The Overlord had to admit, Lugano was an exquisite specimen. A horse of terrible beauty, of horrifying elegance. His black and white speckled hide and long, flowing mane was enrapturing, a mesmerizing, parabolic fractal that danced over the Overlord's psyche as he rode the steed down the side of the mountain, hoping and praying to the gods that none of the dragons dwelling within might get a whiff of him and come looking to poke and prod and drag him kicking and screaming back to the prison cell that was their horde.

Well, that used to be their horde.

See, the Overlord had quite cleverly stored all the gold coins he possibly could in his inventory, and all the other gold objects in Stelas the severed head's inventory, as since his system had undergone the debugging process it was now functioning nearly perfectly. Emphasis on nearly, of course, because every once and awhile something or other would pop up and fuck it up, and of course, the doctor who'd cleaned his system was still running obnoxious system scans every few hours, which was a huge pain in the Overlord's asscrack.

So he was going to have to keep moving Lugano until he could find a safe place to lay low for awhile until he could get away from this mountain range and make his way back to his own realm. But alas! His luck was already running thin! Because not only had he failed to make it all the way back to his own kingdom without encountering dragons—no matter how many of them he killed—but he also had in his possession an enormous pile of gold coins that he didn't want anyone else to get their hands on! And dragons were drawn to the gold! And so were people! Of course, people couldn't tell he had all this gold in his inventory... and dragons seemed to be in the same basket as far as that was concerned. So maybe he would be okay, as long as he didn't stop moving around for too long.

But he was starting to run low on patience, and really wanted to take a nap. The sun was setting over the horizon, and Lugano was starting to slow down in a rather beautiful fashion, so the Overlord tried to slow down his thoughts with him.

"We're not going to make it," whined Stelas from inside the satin sack that the Overlord had stuffed him inside as he dangled off the right side of Lugano's saddle. "Some dragons are going to find us, and eat us, and we'll all just sit in their bellies in stomach acid for a few months or years or however long it takes for a dragon to process waste through its intestines and then when the beast is finally done pooping out its innards it will have ejected everything it ate including us! Oh no! I'm going to spend an eternity in dragon poo!"

"Shut up," said the Overlord. "I'm trying not to think about your impending doom."

"I'm dying!" said Stelas through chattering teeth as he clung even tighter onto the satin sack holding him on top of Lugano's saddle. "I'm dying!"

The Overlord shook his head and tried to ignore him. He was starting to wish more and more that the obnoxious head of holding had never fallen out of the sky and landed in his hands like an oddly shaped red gemstone from some faraway land. At least it hadn't squished him like an overripe fruit into a sticky mess that would have taken hours for him to unstick himself from his body and wash off. And it hadn't shattered on impact like a rock into several hundred pieces that were slowly eating away at his precious satin sack that he'd been using to tie Stelas into so he wouldn't fall off or slide across the saddle like an empty watermelon skin while they were riding down through the mountains at what had been earlier a breakneck speed!

But now they were quickly approaching a point where they'd have to either turn around (which would be a bitch considering Lugano couldn't go backward, and would instead have to make an awkward u-tunr) or continue down this rather steep slope until they reached some sort of flat area where they could lay down and sleep (which would also be a bitch considering Lugano's legs were almost completely straight now from strain and the prospect of the horse laying down at all seemed remarkably laughable). The Overlord began trying to think of what he could do before they had run out of time altogether. A lot was at stake here, after all! For one thing, he had to take a piss, but at the same time he didn't want to stop the horse to take a piss, because first of all that was a bitch move, second of all they were still trying to get as far away from the mountains and resultingly the dragons as possible, and third of all the Overlord just knew that if he stopped to piss then Lugano would stop to piss and if Lugano stopped to piss then they'd probably be there all night because if Lugano was certain that this was a good time for him to urinate and Lugano decided it was a good time for him to urinate then it was gonna be a good time for him to urinate every single second for the next month. Or thereabouts. The Overlord wasn't necessarily certain, it was just that he'd heard rumors about how long horses took to take a piss.

So the Overlord tried to come up with some sort of plan B before they ran out of time altogether, but then Lugano started making those awful noises that horses made when they were about to pee! And if they had stopped then, they'd have been there all night! And the worse bit was that the Overlord himself did need to piss, but he couldn't allow himself to, he couldn't show weakness, because if he did then they would all be damned in the endless halo of Lugano's probably eternal stream of powerful horse piss, and that was something that none of them could afford.

So instead he tried thinking about what he could do before they ran out of time altogether. He knew that he would have had about five minutes left if he'd just kept going straight ahead after their last turn, so maybe if they turned back now and kept going straight ahead they'd be able to make it all the way out of the mountains on their own without having to turn back around or walk back through these cursed mountains or whatever other path they'd taken because it wasn't like there was any other path other than straight ahead.

Fuck. Did that make any sense? Or was the Overlord thinking in circles? Had riding down the mountain at top speeds that increasingly slowed, his ears popping all the while, lessened the pressure of the blood flowing through his cranium? Was he becoming stupid? Was his brain draining out of his head like syrup from a sink drain? Was this what it felt like to be dying? And if so, then what did that make him?

No, no! This wasn't what it felt like! He was not dying! He was not dying! He wasn't going to die! He wouldn't die. He wouldn't die! The Overlord just needed to piss, damn it! He just needed to take a good, long piss, and to--

"Howdy there, stranger," said a skinny young lady with humongous eyelashes, an even huger gap between her two front teeth, more freckles than brain cells and a rustic, ten gallon hat. "How'd yew like tuh set that bee-yootiful horse ah yers up in mah stables fer a night? You like like yew could use a rest from all that... hard ridin' you've been doing."

The Overlord was confused. He blinked. Had he made it down the mountain?

No.

Almost, though.

He'd made it close to the bottom of the mountain, and he'd made it to the only inn for what looked to be at least a hundred Beaubintian standard miles.

The Overlord looked at the skinny young lady and blinked a few more times. She was just so damn cute, with her tiny waist and big tits and her rustic hat. Like something out of a storybook. And her eyes were so wide and so blue. And she had such nice teeth! Her teeth were perfect! Except for that huge gap, of course, but the Overlord found it kind of endearing... And her eyes were so pretty! And she was so small! And she had such big tits!

"I... uh," stammered the Overlord. "I... I... I..."

"What's wrong with you?" asked the skinny young lady as she grabbed the reins from the Overlord's hand. "Don't yew know how tuh treat a beautiful horse? This bee-yoo-tiful boy needs his rest, he lookes egg-sauced-ed!"

"Sorry," said the Overlord with a sheepish grin. "I... uh... I'm not really used to beautiful horses."

"Well," said the skinny young lady as she led Lugano into the inn and removed his saddle. "If yew don't know how tuh treat em, I'm gonna have tuh show yew."

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The Overlord watched her as she led Lugano into the stables, gave him some oats, and removed his saddle. She's so pretty, he thought as he watched her behind from behind. This is a good inn. I'm glad I came here.

The Overlord decided that he wanted to drink some wine (two bottles) and eat some food (three plates of food!), and then sleep in a real bed (two beds!), and then sleep forever (six whole hours!), but he couldn't do any of those things because there was a guy who looked just like him sitting at the bar with a big grin on his face. And he was flirting with the skinny young lady! The Overlord was disgusted and confused. He'd been planning to flirt with the skinny young lady! That was the whole reason he'd paid five times the asking price to stay at the inn, in order to flex his financial gains via the dragon horde and thus win the opportunity to flirt with the young lady!

The Overlord then realized that the guy must be his other self, and that this other self must have killed him in order to take his place in this world. So now he must kill this other self in order to regain his rightful place in this world.

The Overlord approached his other self, who waved back at him with a big grin on his face as he flirted with the skinny young lady, because this other self seemed really happy.

"What're you smiling about?" asked the Overlord as he leaned over the bar, an empty wine bottle at his side. His other self didn't notice him at first because he was too busy flirting with the skinny young lady, but when he finally did notice him, he started flirting with her even more.

"Why, I'm just thinking about how much fun we're going to have tonight," said his other self as he raised his hand in greeting and winked at the skinny young lady. "I told you that I know where this inn is really close to where all the dragon brood lays their eggs! And we can go there after we get some food in our bellies!"

"That sounds amazing!" said the Overlord as he placed his empty wine bottle on the bar and took a seat next to his other self. "Count me in."

"Excellent!" said his other self as they both grinned widely at each other while their hands brushed against each other's under the bar. "Now let's get some food in our bellies, or else we'll never have any energy for all the fun we're going to have tonight!"

"Yeah," said the Overlord as he took a swig of his wine (two bottles) and waved to the skinny young lady (three times), "I'm starving."

All three grinned widely together before they returned their attention to their drinks (three glasses of wine) and their food (three plates of food) and their sex life (two hours of sex).

But it was all a dream.

Well, not all of it. The dream, of course, was that the Overlord himself joined in. No, the Overlord just sat on the far end of the bar, on his own, staring at his other self and at the skinny young lady. The Overlord watched them from behind while he took a sip of his wine (two glasses) and admired their bodies (two hours of body-watching). The Overlord had never seen two people so perfectly designed for each other before. They looked so great together! They looked so perfect together! They were so much better than him and his wife,

Maviel, who had abandoned him for the skank he'd been fornicating with on the regular! He was happy for them! He was happy for them both! He even felt less bad about being replaced because this other self seemed so happy!

The Overlord continued to sit on the bar stool, sipping more wine (four glasses) and staring at them both for another hour before taking another swig (two bottles) of wine. Then he got up from the bar and went into one of the inn's private rooms. He was going to cast a spell on them both! But first... he needed to sleep for ten hours (five whole hours!). He needed to rest up before preparing such a powerful spell! He needed to rest up before committing such an evil act!

The Overlord didn't get to rest for ten hours because some of the inn's guests had come into the room drunk and wanted to play a game of poker. The Overlord left that room and went back down into the bar's common room. He sat down in a chair next to one of the windows where there were two girls eating apples as they chatted away with each other (two apples). The girls were beautiful, but they were also beautiful because they were sisters—the older sister was named Aisha, and she was a Dragon Sorceress who had lived for three hundred years. The younger sister was named Kylie, and she was a Dragon Sorceress who had lived for two hundred years, though she wasn't very powerful yet and didn't look a day over sixteen and a half.

The sisters were having a great time eating apples together, but they were also having a great time chit-chatting with each other because they had just met two new friends who were sitting next to them—a man named David (one David) and a woman named Patricia (one Patricia). David looked like he was about to get married any day now because he was so handsome and nice-looking and kept talking about his fiance. Patricia looked like she just wanted to get married as soon as possible because she had been divorced for seven years now and she had been waiting for someone nice-looking and nice- hearted all that time who wouldn't cheat on her with her slutty sister or cousin or mother.

David started chatting with Patricia while the sisters continued chatting with each other. Then David whispered something into Patricia's ear that made her blush and look surprised, but it also made her say something that made her look embarrassed too. The sisters turned toward David and Patricia just in time to see the two sisters whisper something into each other's ear. Then they looked back at David and Patricia and smiled. They waved at David and Patricia before continuing their conversation.

"What did they say?" asked one of the women as she tilted her head to one side in curiosity.

"I don't know," said her twin sister as she turned toward her twin sister, "but they both look very happy."

The two sisters laughed together—not because it was funny, but because they loved each other so much that they couldn't help but share their joy with each other. They giggled together as they shared their happiness with each other, and then they turned back toward David and Patricia and waved again before returning to their conversation.

David turned to Patricia with a smile on his face as he finished his sentence about getting married any day now. Then he gave Patricia a wink—a wink that he would never give to anyone else—as he held up five fingers and winked again.

"Fucking fool," grumbled the Overlord under his breath. "Why's he got to keep fucking winking?"

"Maybe he's not winking," said Stelas. "Maybe he has Tourettes."

"That's the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" spat the Overlord. "What would owning a turret have to do with nervous muscle ticks? That doesn't make any damned sense unless he's got an abnormal fear of having his body pumped full of lead!"

"Hey, um, you can, um, you can pump my body full of... something," said a pretty lady two seats away from the Overlord with a giggle.

"Fuck off," snarled the Overlord as he pointed at her. "If you think I'm going to pump your body full of anything, you're fucking crazy!"

The pretty lady giggled again, turned toward her sister, nodded, and then both sisters laughed together while David blinked back tears of joy inside his head.

"Fuck off, you dirty slut!" snapped the Overlord. "You're fucking crazy! Have you lost your mind?"

"You're crazy," said another pretty lady who was sitting next to the Overlord. She'd been having an unintentional nip slip, but she covered herself as soon as he started making a scene.

"Not crazy," said the Overlord. "Just don't understand."

"I think he needs some sleep," said Stelas. "And maybe some more food."

The Overlord leaned toward Stelas with an angry frown on his face. "Sleep? Food? You think I need sleep or food? And where do you think you're going?"

"I'm covering myself," said Stelas as he waddled his severed head deeper into the satin pouch and closed his eyes. "I don't want to associate myself with you while you're making a scene."

"Associate yourself with me?" said the Overlord as he shook his head in disbelief. "Associate myself with me? I'm the fucking Overlord! I own this whole damn planet! I own all the space in between the stars! I own eighty percent of all the space in between the stars! And you want me to associate myself with you? You want me to associate myself with a slut who was probably going to be dead in a few hours anyway before she ever even started the fucking job?"

"I am not a slut!" said the skinny young lady as she accidentally spilled a glass of water all over her tight white t-shirt. "And you're an asshole!"

Before anyone could react to this miraculous sight, the entire bar was interrupted by a terrible screech and a smash as the huge head of a dragon bashed its way through the side of one of the walls. The beast roared and breathed fire, causing the skinny young lady to scream and start stripping in self defense.

"That's up for debate," said the Overlord. "You lack of sluttiness, I mean. Now, let's see what I can do about killing this fucking dragon before it commits any more property damage."