"Yea, balls is right," said Isabelle to Tahsi Junior.
"No, I meant like, he's naked," said Tahsi Junior. "And I can see his balls. They're not very large, honestly."
"Gross, Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle. "Also, how does this prince guy have a gun? There are guns in Beaubinte?"
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" said the false prince. His voice was gruff in Isabelle's ears, which was funny considering how lithe and feminine the lanky elf looked. "I've had just about enough of your bullshit!"
"Hey, um, what's going on here?" boomed the voice from the nearest airship. "Do we need to fire any more cannons at your ship or something? Why aren't you paying attention to us?"
The false prince pointed his gun at Isabelle's head and answered in his best grandiose, royal tone of voice: "This is all your fault! You stupid bitch! Now put your hands up, bow your head and come away with me or I'll kill your horse!"
Isabelle bit down on her lip hard enough to make her teeth hurt then looked up at Tahsi Junior and Jopher while she shook her head sadly at them.
"This is all my fault?" Isabelle asked them incredulously. "How? Why? And... wait... what? What?"
She looked at Tahsi Junior next then at Jopher who both looked confused at her reaction. Once again, she bit down on her lip until it hurt enough that she had tears roaring out of her eyes and cringed at how pathetic that sounded when she spoke: "Fucking balls."
"You should've killed me when you had the chance," said the false prince. He started to cackle. "I'm a prince! A prince! And you just left
me tied naked to the back of your horse? What was wrong with your head? Were you drunk?"
Tahsi Junior snorted and rolled his eyes at Isabelle who simply shook her head and stared at him in absolute shock. She then looked back at the false prince who was now laughing at her and started to laugh herself before she turned back to Jopher and Tahsi Junior who were both still staring at her with bewildered expressions on their faces, which only made her laugh harder.
"Excuse me," boomed the voice from the Red Serpent airship. "But why are you laughing? What's so funny? We're all feeling very left out on our airships here. Do we need to board your ship or something? We're getting some serious FOMO."
But Isabelle didn't tell the Red Serpent member what was so funny. Instead, she just opened her inventory. She might not have had access to her mana, but what Isabelle did have was a wealth of different items that could allow her to stage just about any sort of attack.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 310.9/420
Item
Traits
Overlord’s Flaming Yellow Katana
+48 damage, +22 str, +37 dx, +11 stm, +10 carry weight
Overlord’s Black Silver Hammer (enchanted)
+50 damage, +50 str, +10 const, +8 stm, +13 carry weight
Overlord's Glorious Electrifying Axe (enchanted)
+45 damage, +48 str, +18 const, +15 stm, +12 carry weight
Steel Warhammer of Electrocution (enchanted) (poisoned)
+18 damage, +11 str, +8 const, +5 stm, +11 carry weight
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
Isabelle wondered if she could equip some of the Overlord's items now that she'd leveled up her str and dx as much as she had since
she originally fought him. She focused on one of them and thought 'Check equip status.'
[Clarification: Yes, your str+dx combo is high enough to equip this weapon]
Isabelle laughed even harder.
[Overlord’s Black Silver Hammer (enchanted) equipped]
[+50 damage]
[+50 str]
[+10 const]
[+8 stm]
Isabelle felt her muscles swell up to a much larger size as the str bonus immediately took effect. It was crazy, like she'd suddenly been injected with steroids that were specifically designed to make her muscles bigger and more powerful than they'd ever been before. But even though she'd been given more strength than she'd ever had before, it still wasn't enough to knock over a mountain with her bare hands.
"What are you playing at? Why are you holding that hammer?!" said the false prince. "Do you want me to fucking shoot you or something?"
Isabelle concentrated.
[Notice: Use stamina for extra battle focus?] [Y/N]
Isabelle thought yes.
[Stamina 90%]
Time slowed down to a crawl. Isabelle noticed this as everything around her seemed to be moving in slow motion now too. The false prince pulled the trigger on his gun as he yelled out: "Yield! Surrender yourself and your horse!" but Isabelle was already moving as fast as light itself towards him. She was as quick and agile as a shooting star as she swung her hammer down towards him and brought it up again before he could even react. She was faster than a bullet! Literally! She could see that the false prince's bullet hadn't even left the barrel of the gun yet! Isabelle swung with all the speed and fury of a comet smashing into the earth!
[35019 damage dealt]
[10293 bludgeoning damage dealt]
She brought it down again like a hammer-blow from above, striking him in the chest. Blood sprayed everywhere when it connected. His eyes bulged like overinflated balloon filled to capacity with gas. He was trying to breathe! Breathe, damn you!
[33182 damage dealt]
[9553 bludgeoning damage dealt]
Then, Isabelle heard a terrible cracking. At first, she thought it was the cracking of the false prince's bones. Shockingly enough, he seemed alive, though only barely. He looked almost like an animated corpse at this point, with bruising and bloodied, useless limbs.
But no. The cracking was coming from somewhere else. Somewhere deep in the airship. Long, deep cracks were spreading down the hull and through the sails as well.
[The Airship has broken apart]
[Warning! Explosion possible in 4-20 seconds]
"Fuck!" said Jopher. "Isabelle, you broke the fucking ship!"
"Gods damn, Isabelle," said Tahsi Junior. "Those are some crazy skills you got there."
"That's right, you little shitheads," Isabelle said. "I'm super fucking powerful! So powerful I broke the ship!"
"Wait, what?!" said a terrified voice from inside the cabin. Suddenly the Phoenixborn scrambled out of the cabin, sweaty and shirtless. He looked at Isabelle with shock. "You broke the ship?!"
"Yes, I'm afraid I did," said Isabelle. "But don't worry. If you can get everyone out of the ship and onto the ground, we'll get you all out of here. And then we're going to get revenge on those bastard queens who sent the airship after us."
"And what the hell was that hammer for?" said Tahsi Senior. "What are you, a god or something?"
"To beat the prince! He was going to shoot me!" said Isabelle.
"I'm in terrible pain," said the false prince. He spat out a few teeth. "No you're not," said Isabelle. "You've got a lot of health left in you."
"You're wrong," said the false prince. "That hammer was made by a god, Isabelle. It's called the Black Silver Hammer and it was forged from the soul of a demon. It's a weapon of legend. It's the most powerful weapon in the entire world."
Isabelle shook her head. "Not really. Though I do think it's the most powerful weapon in my inventory. Now where's Lugano, you fucking shithead?"
"Over in the brig, he's been there the whole time," rasped the false prince.
"Where's the brig?!" screamed Isabelle, glaring at Tahsi Junior and Jopher. "I'm gonna go kill that bastard!"
Jopher pointed at the deck. "There's a door over there, it leads into the brig. You should probably unequip that hammer. You could probably break a few bones with it if you were'nt careful."
"How about you shut the fuck up for once?" Isabelle snapped at him. "You're not my fucking babysitter!"
"Sorry," said Jopher.
Isabelle stormed over to the brig. There was a huge man standing guard outside it, holding a sword. Isabelle kicked his leg out from under him and slammed him to the ground. Then she yanked her hammer from her back and smashed the man in the face. Blood flowed from his broken nose like a river.
[25888 damage dealt]
[9282 bludgeoning damage dealt]
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
"Ow! That hurt!" he cried.
Isabelle turned to the door. "You in there?"
There was no answer. She pushed open the large wooden door. And then she saw her beautiful horse laying on his side, sleeping peacefully. She walked over to him and knelt. She rested her forehead against the horse's muzzle. Tears ran down her cheeks. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you so much. You're my best friend in the whole world."
And then Isabelle felt a sudden warmth enveloping her. It radiated all around her, and suddenly she was covered in golden energy.
Okay, actually, it wasn't golden energy. Instead, Lugano had woken up slightly and had pissed on her a little.
"I forgive you, Lugano, my beautiful horsey," said Isabelle.
"Wait a fucking second," said a familiar voice. "Have you been talking to the horse this whole fucking time?!"
"Stelas...?" said Isabelle, leaning away from her horse's head in shock.
"Fuck yes, I am," said Stelas. "And I'm here to kick your ass." "Pfft. With what body, you old severed head, you?" asked Isabelle.
"Oh, go fuck yourself, Isabelle," said Stelas. "Now for the love of the gods, pull me out from under this horse's huge gut, I feel like I'm going to fucking suffocate and hell I'm sure I already would have if I wasn't functionally immortal."
Isabelle pulled the burlap sack that contained Stelas up out from under her beautiful horse with a sigh.
"Thanks, you utter bitch," said Stelas. "Now let's get the fuck out of here."
"What about Lugano?" said Isabelle. "The airship could explode at any second! I don't want him to die!"
"He's a fucking horse, Isabelle," said Stelas. "If he dies, I don't care."
Isabelle looked down at her horse. "Oh, you're right. He is just a stupid, dumb horse." She started to cry.
"It's fine, he's not dead yet," said Stelas.
"Oh yeah?" said Isabelle. "And why the hell is that?"
"Because he's a horse and a stupid, dumb horse at that, remember?" said Stelas.
"But I need a horse!" said Isabelle, sniffling.
Stelas cleared his throat. "Look, Isabelle, do you really want the horse to survive?"
"Yes!" said Isabelle. "A thousand fucking times, yes!"
"Well, then," said Stelas, "we could go somewhere else. Somewhere far away. Maybe to a land where horses are worshipped as gods and people treat them like royalty. Maybe we could go live in the fucking jungle or something."
"That sounds great, except it also sounds like you're just making fun of me," said Isabelle. "Then again, I have an idea."
"You do?" said Stelas.
"Yes," said Isabelle. "Remember how you said you were functionally immortal?"
"Oh my gods," said Stelas. "You can't be fucking serious."
"Oh, but I am," said Isabelle. "I think you should try and add Lugano to your party, Stelas. Add him to your party, give him your invincibility, the whole shebang."
"That's absurd," said Stelas. "Plus, it's not my party he'd be in. He'd be in the Overlord's party if that happened. Do you really want your horse to belong to the Overlord's party?"
"I don't give a flying fuck," said Isabelle. "I just want him to live."
"Then there's your answer," said Stelas.
"Oh," said Isabelle. "Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, Stelas."
"Wait a second!" said Stelas. "Why the fuck would I do that for you? I hate this fucking horse!"
Shit. Isabelle hadn't thought of that.
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
"How about this, Stelas," said Isabelle. "How about I make a deal with you."
"A deal?" asked Stelas. "Please, Isabelle, do go on."
"What if," Isabelle cleared her throat, "What if I agree to get you your body back if you add my horse to your party?"
[Speechcraft failed]
"No shit," said Stelas. "That'd be a great deal, if I actually believed you'd do it."
Isabelle rolled her eyes and opened her inventory.
Inventory: Isabelle
Carrying capacity: 310.9/420
Item
Traits
Platinum Choaker Necklace
+8 char
Spun Silk Gloves
+5 char, +0.5 carry weight
Young Red Dragon Scale Pendant
+10 char
Abbreviated list based on prior use. Focus to see more items…
[Platinum Choker Necklace equipped]
[+8 char]
[Spun Silk Gloves equipped]
[+5 char]
[Young Red Dragon Scale Pendant equipped] [+10 char]
Isabelle cracked her neck and got ready to try again.
[Speechcraft attempt: persuade]
"Come on, Stelas," said Isabelle. "I'm serious. I'll go back to the wilderness of Thres, find your body, and I'll let you go back to it. All you have to do is add my beautiful horse to the Overlord's party."
[Speechcraft succeeded]
"Fuck it, I'm in," said Stelas. "I've never done this before, though. Add someone to the Overlord's party, that is. So it's going to be tricky. If this doesn't work, or it makes the Overlord angry, well, we're both fucked."
"I don't care," said Isabelle. "Just do it. What can the Overlord do, anyway? That loser's long gone."
"Fine," said Stelas. "Take my head out of this burlap sack, then."
Isabelle took Stelas' head out of the burlap sack, holding the dark elf up by his silky, white hair.
"Ow ow owww!" said Stelas. "I have a delicate scalp, you know!"
"Sorry," said Isabelle. She didn't stop holding him up by his hair, though.
Stelas looked at Lugano with focus.
[Notice: Gift horse 'Lugano' to 'Stelas Stelford'?]
Isabelle felt her eyes start to water. She was so happy Stelas agreed to do this, but it still felt like she was getting rid of her prized horse.
[Gift horse 'Lugano' to 'Stelas Stelford'?]
Isabelle nodded and thought yes.
['Lugano' successfully gifted to 'Stelas Stelford']
Isabelle sighed. But she'd done it for Lugano's own good. "Okay," said Isabelle. "Thank you, Stelas."
"So when are we going to get my body?" asked Stelas.
[Warning! Explosion possible in 6-9 seconds]
"Fuck!" said Isabelle. She stuffed Stelas into his burlap sack and dashed out of the room.
Back on the deck of the airship, Isabelle rushed towards the front of the ship where she could see Jopher, Tahsi Junior and the Phoenixborn standing in a circle.
"Tahsi!" Isabelle shouted as she came running up to the circle. "The ship could explode in six to nine seconds!"
"What?" asked Tahsi. "Who's responsible?"
"...I don't know!" shouted Isabelle, hoping she was convincing enough. "But it's about to explode!"
"Fuck," said Jopher. "Ryzer, can't you fly or whatever?" "Yes," said the Phoenixborn. "And so can Tahsi Junior."
"So one of you can grab Jopher," said Isabelle, "And the other can take me. And that way even if the ship explodes we're all fine?"
"Assuming these three Red Serpent ships don't shoot us out of the sky, yes," said Ryzer with a smirk.
[Warning!]
[Ship is exploding now]
A loud cacophony of booms shook the hull of the airship. Isabelle shielded her ears.
[Explosion confirmed]
"Shit," said Jopher.
"Quick!" said the Phoenixborn. He opened his arms wide and pulled Isabelle close, holding her tight and snugly to his chest as glimmering wings made of fire sprung from his back. The Phoenixborn leapt into the sky and shot off towards one of the Red Serpent ships. He smelled like brimstone and smoke and burning feathers.
"What about Jopher and Tahsi Junior?" said Isabelle. "Are they okay?"
"Yes," said Ryzer. "They're right behind us." "Well, thanks," said Isabelle.
The Phoenixborn soared onward and upward. The wind was cold as it buffeted them, but Ryzer felt like a damned furnace, and he kept Isabelle warm through it all.
It was only a few minutes until Tahsi Junior and Jopher started heckling them.
"Looking awfully cozy over there, Isabelle!" said Jopher.
"No idea what you mean," said Isabelle, burying her face in Ryzer's chest. "Literally no idea."
"You're welcome," said Ryzer with a chuckle and a smirk.
"Oh my gods," said Stelas, who was still dangling in his burlap sack from Isabelle's left hand. "Why did you rescue me only to subject me to this agony?!"
Ryzer and Isabelle were able to make it to the front of the airship with plenty of time to spare as Red Serpent archers started to fire at them. But Ryser was fast, and he knew what he was doing, and he barrel rolled way from the archers with relative ease.
Isabelle turned to look at their ship behind her as it exploded, sending black smoke billowing into the air. She could see the static form of Lugano, her beautiful steed, fall to the ground static and unmoving. At least, regardless of the damage he took, he would be safe.
The Phoenixborn didn't say anything. He had a death grip on Isabelle, keeping her warm in his firey embrace.
He's got me wrapped around his little finger, she thought. "Isabelle, I have a cool idea," said Ryzer.
Isabelle thought that was funny, because he was so hot. Physically hot, as in he was making her sweat. Literally sweat, that is.
"What's the idea?" asked Isabelle.
"Don't you have breath weapons or something?" Ryzer asked.
"Yea," said Isabelle.
"Then why don't I fly over to those archers again and you use one of your breath weapons on them?"
"That's not a bad idea," said Isabelle. "Let's do it!" shouted Ryzer. "Alright," said Isabelle. "Let's go."
They soared back over to the front of the nearest Red Serpent airship and faced the archers, who readied their arrows.
"Okay," said Ryser. He pivoted, pointing Isabelle at the archers like she herself was a weapon, which she found a little irritating. "Go for it, Isabelle."
Isabelle thought, 'Use Gust of Wind.'
[Stamina 74%]
A strong torrent of wind rushed out of Isabelle's mouth and struck the archers. They were blown back, stumbling over themselves and pushed off the edge of the ship. They screamed as they fell to their dooms.
Isabelle and Ryzer swooped down to the top of the airship and landed gently.
"Great job, Isabelle!" cheered Ryzer.
"You're welcome," said Isabelle. "And thank you."
Someone started slow clapping. And then, they started cackling. "Oh my gods," said Ryzer. "What the fuck is happening?"
"Well, well, well," said a voice from afar. "I must say, you two make quite a nice team. And you made quite quick work of my archers. Very impressive. Especially, you, my dear Isabelle. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to keep all that power inside you under control."
"Who the hell are you?" shouted Ryzer.
"Why don't you ask Isabelle?" said the kobold as he walked forward from the shadows. He was in gilded armor bearing the seal of the Red Serpent.
Isabelle squinted. "Um, I have no idea who you are."
"What? Seriously?!" said the kobold. "You've got to be shitting me! You and your friend here, Ryzer, were right there, and yet, you don't know me?! I just got a huge promotion to an airship guard for the Red Serpent, and now I've joined the ranks of some of the most feared people in the world. Hell, I'm practically the greatest kobold of all time. How dare you not recognize my magnificence?!"
"I don't know you," said Isabelle. "But I can tell you're a giant asshole."
"I seriously can't get over the fact that you don't remember me," whined the kobold. "But I think this might help. Does the name... Avna mean anything to you?"
"No," said Isabelle.
"No?!" The kobold bristled. "This is such bullshit! I can't fucking believe you don't remember me!"
"Well, believe it, bitch," said Isabelle. "Because I have no fucking clue who you are or what you want from us."
The kobold looked at Ryzer, and then back to Isabelle. He raised two sharp scimitars, one sparkling with electricity and the other dripping with poison. "I'm gonna kill you both."
"Classic," said Isabelle.