"Well, get your ass in gear," said Ryzer. "We need to figure out how to defend ourselves against these motherfuckers before they eat us."
"Don't worry about me," said Isabelle, rolling her eyes. Then, she cooed sarcastically, "I'll just stay down here where it's safe. Wouldn't want to get hurt by the big scary dragons, would I?" She pouted for emphasis.
"You're so dramatic," muttered Ryzer with a self-conscious sigh.
Isabelle smirked. She liked Ryzer, but sometimes he really annoyed her. He always seemed to be trying to play it cool, but then when he did something stupid he'd act surprised that she found him annoying.
Isabelle rolled her eyes again, but then she looked up and smiled. She saw that the dragons had been flying in circles above the airship. They were just watching them.
"Oh, look at that, it's a dragon convention," she said. Isabelle almost felt it was insulting. Didn't she deserve an opportunity to relax? "So much to talk about, so little time."
She laughed as she walked back toward and then into the cabin. She stood before a mirror and noticed for the first time that her hair was a mess. She was going to have to do something about that.
"Does anybody here have a hairbrush?" asked Isabelle.
"A hairbrush?" said Tahsi Junior. "How will that help us slay these dragons?"
"I'm sure she has a plan, she is a dragon slayer after all," said Jopher. "Plus, if she doesn't, I could always turn a hairbrush into a gun. It's one of my engineering skills. Probably one that only worked well at close range, though."
Tahsi Junior and Jopher scuttled off, searching the ship for a hairbrush frantically.
"Hey, Isabelle, did you ask if anyone had a hairbrush?" asked Shiach, Ryzer's Phoenixborn girlfriend. She's been in the cabin the whole time, as she was still strapped in to the mechanisms that kept the airship suspended in the sky.
"Yeah, I asked for a hairbrush," said Isabelle, smiling. "Why?"
"I've got one," said Shiach, producing a plastic comb from her pocket.
"Well, why didn't you tell me?" asked Isabelle. "I was afraid you wouldn't like it," said Shiach. Isabelle laughed.
"But, come on!" said Isabelle. "Let's see it." Shiach and handed it to Isabelle.
"It's cute," said Isabelle. "What are those things on the end?"
"Those are Beaubintian butterflies," said Shiach. "They're a rare variety of butterflies found only in the far north. I bought them at a market in Bruges."
"Well, it's really pretty," said Isabelle. Then, she had an idea. "Um, I have a weird question."
"Okay?" asked Shiach.
"Would you like to brush my hair?" asked Isabelle. "I feel like it needs a lot of attention after the last couple of days."
"Sure!" said Shiach.
Isabelle smiled. She could tell Shiach was nervous. Her orange face was blushing red!
"Oh, wow!" said Shiach. "Your hair is so long! It's perfect!"
"Thanks," said Isabelle. "Now, let's start at the bottom and work our way up... yeah, like this. Oh, and make sure you get all the tangles out. This hair is hard to manage, and hasn't seen any attention since I reincarnated."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Shiach jumped to work. She started brushing, and Isabelle closed her eyes and relaxed. Shiach was really good at that sort of thing, and it felt really nice.
As Shiach brushed away, she began to hum a strange Beaubintian lullaby. The sound of the song sent a warm tingling through Isabelle's body, and she could almost feel herself drifting off to sleep. Shiach's humming made her feel safe.
"That's nice," said Isabelle.
She probably would've fallen asleep then and there, had the ship not been shaking and quaking as the dragons hurled breath weapon attacks at it. Tahsi Junior, Jopher and Ryzer seemed to be taking good care of the issue, though, so Isabelle did her best to ignore it. After all, Ryzer was completely fire resistant, Tahsi Junior could heal everyone, and Jopher had a bunch of guns. What did they need Isabelle for? So she just sighed and enjoyed and Shiach continued to pamper her. She deserved it, Isabelle figured. =
Eventually, Isabelle opened her eyes and looked up at Shiach, who was standing over her. Her hair was brushed out, and she had washed the tangles out and dried the ends with the comb. All that was left was to style it.
Isabelle smiled as Shiach's hands moved through her hair.
"Wow, Shiach," said Isabelle. "You're amazing. Thank you!"
"It was no big deal," said Shiach. "And you were so cute when you got sleepy."
"I'm sorry about that," said Isabelle. "I don't usually do that, but I guess I was tired."
"Oh, don't be silly," said Shiach. "Everyone needs some rest sometimes."
"I agree," said Isabelle. She looked outside the cabin to see her party members screaming in fear as some of the younger dragons swooped down and screeched with malice. "Gosh. I guess we should probably go help them."
"Don't worry, Isabelle," said Shiach. "I'll take care of things here. "
"No, Shiach, you don't have to do that," said Isabelle. "They might need help. Plus, um, don't you have to stay strapped into the airship? So that we stay floating?"
"I can unstrap for about half an hour or so," said Shiach. "Come on, Isabelle. We both noticed how peaceful you were when I brushed your hair. You need a break and a nap, to hell with this shit. We can take these dragons. Especially considering most of them are part of your party, and I'm sure I'll be joining them as a member of your party shortly. You don't always have to be going at one hundred percent, you know. Burnout is real. Trust me, I'm a damned Phoenixborn. If I get too burned out I literally have to be reborn in a pile of ashes. Do you know how much of a ridiculous hassle that is? It's a real pain in the ass, trust me."
"All right," said Isabelle. Then, she remembered something just as the Phoenixborn turned to walk off. "Wait a second! What about looting? What about leveling up?! Do you have any idea how much that dragon fight would level me up? How many levels I'd gain? How much better at all my skills I would get? It'd be such a waste if I missed out on all those levels when we were finished fighting these
things. And holy fuck I didn't even consider the loot. The fucking loot, Shiach! I can't say no to all that loot! There's no possible way! No way at all I couldn't take it!"
"Are you sure that's how you want to spend your time?" asked Shiach. "Maybe you ought to think about that."
Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you're totally right. Maybe I should prioritize sleeping over looting and leveling up and becoming more powerful. Totally makes sense, Shiach. Way to put things in perspective for me there. Now come on, let's go help these guys!"
"...You sure?" Shiach looked sad. Her red eyes even seemed a little watery.
"Absolutely," said Isabelle. "There's nothing else I want to do."
"Very well," said Shiach. "I'll wait here and keep the ship flying high."
"Great!" said Isabelle with a smile. She walked out of the cabin, ready for battle.
[Combat mode activated]
"Isabelle!" said Tahsi Junior. "Thank the gods you're here! One of these dragons keeps spitting poison at me! It's terrifying! Also, your hair looks really nice, no lie."
"Yea, she must've found a hairbrush," said Jopher as he raised a minigun and fired tons of bullets at a small purple dragon. "Eat lead, motherfucker! Hahahaha! Oh, fuck, you're dead, you little asshole!"
['Young Purple Dragon' is dead]
"Shit, Jopher!" said Isabelle. "I didn't even get to land a hit on that dragon before you killed it!"
"Yea, well, there are two more young dragons and that big scary adult dragon that just keeps circling that you can focus on if you want," said Jopher.
Isabelle felt oddly put out. It was almost like Jopher didn't want her to be there to fight the dragons! "Oh. Well then, I guess I'll head on over there and take care of those dragons."
"Good luck," said Jopher. Then, he shouted, "Hey! Watch the fuck out for the big adult dragon, seriously! He probably wants to kill you, Isabelle!"
"Hahaha, good one, Jopher!" said Isabelle as she looked up towards the big dragon. "I'm not worried about him! I'll take care of that dragon myself!"
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
"Alright," said Jopher. "Have fun with that." Jopher fired his minigun back up and started shooting at another young dragon, though this one was moving so quickly that he could scarcely land a hit. "Shit! Shit! Ryzer, I need backup!"
Ryzer soared through the air at Jopher's beck and call. "You got it, buddy!" he said. "Only, I've taken a lot of damage while trying to hit these dragons with my fire blasts. Can I get some healing real quick?"
"On it!" said Tahsi Junior. He started to exhale a light green smoke that surrounded Ryzer. "Let me know if you need any more hp and I'll toss you a sandwich, Ryzer!"
Ryzer laughed and shook his head. "Tahsi Junior, your sandwiches taste terrible and the bread is awfully stale, but I still greatly appreciate your offer and will even take you up on it if I need to. I'd rather do anything to heal myself than just try to force through the fight due to stubbornness."
"Yea, well... you know what they say," said Tahsi Junior. "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." He junped into the air and flew back over to the other dragons.
Isabelle scowled. "What the fuck is this?" she asked herself. She was starting to regret coming along. "Maybe I should just go back inside."
Still, she decided not to leave. Instead, she walked under the big adult dragon and started firing her arrows at him. She managed to hit him once or twice.
[2089 damage dealt]
[Critical hit]
[4029 damage dealt]
Isabelle was absolutely nailing all of these arrow shots, but for some reason, she just didn't care at all. In fact, it all just felt pointless and stupid.
"At least I'm killing something," she said to herself, and tried to ignore her companions.
Jopher shot another volley of bullets at the big dragon, but he kept missing every time. He was clearly tired and getting frustrated. Isabelle considered turning around to go help him, but Tahsi Junior came over first and gave him a sandwich. And worse still, Jopher liked the fucking sandwich or at least pretended to. Isabelle couldn't believe the audacity of the man.
She walked over to the other side of the big dragon and started shooting arrows again. But this time, she didn't look for the dragon to be vulnerable. She just aimed and shot at random.
[1410 damage dealt]
[2660 damage dealt]
[2370 damage dealt]
"I'm getting pretty good at archery," said Isabelle to herself. "I think I might actually be able to compete in an archery tournament someday."
Truly, she probably could. Especially if she used her system. But this fight didn't even feel like it was worth the effort. She didn't even look at the dragon this time, she just fired at random.
[1570 damage dealt]
[2350 damage dealt]
[1470 damage dealt]
Why wasn't this dragon even trying to fight her?
Then, Isabelle squinted. She noticed that the big dragon was the one Ryzer had been fighting the whole time! Ryzer was just zipping around throwing flames at the dragon, completely distracting it while Isabelle dealt a ton of damage to it from her arrows.
And yet, it was dull. Boring. And Isabelle just didn't give a single shit about the fight. This wasn't satisfying. It wasn't fun. It didn't feel difficult or challenging or exciting in any way. It just felt... stupid. Stupid as fuck.
[1290 damage dealt]
[1380 damage dealt]
Well, at least Isabelle would level up her archery with this stupid fight.
"Hahaha, I can't believe how much damage I'm doing to this guy with my fire magic," said Ryzer. "Also, it's so cool getting to see all the damage I'm doing through the system. Before today I'd only ever heard legend of the damage dialogues."
Isabelle just rolled her eyes and fired some more arrows.
[2400 damage dealt]
[2150 damage dealt]
[1760 damage dealt]
Suddenly, Isabelle had a thought. Ryzer had fire magic. Didn't Isabelle have magic? Well, she used to, and then the warriors on the airship cast something or did something that blocked off the use of her mana. And then Jopher had said he could remove the mana block, but he never did! The bastard!
Isabelle walked over to Jopher, who was now shooting arrows out of a poisoned assault crossbow at dragons. "Hey, Jopher, why don't you take a break from attacking the dragons and re-enable my mana?"
"Um, is now really the best time for that?" asked Jopher tentatively.
"Seeing as I'm a powerful magic user, yes, it is," said Isabelle. "We don't know how this fight will go. I need to have use of my magic. It has gotten me out of so many sticky situations it's not even funny, and I'm sure I'll need it soon."
Jopher scratched his head. "Okay. I can do that. Um. So, um, why don't we, you know, wait until the big guy goes down and then I can fix your mana?"
"No, no," said Isabelle. "I mean right now, right here. Right fucking now."
Jopher was taken aback by her sudden assertiveness. He looked at her like she was crazy. Then he sighed.
"I mean, okay," said Jopher. "If you really want to do it now. I guess I'll stop firing arrows at dragons out of my assault crossbow and help you out, then. Let me just access your mana preferences here..."
[Initializing mana reset...]
[...]
[Mana reset initialized]
"So, how do I do this, exactly?" asked Isabelle. It was like a whole other section of her system had appeared!
"You just think the right words," said Jopher. "Okay, so think--"
Isabelle was bored of hearing Jopher's high-pitched halfling voice, so she looked up at the dragons and fired some arrows haphazardly.
[1430 damage dealt]
[1320 damage dealt]
[1290 damage dealt]
[940 damage dealt]
"What are the words?!" asked Isabelle impatiently, and then immediately regretted it.
"Oh, you don't know them?" asked Jopher, giving her a judgy look. "I guess that makes sense. Seeing as you interrupted me before I could tell you, I mean. I mean, you're a magic user. You should know the words by now."
"Yeah, well, thanks for that sassiness," said Isabelle, annoyed. "I guess I shouldn't have asked, though. Sorry."
"No, it's my fault," said Jopher. "I assumed you knew the words because you're a magic user, too. I'm sorry, I'm going to go ahead and start the reset now. You don't even need the words, now that I'm a member of your party I can just think them and activate it myself. One second..."
[2100 damage dealt]
[1920 damage dealt]
[1800 damage dealt]
"Oh, fuck you, Jopher, you're taking forever! I just fired three more arrows!" Isabelle was tired of being bored by this stupid fight. "I have had it with this!"
But Jopher did not respond.
Then, Isabelle turned around and screamed.
Jopher's body was ripped in half. His intestines were spilled out on the deck like spaghetti. His eyes were open wide like those of a sardine. His heart was beating wildly, pumping blood out of his torso and spraying it out like a geyser. His lungs were still moving, as if he were breathing. His legs were stretched out awkwardly. His hand was still holding his crossbow.
['Jopher' is dead]
And there was a green dragon standing behind him with her tongue hanging out of her mouth, panting, licking her chops.
"Oh, holy shit," said Isabelle. "RIP Jopher, I guess." The dragon burped.
Isabelle needed to kill this fucking dragon. It had slain one of her party members! And yet... Jopher had a lot of cool guns, didn't he? Maybe Isabelle could just... sneak a looting in and check out some of his stuff. Why not? When in Rome, as they said. The dragon seemed happy enough eating his entrails to ignore her, so it wasn't necessarily a bad call.
[Loot 'Jopher'?]
Isabelle thought--
"Jopher!!" Ryzer screamed so loudly that his voice cracked as he flew over to Isabelle and knelt on the ground beside his fallen comrade. He started sniveling and whining incessantly. "Jopher! Oh, gods, oh, Jopher. Jopher, please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead."
"Oh, shut the fuck up," said Isabelle, irritated.
Ryzer looked up at her and said, "Isabelle! How could you let this happen to Jopher?!"
The dragon burped again.
"I told you, I didn't know he was going to die!" said Isabelle. "That's not my fault."
"He's just gone, isn't he?" said Ryzer, crying. "Oh, no. Oh, gods. Jopher is dead."
"Shut up, Ryzer," said Isabelle.
"It's not like we can just resurrect him, right?" said Ryzer. "We're not even sure that's how resurrection works, but I'm pretty sure that's how it works."
"Shut the fuck up, you brainless, whiny little bitch," said Isabelle. "First of all, I know exactly how resurrection works. It's a spell. I'd use my staff of necromancy for it, if Jopher had ever gotten around to enabling my mana usage before he up and died. All that said, so you're aware, I'm just gonna loot Jopher's body. I mean, why not? I've gotten so many cool items from dead people before. It's like, if you die before you get to loot your own body, you're missing out. So why wouldn't you loot someone else's corpse?"
Ryzer dried the tears from his face and looked up at Isabelle. "What the fuck are you talking about? Also, what is the deal with this dragon?!"
The dragon hiccupped.
"I told you, I'm going to loot Jopher's body while she's distracted with eating him. She might not even notice us."
"What do you mean 'while she's distracted with eating him'?" asked Ryzer. "You're going to let this fiend eat Jopher?!"
"Well, I mean, I guess I want her to finish chewing on his intestines or whatever," said Isabelle. "I don't know. It's weird. But, like, I only need a tiny part of Jopher's body to exist for me to loot it, so why should I care if the dragon eats him?"
"You are dead to me!" said Ryzer.
"No," said Isabelle. "Jopher's dead to you. Literally."
Ryzer's facial expression changed. "I don't think you understand what I'm saying, Isabelle," said Ryzer. "You're dead to me, Isabelle." His arm ignited in flame, and then extended into a long, pointy sword.
"Sorry, what am I looking at?" said Isabelle.
"You're dead to me, Isabelle," said Ryzer, "Because I'm going to fucking kill you."