Isabelle laid, back to the ground, with the Overlord’s cold, steel boot pressing down on her chest and his flaming, yellow katana pointing at her neck. He was in his strangely androgynous second form, and was looking down on her from his shrouded hood.
“Go on, then, Isabelle—” said the Overlord, “—I want to hear your last words. I want to take them and etch them into a big, limestone tablet for all to see! Yes, all in Beaubinte will know of the great, famed player. The player who came to Beaubinte, the player that made it this far, and no further. No further than the very first city or township she spawned in, might I add. She managed to get arrested, kill a giant, break out of prison and slay a dragon before the Overlord came and just totally fucked her up. You’ll serve as an example. An example of what not to do. An example of failure. Because you, Isabelle, you are a failure.”
Isabelle scowled. “Even now, when you’re asking for my input, Overlord, you’re talking your mouth off!” she said. “I swear to god—”
“Which god do you swear to?” asked Tahsi from the sidelines through a mouthful of bread. “Just for clarification purposes, I mean.”
Isabelle rolled her eyes and ignored her useless party member. “I swear to god, Overlord, you live to hear your own voice. It’s so fucking exhausting.”
“Those are incredibly rude last words,” said the Overlord. “Are you sure you want to be remembered in such a way, player?” He wiggled his katana around her neck for emphasis. “Because, I mean, I’m dying to kill you. It’s just, you’re not really presenting yourself in a positive light is all. Most people who get gifted with a legacy, even one as precocious as your own, would want to paint a prettier picture.” The Overlord giggled.
“Bite me,” said Isabelle. She hated his fucking giggle.
“Fair enough,” said the Overlord. “Guess I’ll kill you, then. Only, first things first, let me fix this shit before it’s too late.” He turned to focus on his severed hand that laid a few dashes away from Isabelle. The hand shot up in the air and affixed itself back on the Overlord’s outstretched arm-stump. In a flash of blue light, the hand was attached again. The Overlord flexed his restored hand and sighed with relief. “Oh, it is absolutely wonderful to be whole again.”
“Aha!” said a familar, muffled voice. It was Stelas Stelford’s severed head, which was still in a burlap sack dangling from the side of Lugano, Isabelle’s black and white speckled horse. “See? The Overlord can easily attach my severed head back onto my beautiful bodice! Oh, yes, he will reattach my head, he will clear out my inventory, and I shall rule the world of Beaubinte alongside our glorious Overlord as an immortal member of his party for all eternity!” Stela cackled for emphasis.
“Um.” The Overlord cleared his throat. “Who the fuck is that guy again?”
Isabelle chuckled.
“Don’t you remember me?” Stelas asked. “I’m a stealth archer? I fed you that old wizard a while ago?”
“Doesn’t ring a bell. People feed me powerful wizards through my various cauldrons all the damn time,” said the Overlord.
“Aw. Really?” said Stelas with a whine.
“Please just stop ruining the moment,” said the Overlord. “I’m trying to kill the player here.”
“Trying to kill her?!” said Maviel. She walked up to the Overlord and frowned at him. “Overlord, you better get your shit together and kill her already or I’ll think that you’re flirting with her!”
Isabelle scoffed. “Are you serious? Why would I ever be interested in this jerk?”
“That’s what they all say!” said Maviel with a hiss. She looked back at the Overlord. “Just remember, I’m watching from the sidelines, you fucking pig.” She trudged off, stopping to glance back at the Overlord many times in the process.
“Whatever,” said the Overlord. He looked at Isabelle. “Alright, player. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna kill you. You sure you want your last words to be, ‘bite me?’ This is your last chance. This is Beaubintian history in the making, you know.”
Isabelle rolled her eyes. Was this blowhard ever going to actually kill her? It seemed unlikely, which was nice, because that meant she had time to think of what to do. So, she opened her inventory, focusing on only seeing items that allowed her a potential course of action.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 251.9/282
Item
Traits
Overlord’s Flaming Yellow Katana
+48 damage, +22 str, +37 dx, +11 stm, +10 carry weight
Overlord’s Black Silver Hammer (enchanted)
+50 damage, +50 str, +10 const, +8 stm, +13 carry weight
Overlord's Glorious Electrifying Axe (enchanted)
+45 damage, +48 str, +18 const, +15 stm, +12 carry weight
Steel Warhammer of Electrocution (enchanted) (poisoned)
+18 damage, +11 str, +8 const, +5 stm, +11 carry weight
Scimitar (poisoned)
+1 poison, +8 damage, +2 dx
Stealth Drainer (enchanted)
+5 stealth, +10 damage, +1 carry weight
Poisoning Dagger x2
+1 poison, +6 damage, +1 sneak level, +1 carry weight
Platinum Choaker Necklace
+8 char
Spun Silk Gloves
+5 char, +0.5 carry weight
Ethereal Silk Lingerie
+10 char, +8 stm, +2 carry weight
Ruby Studded Pocket Knife
+1 stealth, +3 sneak, +0.5 carry weight
Staff of Paralyzation
+5 mana, +4 carry weight
Potion of Mind Reading
+0.5 carry weight
Hunter’s Crossbow of Chills (enchanted)
+3 frost damage, +7 damage, +2 dx, +4 carry weight
Arrows of Chills x27 (enchanted)
+2 frost damage, +1 damage
Necromancer Robes
+10 mana, +3 confuse, +3 enchant, +1 destroy, +4 carry weight
Ring of Improved Destroy
+3 destroy
Staff of the Undead
+5 mana, +2 carry weight
Amulet of Lesser Confusion
+3 confuse
Ring of Increased Mana
+5 mana
Poisoning Dagger x2
+1 poison, +6 damage, +1 sneak level, +1 carry weight
Steel Longsword
+5 str, +5 damage, +8 carry eight
Noble Robes
+6 char, +2 carry weight
Necklace of Greater Speechcraft
+10 speechcraft, +0.5 carry weight
Gold Locket
+0.5 carry weight
Idlungie x2
+0.5 carry weight
Butter Tongue x5
+1 hp, +0.5 carry weight
Toadblossom x30
+0.1 carry weight
Daggerbud Berries x17
+3 poison, +2 stun, +0.1 carry weight
Gilded Fountain Pen
n/a
Emerald Ring
n/a
Vial of Cauldron Goo
n/a
Raw Garnet
n/a
Pure Diamond x4
n/a
Pearl Necklace
n/a
Pure Emerald
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n/a
Platinum Ring
n/a
Jade Bracelet
n/a
Diamond Studded Tie Clip
n/a
Jade Necklace
n/a
Diamond Studded Scrunchie
n/a
Platinum Ball Gag With Diamonds
n/a
Golden Rope
n/a
Refined Sapphire Necklace
n/a
Platinum Bracelet
n/a
Melted Pile of Gold
n/a
Gold (86341)
n/a
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
Wow, that was… a lot of options.
“Oh my gods,” the Overlord giggled. “You really are incorrigible, player. Opening your inventory, huh? Planning an attack, are we? Oh, how terribly clever. If I wasn’t the Overlord, you know, that would probably work. But let’s be real, you’re out of good luck. Go ahead, try that silly little stealth drainer on me. Do you think you’ll get a stealth hit in now? And of course without that potion of giant strength you’re hopelessly unable to use any of those weapons of mine that you’ve so rudely stolen from me. And what do you think you could do with any of that miscellaneous flora? Talk about completely useless. you must’ve gone on a foraging spree and then totally forgotten to make use of them. Also, is that a bunch of weird sex stuff in your inventory? What in the hell’s up with that? Are you some sort of a freak? Maybe we could’ve found out together, if this game had gone a little differently.”
Isabelle scowled. Was the Overlord insinuating that he could’ve had a chance with her?
“Oh, who am I kidding?” said the Overlord. He flipped his silky hair around. “I’m out of your league. But still, you’re fucked, there’s nothing you can do. I’m going to kill you now, m’kay?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re out of my league?” Isabelle was disgusted and insulted.
[Buff activated: disgruntled fury]
[+2 int]
Isabelle noticed that her mind seemed to be racing much faster than normal, but also that she could keep track of it. Almost like taking adderall back in her past life. She was furious, and it seemed to be giving her some sort of increased ability. After all, she’d just gotten an int buff—which was surprising in its own right, but definitely not unwanted. Isabelle looked through her inventory again, not focusing on the Overlord and whatever petty bullshit he was saying to discourage her. Then, she noticed something.
Isabelle noticed specifically that a lot of items that didn’t seemingly belong in her inventory popup had showed up. After all, hadn’t she focused on only seeing items that could help her in this specific situation? So why then was her gold listed in the inventory? What could a bunch of gold coins do to get her out of this mess and defeat the Overlord?
Isabelle pondered this, and then she noticed something else. It wasn’t just the gold. It had pulled up gold items, too. Gold locket… gilded fountain pen… hell, it’d even pulled up the melted pile of gold. What could Isabelle even do with a bunch of gold, gems and jewelry? It wasn’t like she could chuck it at the Overlord and knock him out, though the visual of imagining that was pretty funny. Maybe the Overlord was allergic to gold? But, even in his more lithe second form, the Overlord was wearing that ever-present codpiece, and it was gilded. Clearly he wasn’t allergic to gold.
And then, it hit her.
Isabelle remembered when she’d looted all the rich people back in the Cloud Reach palace. She’d moved a lot of gold, more gold then that young red dragon she’d killed had even had in its inventory.
And, as previously established, dragons were about in Beaubinte, for the first time in who knew when. Most of them seemed to be pretty young, and with pretty meager hoardes. Of course Frimri, the young frost dragon that Tahsi had an egg-child with was still caught in the Overlord’s dragon net, but what if other dragons were nearby? Maybe they could smell gold, and if not smell it, maybe dragons could sense it somehow. And if moving a lot of gold between inventories could’ve gotten Frimri’s attention from wherever the hell she’d been before, who knew what messing with all of the gold in Isabelle’s inventory could do!
Shit, there wasn’t much time at all. She could see the Overlord’s katana-wielding arm tensing up to strike on her neck. Isabelle would have to hope to god, or apparently to the multiple gods as Tahsi kept clarifying, that this would work.
Isabelle focused on the Overlord.
[Error: pickpocketing unavailable]
“Oh my gods!” The Overlord cackled with glee. “This is, honestly, adorable. You’re adorable, Isabelle. Did you really just try and pickpocket me?”
Isabelle felt a warm shame wash over her. So much for that. She’d been hoping to place all of her gold items in the Overlord’s inventory, which surely would’ve moved such a substantial amount of gold that some dragon somewhere would take notice.
She looked at her inventory one last time, hoping for a lucky break, and one more thing caught her eye.
The vial of cauldron goo.
Maybe Isabelle still had a chance, yet. But to see if she did, she needed to get the hell away from the Overlord, and fast.
“Goodbye, Isabelle,” said the Overlord. “Maybe in another life, we could’ve been friends. Hell, maybe more than friends. Now then, stay still, I’m trying to kill you in one crit. Struggling will only make the whole process more agonizing.”
Isabelle thought, ‘Cast Ring of Fire.’
[Mana 95%]
[‘The Overlord’ resisted fire damage]
“You doofus!” said the Overlord. “This silly spell can’t hurt me!”
But Isabelle didn’t need it to hurt him, just distract him enough to give her a chance to roll out of immediate harm’s way. And that it did. She rolled away from the Overlord and got up on her feet.
“That was a stupid, stupid thing to do, player!” said the Overlord. “Now you’ve pissed me off! No quick kill for you, I’m doing slow and agonizing now!”
Isabelle rolled her eyes. The Overlord’s head was always up his own ass. She raised her left and right hands and thought, ‘Cast Ice Blast,’ concentrating on powering it up as much as possible.
[Mana 0%]
A flurry of ice splattered from her palms and battered the Overlord. It didn’t lock him in ice, but it did slow him down and encase his body in an icy, light-blue hue for a moment. And a moment was all Isabelle really needed.
[1688 damage dealt]
[1333 frost damage dealt]
“Arrgh! You bitch!” said the Overlord. “I’ll kill you!”
Isabelle noticed that, in a bright white flash, the Overlord had transformed back into his first form. He cackled maniacally as light blue electricity coiled around his body.
“Aha!” said the Overlord. “You’ve done it now, Isabelle!” His body lifted into the air as more and more light blue electricty swarmed around his once again incredibly masculine, incredibly muscular body. “You’ve enraged me so much I’ve entered my third form!”
“Wait, what? Third form? This isn ’t your first?” asked Isabelle.
“No, you foolish fool!” said the Overlord. “Can’t you tell? The electricity in my first form is purple, in this one it’s light blue. Not to mention I’m even more ripped in this form.”
Isabelle saw Maviel hit her palm to her face and sigh in the distance.
“Go ahead, gaze in wonder at the glory of my third form while you can, Isabelle, because I’m about to pummel you to shreds!” said the Overlord.
But Isabelle didn’t gaze in wonder. Instead, she opened her inventory back up, focusing only on gold items.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 251.9/282
Item
Traits
Gold Locket
+0.5 carry weight
Gilded Fountain Pen
n/a
Emerald Ring
n/a
Raw Garnet
n/a
Pure Diamond x4
n/a
Pearl Necklace
n/a
Pure Emerald
n/a
Platinum Ring
n/a
Jade Bracelet
n/a
Diamond Studded Tie Clip
n/a
Jade Necklace
n/a
Diamond Studded Scrunchie
n/a
Platinum Ball Gag With Diamonds
n/a
Golden Rope
n/a
Refined Sapphire Necklace
n/a
Platinum Bracelet
n/a
Melted Pile of Gold
n/a
Gold (86341)
n/a
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
It pained Isabelle that she was about to give up all this money on a hunch. Then again, if this didn’t work, she’d probably be dead soon. And if she hadn’t at least tried, she would’ve been dead already. With that realization giving her strength, Isabelle focused on removing all of the items from her inventory and placing them in one big pile next to her left foot.
[Gold Locket removed from inventory]
[Gilded Fountain Pen removed from inventory]
[Emerald Ring removed from inventory]
[Raw Garnet removed from inventory]
[Pure Diamond x4 removed from inventory]
[Pearl Necklace removed from inventory]
[Pure Emerald removed from inventory]
[Platinum Ring removed from inventory]
[Jade Bracelet removed from inventory
[Diamond Studded Tie Clip removed from inventory]
[Platinum Ball Gag With Diamonds removed from inventory]
[Golden Rope removed from inventory]
[Refined Sapphire Necklace removed from inventory]
[Platinum Bracelet removed from inventory]
[Gold (86341) removed from inventory]
There it was. A big pile of gold. Isabelle even noticed Frimri struggle in the distance in the dragon net, obviously this pile of gold was quite a dragon magnet. Now, it was time for Isabelle’s big finish. Hopefully it worked.
“Woah! What the fuck is Isabelle doing?” asked Tahsi from the distance. He took a big bite of bread. “And look at all that money she has!”
“Indeed, that is quite a hefty pile of loot and money,” said the Overlord. “A shame that you’ll never get to enjoy not spending it!”
The Overlord raised both his burly hands high. They charged with bright blue electricity.
It was now or never. Isabelle opened her inventory for what could’ve easily been the last time, ever.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 251.9/282
Item
Traits
Vial of Cauldron Goo
n/a
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
[Vial of Cauldron Goo equipped]
Isabelle held the small, crystalline bottle in her hand. She popped its cork off and emptied the green, bubbly liquid inside over all of the gold from her inventory. In but a moment, all of her spoils bubbled and oozed into pale, gray muck, and then they were gone completely.
“What the fuck was that?” asked the Overlord. “Seriously, what the fuck did you just do?”
Isabelle smirked.
“What’s happening to me, gods damnit?!” The Overlord quivered and shook and fell out of the air, landing shakily on his knees. He looked at his palms. Speckles of gold hue were dotted over his gray-green skin. And then, he wailed. “Oh my gods! My cauldron goo! How’d you get ahold of it! What the fuck have you done to me?!”
“You’ve seen it here, folks,” said the voice of the kobold announcer, whose existence Isabelle had completely forgotten about. “It looks like Isabelle the Giant and Dragon slayer is now also moving on up to Isabelle the Overlord slayer! She’s used the Overlord’s own sinister cauldron solution to give him a bit of a taste of his own medicine, and who’s to say what will happen to the Overlord now that he’s absorbed all the properties of a big pile of gold and gemstones in a world where young dragons are increasingly coming out of the woodwork!”
The audience, whose existence Isabelle had also forgotten about, cheered wildly. More than a couple of men and women cried out to Isabelle that they either wanted to have babies with her, or carry her babies for her.
Isabelle chuckled under her breath as she watched the Overlord shake with fear. She could see Frimri fighting more and more in the distance from within her restrictive dragon net. The young frost dragon’s nostrils flared more and more as the Overlord’s skin looked more and more like gold.
“Oh my gods! Oh my fucking gods!” said the Overlord. “Why would you do this to me, Isabelle?”
Before Isabelle could answer, she heard a horrible screech emanate from Frimri’s dragon jaws.
“Oh, sweet Frimri! She has the most beautiful, sultry alto voice, wouldn’t you say?” said Tahsi from the sidelines.
Isabelle rolled her eyes.
And then, the sounds came. More and more dragon cries, ringing out from the sky. They sounded like they were calling back to Frimri.
“Oh my gods! Oh my gods!” said the Overlord. He was shaking. He ran up to Maviel. “Maviel, darling, we need to get the fuck out of here! Fast!”
“Why, darling?” asked Maviel. “Seriously, why should we? Hell, why should I do anything you say?”
“What? But Maviel!” said the Overlord. “You’re my queen! And, what’s more, you’re in my party!”
“Oh, about that—” Maviel said, turning to a spot in the crowd, “—Sylfir! It’s time!”
Isabelle watched as a skinny lady with pointy ears ran up to join Maviel and the Overlord.
“Overlord,” said Sylfir.
“Sylfir,” said the Overlord.
“Maviel’s just not that into you any more, Overlord,” said Sylfir. “She’s into me!”
“What?!” said the Overlord. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“She’s not shitting you, darling,” said Maviel.
“Well then, you’re both dead meat,” said the Overlord. “Say goodbye to immortality. I’m kicking you from my party!”
“Oh, that’s the other thing—” said Sylfir, “—you see, we’re not in your party any more. We made our own.”
“Sorry, what?” asked the Overlord.
“You heard us, you stupid oaf!” said Maviel. “We’ve got our own party now. You should’ve been more careful about modding your system at the Nexus, Overlord. Some of those mods are malicious, and open up backdoors. And Sylfir knows all about opening up backdoors.
Sylfir chuckled and smiled with sinister glee. “That I do, Overlord. That I do.”
Isabelle could barely even process all this insanity.
Three more loud dragon screeches echoed from the air. Isabelle looked up and saw three smaller, yellow dragons shoot out of the sky and circle around the Overlord like big, scaly vultures. They flapped their wings and went lower, lower, and lower, landing around him in a circle as Maviel and Sylfir ran off in the distance.
“Oh gods! Oh gods, no!” said the Overlord.
“Oh come on, you pussy!” said Tahsi from the sidelines. “They’re just wyrmlings! They’re even less powerful than young dragons, they’re like babies!”
Still, the wyrmlings were pecking and prodding and ripping at the Overlord. It really did seem to be all over. And then, a screech and a groan of even more awful, awesome power shook the ground. It was a screech so deep, so monstrous, that Isabelle could scarcely believe she’d heard it. A dark shadow, like the shadow of storm clouds, darkened the whole scene. The audience gasped, and many of them began to flee. Another impossibly deep groan and screech echoed through the sky.
“Ah, shit!” said Tahsi. He swallowed half a loaf of bread whole and coughed. “That… Well, that sounds like an adult dragon.”