Isabelle braced herself as more explosions fired off from the now-defunct hanging gallery in the center of the town square. Kobolds scattered in every direction, screaming as their scaly skin burned and melted. Isabelle stood on her feet and looked around, seeing three members of the Cloud Reach guard running towards her, longswords drawn.
Sir Jingles leapt to his hind paws and threw two small bags at the guards’ feet. In an instant a flash of opaque, purple smoke sprung into the air.
“Quick, Isabelle!” said Sir Jingles, his whiskers twitching. “We’ve got to get the fuck out of dodge!”
“What about Tahsi?” asked Isabelle. She’d just spent so much time and energy saving that stupid stale-bread-loving kobold, Isabelle wasn’t about to just let him die in a fiery explosion.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” said Sir Jingles.
Before Isabelle could argue, the screaming voice of Tahsi rung through her ears. Isabelle turned to see Tahsi running out from a plume of dusty smoke, his head ignited with flames.
“Holy fuck! Oh gods, why, whyyy!!!” screamed Tahsi, barreling into some fleeing guards as she pushed through the crowd and past Isabelle and Sir Jingles.
“See?” said Sir Jingles. “He’s fine.”
Isabelle couldn’t argue with that. Tahsi had so much hp, there was no way in hell a little bit of fire damage would do any lasting harm to their kobold companion.
Isabelle and Sir Jingles ran for it.
[Stamina 95%]
They followed Tahsi’s bright, burning head as he pummeled through the scattering crowd of kobolds. It was actually quite advantageous for the two of them, having Tahsi running in front, as he paved a bit of a trail for them.
[Stamina 84%]
As she followed Tahsi alongside Sir Jingles, Isabelle noticed he was heading towards a gate. One of Cloud Reach’s two western gates, in fact. Isabelle immediately worried about getting through the gate, but the closer they ran the more clear it became that the guards had thrown the gates open at the behest of the fleeing mob of scared common folk.
[Stamina 72%]
In a blur, Tahsi pushed through the gate, then Sir Jingles, then Isabelle, and all the while they were concealed by the rushing crowds.
[Stamina 58%]
They dispersed into the open air of western Thres, taking deep breaths and watching as fleeing kobolds ran in circles and into one another, screaming in terror. Isabelle could still see plumes of smoke rising from within Cloud Reach’s high walls.
[Stamina 51%]
Tahsi stopped running as the flames atop his head slowly faded away, complements of the system, no doubt.
[Stamina 54%]
“Sir Jingles, exactly what in the hell did you do back there? Was that even a person they hung on that stage?” Isabelle asked, heaving a deep breath as her stamina recharged.
[Stamina 60%]
“It was a person, in a way,” said Sir Jingles with a sly smile and a purr. “Well, it was about eighty five pounds of explosives dressed like a person.”
Isabelle’s eyes went wide. “How in the hell—?”
[Stamina 71%]
“Easy,” said Sir Jingles. “I pickpocketed a guard who just so happened to be Cloud Reach’s head of demolitions. He had no idea, either. I’ve leveled my sleight of hand up, like, three times since I last saw you and Tahsi, Isabelle.”
[Stamina 82%]
“Oh, that’s cool,” said Isabelle. “You know, Sir Jingles, I pickpocketed a guard’s clothing off of him while he was asleep.”
“Duh. That’s the easiest way to do it!” said Sir Jingles, rolling his cat eyes. “Try pickpocketing their armor off them while they’re cuffing your hands without them noticing if you want to impress me.”
[Stamina 91%]
Isabelle didn’t like that her two party members were so frustratingly better at handling the system than she was. It wasn’t like they’d ever had access to the system before they joined her party! It didn’t feel fair.
[Clarification: Life is not often described as ‘fair.’ However, the system works exactly as intended. Your party members have simply lived in this world longer than you have. How much fairer can you get?]
Isabelle rolled her eyes. Of course the system would be biased in favor of itself.
[Clarification: What you interpret as bias is, in actuality, a collapsed waveform function that starts as a measure of leveled xp versus overall xp versus level that references the anti-integrability of quasi-dimensional quadratic mappings procured from a projected coordinate plane produced by the system’s very own generative adversarial network, which combines supervised learning procedures with unsupervised data points compacted into a flow of tensors that takes input data (z) from each system user (x) and imparts said data (z) to the previously built generative model of the system (y) which through a series of tensor-based calculations comes upon an array of predictions (w) that are then compared and measured against the quantifiable output data points (v) to return either a null value or a numerical value greater than zero, in which case the result of the calculations (u) is quantified, added to the GAN as new sample data and then returned to the system’s end user as valid five dimensional data that then affects their playing experience.]
Isabelle blinked a few times. Her head was throbbing, and she could feel a warm liquid dripping from her right nostril. It slunk down her nostril and into her mouth, and tasted of copper. She wiped it with her fingers, noticing them stained red.
“Fuck’s sake,” said Isabelle. She figured she had to have earned an int point for this torture.
[Clarification: You’ve earned two.]
That made everything hurt a little less, literally and psychologically.
Quest: Save Sir Jingles
Description: Sir Jingles has been sentenced to public execution by Cloud Reach! They plan to have him hanged tonight ‘when the moon is high’ in the city center between Whitebridge and Nightbridge. Stop the execution to save his life.
Reward: Saving the life of one of your party members
Completed
Hey! That didn’t make Isabelle feel too shabby, either. About damn time she finished saving both her party members. What a shitshow.
Tahsi walked over to the two of them and smiled. “Sir Jingles? Just as I thought. I had a feeling it was you dressed as a guard that whole time.”
“What? You did?” Isabelle scowled. “How? What?!”
“Isabelle, my int is 39 and my wis is 61,” said Tahsi. He equipped a loaf of bread from his inventory and crunched down, slowly regaining hp. “I was more surprised that you seemed so convinced that Sir Jingles was an actual guard.”
“That’s probably because of my special ability,” said Sir Jingles. “That’s right, I’ve leveled up a few times over this whole ordeal, and I’ve got myself a special ability now. It’s called ‘Master of Disguise.’ It usually works, unless you succeed against a very difficult wis+int check. Learn more about it from the system if you want, or not, what do I care?”
Isabelle thought it was a little silly how Sir Jingles was carrying on, but she was also a little bit interested in this special ability. Isabelle thought ‘Learn More About Special Ability Master of Disguise.’
Special Ability: Master of Disguise
Type: Perpetual
Description: You are extremely proficient at concealing your identity. As a result, you have a distinct advantage in all things related to disguise and trickery. This includes deception checks where your intent is to conceal your identity as well as presenting yourself as someone you are not by with different costumes. It also allows you a special ‘craft costume’ ability where you can use different raw items to make different kinds of costumes.
That… sounded like a pretty nice special ability. Why hadn’t Isabelle gotten the option for such an ability? She probably still would’ve gone with invisibility, but still. Hadn’t she deserved the option?
[Clarification: Your special ability selection options were based around the levels and abilities on your character sheet, which correspond to different proficiencies, along with a randomized array of special abilities from which three were selected by chance for you to choose from.]
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
That didn’t seem fair.
[Clarification: Would you like the system to rehash its explanantion of the concept of fairness and how the system is an impartial third party?]
[Y/N]
Isabelle rolled her eyes.
[Y/N]
The system clearly wasn’t going to let this go. Isabelle thought no.
“Oh, you’ve got a special ability now, Sir Jingles?” asked Tahsi. “You know, I got one when I leveled up, too. It’s pretty cool. It’s called ‘Summon Item.’ I’d go into the details, but Isabelle could always just pull those up with the system, so I won’t, but I will say it’s probably one of my favorite things that the system can do.”
Isabelle couldn’t stand how genuine Tahsi sounded. Still, she wanted to know what his special ability was. Really, Isabelle was kind of frustrated theat her party members even got special abilities. She had kind of assumed it was a special ability just for her, the player, and that it was special because only she would have one. Oh well. Isabelle thought ‘Learn More About Special Ability Summon Item.’
Special Ability: Summon Item
Type: Cast 10 Times/day
Description: You have the ability to summon a specific item at any time, with this ability, capping at ten summonings per day. The item will be automatically added to your inventory. You cannot change the item you summon with this special ability once you have chosen it.
Note: You have chosen to be able to summon the item ‘stale bread loaf.’
Isabelle laughed. And then, she was angry.
“Tahsi, I can’t fucking believe you,” said Isabelle. “What a waste of a special ability. It’s just… irresponsible, honestly.”
“Waste? What do you mean?” Tahsi furrowed his scaly brow. “Why, I’ve already summoned up all ten of my bread loaves for today! I’ve been getting a hell of a lot of use out of it. Plus, it kept me from wasting away while I was locked up in prison for associating with you, Isabelle.”
Isabelle huffed. “Do you guys want to know what my special ability is?”
“I think we should head northeast, towards Wheatstar, sooner rather than later. I feel like we only have so long before Cloud Reach gets its shit together and sends some guards out looking for three escaped prisoners,” said Tahsi. It was like he hadn’t even considered Isabelle’s question. “Then we can eventually make it to the Horns in a day or two and I’ll introduce Isabelle to Lute Pluck.”
“Lute Pluck? Is that somebody’s name?” Isabelle asked.
“Ah, not a bad idea, Rokdi,” said Sir Jingles to Tahsi. “If anybody will be able to give this aimless player some direction, it’d be Lute Pluck.”
“Aimless player? I’d appreciate it if you weren’t so condescending. I killed a giant, you know,” said Isabelle.
“We’ve probably only got a good four to five hours of moonlight left,” said Tahsi. “We might be able to make it out of Westroad, but it’ll be a little dangerous wandering through the wilderness to get to Wheatstar from here. Usually, you’d just go through Cloud Reach, but I can’t imagine any of us going back through the gates of Cloud Reach any time soon, if ever at all. And to think, I called the Port District my home pretty much my whole life before this. My, how things change.”
Tahsi sure was laying on the guilt thick. Then again, the thought of never entering Cloud Reach’s gates again felt somewhat wrong to Isabelle, thought for what reason she was a little unsure. Maybe the system knew.
[Clarification: You have one active quest that requires you to enter the district of Cloud Reach]
She did? Isabelle couldn’t even remember what quest that could be.
[Quest ‘Get Revenge on Oglo’ is currently active]
Shit! Isabelle had almost forgotten about Oglo, that absolute twerp of a kobold. He’d taken all that loot from her, including everything she’d gotten from the giant and a whole lot of gold. Yes, Isabelle couldn’t let go of that quest, that much was certain. Only, Isabelle didn’t know what exactly she needed to do. Would she have to go back to the Citadel?
[Find out where Oglo lives. Talking to locals may assist you in this venture.]
The system clearly wasn’t feeling super helpful at the moment.
[Clarification: The system may not be ‘feeling super helpful,’ but that is only because the system does not posess the capability to feel at all.]
Isabelle rolled her eyes.
“So, Isabelle, what do you think?” asked Tahsi. “Should we try and head towards the wilderness towards Wheatstar now? Wait til morning? Or should we see if we can catch a ferry from Westroad to the Horns, assuming the Cloud Reach guards haven’t shut them all down?”
“Oh, we shouldn’t do any of that,” said Isabelle. “We’ve got to go back to Cloud Reach, I think.”
“WHAT?!” said both of Isabelle’s party members in unison.
“You had to have heard me,” said Isabelle. “We need to go back to Cloud Reach. At least I do, I guess, since I’ve got unfinished business. I’ll just go on my own if you two are too chicken.”
“Too chicken?” Tahsi took a bite of bread. “Isabelle, we could’ve died back there.”
“Sounds like too chicken to me,” said Isabelle. “What about you, Sir Jingles? You aren’t going to be a pussy about this, are you?”
Isabelle did a double take as she noticed that all of Sir Jingles’ fur had puffed up, which looked funny under his Cloud Reach armor.
“I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mock me with that language, Isabelle,” said Sir Jingles as he methodically smoothed down his puffed fur with varying success. “Besides, why in the hell should we go back to that godsforsaken district, anyway? I’m more than happy to skip town forever, it’s kind of what I do.”
Isabelle explained to Sir Jingles and Tahsi how she’d trained at the Citadel and how she’d beat all of the challengers, including a giant. It took some repeating, as at first neither of her party members believed her. Isabelle then explained how, just after winning the Citadel battles, her trainer Oglo had paralyzed her and taken all her precious loot. Tahsi and Sir Jingles almost started getting angry, themselves. What’s more, Tahsi seemed to recognize Oglo’s name.
“You know, Isabelle, I’m pretty sure that guy came to the Port District once and short changed me on some bread. He said it was to help his fighters ‘carb load,’ whatever in the hell that’s supposed to mean,” said Tahsi. “He seemed like a total knob.”
Isabelle told Tahsi that he ought to have heard Oglo drone on and on about using swords and shields as if it were an entirely foreign concept. Before long, Tahsi was sold on helping Isabelle find Oglo and enact revenge. Sir Jingles was a little more divided, especially considering some of his favorite sneaking boots had been taken from him when he was imprisoned and impounded somewhere in the Cloud Reach penitentiary. But Isabelle had an idea.
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
“You know, Sir Jingles, I was able to steal a map of the prison while I was breaking out of it,” said Isabelle.
[Speechcraft failed]
“No need to sound so smug,” said Sir Jingles.
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
“I didn’t mean to,” said Isabelle. “I was only telling you because, well, here we all are dressed as Cloud Reach guards. I really don’t see why we couldn’t just go back into Cloud Reach, go into the prison using the map, steal all our impounded loot back, and then go find Oglo. There’s no real reason we couldn’t do it.”
[Speechcraft had mixed results]
“I mean, I guess that could work,” said Sir Jingles. “But honestly, I think I’d rather just skip town.”
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
“Come on, Sir Jingles,” said Tahsi. “Don’t be a pussy.”
[Speechcraft succeeded]
“Yea, okay, fine,” said Sir Jingles.
Isabelle was absolutely thrilled to have Sir Jingles on board, but she was also very jealous of Tahsi’s higher char and speechcraft at that moment.
Agreed to enter Cloud Reach again, Isabelle, Tahsi and Sir Jingles walked towards the nearby gate.
“Wait a second,” said Tahsi. “We shouldn’t come in the gate we came out of. There’s another one just a few blocks up, let’s use that one.”
Tahsi lead them down Plaidale Passage, the main road that lead to this second Cloud Reach gate. As they approached the gate, the party could see dead and maimed kobolds with burn marks lying in the streets. The closer they got, the more uneasy Isabelle felt.
[Combat mode activated]
What? Why had the system said that?
[-5 hp]
Isabelle stumbled backward as an arrow stuck through her right shoulder. She looked up and saw a guard with a crossbow aiming at her from the top of the gate tower.
“Shit! It’s like they know who we are!” said Isabelle.
[Tahsi -10 hp]
[Tahsi is poisoned]
“Ack!” Tahsi said, falling to his knee as an arrow struck his hip. “We never should’ve come here!”
“That’s what I was going to say!” shouted a guard from up in the tower. There were four of them up there now, all aiming their crossbows.
“Don’t worry, guys, I’ve got this!” said Sir Jingles. He threw five daggers towards the towers. All of them hit fifteen to twenty feet below the mark. “Shit! I should’ve checked the range on those little bastards with the system first.”
This was a disaster. Did Isabelle have any arrows? She opened her inventory.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 78/92
Item
Traits
Standard Arrow (poisoned) x3
n/a
Orcish Longbow
+5 damage, +1 dx, +1.5 carry weight
Abbreviated list based on prior. Focus to see more items…
Hell yes. If only Isabelle had four arrows instead of just three. Isabelle looked at the arrow sticking out of her shoulder. She focused on it.
[Add ‘Standard Arrow’ to inventory?]
Fuck yes.
[Error: Command ‘fuck’ not recognized by the system]
Isabelle giggled under her breath and thought yes. The arrow suddenly disappeared from her shoulder and appeared in her inventory. Perfect. Isabelle focused on her inventory.
[Orcish Longbow equipped]
[+5 damage]
[+1 dx]
[Standard Arrow (poisoned) x3 equipped]
[+1 poison]
[Standard Arrow equipped]
Isabelle was thrilled. Now she just had to—
[-7 hp]
“Fuck!” Isabelle cried as an arrow shot through her hand. But that wasn’t about to scare her away. Isabelle focused on the arrow.
[Add ‘Standard Arrow’ to inventory?]
Isabelle thought yes. The arrow disappeared again, and it was like her hand had never even been hit, save for the loss of hp. Wonderful. She drew an arrow and squinted. It was time to take these fucking guards down.