Isabelle sat atop Lugano, staring at Oglo’s house. She almost felt like it was a waste to go in there. Really, wasn’t everything a waste? She’d just kicked both her party members, and all she had for companionship now was the immortal severed head of Stelas, one of the Overlord’s party members.
“Well, you’ve really done it now, player,” said Stelas. “Now the only question is, what will you do? Will you seek out the revenge you’ve so cherished, as I cherish the revenge I will one day seek out against you once I’m reunited with my body? Or have you changed your tune a little after you know what your ex party members really think of you? Now that you know that they consider you the fabled mage of shadows, that evil, prophetic figure who cares only for their own power and achievement?”
Isabelle rolled her eyes. “Stelas, who asked for your input?”
“Nobody asked, player,” said Stelas. “But, you see, I answer to nobody.”
“I thought you answered to the Overlord,” said Isabelle.
“Well, I did, too,” said Stelas. “But it seems that his system has become somewhat… corrupted. Broken beyond repair, it seems. To the point where even I, his once ever-loval party member, now literally answer to nobody. As in, if I attempt to check my party member status, the system now literally returns to me a null value.”
“Does that mean you’re out of his party?” asked Isabelle.
“No,” said Stelas. “I wouldn’t even be getting a null value return if I wasn’t in the party. I wouldn’t even see green system text if I wasn’t in his system still, and what’s more I’d probably die immediately if I ever did get kicked on account of my severed head.”
Isabelle mulled this over for a second. She had kicker her party members in a fit of blind rage and embarassment, and had gotten so focused on her own emotions that she hadn’t even considered the fact that her ex party members wouldn’t have a system once she kicked them out. “Shit, so Tahsi and Jingles don’t have a system any more?”
“Uh, duh,” said Stelas. “Come on, Isabelle, I thought you’d increased your int and wis by a large margin. Or are you only intelligent and wise in battle situations? Have your emotions totally eskewed your propensity for strategem? I would’ve never kicked them, myself. Then again, maybe you were just so sick of their laziness and wisecracking that you were more than eager to see them perish.”
[Combat mode activated]
Isabelle punched Stelas in the temple. He swung around like a punching bag off the side of Lugano the horse.
[150 damage dealt]
“Ow!” said Stelas.
[Combat mode deactivated]
“Don’t push it, Stelas,” said Isabelle. “Piss me off again and I’ll set your head on fire.”
“Fine,” said Stelas. “I really do think that kobold friend of yours is going to get himself killed soon, though. Chasing after a dragon? Talk about a death wish, even with a system that would almost definitely be akin to a sentenced execution. Hell, maybe he’ll starve after he finds out he can’t access any of the bread that was in his inventory!”
Isabelle sighed. “Stelas, you’re not making me feel any better.”
“I’m not trying to!” said Stelas. “Hell, if anything I’m trying to make you feel worse.”
“Well—” Isabelle cleared her throat, “—keep it up if you want to get set on fire. It’s not like it costs me a lot of mana, you know.”
“Fine, fine. Whatever,” said Stelas.
Isabelle sat in silence once again. She took a deep breath.
“Hey, um, player?” asked Stelas.
“Can you just call me Isabelle?” asked Isabelle.
“Fine,” said Stelas’ severed head. “Um, Isabelle?”
“What?!” asked Isabelle. Some birds that had been resting atop Oglo’s house scattered into the air at the volume of her voice.
“I thought you wanted me to call you Isabelle,” said Stelas.
“I do!” said Isabelle.
“But when you did, you got angry!” said Stelas.
“That’s because you’re talking to me at all,” said Isabelle with a sigh.
“You got reincarnated here in Beaubinte from another world, didn’t you, Isabelle?” asked Stelas.
“Yes,” said Isabelle with more than a little irritation coloring her tone.
“Well, I have a question, then,” said Stelas.
“Fine, ask away,” said Isabelle. She noticed that she was scowling, even though Stelas surely couldn’t see her through the burlap sack that contained her.
“Essentially, I have one big question,” said Stelas.
“Yes, I’ve heard,” said Isabelle. “Ever thought of getting it over and asking it?”
“Yes, I’ve thought at length about that very thing,” said Stelas. “With that in mind, here I go: Did they have a concept known as ‘politeness’ back in your old world? In case you called it by another name, by politeness essentially I mean—”
“Yes, of course we had politeness!” said Isabelle. “What the fuck kind of a question is that, anyway, Stelas?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Stelas. “You can just be a little rude sometimes is all. Hell, maybe it has something to do with why your party members were so eager to leave once you kicked them.”
Isabelle felt her right eyelid twitch. “Stelas, I really will set you on first.” She thought, ‘Draw Flame.’
[Mana 98%]
Isabelle’s hand lit with orange flames. She lowered it to the burlap sack that held Stelas, and then she thought better of it.
“What? What’s stopping you now?” asked Stelas. “It’s not like it’ll kill me. It’ll just torture me in painful agony. Isn’t that what you want, oh ‘mage of shadows,’ if that really is who you are?”
Isabelle shook her hand until the flames dissipated. “Maybe I do want to torture you, Stelas, but I’m concerned that the flames might hurt Lugano.”
Lugano the horse exhaled and snorted in equine approval.
“Plus—” Isabelle said, “—if I set you on fire, I’m concerned I’d melt the burlap sack that’s holding your severed head, and if that happened I might have to look at your face or something. That’s the only burlap sack I’ve got.”
“Fair enough,” said Stelas.
They sat there in silence for a moment. Isabelle looked back at Oglo’s house. Was she going to go in and get her revenge? Hell, would Oglo even be inside?
Isabelle looked at the horizon. The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky, closer and closer to the edge of the river. The sky was covered in blooming clouds that were growing pinker and redder as the sun sank down. It looked serene. Peaceful. A completely unassuming place for revenge. It made Isabelle feel like she would have to be crazy not to enact revenge. And so, she decided that—
“Hey, Isabelle?” asked Stelas.
“What?!” said Isabelle.
“Are you going to go in there, or…?” Stelas asked.
“Why do you keep asking me questions?” said Isabelle. “What, do you think you’re Tahsi now or something? Well, let me tell you something, Stelas. You will never, and I repeat, never be a Tahsi. You’re a severed head that wants to kill me. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“Someone’s bitter that they kicked everyone out of their party,” said Stelas with a snicker.
“I am not bitter!” said Isabelle. Yet another bird, which had over time decided once again to perch atop Oglo’s house, fluttered away.
“Sure you aren’t,” said Stelas.
“Seriously, why do you keep talking to me?” asked Isabelle.
“Oh, who knows,” said Stelas. “Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe I got used to the constant chattering and jabbering that you and your party so often engaged in. Maybe I’m just asking honest questions. Or maybe, just maybe, this is all an elaborate front. Maybe I have decided that, since I cannot make use of my body at this moment to break you down and torture and destroy you, that I’ve decided my absolute best course of action is to instead tear you down psychologically, causing you to question yourself and your own motives after sensing how obviously weak your ego is due to the recent events vis a vis your now-defunct party.”
Isabelle sighed. “Just shut the fuck up, Stelas.”
“No,” said Stelas. “No, I refuse! Yes, I, Stelas, totally refuse to ever silence myself! No, my head may have been cleft from my neck, I may have been reduced to an object of utility for you, you foul player you, but I will never silence myself! I will not tie my tongue! I will not shut the fuck up, I will not, I shall not, until your ears bleed with my words! I will drone on and onward, never once relenting, filling every absent crack in your psyche with more and more of my own diatribes until your own subconscious will resemble my mind as much as it does your own, yes, so that indeed you will host me, Stelas, inside your own mind at all times free of any lease agreement or payment from me of any kind! Yes, I will live rent free in your head, Isabelle, just as all of your inventory items—”
Isabelle raised her right hand and thought, ‘Draw Flame.’
[Mana 98%]
Her hand ignited in flames. She took her left hand, yanked Stelas’ head out of the burlap sack, and stuck it over her flaming right hand. Quickly, the dark elf’s head ignited in flames. He screamed and cried in agony.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
[250 damage dealt]
[201 fire damage dealt]
“Ow ow owww! Damn it, Isabelle, ow!” said Stelas.
[234 damage dealt]
[199 fire damage dealt]
“Stop it! Stop it or I’ll be burnt to crisp!” said Stelas. “Figuratively, of course, seeing as I’m immortal, but still!”
“Very well,” said Isabelle. Then, she realized that she wasn’t entirely certain how to put out the fire that Stelas had caught.
[262 damage dealt]
[244 fire damage dealt]
“Uh, Stelas?” said Isabelle.
“Yes?” said Stelas. “Also, ow!”
[288 damage dealt]
[256 fire damage dealt]
“Stelas, I’m actually not sure how I can put out your fire,” said Isabelle. “Usually when I set people on fire their str and hp eventually cancel it out.”
[Clarification: Any given player or npc’s fire resistance is also affected by their const score. Just so you know.]
Isabelle rolled her eyes. Classic system.
[295 damage dealt]
[281 fire damage dealt]
“You really don’t know?” said Stelas with a whimper.
“I don’t,” said Isabelle. “And what’s more, I find it fairly intriguing that the damage is actually getting higher the longer you burn. Regardless, Stelas, I’m a little surprised. I set you on fire when I first fought you and you barely reacted, you know.”
[321 damage dealt]
[294 fire damage dealt]
“Isabelle—” Stelas said, “—do you have any idea how many awful debuffs I’ve fallen prey to since you decapitated me? Have you ever wondered how I’m able to function as your proverbial head of holding when originally I had as much control of the Overlord’s system as your ex-party members had over your system, including over my own inventory? I mean, really, have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, the fact that I’m decapitated has me under so many heavy debuffs unrelated to the equally awful over encumbered status you’ve so graciously imparted upon me that I can barely think? These debuffs are obviously the reason I keep taking painful, awful damage from being set on fire. Why, I remember as well as you do how it was when I had my beautiful, perfect body. Oh, you were no match for me then, Isabelle. No match at all.”
[334 damage dealt]
[306 fire damage dealt]
“No match, huh?” said Isabelle with an eyeroll. “I guess that’s why I managed to decaptiate you, huh?”
[356 damage dealt]
[318 fire damage dealt]
“Oh my gods, please just do something already!” said Stelas with a whine.
Isabelle thought about trying out her other breath weapon on Stelas. The breath weapon that summoned a huge wave of water from her mouth. But, she thought better of it. That was too… uncontrolled. No, she had to do something else. And she had to do it quickly.
Isabelle looked over to Oglo’s home. She concentrated on it. The sun was getting lower in the horizon. It really looked beautiful reaching the crest of the river. Some birds flew by and squawked.
She needed to act, not sightsee. Isabelle didn’t want Oglo to wake up and find her standing outside his house on her beautiful, muscular horse Lugano, even if his mane was worth all the praise in the world, as were his musclular, sinewy legs.
Thinking quickly, Isabelle opened her inventory. Wasn’t there something of Stelas’ that she still had in there that could be useful in this situation?
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 312.9/317
Item
Traits
Flask of Whiskey
n/a
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
Yes, it was there! Only, hadn’t Isabelle already drunk all of it? Apparently not. Maybe there had just been a little bit more whiskey in that flask than she thought.
[Flask of Whiskey equipped]
Isabelle held the flask in her right hand, and Stelas’ flaming head by his white hair in her left hand. Her flame resistance made the fire emananting from him not an issue for her at all.
Isabelle dismounted from Stelas, stroked his mane and looked over to Oglo’s home. This bastard of a kobold had taken so much from her—so much loot, so much dignity, and indeed in a way he’d even taken her party members from her by proxy. After all, they probably would’ve never considered Isabelle as a ‘mage of shadows’ or whatever if she hadn’t wanted to get revenge on Oglo. But, hell, they weren’t there when she met Oglo. They didn’t go through combat trianing with him. They didn’t have to listen to him talk at length about shields. They didn’t know what an absolute knob Oglo was. But Isabelle did, and she was ready to make him pay.
So, Isabelle went through with her plan.
She walked over to the right side of the house, watching her peripherals. No one seemed to be watching her. Sure, Stelas was wimpering in pain as the endless fire engulfed his head, but he’d quieted himself to a pitiful enough volume that she wasn’t concerned about waking any kobolds up early.
Isabelle crept over to a wide window by the side of Oglo’s house. Now was her chance. She just had to be fast, and assured. She needed to smash the window. Isabelle didn’t want to enter combat mode, though, at least if she could help it. She crouched.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
Perfect. Isabelle had been worried that keeping her fire resistant dragon armor on would impact her stealth, but obviously that wasn’t a big concern due to how high her stealth had already gotten and how asleep most of the kobolds in the township were.
Isabelle looked around the ground. She saw a nice, sharp rock. Yes, it looked sharp and dense, perfect to break a window. Isabelle picked up the rock and aimed it at the window. She took two practice throws, and then, confidently, Isabelle launched the rock through the air.
With a loud shattering noise the window pane broke to bits. Perfect.
Then, smoke sputtered in a circle around the house, and a loud whirring sound echoed through the air. Apparently, Oglo had gotten a security spell cast on his home. Less perfect, but Isabelle wouldn’t let that stop her from success.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” asked Stelas. “Are you fucking crazy? What the hell are you doing?”
“Not well, bitch,” said Isabelle.
“That doesn’t even make sense!” said Stelas.
However, before Stelas could continue to ruin the moment, Isabelle chucked his flaming head through the broken window and into Oglo’s horrid little stone house.
First, all she heard was Stelas cry and whine as his flaming head bumped around the apparently wood floor of Oglo’s home. She stayed crouched.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
Second, she heard someone stirring in the house. There was a faint mutter of ‘the fuck is this motherfucking shit?’ and it was just as well.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
Then, she saw the smoke. Oh, that lovely smoke. Smoke and smoke, more and more of it, rising from the window and out into the air. For a second, it reminded Isabelle of the start of a bonfire back in her old world.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
Crackles of light. Crackles of flame, that is. More and more. And then harsh little pop pops. The fire was catching. Isabelle could hear Stelas wailing and crying like an infant.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
“Gods, what in the fuck is my alarm going off for?” mumbled a subdued kobold voice from inside the house. “And what is that gods awful whining sound coming from? It sounds like a beheaded child is bawling its spoiled little face off, and I don’t even know what the hell I really mean as I say it out loud, it’s just my general visceral reaction!”
[Current visibility: 0/400]
Yes, this was too good to be true. Somehow, stupid, foolish Oglo had been completely unaware of what she’d been up to. So unaware, that somehow he wasn’t even sure what was happening as his own house caught fire! What a joy. What an absolute rush. What ecstacy.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
“Oh my gods! My gods! Did I leave the furnace on or something?” asked the kobold voice.
Isabelle snorted in laughter. What an idiot! Oglo’s int must’ve been very, very low.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
The flames were growing. Isabelle could see them rising up, up above the side of the window now. Some of them sparked out into the air above. Oh, how terrible and wretched and perfect they all were. Burning a stone house down. Now, who could achieve that without a system? But, Isabelle knew now that even with her system, it probably wouldn’t last much longer. Yes, the flames looked weak. They looked weak and feeble. Faint, even. They needed fuel.
[Current visibility: 0/400]
“Oh my gods!” said the kobold voice inside the house. “A fire! And an apparently decapitated yet alive head burning in the middle of my living room! I better go get some water!”
It was now or never. Isabelle chucked the flask of whiskey into the window.
[Critical hit]
A huge fireball erupted from the window, sending Isabelle jumping back a few paces.
[4055 damage dealt]
[3555 fire damage dealt]
[‘Kobold’ is dead]
Kobold? What? Why did it just say kobold? Had Isabelle not just killed Oglo?
She backed away as the home further erupted in fire, as it emanated heat, like a burning candle wick of doom made out of rocks. She could but barely hear Stelas’ cries under the turbulent, crackling flames. It really weas glorious. For just a second, she worried for Lugano. Then Isabelle looked around and remembered that her horses seemed to often appear and disappear at will, and she felt a little better.
[Current visibility: 400/400]
“Well well well, look who it is!” said a familiar voice.
Too familiar. Horribly familiar. Isabelle turned around and scowled.
“Why, hello there, Isabelle,” said Oglo. “What the hell did you just do to my neighbor?” He smiled a sharp, fang-filled grin that looked ready to kill.
Isabelle looked over to see a similar stone house with a Thres flag by the side of the river just a house away.
Oglo drew a large, steel blade and chuckled.
“You need to work on your observation skills, Isabelle,” said Oglo. “Or, should I say, you ought to have. Because, news flash, I’m going to fucking kill you. And this time, I won’t be reviving you, either.”
[Combat mode activated]