[Seek cover]

"What do you mean, we're all going to die?" said Isabelle, looking at Lucien with concern and disdain. "Isn't this your dungeon?"

"Well, technically, it isn't [mine], it's that the [dungeon] is [me]," said Lucien. "But--"

[Seek cover]

"What do you mean, we're all going to die?" said Tahsi Junior. "I'm so young! I've still but barely hatched!" The young dragon-kobold's eyes teared up. "Please don't kill me... please..."

[Seek cover]

"[Death] is an unfortunate consequence of [life]," said Lucien. And then he proceeded to ignore them and keep walking without a care in the world. He didn't stop for anything for quite some time; he walked straight ahead without looking back once until they finally stopped at a wall of pure darkness that pierced the floor beneath their feet like a blade. The darkness lay uninterrupted in all directions until they reached their end: the exit of the dungeon. But here there was no exit - merely darkness beyond the edge of sight that stretched out around them endlessly. "Sorry..." Lucien sighed. "The [dugeon] kind of [glitches] out around here. I'm honestly not really sure why, word on the [street] is that it's something with the '[texture_pack],' whatever the hell that is."

[Seek cover]

"We're trapped," said Tahsi Junior with disappointment in his voice. "We can't get out. I'm going to die. I'm going to fucking die, knowing so little about the world. I'll never learn about paying taxes, or, or about anal sex, or about politics... or about how to make friends..." He sobbed loudly in sorrow before looking up at Lucien apologetically

with big sad eyes and wagging his head from side to side. It was quite clear he wasn't used to getting cheated by dungeons so early in life and was now dealing with his emotional distress by projecting his frustration onto others. "I'm sorry..."

[Seek cover]

"Don't [worry] about it," said Lucien sincerely, his face filled with sympathy for Tahsi Junior. "I understand how [frustrating] it can be when you're young and just learning the ways of the world for yourself. I should've warned you--"

"No," said Isabelle immediately, cutting him off mid-sentence with her strong authoritative tone. "You shouldn't have." She glared at him with a stern look on her face as she pointed to herself and then pointed her thumb back towards himself with an equally forceful jab. "This is your fault!" She took a deep breath before continuing in a condescendingly calm tone of voice as though she was lecturing a child who'd done something wrong without taking responsibility for it herself. "Your dungeon's fault," she stressed with emphasis. "You didn't warn us about anything that could lead to our death." She made eye contact with him as she spoke; he flinched ever so slightly in fear of her fury, even though there was no real danger here. "We would've been better prepared if you had told us there was a risk of this happening." She paused for a moment as if to let her words sink in before asking: "Did you tell us?"

[Seek cover]

Lucien opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as Isabelle spoke again: "Did you tell us that there was a chance we might get stuck here? Did you tell us that we might die?" Her tone of voice was now one of anger and defiance, and her gaze bore into his soul like a fiery laser beam that burned right through his very core and destroyed everything inside him, leaving only ashes behind as she spoke in slow measured tones that conveyed a sense of power and authority: "Did you warn us?"

[Seek cover]

Lucien opened his mouth to speak a few times, but found he had no words to answer her question truthfully - no words that would make her feel any better anyway. He thought for a moment before saying: "Ok... yes... I didn't [warn] you. But I didn't think anything would happen - it's just a [dungeon]." A second later he added: "...it would be more accurate to say that half of the [dungeon] is [my] [dungeon]." He tried to offer an explanation that would make things seem less dire than they actually were; he wasn't too bad at lying after all. He didn't want Isabelle to overreact; he could tell she was prone to emotional outbursts when she got angry and already felt bad enough for being so irresponsible to allow his dungeon to enter into quake mode begin with. "It's not my fault if the other half of the [dungeon] has trouble working properly," he tried to rationalize as he pointed at the black void around them with his index finger while keeping his other fingers tucked under his arm protectively like an archer who'd just nocked an arrow at his target ready to fire.

[Seek cover]

Isabelle still stared angrily at him with an ever-growing sense of resentment towards him for being responsible for their predicament, but nonetheless she remained silent and gave him a chance to pay her back by responding first instead of launching straight into another rant about how unfair and cruel life was and how belligerently stupid and useless she thought Lucien was. "We understand," she stated with cold indifference as she put her hands on her hips and gazed defiantly down on him. The statement itself was truthfully true - her party of three had absolutely no idea what to do next, and were all thinking the exact same thing - that they were going to die here and now unless Lucien decided how to proceed. In fact, they were all thinking of different ways they could end their lives less painfully than being burned to death by lava and a quaking dungeon - Tahsi Junior wanted to use the swords in his hands to cut his throat open like a pig while Isabelle had considered throwing herself into the lava pit to kill herself quickly rather than describe how warm it felt flowing around her body as she slowly died from boiling alive. Of course, both these options were completely impossible given where they were now; they couldn't even reach each other to help each other out before the lava swallowed them up whole so there was no point in even considering them anymore. Shiach had considered taking a large rock and shoving it so far down her own throat that only her tongue would be left sticking out, but she quickly dismissed this option as too painful of a way to die too quickly; she'd also considered using one of the magic items in her bag to create a small breeze which would blow her away from the lava faster, but this too was ruled out because she needed to make sure she didn't get burnt alive too if this plan failed.

[Seek cover]

Lucien simply stood there silently watching the party discuss their options until he couldn't take it anymore. "Fuck's [sake]!" He shouted. His shout shook the entire dungeon.

[Quake incoming]

"Nice job, you fucking retard!" shouted Isabelle. "Maybe if you'd kept your fucking mouth shut, the quake wouldn't be incoming! Lucien, you're a fucking moron!" She spat on the ground between them as she made her final protest against him before informing him how sorry everyone felt for him for having such a talentless group of companions who couldn't even survive in the dungeon without dying horribly without the help of an incompetent dungeon core guide like himself. "At least we know why we haven't seen you around before... if you can call this 'seeing'!" She added sarcastically. "It's because you were too busy hiding in some far corner of this dungeon, without a texture pack, sucking your own cock and jizzing in your own mouth over and over again til you choked!"

[Quake incoming]

"Fuck off!" snapped Lucien as he turned away from Isabelle so that he wouldn't have to hear her insult him any further. "I don't need your sympathy you bitch!" he spat back at her angrily. "I'm not the one about to die here! You should be thanking me for being here with you!"

[Quake incoming]

"Thanks? Thanks?" Isabelle shouted back hysterically as she pointed a finger directly at him and told him again how sorry she was that he was such an asshole who didn't deserve any sort of thanks or appreciation from anyone ever again in all eternity. "You're welcome?" she asked rhetorically sarcastically as she shook her head slightly and looked up at the cavern ceiling with teary eyes wondering how life could possibly be this unfair for someone like her who had no redeeming qualities whatsoever except that she happened to be very attractive and brave enough to venture into dangerous dungeons like this one. "You're welcome?" she repeated yet again with sarcasm in her voice. "Thanks? Thanks for getting us all killed?"

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

[Quake incoming]

The instinctive thought-command sequence which came next sent Isabelle's mind into overdrive as she gathered her thoughts together and tried desperately to come up with something that might save them all from becoming ash and cinders by the lava and falling rocks that were quickly filling the cavern area.

[Quaking]

Isabelle had to speak doubly loud now, as the rumble of the dungeon shaking and quaking was loud and dominating.

"Alright, that's it! We've got to decide, people! Are we going up or down?" Isabelle barked, looking at the passageway that led up and the passage that led down. "Which way will keep us safe from all the lava and falling rocks from the quake?"

"What do you mean by 'safe', dammit?" spat Lucien. "None of this is safe, that's the whole--"

"Shut the fucking fuck up you asswipe!" shouted Tahsi Junior, silencing Lucien with a mere hand gesture before continuing his idea. "Do you think we should go up or down? Which way will keep us safe from lava and falling rocks?"

"I am not an asswipe," said Lucien with chagrin. "I am not an asshole, either."

"Neither one of those things sounds like something I want to do!" shouted Tahsi Junior again angrily as he continued to stare at Lucien's face. "So maybe you should just shut your fucking mouth about it already!" He finished his statement with another hand gesture which sent Lucien sliding backwards across the floor of the cavern until he landed on his ass with a thud. "Look up," commanded Tahsi Junior while pointing at the ceiling of the cavern before gesturing downwards with his other hand towards the passage leading down below them. Rocks and boulders were falling not only from the ceiling but from the sides of the cave, and soon enough the passage was totally blocked.

"Looks like our decision was made for us," said Shiach with a loud fart. "We can only go up from here. Literally, I mean. Figuratively, things could definitely get worse, though by what margin I'm not sure." He paused for a second to take a breath before continuing his assessment of their situation. "I guess we'll go down first then..."

"Are you insane?" asked Isabelle angrily. "Rocks are falling everywhere! What makes you think you can walk down there and stay alive right now? You heard Tahsi Junior, the passage is essentially blocked!!"

"Not my problem if you end up dead," replied Shiach, not caring in the least if she lived or died anymore than Lucien did. "I'm just doing what I have always wanted to do: exploring dungeons without worrying about my safety."

"Sarcasm isn't a good look on you, Shiach," said Isabelle with a roll of her eyes. "You just don't care what happens to us because you're phoenixborn and will just get rebirthed if you die here. Hell, I bet the lava won't even hurt you, will it?"

Shiach gave Isabelle a blank look.

"Huh?" Isabelle's eyes got big and mean. "Well? Well, Shiach? Will the fucking lava hurt you at all? Do you even care what happens to us, you stinky little bitch?"

Shiach opened both her eyes wide in recognition of Isabelle's insult; she was referring to her as a 'stinky little bitch'. She knew full well that she meant it literally -- after all, lizards and snakes often carried bacteria around inside their mouths which was why they always smelled, and phoenixborn weren't all that different from lizards and snakes other than the fact that they were closer to humans and birds in relation -- but she also knew that for some reason Isabelle had never once referred to her using that term before now as if it were an insult. It was almost as if she had just realized that she could make fun of her using her own personal traits against her! Even more confusingly, Shiach wasn't necessarily upset. In fact, the more Shiach thought about it, she realized that Isabelle had actually managed to really turn her on by being so cruel and degrading.

"Yea, well, you're a sociopath, Isabelle!" said Shiach. "Or... or... you're a psychopath! You're one of the paths!"

Shiach watched as Isabelle rolled her eyes again in response to Shiach's lip-biting insult before turning away with a huff of annoyance. She knew full well that Isabelle would react well to such a verbal attack; she did always seem to respond much better when someone else insulted her than she herself ever could. So Shiach decided it was time for her to be just as nasty back... but only figuratively this time, of course... figuratively speaking... And also literally... But not really... Actually not really... Shit... I've no idea... Let's see... Make fun of her hair color? Her weight? That would be mean... No, no! You can't say anything mean about her because Tahsi Junior has already done that! So let's say mean things about her face! Her face is ugly... but only when she wears glasses, and only ugly in a way that makes you want to submit to her! Wait... no! What about her breasts? They're too big... but only when she wears those pink tank tops! Shit! This wasn't going well! Why was she moaning? Shiach was moaning out of her control? What? Why?! Why was Shiach moaning so much? Was she wet? Did something touch her? Oh god, did somebody touch her?! Does Shiach need sex? Does Shiach need sex right now?!

Shiach stared at Isabelle for a long moment in surprise before slowly lowering her head down as if she were embarrassed about having lost control.

"Shiach?!" Isabelle called out in alarm. "What's wrong?!"

Shiach didn't answer immediately; instead she just continued staring at Isabelle with her head down for an extended period of time until finally -- with a heavy sigh -- Shiach slowly raised her head up again.

"Isabelle," said Shiach quietly. "I am sorry..." She paused as if in deep thought before continuing more confidently. "But I am not ashamed of my body."

For some reason Isabelle burst into laughter at Shiach's last words.

"Oh my god!" she laughed out loud until tears began rolling down her cheeks. "That's the most comical thing I have ever heard! A phoenixborn saying she's not ashamed of her body! What the fuck is wrong with you Shiach?!" She stopped laughing abruptly and looked down at herself in surprise before shaking her head back and forth in disbelief. "God! Look at your body! How can you not be ashamed of it?!"

Shiach stared blankly back at Isabelle with confusion until finally lifting her head up again, but immediately lowering it back down when she realized that Isabelle was still staring at her with a mixture of shock and disgust on her face.

"I don't understand," said Shiach simply, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling swelling inside her chest as Isabelle continued to degrade and berate her. "Why do you find me so disgusting?"

"Because all phoenixborn are disgusting!" said Isabelle, pointing right between Shiach's eyes with an open palm as if daring her to disagree. "All phoenixborn are sluts who spread their legs for anyone they come across just like you did with me! That's how you all are, you horny fucking whore!"

Shiach stared blankly back at Isabelle for a long moment before shaking her head very slightly.

"No," said Shiach quietly. "It is not true."

At these words Isabelle parted her lips and tried to speak, but before anything came out Lucien screamed.

"Aaaah!" Lucien cried.

"Um, can you shut the fuck up?" said Isabelle. "Me and Shiach are kind of having a moment, Lucien. Just because we're doing it doesn't mean we want everyone around us to hear it."

"I'm... I'm [dying]!!" cried Lucien suddenly. "I'm sorry, what?" said Isabelle.

Lucien clutched his heart as he fell to his knees. "I'm fucking [dying]! I'm going to [die]!"

"Aren't you, like, a dungeon or something?" said Tahsi Junior. "How can a place die?"

"Shut up!" shouted Isabelle as she turned to glare at Tahsi Junior. "Please shut the fuck up right now! Let the stupid core man speak!"

Tahi Junior nodded solemnly in understanding as he frowned down at Lucien.

Lucien immediately began crying as he curled up into the fetal position on the ground. He began moaning softly as he shook his head back and forth while clutching his chest over and over again in desperation. For some reason an image of Shiach bent over naked with bright red butt cheeks popped into his mind as he continued sobbing hysterically. "An [adventurer] somewhere further in the [dungeon] has found my [core] and stabbed the everloving shit out of me... they made it past all the booby [traps]..."

"Booby traps?" asked Shiach, looking at Isabelle's chest. "Yes.." said Lucien with a sob. "And I'm going to [die] now!"

"Thank god," said Isabelle. "You're unbearable. I'm happy you're going to die."

"[Fool] that you are!" said Lucien with a strained cough as he rolled around on the floor and into a pile of lava, which burned off all his clothes so he was just lying there pitiful and naked and deflated. "If the [dungeon] [core] [dies] with you all inside... well, let's just say, if I [die], none of you will make it out [alive]! Even if you're capable of [reincarnation]!"

"Ah fuck," said Shiach. "That sounds pretty inconvenient."

"Yup!" said Lucien. "So if I were the three of you, I'd be rushing to find that [adventurer] quick before they [kill] me and [kill] all of you by association!"

Isabelle rolled her eyes. What a pain in the ass.