Isabelle prepared to square off against this obnoxious flame-person- creature-thing, finding herself quite irritated that she was expected to participate in yet another impromptu fight.
The creature's body was covered in what appeared to be red skin with a greenish hue to it. Its arms looked to have long, curved talons protruding from its hand, and the same type of appendages sprouted from its back. It had no nose on the front of its face, instead, it had a beak, and a set of sharp fangs were revealed when it smiled.
"Okay, seriously, what the hell are you?" Isabelle asked the beast.
"I'm a Phoenixborn, obviously," said the flame-person, with no little amount of offense showing on its strang,e feathery face.
"You're a...Phoenix?" asked Isabelle incredulously. "What, do you turn to ashes or something?"
"No, I'm a Phoenixborn, you ignorant twit," the creature explained. "Do you really not recognize the difference? And who are you to go around interrogating people about their identities, you fucking human? Are you some kind of a speciesist?"
"I thought we were fighting!" said Isabelle.
"Oh, we are totally going to fight," said the Phoenixborn. "But first, I need you to understand the sociopolitical implications of your lack of knowledge vis a vis my identity as a person and as a member of the world that you inhabit. In fact, it is probably safe to say that without further education you will most likely remain an utter, self-centered, asshole until you die a horrible death. So I'm inclined to let us continue this conversation and then fight once we've finished."
Isabelle sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Fine," said Isabelle. "So tell me, then. What the hell is a 'phoenix' anyway?"
"A Phoenixborn!" repeated the Phoenixborn. "The term means simply someone who was born into the life of a phoenix through nontraditional means, that is to say, I was originally born a human and then over time through devotion to phoenixes I transitioned into a Phoenixborn, where I am just as much of a Phoenix as I am a person. It means nothing more or less than that. As you've already demonstrated in your earlier remarks regarding me and my appearance, people of your race generally have very little understanding of such things and therefore I'm afraid I'll need to explain it again."
"Wait, you mean you're not done?" asked Isabelle with a scowl. "You're going to keep talking about yourself?"
"Well, that depends," said the Phoenixborn. "Do you understand what I just told you?"
[Speechcraft attempt: decieve]
"Uh, well..." stuttered Isabelle. "I think I do, actually, yeah...I mean, sorta, I guess I kinda got it."
[Speechcraft failed]
"Yea, I don't think you do," said the Phoenixborn. "And even if I slaughter the shit out of you, I can't just stand idly by and let you live in ignorance, even for a second. It's not something that's allowed to happen anymore, you know. There are some very real consequences for doing so, and I intend to teach them to you before you get a chance to experience them."
Isabelle blinked and turned to regard the halfling. "Is he serious about this shit?" she asked.
"Oh, dead serious," said the halfling.
"And why did you have him locked up in the airship?" asked Isabelle.
"Oh, yes, I'm sure this twisted little halfling bastard would love to explain to you why exactly he had me imprisoned," said the Phoenixborn. "I'd suggest you listen carefully to his explanation if you're interested in understanding how your actions could lead you into trouble. After all, that's the whole reason we're having this conversation: in the event that I'm forced to kill you, I will make damn sure you understand why it is I killed you...in detail. And believe me, you will be quite upset with yourself for not understanding the lesson you are being taught at the end of this discussion."
Isabelle frowned. She found that this Phoenixborn was reminding her more and more of the Overlord, vis a vis talking just to talk without saying much of anything at all.
She turned to regard the creature again.
"Okay, look," said Isabelle. "You've got me confused enough already as it is. So why don't you just tell us what's going on, instead of playing these weird word games."
"Fine," said the Phoenixborn. "Do you know how these airships function, player?"
"No," said Isabelle.
"Oh gods," said the halfling.
"Yea, oh gods is right," said the Phoenixborn. "You see, these ships are basically magical conveyances that travel across the surface of our world with ease. The only real way they accomplish this feat is by summoning magical winds from other worlds into the area around themselves in order to provide their passengers with the lift that enables them to float through the sky. This magic in turn has a very particular cost, however. As such, any ship which wishes to be capable of traveling long distances is required to pay the price necessary to acquire the spells necessary to fuel its voyage."
"Once again, saying a lot without saying much at all," said Isabelle with a roll of her eyes.
"Sorry, what did you just say?" asked the Phoenixborn.
Isabelle's eyes went wide. She hadn't really meant to say that out loud.
[Speechcraft attempt: decieve]
"Nothing."
[Speechcraft succeeded]
"Oh, okay," said the Phoenixborn. "Then, please, allow me to explain everything about how I became a Phoenixborn in great detail. You see, it all started when my parents were on an expedition in the deserts of Imahmah in order to collect samples from an old ruins site known to be infested with some particularly potent magic."
The Phoenixborn took a deep, dramatic breath before continuing.
"You see, as it turned out, I was born in one of those ruins," he said, "which means my parents were in possession of extremely potent magic when I came along. Unfortunately for them, they didn't have enough gold to cover the entire costs of my birth and care. They'd gone to an Imahmahian hospital, you see, and they're often dreadfully expensive. So they made a deal with some sort of demon in order to get out of their agreement since that demon was able to provide them with more than sufficient funds to take great care of me. I can only assume that they didn't think things through when it came time for them to deliver on their side of the contract; but in any event, that's exactly what happened."
He paused here and looked up to regard Isabelle and the halfling with a smile. The latter was now sitting back down on his rump, rubbing his chin with his one remaining hand.
"Now, I'm sure you've heard the saying 'Don't make deals with demons', right?" asked the Phoenixborn.
"Nope," said Isabelle. "Honestly, I didn't even realize demons actually existed until right about now."
"Good gods, you really are ignorant," said the Phoenixborn. "Well, regardless, don't ever try to make deals with demons. It usually never ends well."
"That doesn't sound so bad," said the halfling. "What does not ending well mean exactly? Do they just murder you or what?"
The Phoenixborn shrugged, apparently unconcerned by this halfling's lack of awareness. "Well, that depends on the demon," he said. "But if you do find yourself on the receiving end of such dealings, the first thing they'll likely do is try to possess your soul. That's definitely what happened to my parents, at least, and let me tell you now it is not inexpensive to hire a mage to banish a demon that's on a repo mission for your parents' souls. I swear I just woke up one day and they were walking around like damned zombies, pouring coffee on the top of their heads as if it was a perfectly normal way to act. Gods, never, and I do mean never, go to Imahmah. There are far better nations in the world of Beaubinte."
"I see," said Isabelle. "So where do I fit into all this? Because from the way you keep talking all I've really gathered is that your parents were bad with money and I'm guessing from how fixated on that you are that they blamed you for it."
"Wow, you're really ignorant, aren't you?" said the Phoenixborn. "But, yes, there you have it! My parents were bad with money, my father blames me for it and then he gets possessed by a demon. And then it feels like it's all my fault when he dies, which isn't exactly something you can blame someone else for, now is it?"
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
"No," said Isabelle. She had nothing more to add at the moment.
"Well, all things considered, it was a shit situation. A shituation, you could call it," said the Phoenixborn.
"A shitsuation?" asked Isabelle.
"Yea," said the Phoenixborn. "A shitsuation. Like when someone drops a shit on your foot." He pointed down at his leg at the leg stump below the knee and smiled as if to imply that he'd found a particularly clever analogy. Isabelle noticed then that his feet were actually talons. "Shit is everywhere and everyone needs to know how awful it feels and then move past it or they're a fucking loser. Just my two copper coins on it."
He pulled out a copper coin from his pocket and threw it in the air with both claw-hands, catching it again between his talons.
"Anyway, my life sucked, essentially," said the Phoenixborn. "So I decided to go out adventuring in the deserts, as one does. At any rate, it didn't take very long for my luck to change for the better. See, I met this beautiful bird. A Phoenix, obviously. And she told me that she was in search of a human boy who would prove himself worthy of her by defeating an ogre king. So I set about looking for one such creature in order to help the birdy, only I soon realized that I'm the wrong sort of person to be going on adventures and slaying monsters, especially given my lack of funds.
"Speaking of funds, remember that demon I mentioned earlier?" asked the Phoenixborn.
"...Yes," said Isabelle. She had a feeling she knew where she was going.
"Well, I knew his brother, who was, if you'd believe it, also a demon," said the Phoenixborn. "And his brother, apparently, was also offering loans for a fee to anyone who wanted to slay an ogre king in exchange for a large sum of money."
Isabelle frowned. "Why are you telling us this? I don't even see the relevance yet."
The halfling looked back and forth between them, clearly confused. "What are you talking about? There's relevance! The demon guy said he'd loan the Phoenixborn money to go off and kill the ogre king!"
"Exactly, thank you," said the Phoenixborn. "Of course, I did have to put my soul up as collateral, as one does, but still, not such a bad deal! I wasn't about to make the same mistakes my parents made, don't you worry. I went and bought the nicest sword and shield I could and headed right on over to that nasty ogre king. Of course, the ogre king had some sort of demon-summoning spell going on and he was ready and waiting to meet me with all sorts of terrible demons at his beck and call, all of whom also wanted to. But no worries, I'm a fast learner, or so my mother would say. In this case I was pretty fucking slow to learn because I kept falling for their tricks time and time again but finally they got tired of playing these silly games and they just gave up because it became clear if I took loans from all the different demons none of them would get anything more than like an eighteenth or so of my soul and that wasn't really worth it to anybody.
"With the demons defeated, I faced the ogre king. He was a huge guy with some nasty spikes on his skin and this big ugly beard," said the Phoenixborn. "I killed him, of course, although admittedly, at the end, I got a little bit careless when it came to dealing with his bodyguard. So what did I do?"
"...Who gives a shit?” muttered Isabelle under her breath.
"...Right, well. I took a loan from the demon’s third brother." The Phoenixborn shrugged. "I know it doesn't sound like the best move in the world considering he also tried to steal my soul, or at least a nineteeth of my soul, but at least then, finally, I was able to buy something a little bit more worthwhile, like a slightly nicer sword and shield after I chipped the paint on the hilt of the sword I used to slay the ogre. And I've been doing alright for myself ever since, you know, minus all the stuff that went down with the goblins and everything, but I can tell you one thing.”
“What?” asked Isabelle incredulously. “What one thing do you have to tell me?”
“Phoenixes fuck like rabbits,” said the Phoenixborn. “They don't need a reason, not even because their eggs might explode."
"I'm sorry, what?!" Isabelle said.
"Phoenixes don’t really need to have sex, you know, because they can just turn to ashes and then be reborn if they’re feeling a little senile or anything. But when we’re young we get a lot of sexual energy because there aren't too many of us left, and so we kind of go crazy, I guess is what I mean."
Isabelle stared at the Phoenixborn blankly.
"Oh, look at that. It's my stop," said the halfling sarcastically. He stood up, turned around and walked towards the ramp from the airship to the ground.
The Phoenixborn smiled at Isabelle and leaned across her seat as he stood up, brushing her face gently with his feathered finger-talons.
"Um, why are you touching my face?” asked Isabelle with a scowl.
"I was not!" protested the Phoenixborn, apparently surprised by this accusation.
"You were! Don't lie to me," she snapped.
The Phoenixborn smirked, looking quite smug. "No, actually I wasn't touching your face. The fact that I could do that if I wanted is what is amazing."
"So you didn't touch my face? Good," she said. She folded her arms tightly across her chest and frowned at him.
The Phoenixborn chuckled. “You’ve got a strong personality, player. Aren’t you the one they call the mage of shadows?”
"What?" asked Isabelle defensively.
"Well, I think that is your nickname. Anyway, you should take a good long look at me right now before you make your decision on what to do next,” said the Phoenixborn.
[Combat mode deactivated]
[Achievement Unlocked: Talk your way out of combat mode]
[Speechcraft increased to level 16]
“Shit,” said Isabelle. “I didn’t realize combat mode was about to get deactivated. So we aren’t going to fight?”
“No,” said the Phoenixborn. “I will admit I find your ignorance... irritating. But I don’t think fighting you is going to solve anything."
"It is the best option," Isabelle insisted. “We should fight. I’d love to watch the blood drain from your stupid feathery neck.”
"I can't say that it is," admitted the Phoenixborn. “Or that I like that imagery.”
Isabelle scowled and folded her arms. "Why would you even be here if it's not? Why are you talking to me?”
The Phoenixborn laughed, the sound of his feathers rustling in a light breeze. "I thought you had the answer? Why have we come all this way if there was no reason to fight? Why didn't the ogre king’s bodyguard kill me when she got my sword back? Because maybe the ogre king’s bodyguard didn’t really want to kill people once she’d already failed at her job? Or was there another reason?”
“Are you implying I’m a failure?!” said Isabelle. “Because I’ll have you know I’m no damned failure. I’m fucking fantastic, I’ll have you know.”
The Phoenixborn laughed again. “I’m sure you are, Isabelle.” He stepped closer to her. He smelled like a campfire, and also a little like bird droppings. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant, though.
Isabelle wasn’t sure how she felt. He was handsome enough, if a bit too tall and strange-looking for her tastes, and he did have something of the devilish quality that attracted her to some men. But his attitude
was just obnoxious, and there was no doubt in her mind he was a complete asshole. And what kind of a monster had to be told to stop being an asshole?
Still, she didn't feel threatened, so there was a chance she might end up liking him after all.
"What do you want from me?" she asked the Phoenixborn. She couldn't help but glance down at his hand. "Why aren’t you killing me, for starters?"
The Phoenixborn looked her in the eyes for a long time before saying anything. When he spoke again it was with a smile that sent a shiver down Isabelle's spine, and it made her realize exactly why this bastard was still alive: he knew how to use his voice as a weapon.
“I think that—”
[Warning]
Isabelle suddenly felt a horrible, searing pain shoot through her gut like daggers.
[Warning]
Isabelle dry heaved once, and twice, and then her eyes started to tear up. She was im horrible pain. Some of the worst pain she’d felt since reincarnating into Beaubinte.
[Warning]
Isabelle was suddenly overcome by the sensation that the world around her was turning black. She heard a terrible cracking sound and felt herself falling over. She thought she might vomit, but it turned out she was crying instead, sobbing into her knees, hands on either side of her.
Isabelle had no idea why this was happening, and she could hardly bear to look at the Phoenixborn, but when she did look at him she saw that his face had twisted into the sort of expression that she associated with someone who is completely and utterly flabbergasted.
[Warning]
[Evacuation imminent]
Isabelle looked at the latest message from her system again as she reeled in pain and agony.
[Warning]
[Evacuation imminent]
Evacuation? What in the hell could that mean?
[Clarification: Evacuations are imminent in the case of prime impaction due to lack of proper system use]
Fuck’s sake, that hadn’t clarified anything for her!
[Warning]
[Evacuation imminent]
Isabelle was sure it had to be another one of those things that her brain wasn't up for yet. The whole situation was too surreal, and there was too much pain and nausea to process anything properly.
The next few seconds were a blur, filled with screams and tears and an incredible amount of pain.
"Shit," Isabelle said, trying to wipe her tears away. "Fuck you very much, you fucking bastard." She looked up at the Phoenixborn, who
stared down at her in utter confusion. Clearly this was somehow his doing. Maybe it had been his plan all along! Maybe he'd meant to do that, or maybe it had just been a side effect of him being here in the first place.
Either way, she would have to kill him. He had caused her this pain, after all.
[Clarification: This is purely your own doing]