The fiery explosion engulfed the airship in breathtaking, broiling flames. Lugano the horse whinnied and neighed in fear as the wood planks below his hooves quickly incinerated in smoke a hot flame.
[-25 hp]
[-44 hp]
[-69 hp]
The hp loss notices just got higher and higher. Lugano still didn't necessarily understand what they meant, but they'd been planted over his vision ever since Isabelle purchased him, and he was starting to get worried. This was a lot more notices than normal, and he felt like his heart was getting stabbed!
As the smoke cleared, Lugano felt a horrible sensation, like his heart was simultaneously dropping and getting pulled up into his esophagus. And then he saw the horror below his hooves.
Open air.
Lugano was falling through the sky!
He tried to move, tried to run, but he noticed he couldn't even flinch.
He stayed completely still, completely static.
[Notice: No available sprite for current actions]
What the fuck did that even mean? What was a sprite? Lugano couldn't even snort or neigh in fear now. He was totally paralyzed!
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
It was like his whole body had been turned to jelly. He could barely think anymore. His mind was so numb it was like he wasn't even
conscious of his own thoughts. He looked down at the ground below him. He couldn't even see the ground. Only clouds.
There was no wind. There was no sun. The only thing he could feel was the chill of the air around him, and even then everything was wooshing past him so fast he really wasn't even sure that it was really air he felt or if it was just some horrible, sinister trick.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
His entire body was shaking. He couldn't even breathe. "Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
He kept on muttering to himself. Then, he realized he couldn't stop! He couldn't stop mumbling half-neighs! Worse still, he seemed to be jerking his head back slightly with each repeated neigh. It was like some sort of horrible, endless loop.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
His head hurt. His chest hurt. His stomach hurt.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
He couldn't do anything. He couldn't even blink.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
He was literally frozen. He couldn't even twitch of his own accord. He was like a doll. A dead man's hand.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
Worse still, he was alone, with no lady to ride him. No one to rescue him. He was all alone.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
He couldn't even scream.
[-692944938586959493012923949309320398423084481208401284 01284 hp]
The world went red and blurry as Lugano felt the horrible agony of hitting the rocky ground at terminal velocity.
[Notice: No available sprite for current actions]
Lugano spun and twirled around in the air, bouncing off the ground as if it was some sort of huge, painful trampoline. His body shook violently as he continued his looping grunts.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..." He couldn't even cry. "Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
Lugano twirled further and further through the air, higher, back up into the clouds. He felt horribly stressed, and yet, there was nothing he could do.
"Oh my gods, is that that damned horse?" jeered the voice of Lugano's new party member, Stelas Stelford.
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..." replied Lugano as he twirled upwards and collided with the tumbling burlap sack that contained Stelas' severed head. This collision sent them both spiralling diagonally upwards through the air, seemingly negating the laws of physics.
[Error]
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[Warning: A fatal exception occurred while attempting to run file.collision.velocity.dot]
[Warning: The engine has siezed]
[Error]
[Error]
[Error: The warning package you have installed to handle error exceptions is out of date]
[Your warnings may not display correctly]
[You may encounter additional errors]
"Well shit on my fucking chest," said Stelas with a sigh. "Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"It's just an expression," said Stelas defensively. "I know I don't actually have a chest. Well, I mean, I used to, before Isabelle fucked me over. Damned bitch of a mage of shadows that she is."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Of course she said she's going to reunite me with my body now that I've saved your life, you stinking horse, you," Stelas said. "But what the hell does that even mean? Does she think she can just sew my damned head back on to my body? Did I think she thought she knew how to do that? Hell. She's a complete moron, that one. The stupidest mage I've ever met."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Oh, I know, I know, it's all the same to you," said Stelas. "I wouldn't care about the musings of a severed head if I were a horse, either. Even if that same severed head had saved my life, I probably wouldn't care." Stelas took a deep breath. "You know, I honestly just want to get back to my beautiful body. But here we are, twirling through the air amidst more system errors than I've ever seen in my whole life, and I'm stuck with this horse. I suppose I should be grateful that I'm alive, but damn it, I hate this goddamn thing."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Sorry," said Stelas. "I keep forgetting that you're here, even though you smell like a fucking barn. I really need to get back to my body. If I don't, I'll never be able to face Isabelle again. I'd rather die than let her get away with false promises."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Yes, I know you like her, but I don't," said Stelas. "I've been her damned whipping head ever since she severed me. I've been her damned head of holding! And I'm so errored out that I can't even get anything out of my inventory! I've lost all control! She put a whole bed in my inventory, Lugano. An entire fucking bed, that woman put in my inventory. Do you understand what I'm saying? She's done everything possible to make me lose my mind!"
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
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"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," said Stelas. "I just feel like I've been betrayed by the most important person in my life. I'm sorry, Lugano. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Hey, wait, are we seriously still spinning upwards through the air?"
They were.
"What the fuck is this shit? Seriously, I'm so fucking confused. How is this possible?"
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"It must have something to do with all those error codes that flew up," said Stelas. "Figures. That's why I ended up getting all these errors. It's all because of you, you fucking horse. First Isabelle fucking drops me out of negligence while up in the air with her wannabe boytoy and then you sping up here in your weird horsey way and fuck us both up royally with these fucking errors."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Fuck, it's not even your fault, is it? And it's not my fault... No, these are the Overlord's errors, from the Overlord's system. If it's the Overlord's errors and the Overlord's system that's causing us trouble, then really it's not either of our fault."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"I'm glad we could finally agree on something. No, it's not our fault." Stelas sighed. "It's fucking Isabelle's fault."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"You don't agree?"
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Look, do I have to spell it out for you?" "Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Fine." Stelas groaned. Then, he hacked loudly and horribly. "Sorry. Had some mucus there. Funny how much mucus piles up in what little esophagus you have when you're a severed head."
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Yea, I hope you don't ever find out for yourself, either. Now, where was I?" Stelas mused. "Ah, yes. See, it's obviously Isabelle's fault we're in this situation for a number of key factors. Let me lay them all out for you. You see, it all started when she was reincarnated here as a level one player. You might have noticed this, but in reality she's got no actual magical aptitude, so she can't use magic in the way it ought to be used. Which means she has to learn it through her system, which just does everything for her. The only way anybody can actually learn magic is to study it. And studying magic takes time. But if you have a system then it just does all the work for you. So what does she even do? Tell her system to use some magic for her? I mean, it's bullshit, it's just such a heaping crock of bullshit!"
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Don't worry, this is definitely relevant to my argument, Lugano. If that isn 't obvious to you now, well, let's just say I'd take a peek at your character sheet's int score and consider upping it a few points the next chance you get, mkay?"
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
"Sorry, you're right, that was a little condescending. Back to my point. You see, Lugano, the thing of it is that we would never be in the current predicament that we so happen to be in if it were not for that wretched Isabelle. That much I’m certain you can agree with, as you’d of most likely already have felt the sweet release of death without her copious meddling.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“What, does that information somewhat surprise you? Obviously, Lugano, you haven’t quite been able to accept the fact that you owe your continued existence to her. That's why you're so upset. Everyone knows that most of the horses in the stables of Thres that didn’t get demolished by those dragons were copiously infected with a rather nasty strain of equine AIDS that was introduced by one very adventurous witch. And everyone also knows that the only way to get rid of it is to get rid of her. And hell, even if you did manage to get rid of her, you couldn't bring yourself to go back to being a normal horse again. You'd be stuck in this state forever. That's why you're so angry. You're frustrated, Lugano. You're pissed off. You want to lash out at someone. You want to hurt someone. After all, you got your fucking head sliced off by Isabelle, and—”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Shit, sorry. You’re right. I guess I got so caught up in my own infernal rage that I forgot to explain myself properly. You see, Lugano, you need to understand that Isabelle is not the cause of your suffering. She is merely its effect. It's not her fault that you're in this situation.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Yes, I know that that’s radically different than anything I’ve said before now. But. See, I’ve... I’ve had a bit of a realization. You see, Lugano, in order for you to understand why you suffer, you have to realize that you are not the cause of your suffering. You are simply the result of it. Not unlike Isabelle. You may not be able to accept that, but that doesn't change the fact that you must accept it. You cannot blame anyone else for your plight, but you also cannot blame yourself. Even if your plight is good, you can’t really blame yourself. That goes for you, Lugano. You aren't the cause of your suffering. You are merely the product of it. You are the reason that you exist. You are the reason that you suffer. You, and you alone, are responsible for your present circumstances. You are the one who made it possible for you to live in this world. You are the reason that you feel pain. You are the reason that you feel fear. You are the reason that you feel sorrow. You are the reason that you feel loneliness. You are the reason that you feel despair. You are the reason that you feel hatred. You are the reason that you feel anger. You are the reason that you feel sadness. You are the reason that you feel grief. You are the reason that you feel regret. You are the reason that you feel anxiety. You are the reason that you feel terror. You are the reason that you feel anguish. You are the reason that you feel despair. You are the reason that you feel hopelessness. You are the reason that you feel guilt. You are the reason that you feel remorse. You are the reason that you feel regret. You are the reason that you feel shame. You are the reason that you feel resentment. You are the reason that you feel embarrassment. You are the reason that you feel disgust. You are the reason that you feel jealousy. You are the reason that you feel envy. You are the reason that you feel inferiority. You are the reason that you feel that the universe is constantly out to get you and that around every corner is a rather sinister and unpleasant person waiting to pounce on you, drug you up, cut out your kidneys and sell them on the black market for high, high prices. You are the reason that you feel fear. You are the reason that you feel stress. You are the reason that you feel exhaustion. You are the reason that you feel pain. You are the reason that you feel sickness.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“I know that these words may sound strange coming from me, but hear me out. You see, Lugano, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective. You are not sick. You are not defective or sick. You are simply a product of your environment. You are just a product of your environment that has been damaged by Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been traumatized by Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been subjected to Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been scarred by Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been poisoned by Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been infected by Isabelle. You are just a product of your environment that has been hurt by Isabelle. But that’s okay, because so am I. And so are so many, many people in Beaubinte. Isabelle has managed to destroy our very existence. We are nothing more than a product of our trauma, all of which has been caused by her, and she has done it without even considering our feelings.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Some people say that blaming others for your own trauma is a sign of weakness. But I disagree. I believe that it is a sign of strength. I believe that it is a sign of strength to admit that you are the victim of someone else giving you trauma. It is a sign of strength to admit that someone else is the cause of your own trauma. Hell, it’s a sign of fucking intelligence to determine that all of your problems were caused by someone else and by external factors linked to them that were and are completely out of your control. You can never be weak enough to claim that you are the cause of your own trauma, because that’s like admitting defeat. You can never be too strong to admit that you are the victim of someone else's trauma, because even the Overlord got figuratively buttfucked by Isabelle’s bullshit. You can never be too stupid to realize that you are the victim of someone else's trauma being projected onto you as if you are a blank slate waiting to be painted upon with bile and corruption.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“You don't have to accept it. You don't have to accept that you are the victim of someone else's trauma. But you do have to accept that you are the cause of someone else's trauma. Namely, your own.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Yes, I know that that statement sounded bizarre and contradictory, but really you’re just slightly misunderstanding me, Lugano. Not to worry, though, because now in this constant state of systemic-error- clad vertigo I at once feel that I can aptly explain what I mean to you.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Indeed, I would love to go on, and so I shall. You see, Lugano, you horsey devil, the thing of it is is that everyone and me everything is everywhere all the time.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Yes, yes, I understand that it doesn’t really make any fucking sense to you but I will try to explain it to you anyway. There is no place where we cannot be found, because every atom contains a universe and that universe contains us which ourselves are made if atoms which contains ourselves onward and onward ad infinitum. The fact that we are always around means that we are everywhere. We are everywhere, and thus every single one of us is a victim of Isabelle. Even Isabelle is in a way a victim of herself, when assuming this principle.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“You’re really still confused? You fucking idiot, let me spell it out for you with a fucking analogy.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
“Glad to heat you’re willing to apply yourself, Lugano, I appreciate it. I truly do. So, think of it this way. Imagine that you are a big ball of horse shit that is constantly expanding and contracting. Now imagine that somewhere inside of that shitball there is another big ball of horse shit that is also constantly expanding and contracting. And yet these two balls of shit are not connected to each other, except by the space between them. Is that not amazing? If you take the smallest part of one sphere, you can then find a bigger piece of sphere that is even smaller, and so on and so forth. This is how the universe works. In fact, this is how you work. Isabelle's trauma is inside of you. She put it there, she gave it life, and it grows as you grow, and it is growing right now. But since there’s a space between your trauma and Isabelle herself, well, that’s just like the distance between the balls of shit in that analogy. That gap is filled in with air, and it is that very same air that connects you to her, to Isabelle. It is that very same connection that makes you both the cause of each other's trauma and the victim of it. All of our trauma is coming from Isabelle. It is all her fault. And all of it is ours, because we're both part of it.”
"Ngh... Ngh... Ngh..."
[Terminal altitude reached]
Before Stelas could say another word, he and Lugano slammed into what appeared, or more aptly what didn’t appear, to be a translucent wall across the sky preventing them from going any further.
[-42069000000 hp]
They shot back down through the air, through the clouds, further and further down. They were also, somehow, starting to slow down.
[Event exception successfully handled]
[Gravity.exec has successfully restarted]
[Prepare for landing]
As the clouds gave way, Stelas and Lugano could see a tropical island below. A tropical island covered in mountains and surrounded by flying dragons.
“Oh fuck,” said Stelas. “I know we’re both immortal but I really hope one of those dragons doesn’t see us and decide it wants a snack.”