Isabelle sat in her meditative trance. Plastered over her vision was the dreaded class selection menu, dominating horribly her every thought.
Select Your Class
Please select your class. Focus on a selection to learn more about it.
Fancy Musician/Sex Maniac
Bloodthirsty Murderer
Superpowered Nerd
Unbearable Zealot
Wannabe Otherkin
Bland, Generic Battledrone
Over-Spiritualized Body Weaponizer
Sunk Cost Fallacy Zealot
Distance Fighter That Wants To Look Cool
Two-Faced Backstabber
Inbred Magician
Soul-Selling Magician
Reality Gaslighting Douchebag
What a horrible selection of classes. Of course apparently it wasn’t the system’s fault, it was supposedly Isabelle’s fault for her past behavior in Beaubinte. But she kind of felt like the system was just projecting.
Still, Isabelle wasn’t about to submit to choosing one of these abhorrent classes. After all, she’d only managed to best the Overlord because of her cross-class abilities, and this didn’t seem like it would open her up to multiclassing as much as it would just weaken her for a useless tradeoff and an insulting class title in her character sheet.
She had an idea. It would just require some speechcraft. Of course Isabelle couldn’t equip anything to help with her speechcraft right now in a meditative trance, but didn’t she already have items equipped that increased her char and speechcraft anyway, back from when she’d talked to all the kobolds who’d just seen their neighbor’s house burn down? Isabelle could do this. She just knew she could.
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
“Hey, dragon—” said Isabelle, “—you know how you were able to send me that request and go into my system to change my system preferences so I don’t have to shrug to open my character sheet?”
“Yes?” said the dragon.
“Well, I was thinking,” said Isabelle. “Why don’t you just go back into my system preferences and disable the class selection menu?”
[Speechcraft failed]
“I’m sorry, Isabelle, but that’s not allowed,” said the dragon. “I’m only supposed to introduce you to the system key and fill in the gaps to your tutorial. Closing you out of your class selection menu is diametrically opposed to those goals, and would make an incredibly bad instructor out of me. I can’t really have that affecting my reputation.”
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
“I thought you didn’t have a great reputation, anyway,” said Isabelle. “If most of the other dragons don’t already respect you, why should you worry about helping me sullying your reputation?”
[Speechcraft failed]
“Isabelle, you clearly don’t understand me,” said the dragon. “I mean, don’t you get that being the instructor, the tutorial for the new Beaubintian player, is a huge reputation boost? People, and by people I mean the hibernating soul;s of other dragons, will respect me so much for doing this for you. And then, finally, they’ll think I’m cool.”
[Speechcraft attempt: threaten+persuade]
“Okay, fine,” said Isabelle. “You do that, then, dragon. Just know that I’ll never talk to you ever again. If I ever need any help with system key, hell, I’ll just find another dragon in this meditative realm that can help me out. It’s crawling with them, you’ve said, isn’t it? So why do I need you at all, anyway? I bet I could get another dragon soul to disable my class menu easily.”
[Speechcraft succeeded]
“Oh, gods damnit, fine!” said the dragon. “You wore me down, Isabelle.”
“Good,” said Isabelle. “Happy to hear it. Now get rid of this appalling menu so that I can get on with my classless life.”
“Classless is right,” mumbled the dragon soul under its breath. “Now then, I’ll just send you an interface request… one second…”
Interface Request
Request Origin: Zirsiem the Dragon
Interfacer has a current security certificate and is verified and trusted
Description: Zirisiem is requesting to interface with you so that he can disable your class selection menu.
Accept? Y/N
“Now, Isabelle—” the dragon said, “—before I do this, I just want you to know that once I disable your class selection menu, you won’t be able to—”
Isabelle thought yes.
[Interface request accepted]
[Processing acceptance]
[…]
[…]
[Accepted]
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
[Interfacing]
[…]
[…]
[Interface completed]
[Class selection menu has been permanently disabled. You are no longer eligible to select a class, and your class will remain an undefined value.]
“Thank you, Zirisiem,” said Isabelle.
“It’s actually pronounced Zirisiem,” said the dragon. “But you’re welcome. I’m assuming you’re okay never having a class, then?”
“Yes,” said Isabelle. “That’s the whole point.”
“Okay,” said Zirisiem. “Well, that’s settled, then. I guess you’ve formally had a tutorial, or at least what amounts to one. I hope you’re satisfied.”
“I mean, I think so,” said Isabelle.
“You do?” the dragon asked eagerly. “Well then, can I interest you in filling out a very brief survey with your system on my performance?”
“Oh…” said Isabelle. “Do you really want me to?”
“Yes!” said Zirisiem. “It would mean so much to me.”
“Ugh. Fine,” said Isabelle.
“Great! Let me just pull it up…” said the dragon.
[Notice: You’re recieveing a survey request from Zirisiem. Do you accept?]
[Y/N]
Isabelle thought yes. She would’ve rolled her eyes, but she was still frozen still in meditation.
[Survey accepted]
[Loading survey…]
[…]
[Survey loaded]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[First question: Please rate your instructor from 0 to 10]
Isabelle looked at Zirisiem and thought ‘seven.’
[Answer ‘7’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Second question: From a scale of 0 to 10, how likely are you to recommend a tutorial with Zirisiem to a friend?]
Isabelle thought ‘four.’
[Answer ‘4’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Third question: Do you feel confident that you know more about Beaubinte and about your system?]
[Y/N]
Isabelle definitely did know more, that much was for sure, though she wasn’t necessarily confident. She thought, ‘kind of.’
[Error: invalid selection]
[Y/N]
That figured. Isabelle thought yes.
[Answer ‘Yes’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Fourth question: Do you have any thoughts you’d like to add? Please think them now. Do not worry, this survey is anonymous.]
Isabelle thought, ‘I meant for my answer to the third question to be kind of, not yes, because I don’t feel super confident about the system as compared to before this tutorial. Also, Zirisiem kind of likes to overshare and talk a little more than is necessary.’
[Answer ‘I meant for my answer to the third question to be kind of, not yes, because I don’t feel super confident about the system as compared to before this tutorial. Also, Zirisiem kind of likes to overshare and talk a little more than is necessary.’ recorded successfully]
[Closing survey…]
[…]
[Survey completed. Thank you for your time.]
“Great, I’m done,” said Isabelle. “I think it’s about time to get out of this meditative state now.”
“Wait a second!” said the dragon. “I just got back the results of your survey in my system! I’m just dying to see what you said!”
“What?” asked Isabelle. “What do you mean? I thought it was anonymous!”
“It is!” said the dragon. “But I’ve never even done this before, you’re my first player to tutor! I’m so excited to see what you had to say about me.”
Isabelle was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. She hadn’t realized that the dragon didn’t often do these surveys, or that he’d be so excited and eager to look at her responses right away. In fact, she’d hoped he’d absolutely never look at them, and was hoping and wishing that more and more with every passing moment.
“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about, Isabelle,” said the dragon. “I’m just excited for the feedback, I’m not expecting anything perfect.”
Isabelle inwardly cringed.
“It’s loading… loading… still loading… wow, you must’ve given a lot of helpful feedback… okay, all loaded!” the dragon was silent.
Isabelle wished that she could exit meditation, but it didn’t seem to be possible at this moment.
“Oh… oh… okay… I didn’t… I didn’t realize… wow…” the dragon said, starting to sob softly. “I didn’t think you’d think of me in such a… I mean, you were so critical! …Am I really not a solid ten of a dragon instructor? I figured I was at least a nine… gee… what a wakeup call…oh gods.”
“Hey, I didn’t mean any of it in a bad way,” said Isabelle. “I just thought you wanted my feedback and that it was anonymous.”
“It is anonymous! I already explained that to you, Isabelle!” said the dragon. “Hell, I’m sure you just forgot I told you because I’m such a terrible instructor that you’d barely recommend to a friend at all! You’ll probably never remember anything I taught you about the system, either! It was all an exercise in futility! Gods, take me now!”
“Please calm down,” said Isabelle. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” said the dragon. “Sure, Isabelle, I can see how you might think that way. I can see how you might think that it’s not a big deal, that my first big survey response is terrible. I can definitely see how from your perspective it wouldn’t matter at all. But have you ever, just once, tried to think of it from my perspective?”
“…No?” said Isabelle.
“Of course you haven’t!” said the dragon. “Of fucking course not! Because why the hell would you? You’ve got no respect. No fucking respect! And no empathy! No fucking empathy at all! You really must be the damned mage of shadows!”
“Don’t fucking call me that!” said Isabelle. “I’m not the mage of shadows!”
“If you weren’t the mage of shadows then you wouldn’t have given me such a mean survey response,” said the dragon. “If you weren’t the mage of shadows, you wouldn’t have given me a four.”
“Oh my god,” said Isabelle.
“Which god?” asked the dragon. “Which god is yours? Actually, I can answer that. Clearly, your god is the Lord of the Flaming Bag of Dog Turds Thrown At The Front Door of a Homestead, because that’s the only god evil enough to accept patronage from such a scaly, slithering snake as yourself!”
“Did a dragon really just call me a snake?” asked Isabelle. “And what’s more, did you just describe me as scaly? Do you have any self awareness?”
“Stop being so insulting, gods damnit!” said the dragon. “Gods, Isabelle, you’re a pill.”
“Can I leave, now?” asked Isabelle.
“I mean, you can leave any time, this is your own meditative state,” said the dragon. “I just wish I hadn’t helped you at all. You can consider my offering to help you with magic script officially rescinded.”
Isabelle found that upsetting. She’d felt kind of relieved at the thought that she’d be able to have this dragon do all the hard magic scripting work for her when the need arose.
“I’m reading your mind, Isabelle,” said the dragon. “And, as luck would have it, I have a way in which you could earn my good favor once again.”
“…Okay. What is it?” asked Isabelle.
“It’s simple, really,” said the dragon. “Just, well, just take my survey again and give me a better score.”
“Are you shitting me?” asked Isabelle.
“No,” said the dragon. “I’m not shitting you. I’m dead serious.”
“Ugh. Fine,” said Isabelle.
“Great!” said the dragon with glee. “Let me just pull it up…”
[Notice: You’re recieveing a survey request from Zirisiem. Do you accept?]
[Y/N]
Isabelle thought yes.
[Survey accepted]
[Loading survey…]
[…]
[Survey loaded]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[First question: Please rate your instructor from 0 to 10]
Isabelle looked at Zirisiem and thought ‘one.’
[Answer ‘1’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Second question: From a scale of 0 to 10, how likely are you to recommend a tutorial with Zirisiem to a friend?]
Isabelle thought ‘one.’
[Answer ‘1’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Third question: Do you feel confident that you know more about Beaubinte and about your system?]
[Y/N]
Isabelle thought no.
[Answer ‘No’ recorded successfully]
[Loading question…]
[…]
[Question loaded]
[Fourth question: Do you have any thoughts you’d like to add? Please think them now. Do not worry, this survey is anonymous.]
Isabelle thought, ‘This survey is not anonymous, it is manipulative bullshit that this stupid dragon is trying to impart on to me. Case in point, he made me take this survey a second time to get back in his good favors. I think he was expecting me to give him a better rating, but he can get fucked as far as I’m concerned. I don’t need to help of this lonely dragon dweeb that much, I can figure out magic script on my own. I consider this entire tutorial a zero out of ten experience.’
[Answer ‘This survey is not anonymous, it is manipulative bullshit that this stupid dragon is trying to impart on to me. Case in point, he made me take this survey a second time to get back in his good favors. I think he was expecting me to give him a better rating, but he can get fucked as far as I’m concerned. I don’t need to help of this lonely dragon dweeb that much, I can figure out magic script on my own. I consider this entire tutorial a zero out of ten experience.’ recorded successfully]
[Closing survey…]
[…]
[Survey completed. Thank you for your time.]
Isabelle smiled inwardly. Now it was time to leave this meditative state.
“Thank you so much, Isabelle,” said the dragon. “I really appreciate how kind you’ve been to me. As a show of good faith, I won’t even look at the survey response.”
Isabelle inwardly snickered. She would’ve outwardly snickered, but she was still immobilized by being locked in meditation.
“What’s so funny?” asked the dragon. “Sorry, I should stop that. It’s pretty rude to look into your mind, even if it is your own meditative state I’m visiting through the collective unconscious. I’m just, you know, it’s hard being a dragon soul floating around with all the other dragon souls for tens of thousands of years. And it’s even harder when a vast majority of those very same dragon souls really don’t like you, for whatever reason. I will say, I think I need to work on myself as a person. I’ve got a lot of deep-seated emotional issues that will never be solved by scores in an evaluation survey, and I need to be more honest with myself and recognize that as a fact. So, I want to apologize. I want to apologize for the way I’ve acted towards you through this whole process, Isabelle. I’ve been very invasive. I showed up without you expecting me to, I talked on and on and on to you for far, far too long, much longer than you’d really have liked me to I’m sure. And worse still, I didn’t ever really consider your own feelings, even though I was literally reading your mind the whole time because I’d entered your own meditative state with such ease. By the way, did you know that you can actually close off your meditation to visitors? I assume you didn’t, since all of your mental walls were literally completely down and yet you seemed completely shocked that another entity was visiting you.”
“Wait a second,” said Isabelle. “What did you just say to me at the end there?”
“You were not protecting your mental space from me,” said the dragon. “Like, you had no barriers up between your mind and other entities, so it was really easy to hop on in here. That’s honestly pretty dangerous, you know. There are a lot of souls swirling around the collective unconscious that want a lot more than positive survey results. A lot of souls that want a lot, lot more. So really, if I were you, I’d consider putting some of those walls up when you meditate.”
“How do you do that?” asked Isabelle.
“Oh, it’s easy,” said the dragon. “Just think ‘Activate Meditation Walls’ when you’re meditating to activate your meditation walls. That way, no outside entities can enter into your psyche, it’s just you and your mind swimming around in that wonderful, infinite, eternal, mindless slumber that mesmerizes and bewitches the mind in such a way that—”
Isabelle thought, ‘Activate Meditation Walls.’
[Meditation Walls activated]
The dragon’s voice abruptly cut off mid sentence and his presence dissolved into nothingness. Isabelle was finally alone in that dark, empthy expanse that was the echo chamber of her own mind and psyche. And damn, it felt pretty good. She thought a thought, and then that thought became visualized instantly. For instance, Isabelle thought about a ham sandwihc, and there one was, swirling in the visual umbra of her mental state. Yes, on and on did that lovely sandwich swirl. And that sandwich looked and swirled like freedom.
But Isabelle was getting quite bored of meditating. Hell, it felt like she’d been meditating forever! Of course it probably felt like that because time had no meaning during meditation and a single second could, as far as she’d heard at least, last multiple years. Still, Isabelle was damned sick of meditating and did not care to spend even a half second more doing it. So, she thought ‘End Meditation.’
[...]
[Ending session]
[...]
Isabelle’s eyelids shot open. She watched as the world around her zoomed back in to focus. She was sitting on cold planks of wood, and was surrounded in darkness. Not only was she surrounded in darkness, but she was in a small, dark enclosure that was bobbing around. It was only after realizing this that Isabelle noticed that her arms were bound and chained behind her back. Her legs were crossed, but they were also locked in shackles. It smelled humid and sticky and it seemed that whatever enclosed Isabelle bumped and stumbled over what was surely a bumpy road.
“What the fuck is this?!” asked Isabelle. “Seriously, what the fuck?!”
“The prisoner!” said a muffled voice.
“Ah, shit!” said another voice. “She’s fucking awake?”
“I think so!” said the first voice.
The enclosure that Isabelle was trapped in stopped moving. In mere moments, a side of the enclosure swung open, revealing two grimy-looking kobolds. One wore an eye patch, and the other had a large, shimmering lip piercing. It was light outside, and it hurt Isabelle’s eyes.
[Combat mode activated]
“Well, well, well,” said the kobold with the eye patch. “Little miss meditator’s finally woken up, has she?”