"Yes, it did look like shadow magic," said Tahsi Junior to Isabelle with a frown. "It looked like the mage of shadows cast shadow magic right before my eyeballs!"
"I mean... we don't know that for sure," said Isabelle.
"Well, I know one thing," said Shiach with her stale breath. "Someone took the powers away from this shapeshifter. And then that same very someone opened up some sort of a portal or something and sucked the shapeshifter-goo up into, like, a vacuum!"
"What's a shapeshifter-goo?" asked Isabelle incredulously. "Do you mean, like, its sperm or something?"
"Shapeshifter-goo is just another word for all that shapeshifter magic!" said Shiach with an angry frown. "So... what? Did you have some sort of an idea or something? Do you want to explain what just happened, Isabelle?"
"Um," said Isabelle with a nervous laugh as she looked at Tahsi Junior for help. "You're right... um... well... we don't know anything for sure, that's for sure."
"Right," said Tahsi Junior with a shrug of his shoulders as he looked at Isabelle with his hands on his hips. "I mean, we don't really know anything for sure about anything right now."
"I know one thing for sure," said Isabelle with a nervous laugh as she looked at Shiach with her hands on her hips. "We've, uh, got to keep moving through this cave system as fast as we can!"
"What? Why?" asked Shiach with a frown as she turned her head toward Isabelle and narrowed her eyes at her while squinting her eyes at Isabelle suspiciously.
"Because, um... because..." Isabelle racked her brain to think of an ideal lie.
[Speechcraft attempt: deceive]
"Because," said Isabelle as she tried to keep her voice from sounding nervous as she looked at Shiach with her hands on her hips, "because we can't afford to slow down right now! We're running out of time!"
Shiach frowned and nodded while looking at Tahsi Junior who nodded back at Shiach and looked at Isabelle with his hands on his hips. "You know what? You're probably right."
Shiach looked at Tahsi Junior who frowned while looking at Shiach and then back at Isabelle with his hands on his hips. "You know what? Yeah! Of course you're right."
[Speechcraft succeeded]
"Yeah! You're right," said Tahsi Junior with a nod of his head as he looked at Shiach and shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, and then looked at Isabelle with his hands on his hips. "We should keep moving through this cave system as fast as we can."
Isabelle smiled and nodded with relief. She had been worried that Shiach would be angry or upset or something because she couldn't tell if Shiach was really angry or upset or something because Shiach had gas or something. But now that Shiach had agreed that they should keep moving through the cave system as fast as they could, Isabelle felt much better about everything and then she felt even better when Shiach gave her a friendly hug and squeezed her butt a little bit on the sly, though she also hoped Tahsi Junior didn't see.
They ran out of the dark room with the shapeshifter, until suddenly--
"Wait a fucking second!!" said Isabelle. "There's fucking loot in that dark room!"
Isabelle pointed at the dark room and then started running toward the dark room.
"Isabelle!" said Tahsi Junior. "Come on! We've got to keep moving!"
Isabelle kept running toward the dark room even though Tahsi Junior was yelling at her to stop and come back and it smelled like Shiach had farted. She reached the chest, that lovely chest that she had so terribly wanted to loot before the shapeshifter so rudely attacked Tahsi Junior.
[Loot 'Chest'?]
Isabelle thought yes, a thousand times yes.
Inventory: Isabelle
Item
Traits
Potion of Fortunetelling
+0.5 carry weight
Potion of Minor Luck
+0.5 carry weight
Garnet x2
n/a
Jade x3
n/a
Spell Tome of Minor Shadow Magic
+3 carry weight
Gold (2069)
n/a
Isabelle was definitely taking all of that shit.
Inventory: Isabelle
Item
Traits
n/a
n/a
Still, Isabelle wanted to know a little bit about some of her newly looted items. First of all, what was the deal with that potion of fortunetelling? Isabelle focused on it and thought, ‘Learn more.’
Item: Potion of Fortunetelling
Traits: +0.5 carry weight
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
Description: This potion of fortunetelling allows whoever drinks it to see what the future holds in store for them. It was developed thirteen centuries ago by the dread warlock Zandu the Unlucky who wanted to see how many more years he would have before he died horribly in his sleep. There is a small chance that this potion will actually grant the drinker information about their future in which the drinker will be eaten by an ogre or perhaps be turned into a zombie by the warlock Zandu himself, who, unluckily enough, ended up trapped on this mortal plane for all eternity as a ghost that constantly slips on banana peels. This potion can also grant the drinker information about other people's futures as well, if they choose to focus their psychic energy in such ways. The drinker may learn about a friend's upcoming death or perhaps that they will soon be brutally murdered by an ogre or perhaps turned into a zombie by Zandu himself, for instance.
Now Isabelle just had to know more about that potion of minor luck. After all, she didn't have a luck attribute or skill, so it was kind of odd to see that referenced in a potion.
Item: Potion of Minor Luck
Traits: +0.5 carry weight
Description: This potion of luck allows whoever drinks it to gain a small amount of luck for a short amount of time. It was developed thirteen centuries ago by the dread warlock Zandu the Unlucky who wanted to see if he could improve how many more years he would have before he died horribly in his sleep. There is a small chance that this potion will actually prevent the drinker from the negative aspects of the future in which the drinker will be eaten by an ogre or perhaps be turned into a zombie by the warlock Zandu himself, who, unluckily enough, still ended up trapped on this mortal plane for all eternity as a ghost that constantly slips on banana peels despite drinking copious amounts of this potion.
Isabelle nodded thoughtfully. Well, she didn't see any need in drinking that minor luck potion at the moment, especially considering the fact that she didn't really know what it would do, but she was very interested in the fortunetelling potion. Also, of course, the tome of minor shadow magic, but she didn't need to learn more about that. It was clearly just another type of magic spell tome, what would there be to learn? So, with all that in mind, Isabelle focused on the fortunetelling potion in her inventory and--
"Isabelle!" blurted Tahsi Junior. "Don't we need to get going?
"But I'm... I'm... I'm thirsty!" said Isabelle. "I'm still thirsty from having been soaked in lava. When the shapeshifter imprisoned us all in our own minds, it dipped me in a mental pool of lava, Tahsi Junior."
"Water's right over there," said Tahsi Junior. He pointed at a small stream running down one side of the cave passage. "You can drink from there."
Isabelle sighed and shook her head. "No way am I drinking water from there," said Isabelle. "Water tastes nasty."
"That's because it isn't usually underground water," said Tahsi Junior. "It shouldn't taste nasty. It should be cool and refreshing. Here, I'll take a sip first."
Tahsi Junior leaned forward and took a sip of water from the stream- side stream.
"Ahhh," he said after swallowing the mouthful down his throat. "Neat."
"You sure?" asked Isabelle doubtfully, peering at him curiously as she did so.
"Oh yeah," said Tahsi Junior. "It's fine."
"Fine?" said Isabelle suspiciously. "I mean water isn't supposed to taste like anything else other than water."
"I'll take a sip," said Shiach. "I feel like I could use some refreshment myself."
Shiach took a sip of water and then licked her lips. "Delicious," she said. "I feel much better now."
She gulped another mouthful down her throat and then took a long drink. At first it tasted horrible to her, but then it quickly became delicious.
After Shiach had downed even more water and had finished licking her lips clean again, she looked at Isabelle hopefully and asked her if she'd like to try some too.
"I'm... good," said Isabelle, though she did enjoy seeing Shiach soaking wet and messy. "I think, actually, I'll just drink a potion instead."
"A potion?" asked Tahsi Junior. "What, like one from the chest? I haven't heard of a potion being refreshing."
"You haven't heard of a lot of things, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. "Plus, it's a... it's a thirst quenching potion."
"Really?" he asked. "I've never heard of those."
"Oh, yes, a thirst quenching potion that's brewed specially for adventurers with high INTs," said Isabelle proudly. "It makes you feel refreshed and gives you lots of strength as well as making you stronger when you're thirsty... Yeah, it's a really good potion, I've had them before, best stuff ever and they're magical as all hell."
Tahsi Junior blinked at Isabelle quizzically. "So what happens if someone gets lost or is injured out in the wilderness on their own and doesn't have any quenching potions left?" asked Tahsi Junior. "Do they die?"
"No..." said Isabelle slowly, "not necessarily... No... Some people don't have any potions left because they died out here while they were adventuring out in the wilderness and couldn't get back to town with their wands or potions no matter how many potions they did or didn't have, it's not the potion's fault that peoplke are generally stupid and die while adventuring by themselves... But sometimes people do manage to get back safe and sound without any potions left because they didn't have enough money to buy them anyway..."
Tahsi Junior looked at Isabelle questioningly now. That woman was quite an odd one... Or perhaps he was just an odd one himself at this point. He had never thought about how adventurers might look at these things before. He had only ever considered how he would look at something if he were an adventurer and how he would react to such things if he were an adventurer...c
Now was the time. Isabelle focused again on her inventory. She had to know what her fortune had in store for her!
[Potion of Fortunetelling drunken]
[Loading fortunetelling sequence]
[...]
[...]
[Fortunetelling sequence activated]
The potion made Isabelle stagger unsteadily as she raised her head up to look around with bleary eyes. She began to see things which weren't really there... The bright sunshine outside shone brightly against the walls of the cave tunnel, casting dancing shadows onto the ground behind where she gazed into the distance beyond the tunnel's entrance as well as making it difficult for Isabelle to make out what might be beyond it in the darkness beyond, but then Isabelle saw something shimmering in the air ahead of her...
It was a colorful tent, floating in the air. There was a glowing light inside, beckoning her to enter. Isabelle floated up, up into the air, up to the tent. She grasped the rough tarp in her hands and pushed it aside. She slipped through the door into the dimly lit interior of the tent and found herself in a sitting room adjacent to a sturdy looking bar counter behind which sat a box, and within that box sat an animatronic, gold-skinned woman who looked at Isabelle with a strange expression on her face which seemed almost angry and surprised at the same time. Isabelle felt awkward and uncomfortable in her presence for some reason as well as feeling pleasure from this strange sensation that washed over her body.
"Hi," said Isabelle. "I'm Isabelle."
"I know you're Isabelle," said the lady. "I'm a fortuneteller, you damned fool!"
Isabelle's face reddened slightly at being called a 'damn fool' but she didn't let this show on her face or in her tone of voice in front of the fortuneteller who clearly knew her already or she wouldn't be calling her by name would she? Thinking about this now, Isabelle realized that perhaps 'fortuneteller' was not actually that much further from 'fortune teller' than 'fairytale storyteller' was from 'fairytale teller,' though she wasn't necessarily certain why that thought occured to her.
"Please don't just stand there and stare at me," said the fortuneteller. "I have to keep you here in this tent until I read you your fortune, and I damn well intend to get your fortune read as quickly and efficiently as possible so that you can leave here and go back home where you belong!"
"Oh," said Isabelle nervously. "Well alright then."
The fortuneteller turned around and placed two fingers on either side of her head, drawing circles around her temples with both hands. "I see that right now you are experiencing a great deal of emotion," said the fortuneteller. "You are feeling confused and frustrated." She paused to consider this for a while before continuing. "You are also worried about things that have happened recently. You have also forgotten to level up inexplicably, and should probably do that sooner rather than later, as I see an activation of combat mode in your future." The lady set her fingers down from her temples and sighed.
"That's it?!" said Isabelle incredulously. "That was shit!"
"What? That's just my damned intuition!" said the fortunteller. "You want your actual damned fortune, you take that coin on the counter there and you put it in the slot on the right side of my box."
"Oh," said Isabelle. She grabbed the coin and pushed it into the slot.
"Ah," said the fortuneteller., "Now we can begin." Her eyes started to glow, and she placed her hands on the shimmering crystal ball that Isabelle only then noticed was sitting before her. "Your fortune is a simple one," said the fortuneteller, "You are going to die horribly when you try to cut off your own dick with a rusty knife..."
The crystal ball glowed red for a few moments before it ignited into flames and began to explode loudly before falling apart into shards which were ejected into the air all around the fortuneteller who shielded herself with her arms as she cowered away from them violently. The explosion caused Isabelle to cough violently for a moment but otherwise caused no damage or harm whatsoever to anyone present.
"Sorry about that," said the fortuneteller. "Wrong fortune." She looked at Isabelle's chest. "Obviously." She looked again. "Then again, not always as obvious as I might've implied. Still, fairly obvious, when one comes down to it."
"Yea, I'm not really much for self mutilation," said Isabelle. "Or having a penis, for that matter, since I don't."
"Yes, yes, I'm getting the message, thank you!" spat the fortuneteller. She pulled out a nother crystal ball. "Let's try this again. Your fortune is this: You will find yourself having sex with another lady; however, there will be no penetration involved."
A strange look came over Isabelle's face for just a second before she put on a grin like she'd just had an epiphany or something. "No! No penetration?" she asked excitedly.
"Yes!" said the fortuneteller emphatically. "In fact, most likely your partner in such activities will be engaged in sexual activity with a man at the same time! And it won't even be violent, either! I mean this is foreplay! This is foreplay! Then comes the penetration! "
Isabelle's expression changed back to one of confusion and uncertainty. She opened her mouth to ask what exactly foreplay was but stopped herself short when the fortuneteller continued.
"Oh my gods," said the fortuneteller. "I got the wrong fortune agian. Your fortune is far too complicated for me to put to words, Isabella."
"Isabelle."
"Yes, that was my bad, Elizabeth. Now then, allow me to psychically communicate your fortune to you. Please to put both of your hands on my box."
Isabelle gave the fortuneteller a confused look.
"Sorry, on the box that contains me, the glass box," said the fortuneteller.
Isabelle nodded in relief, and complied. After a moment she felt some kind of energy or life force flow through her hands into the other woman in front of her before they both stopped moving after only a momentary pause.
And then, in a flash of light, it was like Isabelle was submerged in a dream. A cascade of bizarre imagery danced through her head. She saw someone who resembled Isabelle walking along a grassy hillside while staring up at a large red moon in the sky above them. In front of them stood two people holding hands and looking up at the sky as well though they were looking up at two different moons instead of one large red one up above them and two small white moons to their sides. Around them walked more people while dogs barked at them from behind fences and other animals such as horses milled about in pastureland as if they were at rest at midday on a sunny day after having just been awoken from an afternoon nap.
All the moons were on fire.
The dogs were on fire.
The people were on fire.
The fire was on fire.
Someone farted, and that fart caught fire, and then the fire from that fart caught fire which then itself also caught fire.
A wild dog bounded past someone who had set himself on fire by accident rather than by design and started to chase after it while they ran away screaming because it was chasing a wild dog on fire while they were running away screaming because it was chasing them on fire because they had set themselves on fire by accident rather than by design as they tried desperately not to burn alive while simultaneously trying not to be trampled by all the burning horses running wild through field as they screamed because everything was on fire...and then suddenly everything went black again.
"Did you get all that?" asked the fortuneteller. Isabelle was back in the tent.
"Um, honestly? No, not at all," she said.
"Gods damnit," said the fortunteller. "I guess I'll do my best to put your fortune into words after all, then. Here goes nothing.”