The Overlord sat in one of his many elegant thrones. This one was his traveling throne, the throne he brought with him whenever he left the immediate confines of his castle, and it was made of diamond-encrusted emeralds. He wore his fuchsia codpiece and his stately Overlord’s robe, which was spun out of the pelts of three of the six legendary bears of flame. The legendary bears of flame were said to have descended from an original father bear and a mother flame atronach, though how that worked was anyone’s guess.
“Why isn’t Zsutzi answering my fucking call already?” said the Overlord, glaring at the sending stone in his hand. “What could that stupid yuan-ti have going on in her life that’s more important than me, glorious me?!”
“Maybe she’s busy dunking the player in the cauldron right now,” said Maviel. She was sitting on the floor to the Overlord’s left, stroking his muscular leg with a discontented look on her face.
“No, that can’t be!” said the Overlord. “I’d be getting all sorts of system notifications about all of the powers I was absorbing if she was in the cauldron! Something must’ve gone wrong.”
“Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk to you,” said Maviel.
“Doesn’t want to?” The Overlord yanked his leg away from Maviel’s grasp. “I don’t care what that stupid lizard lady wants! She has to answer me! I’m the fucking Overlord, gods dammit, and I deserve to be answered!”
[Notification: Zsutzi did not answer your sending stone call]
[Would you like to leave a message?]
[Y/N]
The Overlord thought yes.
[…]
A loud beeping tone emanated from the sending stone.
[You may now leave your message]
“Zsutzi, what the fuck is wrong with you?” said the Overlord. “Do you know who I am? Do you know how important my time is? Who the fuck do you think you are, fucking denying a sending stone call from the Overlord? You know what me being the Overlord means, don’t you? It means I fucking lord over you, that’s what! Next time you better answer or it’ll be your head on a fucking pike! I’d say bubbling in the cauldron, but I don’t think you’ve got any powers or abilities that are special enough for me to waste time and energy it takes to dissolve you into myself!” The Overlord squeezed the sending stone and sighed in relief.
[Your message has been saved]
The Overlord unequipped the sending stone and sighed. He reached up to his hooded head and ran his fingers through the top of his long, white hair. Then, he stood up.
“Maviel, are they ready for me at the Cloud Reach Citadel?” asked the Overlord.
“Fuck if I know, Overlord,” said Maviel.
“Maviel, I understand you’re frustrated with me and my behavior,” said the Overlord. “But I need your support. Remember, I’m the Overlord.”
“I know,” she said with a sigh.
“Now, I’m going to go put on my royal garb. I trust I’ll be seeing you similarly dressed, and standing by my side?” asked the Overlord.
“Yes, Overlord,” said Maviel. “Right by your side.”
“Good,” the Overlord said.
----------------------------------------
The Overlord stood in the shadows, wearing his royal garb. This included a long, purple cloak with a collar of white and black specks, a suit of brilliant gold, damask-patterned armor, and a shimmering platinum crown that sat perfectly atop his hooded head. Oh, and his golden, royal codpiece, of course, which protruded outwards thrice as much as any of his other codpieces so that even from a far distance it drew much attention. Soon, the horns would sound, and he would walk into the light of the crowd. But, for now, the Overlord waited.
He waited not only for the wailing sound of the horns, but for the companionship for Maviel. Yes, she had to be there. The Overlord could not proceed in this grand ceremony unaccompanied by his lady, that much was certain.
Still, how long was it taking her to get ready? Was Maviel just too caught up in her feminine makeup to do much else? The Overlord had only spent a good forty five minutes getting dressed himself, and he’d been waiting on Maviel for what, twenty minutes since then?
[Clarification: You’ve been waiting twenty-five minutes.]
The Overlord felt disgraced. Why was his time not taken seriously? Was she just mad because he’d gotten caught cheating on her? The Overlord had to find Maviel at once and talk some sense into her, because this was just ridiculous.
The Overlord turned around and stormed through the shadows in a huff. He walked through a small set of pocket doors to a changing room. It smelled of sweat and perfume. He could see the shadows of two figures embracing behind a changing curtain. The Overlord felt like turning around and leaving in silence, but he knew better than that. Something was surely afoot. He focused on either shadow, to see if the system would tell him their names.
[Sylfir Dewmind]
So Sylfir was making out with someone else? Someone other than the Overlord? But she’d told him she only had the hots for him, and the system had confirmed that it was the truth! The Overlord focused on the second shadow.
[Maviel Dhiurthu]
“Oh my gods! Oh my fucking gods!” said the Overlord.
“Shit!” said Maviel. Her head popped out from the side of the changing screen. “One second, Overlord, let me equip some clothing.”
Sylfir’s head popped out from the other side of the changing screen. “Yes, me too, I’ll equip some clothes.”
“Yes, please, don’t burden me with your indecency,” said the Overlord, grinding his teeth with rage.
Maviel walked out from behind the screen in her royal dress. She looked stunning. “Sorry, next time I’ll let you watch if you want.”
“Watch? Why the fuck would I want to watch you cheat on me?” said the Overlord.
“Oh, come on, Overlord,” said Sylfir. She walked out from behind the screen in a fairly stunning, less royal-looking dress. “You know you’d love to see it.”
“I would not fucking love to see it!” said the Overlord, smashing a fist into the changing screen. It immediately disintegrated into rubble in a puff of flame.
[Vigorous Rage activated]
Purple electricity swirled around the Overlord, and the veins in his hands bulged with power. “Now get the fuck out of my sight!” the Overlord said to Sylfir. “You’re fucking fired!”
[Stamina 98%]
“Yes, Overlord,” said Sylfir weakly. She shuffled out of the room.
[Stamina 96%]
“And you!” The Overlord turned to Maviel. “Did our vows mean nothing to you or something?”
“They meant nothing to you,” said Maviel. She wouldn’t even make eye contact with the Overlord.
[Stamina 94%]
“Sure, sure,” said the Overlord. His teeth gnashed with electric energy. “But I’m the fucking Overlord! Plus, cheating on me with the same woman I cheated on you with? That’s so emasculating!”
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[Stamina 91%]
Maviel stepped up close to the Overlord’s hooded face and whispered to him. “Good.”
[Stamina 88%]
The Overlord growled and stamped his feet into the ground, shaking the entire citadel building and smashing a few floor-length mirrors. Then, with a huff, he regained what composure he’d had.
[Vigorous Rage deactivated]
The Overlord turned to look at Maviel. “Are you ready to go out and face the crowd with me?”
“After that literally ground-shaking tantrum?” asked Maviel. “Yes. Just let me equip the right lipstick first.
The Overlord stood, impatiently tapping his foot as Maviel equipped different colors of lipstick. She eventually settled on a shade of dark purple that made her look almost like an angel of death.
“Alright,” said Maviel. “I’m ready.”
The Overlord turned around, ready to head out of the room.
“Wait a second!” said Maviel. She bent over and looked in a shard of shattered mirror that laid on the floor. “I look like a godsdamned corpse! Why didn’t you tell me that, Overlord?”
The Overlord sighed. “Because I like how it looks on you,” he said with a grumble.
Maviel squeezed his arm. “Now I’m ready.”
----------------------------------------
The horns sounded, and the tall, steel doors swung open. The sky was pink and orange. The sun had just risen, and the brightness outside was brilliant and picturesque. It would’ve been actually a little too bright for the Overlord’s dark elf eyes to really enjoy the scene, had his Overlordly hood not been completely protecting them by covering his face in a shroud of shadow.
“Please give a warm welcome, City of Cloud Reach Citadel patrons, to the Overlord and Lady Maviel!” boomed the voice of an announcer.
The crowd cheered. Many kobold ladies whistled loudly, and a couple of them tore off their shirts. Actually, a good deal of kobold men also tore off their shirts. A little halfling man even jumped out of the front stands and tried to streak around the field, but he was promptly caught by some of the Overlord’s warforged and sentenced to death.
The Overlord waved to the crowd. Everyone cheered again. More kobold ladies and kobold men took off their shirts. Another halfling jumped into the field and attempted to streak.
The Overlord wondered how many times he could get them to cheer. He waved again. Everyone cheered, men and women took off their shirts, and two buck-naked gnomes jumped into the field. This prompted many screams of horror, because a naked gnome was not a sight for the faint of heart. The Overlord decided at that moment not to wave again.
Seeing the the Overlord was done waving, Maviel did a small curtsy. Everyone cheered. A few people threw flowers. Maviel did not test her luck by curtsying again.
“Today, the Overlord is gracing us with his presence here at the Cloud Reach Citadel to perform an altogether amazing feat. What could that be, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The Overlord has chosen today to be the day that he, our beloved and feared Overlord, slays his first dragon!” said the announcer.
The crowd went quiet, sounding afraid and uncertain.
“Yes, you heard that right. A real, live, dragon!” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered lightly.
“Give it up for the Overlord!” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered.
“And here our beast master comes now, with the deadly beast itself!” said the announcer.
The Overlord watched as the burly orc that was the beast master walked in from the far wing. Walking with him and five of his orc companions was what appeared to be a common giant alligator with false wings strapped to its back. The beast was plump and lazy, and was being dragged by ropes tied around its gut and limbs. The crowd gasped in terror.
“The Overlord will now prepare to slay the dragon!” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered.
The Overlord wasn’t sure how to feel about this situation.
“What wrong, dearest?” asked Maviel.
“What’s wrong? I thought I was here to slay a fucking dragon!” said the Overlord.
“And that isn’t a dragon?” Maviel asked, pointing to the creature that the orcs were dragging to the center of the citadel.
“What, do you think it is?” asked the Overlord.
“Does it matter what I think?” asked Maviel. “Look at the crowd. They seem scared. Think about how revered you’ll be when everyone talks about how you slayed the dragon.”
The Overlord was sympathetic to this appeal to his ego. Still, he felt uncertain at best. He walked forward, towards the beast master.
“Beast master—” said the Overlord, “—what in the fucking hell is this abysmal embarassment you’ve brought before me? I said I wanted you to catch me a dragon to slay, not a giant, obese crocodile!”
“Oh, I assure you, Overlord, this is a real dragon. It’s just a young one. A wyrmling, I believe they’re called,” said the beast master.
The Overlord wasn’t certain whether the beast master was just trying to decieve him or genuinely believed this thing was a dragon. So, the Overlord thought, ‘Check If Lying.’
[A lie]
The Overlord trembled with fury.
[Vigorous Rage activated]
“Oh my gods. Again with this shit?” said Maviel with a sigh.
[Stamina 98%]
“I cannot fucking believe you!” said the Overlord. His scream echoed through the citadel, bringing the crowd to a captive silence as the purple electricity of his rage coiled around the Overlord’s figure.
The beast master ran away, screaming of how badly he wished for his mother’s warm embrace. But the Overlord wasn’t about to let him escape. The Overlord raised his right hand, pointed his pointer finger at the beast master, and thought, ‘Cast Vaporize.’
[Mana 95%]
[Stamina 94%]
A small beam of red light shot from the Overlord’s finger and hit the fleeing beast master. In a flash of bright light the orc’s body became a pile of dust, which promptly blew away in the wind.
“And just like a drop of water in an endless sea, the beast master is no more! Give it up for the Overlord, everybody!” said the announcer. The crowd cheered.
The Overlord smiled under his hood. About time he got some respect. Before any more of his stamina ran out, the Overlord dashed over to the ‘dragon’ and raised his right fist. As the Overlord concentrated his energy, all of the purple electricity that swirled around his body snaked its way to surround his fist in a huge, radiant glow. The Overlord pulled his fist back and then swung it forwad towards the top of the giant alligator’s head.
[Critical hit]
[22216 damage dealt]
[11423 electrocution damage dealt]
The alligator’s head exploded in a huge cloud of brains and blood splatters.
[‘Giant Alligator’ is dead]
[‘Giant Alligator’ soul has been added to inventory]
[Stamina 89%]
[Vigorous Rage deactivated]
The Overlord took a deep breath and cracked his neck.
“And, just like that, the Overlord has slain a dragon!” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered moderately.
“What the fuck?” said the Overlord. “Are they not impressed? Was that not impressive?”
Nobody seemed to be able to hear what the Overlord was saying. Nobody except Maviel.
“Darling, you killed it in one hit! That’s something to be proud of,” said Maviel.
“Proud of? Proud? Of that?” The Overlord glared at Maviel. “You and I both know that that was no dragon. Hell, if it had been, do you know what I would’ve seen?”
“What, darling? What would you have seen, that you haven’t seen already? It’s not like the crowd knows the difference,” said Maviel.
“Oh, they fucking know it. You heard that fucking cheer! It was the most lackluster cheer I’ve heard in my godsdamned life!” said the Overlord. He could feel himself about to lapse back into a vigorous rage.
“Hey, darling, remember. Take deep breaths. Count down from ten. Deep breaths,” said Maviel.
“I’m taking fucking deep breaths!” said the Overlord. He took exaggeratedly deep breaths, exhaling right in her face, for emphasis.
“Lovely, dear,” sighed Maviel.
The ground shook, and this time, it wasn’t from the Overlord.
“What in the hell was that?” asked the Overlord.
“I don’t know, darling,” said Maviel.
The Overlord looked around. He heard a loud boom in the distance, and another seismic wave shook the ground. He saw something icy blue and shimmering swoop through the air.
“What in the fuck is that thing?!” said the Overlord. Instead of waiting for Maviel to respond, however, he focused on the spot where the icy blue anomaly was in the air and thought, ‘Activate Eagle Eye.’
[Eagle Eye activated]
The Overlord watched as his depth of field dramatically changed, it was almost like his eyes became an powerfulk telescope or a set of binoculars as he looked at the flying thing. And that’s when he knew what he was looking at. Or, at least, had a pretty big hunch. The Overlord focused on the creature more, so that the system would tell him what it was called.
[Young Frost Dragon]
The Overlord smiled under his hood.
[Sending Stone - Babqex equipped]
“Babqex!” said the Overlord. Babqex always answered his sending stone immediately.
“Yes, my leige?” asked Babqex’s nervous, stuttering voice.
“Deploy the skeleton army I had accompany me to Cloud Reach!” said the Overlord. “I’ve got a dragon to slay, gods damn it!”
“Of course, my liege, right away,” said Babqex.
The Overlord looked back to the dragon swooping through the air. He thought ‘Activate Tracking Lock.’
[Tracking Lock activated]
Now, wherever the Overlord stepped, he would see in his vision a small red dot indicating the dragon’s location in relation to his own.
“Maviel—” said the Overlord, “—Use your clairvoyance to communicate to that damned Citadel announcer that I’ve found another dragon, and that the entire crowd must accompany me as I chase after and capture it.”
Maviel stayed silent for a moment. Then, she nodded, and raised her hands to her head. “Okay. I told the announcer.”
“Hey, everybody, guess what?” said the announcer. “The Overlord’s found another dragon, and he commands each and every one of you to follow him as he chases after and captures it!”
The crowd sighed.
“Make him tell them to cheer for me,” the Overlord said to Maviel.
Maviel rolled her eyes and put her hands back to her head.
“Also, the Overlord commands you all to cheer for him in honor of his bravery and Overlordship, or he’ll kill all of us,” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered with fear.
“No, no, that’s all wrong,” said the Overlord. “I don’t want them to cheer at me in fear, Maviel. I want them to adore me.”
“Yes, dear.” Maviel put her hands to her head again.
“Also, the Overlord proclaims that he wants you all to show him how much you adore him, or he’ll kill all of us,” said the announcer.
The crowd cheered extremely loudly, so much that it actually hurt the Overlord’s ears. Some of the ladies and men that had taken their shirts off for the Overlord earlier proclaimed that they wanted to have kids with him. The Overlord grimaced, but that expression was thankfully hidden under his hood.
“Is that what you wanted, darling?” asked Maviel eagerly.
“Close enough,” said the Overlord. “Now, let’s go catch us a Young Frost Dragon.”