The fortuneteller cleared her throat and addressed Isabelle. "Your nipples shall become stiff and attentive at inopportune times, leading to a much-perceived awkwardness from your own perspective as well as many derisive comments from beyond the fourth realm."

"First of all, that's already happened to me a bunch, and I've kind of gotten over it since I reincarnated here and leveled up a lot," said Isabelle. "No idea what you mean about the 'fourth realm,' though."

"My bad, I was telling your past-future, not your present-future," said the fortuneteller.

"My past-future? My present future?" Isabelle scowled. "Why don't you tell me my future-future? That way I can go back and try to stop myself from doing things that might happen later!"

"The future-future is untellable, it is anyone's guess," said the fortuneteller with a shrug. "I'm afraid there isn't much I can do about that." She paused for another moment before continuing, ignoring Isabelle's scowl this time entirely. "Now then, moving on..." she began once more. "One day you will find yourself at a party where you will meet a man whom you will instantly dislike due to his handsome face and smooth hair that seem unnatural compared to everyone else there."

"Wait, now you're talking about parties and men?!" said Isabelle. "That's not really what I was here for. This whole thing was supposed to be about... about... oh, I don't know! Something nebulous and awe-inspiring and epic! Like a hero!"

The fortuneteller started to guffaw. "Hero? Hero?! Miss, pardon my Santserianch but you're no fucking hero. You're more like a fucking antihero." She chuckled once more before continuing more seriously. "You are going to become involved with someone you think is good at heart who is secretly evil at heart."

"Oh," said Isabelle blankly. "Well, that's pretty vague."

"It must be," said the fortuneteller with another laugh. "Because we're talking about someone who has been dead for nearly three thousand years or so."

"Um," said Isabelle awkwardly, "That's kind of weird."

"Yea, well, you get into some weird stuff, Isabelle," said the fortuneteller. "Also, definitively, you are the mage of shadows. Just so you know. And also just so you know: the sun will rise tomorrow morning."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" spat Isabelle. "Is that some comment on the perceived obviousness of the fact that I may or may not be the mage of shadows or something?"

"Oh, I don't know, you tell me!" laughed the fortuneteller.

Isabelle gave her an incredulous look before snorting out a breath and proceeding to roll her eyes at herself. "I guess not," she conceded absently as she continued rolling her eyes. "I guess it's just a thing that happens when you have a dark cloud hanging over your head all the time."

The fortuneteller crossed her arms and looked at Isabelle thoughtfully for several seconds before speaking again. "Tell me, Isabelle," she said eventually. "How does it feel to know that you're going to die fairly soon?"

Isabelle snorted. "What the hell do you mean?"

"Shit," said the fortuneteller. "I've said too much. Shit shit shit shit." In rapid succession she flicked her fingers in a series of gestures which sent an invisible force surging through the tent floorboards beneath Isabella's feet, lifting her up from where she sat and hurling her through the air toward the entrance flap of the tent in such a fashion that it seemed as if she had teleported away rather than actually moved through space as one would expect from actual teleportation.

Isabelle blinked rapidly in surprise and confusion and then looked down at herself in shock. She was standing on the cavern floor, and Tahsi Junior and Shiach were looking at her with concern and stinkiness, in that order.

"Isabelle!" said Tahsi Junior. "Don't we need to keep moving through the cave? Also, how was your fortune? Did you learn anything about my fortune while you were in the trance? Do we need to move faster?"

"Tahsi Junior..." groaned Isabelle, shaking her head slowly as she tried to clear it of fuzziness. "Sorry guys, I think I just got mindfucked by a hologram of an old lady." She shuddered visibly as she stood up and surveyed the cavern room around her. It looked exactly like it had when she'd entered it only moments earlier, though now there was a slight visual distortion to everything due to her perception being still extremely focused on the fortuneteller hologram floating before her eyes in midair rather than on any particular thing in spatial reality.

"Do you need a hug?" asked Shiach. She walked up to Isabelle, arms outstretched, but Isabelle only pushed her away and groaned at Shiach's body odor.

"No Shiach," she said firmly. "I'm fine."

Breathing heavily from exertion, she walked over to the nearest wall and leaned against it for support as she gathered her thoughts again before speaking aloud again. "So... what the fuck just happened?"

"You drank a potion, Isabelle," said Shiach. "Fuck it, you need a hug!" Before Isabelle could say no, Shiach leaned in and squeezed her tightly.

Isabelle sighed and rolled her eyes. "Thanks for your... support... Shiach." Her eyes were watering. Shiach really needed a bath. "Anyway, I think I've been mindfucked by a hologram of an old lady." She paused for a moment and then blurted out, "Also, I might fucking die apparently?!" She rubbed her face with both hands and slumped

slightly as she realized that this might not be as big a deal as she'd originally thought it might be. Time would have to tell whether or not this was going to be a problem of real significance or not. Either way, there was little else she could do for now except prepare for whatever lay ahead of them next.

The two girls and the dragon-kobold wandered back down the cave passage toward the open caverns beyond until they reached a spot where they'd found a bag of cheese that Tahsi Junior had stolen earlier that day. They stopped there briefly to examine it before continuing on their way without so much as saying anything further to each other until they eventually came across a small pack containing what appeared to be several smaller bags filled with various herbs and spices and some rather questionable-looking dried meat strips which were clearly intended for use as food supplements rather than as meal replacements - though that wasn't entirely surprising given Shiach's dietary preferences - and also contained some basic items such as rope, cloth, and flint. Shiach agreed to carry all of these items in her own inventory, though Isabelle suspected it was because she wanted to eat some of those terrible meat strips without judgment or comments from the rest of the party.

"Okay," said Isabelle after they'd continued walking for a few minutes in silence once again, "well... I guess we might kind of be stuck in these caves."

They'd walked past the same pile of rocks at least three times by then, and Isabelle couldn't help feeling that their current location was quite possibly the most boring place they could have gone for adventuring purposes. The entire cavern room before them was made up entirely of deep walls of stone with no apparent end to them anywhere in sight, save for a single door that was situated at the very far end of the chamber and looked like it led off into another cave room somewhere behind it. They walked right past it without even glancing at it despite it being directly in front of their noses for this entire time before finally arriving at this exact spot where they were now standing. Shiach nodded once more in affirmation of Isabelle's statement without actually talking during this specific exchange so far, but then quickly turned to face forward again with the beginnings of a look of panic in her eyes.

"What's wrong Shiach?" asked Isabelle. She looked around herself expectantly but saw nothing particularly out of place aside from the fact that they seemed to be stuck inside a stupidly-styled castle room from some cheap video game. But what was new? There was always something out of place when you visited a mysterious cave. Wasn't there some sort of law about that or something? Oh well. That was just life sometimes.

"I just realized that this place is really, really fucking repetitive," said Shiach. Then, she failed to completely stifle a fart.

Thankfully, Shiach seemed to immediately realize how stupid and obvious she must have seemed upon making this observation and exuding such flatulence as opposed to actually trying to keep up the charade that their current surroundings were anything other than some generic cavern room with no actual doors leading off into anything other than probably yet more caves elsewhere. This quickly led to Isabelle having to roll with the awkwardness that resulted from Shiach having obviously farted while also being uncertain about the nature of their current situation so that they didn't have to talk about the fact that this whole scenario was beginning to feel pretty fucking stupid themselves at this point after feeling like they were playing pretend in one big video game world for the last hour or so already.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

Whatever this place was supposed to actually be like, it sure as hell hadn't felt like any type of reality so far. So now instead of just pretending that everything was fine, they had to pretend that everything was somehow even worse than fine due to how unbelievably boring and pointless it all felt?! That was a lot worse than fine! How did people do this shit?! Just how bored did one have to be in order to go through with pretending to spend hours upon hours wandering around in places where nothing ever happened?! This was awful! Why couldn't they just play one single video game where all of the spaceships had guns on them instead of making them all totally useless?! And why did every dungeon always have to be full of annoying little rats that kept getting in your way?! And why, for the love of god, did Shiach smell worse than a shopping cart full of rotting fish?

Isabelle sighed heavily. Okay. Enough was enough already.

"Well yeah," she began, "that does kinda suck. This place is repetitive."

"Yeah," said Shiach, "it does."

Then Shiach did a nosedive down onto her knees and started crying heavily while Isabelle stepped over and crouched down next to her as soon as she finished taking a momentary break from walking ahead of her fellow party members. Shiach cried loudly at first but then quieted down almost instantly. "Sorry. Sorry. I just feel like the cavern walls are closing in on me!"

Isabelle looked around. "Shiach, did you eat some of the mushrooms from that pack we found a few caverns away? Because you seem like you're tripping balls. Are you sure you're not on drugs or something?"

"No!" snapped Shiach loudly but quietly, "I'm not on drugs! I'm not on drugs! I swear! I'm just so fucking bored and tired!"

"Oh," said Isabelle awkwardly, "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be!" shouted Shiach suddenly, "It's not your fault! You guys are all part of my team! That means we're all in this together! We're supposed to stick together!"

Isabelle would've been annoyed, but Shiach had squeezed her butt a little while crying this out, so she was just a little aroused. Her nipples were even hard, but no one could tell in this dark cavern, and like Isabelle had told the fortuneteller, she was way passed being embarrassed by having nips that could cut a diamond in half. That was just how it was going to be from here on out.

The two women remained crouching side by side until they heard another loud fart from Shiach again right after another several minutes of silence. The sound made both Isabelle and the nearby stone walls wiggle slightly as if they had just been startled by an oddly curious animal that maybe lived on top of them somewhere. Shiach's face scrunched up tightly once more as she let out another loud fart before blurting out, "Gahhhh! Gaaaahh! Gaaaaaahh!"

Both women took off running towards different directions and then ran into each other's arms before collapsing on the floor as if they'd run into some invisible force field that had snuck up behind them without anyone noticing. This only lasted for about three seconds before both women were laughing uncontrollably at how weird and embarrassing it all felt now that it was too late for either of them to stop themselves from doing so. They rolled around in a tight pile while their laughter grew louder and louder until it finally became too much for either woman to take anymore so they simultaneously pinched each other's cheeks and then gently pushed their noses against each other's lips before hugging again tightly and whispering softly into each other's ears as they both experienced their first true friend-to-friend orgasm (as the others before had only been as acquaintances):

"Ha...ha...hee...hahahaha!" Isabelle giggled hysterically and added, "You're so hilarious," as she grew quieter until her giggling stopped completely. She immediately curled up into a ball with Shiach still in her arms. Then she let out a little sigh before smiling happily up at her friend affectionately.

Shiach smiled back and whispered softly into Isabelle's ear, "I love you," which made Isabelle giggle even harder. Shiach then gently kissed Isabelle's cheek before letting out another loud fart and saying, "Ahhhhhhh!" She then let out a long sigh before concluding with, "This place is terrible."

They both laughed at Shiach's words and farting noises while they both took turns patting each other's backs with their hands to help calm them down. They then snuggled close together again and fell asleep for what seemed like several hours until their eyes slowly opened again and they both yawned heavily at the same time. They were still lying on the floor in each other's arms while their legs were still intertwined together, which gave them a nice feeling inside their nether regions as they both slowly sat up straight on the ground with Shiach kissing Isabelle's forehead tenderly before whispering, "Where the fuck did Tahsi Junior go?"

"That's a good question," said Isabelle.

Shiach looked around for Tahshi Junior but couldn't find him anywhere despite looking all around. She didn't hear any farting sounds other than her own or smell any rotting vegetables either other than from herself and for a minute Shiach wondered if he'd gotten destroyed during all the wild farting and cuddling earlier when they'd fallen asleep on the ground right next to each other rolling around and giggling as if they'd been rolling around naked without pants or tops on. They then both stood up together not really knowing what else to do besides continue deeper into this new cavern system where there was definitely more than enough room for both of them yet Isabelle and Shiach stuck together like glue all the same. Isabelle was starting to notice that all her armor was tinged with Shiach's trademark stinkiness, but she was also starting to find that stinkiness comforting, and almost pleasurable.

"Maybe he just got scared away by all the giggling and farting and dry humping," said Isabelle as she looked around nervously for Tahshi Junior who wasn't anywhere near them.

[Notice: You're ready to level up]

"Ah, shit, Shiach," said Isabelle. "What?" asked Shiach with a fart. "I forgot to level up," said Isabelle. "You what?" asked Shiach angrily.

Before Shiach could annoy Isabelle with any more saccharin affections, Isabelle thought--

"Whew! It smells like a fucking methane lab in here!" blurted the crude yet youthful voice of Tahsi Junior.

"Was that Tahsi Junior?" asked Shiach with an excited toot.

"Yes!" said Tahsi Junior. "It's me, Tahsi Junior!" He ran up to them through the darkness, followed by a skinny man with straight, dark hair and eyes that could best be described as dungeon-esque. "And here's my buddy Lucien!"

"Lucien?" said Isabelle suspiciously.

"Yes," said Tahsi Junior, "He's really cool, and he's going to help us get out of here! Aren't you, Lucien?"

"Yes," said Lucien. His eyes seemed to be watering, and he was stifling a cough. "It is rather... [pungent]... in here."

"Sorry, that must be my majority-bean diet seeping through," said Shiach. "Well, that and all the garlic I eat to control my high blood pressure. I'm a professional garlic eater."

"I [see]," said Lucien. "Isabelle?"

"What?" said Isabelle, genuinely confused by his question, and also by the fact that, inexplicably, there seemed to be brackets around every other word he said, though she had no idea how or why she was interpreting his speech in such a way in her head. She chalked it up as a side-effect of having a system.

"You can't stay [here] in this [place]," said Lucien. "There are some [things] we need to discuss. But, just [know] that I'm [here] to [help] you succeed. This [dungeon] is very [dangerous], but it is also quite [beautiful]. Adventurers far [stronger] than you have made it [further] without incident, but you have nothing to [worry] about now that I'm [here]."

"Okay, why the fuck is he talking like that?!" said Shiach.

"It's a speech impediment, Shiach, don't be rude," whispered Tahsi Junior under his breath.

"What are you two [talking] about?" asked Lucien. "I assure you, if you have any [questions] I am [happy] to answer them, I am here to [guide] you to safety outside of this [dungeon]."

"Yeah," said Shiach, "We're definitely going to need some guidance."

"Good," said Isabelle quickly as she rubbed her nose against Shiach's arm awkwardly so as to show her affection but also not to breathe through her nose and be subjected to her odors, familiar or not. "We're going to need your help getting out of here."

"Sure," said Lucien. "I'll have a team of [engineers] at your disposal in a few minutes."

"Why do we need engineers?" asked Isabelle suspiciously.

Lucien smiled at Shiach's question. "They're [my] [engineers], that's why."

Isabelle felt oddly uncomfortable. "Um, who exactly are you again?"

"I'm [Lucien]," said Lucien.

"Yea, duh, Isabelle!" said Tahsi Junior.

"But what are you doing in here?!" said Isabelle. "And why should we believe you'll help us out of the dungeon?"

Lucien started to laugh, and laugh, and [laugh] so hard that he could barely [breathe].

"Oh my [gods], this is too fucking good," he said with a [smile]. "Welcome to the [dungeon]! Meet the [dungeon] [core]!"

"What in the flying fuck is a dungeon core?!" said Isabelle.

[Combat mode activated]

"I [am] the [dungeon] [core], [motherfuckers]!!" Lucien said with evil cackles as his body was engulfed in purple flames. The ground shook, and hot red lava oozed out of it.

"The brackets are starting to feel a little gratuitous," said Isabelle. "Also, fuck's sake. Did I really miss my opportunity to level up?"

"Yup, you sure did," said Shiach with an especially loud, stinky fart.