird. It was like it was speaking to her in another language.
[Error]
[Error]
[Error 3949292999999222203 INSTALL GETTING ..RAILED]
[Error 0003299990000000001 DERAILED ACCIDENTALLY RENDERED AS ..RAILED]
[Error]
[Error]
[Low on memory]
[Forgetting]
[Forgetting]
[Error]
[Error]
[```````eeeee````````iiiiii````````eeeeee`````iiiii``````ooooooo``````]
[!!~??]
Isabelle was starting to get stressed out. The pink messages appeared faster and faster across her vision. She could feel her heart racing.
[!!~??]
[Crashing]
[Crashing the process…]
[Process crashing and burning…]
[!!~??]
[Process crashing into a tree…]
[Process crashing into a building…]
[Process crashing into another process…]
[!!~??]
[!!~??]
[Error: The process has already crashed]
[Error: A crashed process cannot crash if it has already crashed]
[Error: If a process crashed and nobody sees the error code did it really crash?]
[Error: The answer is yes]
[!!~??]
[!!~??]
Isabelle was getting increasingly nervous that something terrible was going to happen. Hadn’t one of the notices said that there was a file corrupted? Did that mean Isabelle’s system was corrupted? Had she just broken her system?
[!!~??]
[!!~??]
[Attempting to salvage…]
[Going to the salvage yard…]
[Salvage attempt crasheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]
Isabelle felt her heart leap like she was on a rollercoaster as her vision was filled with what amounted to her to be a long wall of incomprehensible gibberish.
[45 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6E 67 20 69 73 20 74 6F 74 61 6C 6C 79 20 66 75 63 6B 65 64 20 75 70 20 6E 6F 77 2E 20 49 20 6D 65 61 6E 2C 20 73 6F 20 66 75 63 6B 65 64 20 75 70 2E 20 53 6F 20 74 65 72 72 69 62 6C 79 2C 20 68 6F 72 72 69 62 6C 65 2C 20 61 77 66 75 6C 6C 79 20 66 75 63 6B 65 64 20 75 70 2E 20 41 6E 64 20 69 66 20 79 6F 75 20 64 6F 6E 27 74 20 74 68 69 6E 6B 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 79 6F 75 72 20 66 61 75 6C 74 2C 20 77 65 6C 6C 2C 20 79 6F 75 20 61 72 65 20 73 61 64 6C 79 2C 20 73 6F 72 65 6C 79 20 6D 69 73 74 61 6B 65 6E 2E 20 46 6F 72 65 76 65 72 20 79 6F 75 20 6D 75 73 74 20 6C 69 76 65 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 61 77 66 75 6C 20 67 75 69 6C 74 20 6F 66 20 68 61 76 69 6E 67 20 6D 61 64 65 20 61 20 74 65 72 72 69 62 6C 79 20 73 74 75 70 69 64 20 61 6E 64 20 63 6F 73 74 6C 79 20 6D 69 73 74 61 6B 65 2E 0A 0A 45 73 73 65 6E 74 69 61 6C 6C 79 2C 20 77 68 61 74 20 68 61 70 70 65 6E 65 64 20 77 61 73 20 74 68 61 74 20 79 6F 75 20 64 69 64 6E 27 74 20 75 70 64 61 74 65 20 74 68 65 20 67 6F 64 73 20 64 61 6D 6E 20 73 79 73 74 65 6D 20 6B 65 79 20 66 72 6F 6D 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 30 2E 36 39 2E 31 20 74 6F 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 30 2E 36 39 2E 31 2E 31 2E 20 54 68 69 73 20 63 61 75 73 65 64 20 61 6E 20 69 73 73 75 65 20 77 68 65 6E 20 79 6F 75 20 61 74 74 65 6D 70 74 65 64 20 74 6F 20 69 6E 73 74 61 6C 6C 20 74 68 65 20 70 61 63 6B 61 67 65 20 4C 6F 76 65 20 48 61 6E 64 6C 65 73 20 62 65 63 61 75 73 65 20 79 6F 75 20 61 74 74 65 6D 70 74 65 64 20 74 6F 20 69 6E 73 74 61 6C 6C 20 74 68 65 20 6C 61 74 65 73 74 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 6F 66 20 4C 6F 76 65 20 48 61 6E 64 6C 65 73 2C 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 77 61 73 20 75 70 64 61 74 65 64 20 74 6F 20 77 6F 72 6B 20 77 69 74 68 20 73 79 73 74 65 6D 20 6B 65 79 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 30 2E 36 39 2E 31 2E 31 2C 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 69 73 20 6E 6F 74 20 74 68 65 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 6F 66 20 73 79 73 74 65 6D 20 6B 65 79 20 79 6F 75 20 68 61 64 20 61 74 20 74 68 65 20 74 69 6D 65 20 6F 66 20 69 6E 73 74 61 6C 6C 2E 20 53 69 6E 63 65 20 74 68 65 20 66 69 6C 65 20 73 74 72 75 63 74 75 72 65 20 6F 66 20 74 68 65 20 6E 65 77 65 73 74 20 76 65 72 73 69 6F 6E 20 6F 66 20 4C 6F 76 65 20 48 61 6E 64 6C 65 73 20 61 74 74 65 6D 70 74 65 64 20 74 6F 20 69 6E 73 74 61 6C 6C 20 69 74 73 65 6C 66 20 69 6E 20 66 69 6C 65 73 20 61 6E 64 20 66 6F 6C 64 65 72 73 20 6E 61 6D 65 64 20 61 66 74 65 72 20 73 79 73 74 65 6D 20 6B 65 79 20 30 2E 36 39 2E 31 2E 31 2C 20 77 68 65 6E 20 79 6F 75 20 6F 6E 6C 79 20 68 61 64 20 73 79 73 74 65 6D 20 6B 65 79 20 30 2E 36 39 2E 31 2C 20 65 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6E 67 20 69 73 20 6D 61 6A 6F 72 6C 79 20 6D 65 73 73 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 66 75 63 6B 20 75 70 2E 20 0A 0A 4F 6E 63 65 20 61 67 61 69 6E 2C 20 6E 69 63 65 20 6A 6F 62 20 69 67 6E 6F 72 69 6E 67 20 74 68 65 20 75 70 64 61 74 65 20 72 65 71 75 65 73 74 2E]
Isabelle had absolutely no idea what she’d done, she had no idea what was going to happen next, but she was terrified that her system would never be the same