Chapter 134 - History of Phfft’urd_There Will Be Dragons Here

Isabelle gasped, and gasped, and gasped.

Then again, who wouldn't gasp at having their intellect expanded by many magnitudes in a split second?

The effects seemed instantaneous and very strong. In fact, it felt almost like she'd suddenly gained access to all knowledge within a few hundred miles around her...or rather, in this case, all knowledge within the world of Beaubinte itself. Isabelle now knew everything about everything in the entire world. She knew how far away every single building was from here, how far away each item was from where she stood...she even knew where every single monster was located within any given radius around her! How much mana they stored...

Isabelle paused for a moment to take that in. She'd already been thinking about what types of spells she could learn more quickly than others thanks to her newfound intelligence—she could see exactly how many seconds or minutes each spell took and thus work out how long it would take to learn new spells more quickly than before— but this would allow her to also calculate how much mana each spell required! It was amazing!

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed quietly to herself when she realized she could calculate mana costs for all of her spells now on the fly! And, even better, she felt like she finally understood how magic v2 worked, and how she could harness raw intention not only to cast spells that she'd cast in the past, but also to create brand new spells out of thin air as if by magic! There were so many things she could do with all of this newfound power! So many things she could do now!

"My god," Isabelle said again as tears of joy sprang up in her eyes. "I'm a fucking genius!"

However, the joy was short-lived. Isabelle didn't even have a moment to think about the original reason she'd drunk the potion, because her

intelligence seemed to be expanding even more. Now she wasn't even thinking about her problems. She was thinking about existence itself. What the fuck was the nature of reality that she had been reincarnated into this bizarre world called Beaubinte? Why did she still have all her memories from her past life? Was there any way back home to that other world? And if so, what would she need to do? Who would help her? Would anyone even believe her if she told them about this place? And then there were all these questions about norms...norms...norms... This place seemed so alien to her in almost every conceivable sense, even after all this time and all the leveling up she'd done! The very concept of normality seemed utterly preposterous here! The concept of gravity made no goddamn sense here at all! Did anything ever really exist? Did anyone ever really exist? What is existence? What did it mean to exist, and why had she been granted the opportunity to become a giant floating brain inside of some weird dungeon full of monsters? Oh, sorry, that was just the poiton. She had the intellect of a giant floating brain, she wasn't one herself.

And then came another realization: Wasn't this whole damn world just one big joke? Wasn't there some kind of hidden meaning behind everything that existed here? Some kind of meta-level joke being played on everyone here? Some kind of commentary on human society? On politics and humanity in general?! A lot of these thoughts came together into one large question: Wasn't everyone in this world just living out their own private delusions? Didn't they all live in their own private dream worlds where they believed whatever they liked just because they liked it?! There were no rules here, no morality, no meaning...just go with what you want and call it reality because you can't prove otherwise!

Wasn't everyone in this world just living out their own private delusion?

Isabelle began laughing hysterically at what cosmic tragedy all these people must be living through right now! Wasn't it funny that people were so eager to put up walls between themselves and others because they couldn't handle any kind of mental challenge or

difficulty? That people couldn't deal with different perspectives and opinions as long as they agreed with them? That people wanted their beliefs and personal truths to be true without evidence or reason? It was such a ridiculous thing to do in a world where nothing made any sense at all! But worse than that, wasn't it hilarious that people actually believed they lived in real worlds where they had magic powers and giant floating brains existed?! How pathetic! It looked like everyone here probably thought they were still alive after death and that their lives mattered. Maybe an afterlife actually existed after all, and maybe Hell was just this strange dreamlike version of life for those who weren't special enough to get into Heaven.

[-100 int]

Isabelle was so glad that she wasn't like them. Oh, no, not at all like them. She knew she was important. She was the mage of shadows! Isabelle smiled at how stupid those fools were who believed in mere miracles when they had such powerful magicians like herself around to save them from their delusions. Or, well, maybe she wouldn't really be saving anyone after all.

Isabelle gasped, suddenly realizing that she felt stupider. The potion must've worn off, and she hadn't even used any of her time to think of how to get her party out of this cavern predicament! That was, Isabelle had to admit, not a very intelligent use of the potion, and she felt a good deal of shame upon that realization. After all, even though she hadn't wasted time with these thoughts before figuring out how to get out of the cavern with some boulders thrown against the walls by the monsters below, it had been nice to think about how interesting it was to be a brain floating in air inside a dungeon filled with monsters.

Isabelle sighed, wondering if her current level would affect her ability to even make such grandiose plans anymore or if perhaps her new levels would simply make her smarter and more insightful. A bit of hope bloomed in Isabelle's chest.

[Notice You're ready to level up]

Ah, yes. Isabelle could level up now! But... she still had some loot to learn about, and Isabelle didn't want to jump into anything like she had when she drank that intelligence potion. So, she focused on the next new item from Lucien's inventory, the potion of sluttiness, and thought learn more

Item: Potion of Sluttiness

Traits: +100 char, +0.5 carry weight

Description: This potion of sluttiness is meant for using on a target that has already attracted your attention. It increases your sex appeal (see also char) by 50% or 100 points, which ever is higher, for 1 day. When sluttiness is cast on someone who is already attractive (from charm or similar skills), it grants them +25 sexy points for 1 turn/level. When sluttiness is cast on someone who isn't attractive (from charm or similar skills), it grants them -20 sexy points for 1 turn/level. The effect lasts 1 round/level (or until the target becomes attractive). The target will only notice other people who are more attractive than themselves when it wears off. This means that if you cast the enchantment on yourself, you'll have greater attraction toward everyone else, but you'll notice yourself much less since you already are attractive (thus making yourself more attractive). If you cast it on someone who is already attractive, you'll notice them less because they already attract you. If you cast it on someone who isn't attractive (from charm or similar skills), you'll notice them more since they aren't already attractive and thus aren't competing with anyone else. Attractiveness will be determined by the "attractiveness" subskill for targets who have that subskill, charisma for targets who don't and general beauty for targets who don't have charisma. The only other factor considered when determining attractiveness is your own attractiveness (see also char). In addition, clothing worn by the target affects the effect. Wearing armor or a robe will decrease the effectiveness because they will block skin contact when touching (see also body parts). This potion can only be used once per caster per target per day unless they're a member of your party; then it can be used as many times as desired until you run out of the potion. Do not, under any circumstances ever, drink the entirety of this potion at once. Drinking this potion while intoxicated may result in permanent psychological damage/sluttification.

"Oh my god!" Isabelle cried out in surprise and happiness as she realized what that potion could do for her! She could use it on herself and become super sexy! Then again, maybe it was better to save it for strategic use. She'd definitely need a plan to use it properly first— she couldn't just drink it without thinking!

Now it was time to learn about the next loot item! Isabelle focused on the potion of weakness and thought learn more.

Item: Potion of Weakness

Traits: -100 str, +0.5 carry weight

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Description: This potion of weakness saps a substantial amount of strength away from whomever drinks it, while also reducing their attack power by 40% for 1 day and giving them only 80% of stamina instead of their usual 100%. It fatigues the user by enacting a temporary muscle wasting mechanism that does not cause disease or permanent damage. This potion can sometimes cause permanent physical difficulties in those who drink too much (e.g. difficulty walking). Also known as "punch-drunk syndrome." The effects last 1 day (or until the target becomes stronger/more resilient/has more stamina). Drinking the potion while fatigued may allow its effects to stack with other potions' effects at once rather than waiting until you become fatigued after drinking them all; however, doing so risks permanent damage due to lack of strength (see also body parts). Drinking this potion will harm you renal system and cause temporary pain in your kidneys, but no permanent damage will occur unless you have a pre-existing condition that causes kidney problems. This potion cannot be used on yourself unless you have the 'self-hating' or 'self-sabotaging' traits.

That made sense. So this potion would have to be something that Isabelle would have to con or trick someone else into drinking, not something she drank herself. That made sense. With that understood, she focused on the Horn of Horniness and thought learn more.

Item: Horn of Horniness

Traits: n/a

Description: This horn of horniness was used as a wind instrument to summon demons from another world and was cursed at one point so that anyone who attempted to use it would immediately become sexually aroused whenever they touched it or looked at it. The horn usually makes its wearer physically irresistible to others, increasing their attraction and being able to overpower them in battle effortlessly. Its effects are temporary and last 1 day (or until the horn is broken). The horn's magical energy allows the user to gain their own sexy points when using it on other people; however, it will drain those same points right back from the person they tried to use it on if they succeed in overpowering them, turning them into an oversexed woman or man (and vice versa if they succeed in overpowering an oversexed woman or man). Depending on how successful the oversexed person is in overpowering another person, this can make the attacker attractive or unattractive, but regardless of whether they were successful in overpowering another person, they themselves remain attractive during the duration of the horn's effects. An oversexed person must protect their horn with their life or risk losing their sex appeal permanently; otherwise, this potion will fail and leave both the person who drank the horn and those around them unable to control their lustful urges. When handling the horn, touching it with your hands will make your hands more attractive (see also body parts), but touching it with your mouth will make your mouth more attractive (see also body parts). A person with lustful urges may attempt to remove their horn by breaking it (this ends its effects) or throwing it off a cliff (this breaks its magical energy). The horn's evil power can be temporarily removed by water from any source (e.g. river, ocean, lake, hot tub etc.), but if you attempt to remove it underwater directly after throwing it off a cliff, its magical energy may return and restore its effects; however, if you are wearing only a loin cloth and swim out into a river at night without any clothes on, then swim underwater for 2 minutes after destroying your horn before coming up again, then you should still be able to permanently remove its effects with no further problems.

Isabelle was mildly excited upon learning about the Horn of Horniness—there were so many possibilities! What would happen if you were already under influence of another potion? Would it cancel out? What would happen if you drank two potions and tried to find out? Or three? Or four? How long did you have to wait between potions before trying to find out? Did you need to destroy the horn afterwards or could you keep it? And what about when the horn had been destroyed—did that mean it was useless forever? And what about people who didn't want the horn's effects? Could they just throw it off a cliff? Would that work even if they were wearing clothes? What if they were naked? And what if someone else grabbed onto the horn before it hit the ground—would they be affected by its magic too? She could only think of so many questions and not so many answers!

Regardless, Isabelle only had one more item to learn more about now and then she'd have learned all there was to learn about her new items courtesy of Lucien the dead dungeon core man. So, she focused on the elven anal beads and thought learn more.

Item: Elven Anal Beads

Traits: +25 dx, +1 carry weight

Description: Forged in the fires of E’lfe’n’La’n’di’aa, these elven anal beads carved out of the finest cured obsidian were designed to stimulate the prostate gland through repeated usage. They consist of several spheres connected together by thin chains which can be used to penetrate or stimulate a partner orally or anally. Anal beads come in an array of sizes ranging from 2 inches (5 cm) wide down to 0.1 inches (0.2 cm). These small dildos usually make better anal toys than vaginal ones due to their small size; however, these dildos are often made from metal for easier cleaning purposes. As such, unlike most other anal toys, these especially require frequent washing after use as they can quickly grow grimy from feces and other contaminants. Female users who prefer anal stimulation can use these toys vaginally instead where they will feel a bit smaller than they normally would due to being stretched; however, several female users report finding these toys incredibly pleasurable nonetheless. These toys can also be used as weights for weight training routines; however, it is not recommended to do this without first consulting a doctor or trainer. This specific set of elven anal beads was created by Phfft'urd, elf of the unshining sun, whom everyone knew as "Phfft" and was famous for his mastery of healing magic and his mastery over the art of making elven anal beads. Yes, Phfft'urd was renowned in his day—famous for his healing magic and his mastery of making anal beads. He was famous for being rich. He was famous for being famous. He wanted nothing more in life than to be famous for something else and he found himself at a loss until he remembered his favorite memory of all time: when he was young and his parents took him camping near a forest near their home in order to teach him the sacred family art of making anal beads, a craft that his father and the father before him had also participated in. Of course, Phfft'urd's father thought it would be a good idea for him to take part in such an important family tradition; however, Phfft'urd was far too smart for him—he would never become like his father and follow in his footsteps! It wasn't until years later that Phfft'urd realized how much he missed those days in the woods making anal beads with his father when he found himself regretting his choice; sadly, Phfft'urd couldn't go back in time because he didn't know how to time travel yet; so he attempted to kill himself. Whether or not this worked is up to anyone's interpretation, as scholars constantly disagree, but one thing is for certain: somehow or another, Phfft'urd ended up alive, and not only alive, but he ended up the most successful anal bead crafter in all of Sembia!

Isabelle laughed out loud at that description. That was the craziest story she'd ever heard! She'd like to meet this Phfft'urd guy sometime! The description said that he was known for being rich... maybe she could rob him.