Chapter 108 - Knowing Self_There Will Be Dragons Here

Isabelle could not believe what she was looking at. It took her a few seconds to even process the scene before her, but that was plenty of time for her companions to recognize the situation.

"Shit," said Tahsi Junior. "It's a zombie."

"A zombie?" asked Jopher. "A giant, walking, talking, fucking zombie?"

"That's what I thought," said Tahsi Junior. "But this thing's not just a zombie. It's a fucking dragon."

"I'm not a fucking dragon, and I'm not a fucking zombie!" said the female Phoenixborn strapped to the wall of gears in the airship's cabin.

"No, she's much worse than all of those things," said Ryzer.

"Worse?!" the female Phoenixborn tore the straps off her arms and punched Ryzer in the gut. She looked at Isabelle and her party members. "My name's Shiach, and I'm Ryzer's girlfriend."

Isabelle's mouth dropped open.

"Yeah, I know, right?" said Shiach. "I can't believe he didn't talk to you about me at all. Especially considering he's apparently in your party now. But, oh well. I guess that means I can join your party too, doesn't it?"

Isabelle's jaw remained open.

"Look, Isabelle," said Ryzer. "I don't know how this happened. I thought she was dead!"

"So she is a zombie after all!" said Tahsi Junior.

"I'm not a fucking zombie!" shrieked Shiach. "Mine and Ryzer's home got burnt down by debt collectors. I think both of us assumed the other had died, when in reality we'd both ended up kidnapped to be used as living fuel for the Red Serpent's airships. So Ryzer and I are trying to get back to our homeland, which is really far away from here. We don't even know where we're going. But I'm really fucking hungry, and since we've got some money, I'm thinking maybe I'll order a pizza, and eat it all myself."

"Um...no," said Isabelle. "I don't think you can just order a pizza."

"Really?" asked Shiach. "You don't want pizza? I heard you players were big on pizza summoning spells back in the day."

"I don't know any summoning spells that can conjure up food," said Isabelle with a shrug.

"I can make you a sandwich though!" said Tahsi Junior eagerly. "I'm still practicing my craft, but I promise I'll do my very best as long as you don't try to eat my brains or anything, miss not-a-zombie."

Isabelle gave Tahsi Junior a stern look.

"I was just joking!" said Tahsi Junior. "...For the most part, at least."

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Shiach."

"And nice to meet you too, Isabelle," she replied. They shook hands. "Ryzer says you're like a sister to him."

Isabelle shot Ryzer a disgusted, icy glare. "Like your sister?" "Oh, yes," said Ryzer. "My sister was very attractive."

Isabelle and Shiach looked between one another in confusion and disgust.

"I mean, she wasn't really my sister," said Ryzer. "She was my stepsister. But I didn't think anyone other than me knew that. I mean, I haven't told anyone else. It's all irrelevant, anyways"

"Well, I know, because I'm his girlfriend," said Shiach. "I just figured it'd be cool if we all hung out together, is all. Because I'm pretty sure I'm the only real friend he's got at the moment."

"...Okay, whatever," said Isabelle. "Just don't try and kill me and we're cool. I guess."

"Cool!" said Shiach, with a big smile.

Isabelle rolled her eyes and turned around. She wasn't in the mood for Shiach's enthusiasm at the moment, and she still had a dead Red Serpent guard to loot over on the deck.

She focused on the dead kobold.

[Loot 'Avna'?]

Isabelle thought yes

Inventory: Avna

Item

Traits

Red Serpent Armor (kobold)

+5 damage, +2 str, +10 carry weight

Red Serpent Helmet (kobold)

+3 str, +1 char, +5 carry weight

Gold (25)

n/a

Isabelle wasn't surprised that the Red Serpent armor had lower stats than most of her current loot, but she was a little disappointed. Still, she was happy that the kobold had some gold in his inventory for her, and she was also glad to take the armor in case she needed to disguise herself in the future.

Inventory: Avna

Item

Traits

n/a

Perfect.

['Red Serpent Warrior' is dead]

['Red Serpent Archer' is dead]

[Combat mode deactivated]

[Achievement unlocked: Kill a bunch of enemies at once from a high altitude]

"What the fuck?" said Isabelle. She was so confused!

[Clarification: All of the kobolds you blew off the airships with your breath weapon attacks just hit the ground at once.]

"Holy shit," said Isabelle.

[Notice: You're ready to level up]

Isabelle smiled. Well that was nice. She was happy to level up. Isabelle thought, 'Open Character Sheet.'

[Congratulations, you’ve reached level 39]

[Notice: You have attribute and skill points to spend] [Would you like to spend your points now?]

[Y/N]

Isabelle thought yes.

Attribute Points to Spend: 27

Hp:

377

H-Regen:

3/30sec

Mana:

201

M-Regen:

2/40sec

Stm:

196

S-Regen:

0.5/sec

Isabelle put ten to mana, ten to stm, and seven to hp.

Skill Points to Spend: 27

Str:

115

Int:

Dx:

115

Wis:

Const:

Char:

Isabelle put ten to int, ten to wis, and seven to str.

[Congratulations, you’ve finished leveling up!]

Character Status

Name:

Isabelle

Gender:

Female

Level:

Class:

Undefined

Race:

Human

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Alignment:

Neutral-Neutral

Attributes

Hp:

384

H-Regen:

3/30sec

Mana:

211

M-Regen:

2/40sec

Stm:

206

S-Regen:

0.5/sec

Skill Points

Str:

122

Int:

100

Dx:

115

Wis:

Const:

Char:

Magic Ability Levels

Enchant:

Summon:

Heal:

Destroy:

Transmute:

Confuse:

Normal Ability Levels

Crafting:

Sneak:

Archery:

Lockpick:

Armed Combat:

Melee Combat:

Speechcraft:

Sleight Of Hand:

Isabelle felt great! She hadn't been expecting the opportunity to level up so soon. She was almost level 40 now! That was wild.

"You look like you're in a great mood," said Ryzer. "I'm happy for you."

"Oh I am," said Isabelle. "Leveling up again is wonderful."

"Maybe one day I'll level up," said Ryzer. He leaned a little closer to her.

"Um, what are you doing, Ryzer?" asked Isabelle skeptically. "Don't you have a girlfriend to attend to?"

Ryzer looked shocked. He almost talked back, but instead he just shut his mouth curtly and walked off.

"Men," Isabelle grumbled under her breath.

"Tell me a about it," said Tahsi Junior.

"Tahsi Junior, were you there the whole time?" asked Isabelle.

"Yup," said Tahsi Junior. "Also, you don't want a bite of this sandwich I made for Shiach, do you? She took a few bites and said it was a little too moist for her preferences, and I figured maybe you'd be interested in some lunch."

"I don't want Shiach's sloppy seconds!" spat Isabelle in a huff. "No way!"

"Fine," said Tahsi Junior. "Just don't forget that you promised to buy me another piece of cheese."

"Cheese is expensive, and I have no idea where I'd get any here," said Isabelle. "And what's more, I never promised to buy you any, either!"

"Then you'll just have to give me a hug," said Tahsi Junior. "Hugs are free."

"I'm not hugging you!" snapped Isabelle.

After she gave Tahsi Junior a hug, she decided to walk back to the cabin to check on the others. Jopher was playing with his glock, and Ryzer and Shiach were bickering about something indeterminate.

"So, Jopher," said Isabelle, "Are we still en route to the Tufa?"

"The who now?" said Jopher, accidentally dropping a bullet on the ground in confusion.

"The Tufa, Jopher," said Isabelle. "You know, those rock people that Tahsi Junior was so keen on taking with us to Chox?"

"Oh!" said Jopher. "I thought you said the tuna. Which, I'll remind you, we're on an airship, so that's not really an option."

"No need to patronize me, Jopher," said Isabelle. "Now are you going to answer the question, or are you just going to keep playing with your glock?"

"Okay, okay, I'll stop playing my glock, I'll tuck my glock away and play with it later," said Jopger. He stashed the glock in his concealed holster. "Look, the Tufa will be fine. We're only a little ways out from them now."

"That's good," said Isabelle. "We don't want to leave them behind and then get killed by kobolds."

"It's not that simple, Isabelle," said Jopher. "You see, the Tufa are already dead, themselves."

"They are?" Isabelle frowned.

"Well, they're just rocks," said Jopher. "Rocks can't really be alive, now can they? So if they're dead, that has to mean the same thing, right?"

"I hope you aren't implying that rocks are dead because they don't move around and talk," said Isabelle. "Except, I thought the whole point with the Tufa is that they do actually move around and talk!"

"Hey, rocks don't have to make sense," said Jopher. "All they have to do is get their rocks off, right?"

"You know, your mouth is a lot dirtier than it looks," said Isabelle. "How so?" asked Jopher.

"You just used the word 'get'. As in, 'Get your rocks off', get your rocks off. And as in 'rocks get.' You know, in case we're wondering, and we are, what exactly it means for a stone to get its rocks off."

"You mean, like, masturbate?" asked Jopher.

"Yes," said Isabelle. "I mean, why else would a rock want to get its rocks off?"

Jopher shrugged. "I don't know, maybe because rocks are horny. Or maybe because rocks are lonely."

"Or maybe," said Isabelle, "just maybe, a rock wants to be alive." "But rocks can't be alive!" said Jopher.

"What in the fuck are you guys talking about?" asked Tahsi Junior. "And what's masturbation?"

"Tahsi Junior," said Isabelle, "I think you should probably just forget that conversation you just overheard."

"But why?" asked Tahsi Junior. His eyes started watering. "Why can't rocks be alive? Are you saying you don't believe in the Tufa?"

"Tahsi Junior, I have seen literal dragons since I reincarnated in Beaubinte," said Isabelle. "I personally have no trouble believing that there is a society of sentient rock people."

"You mean it?" asked Tahsi Junior. "Yes," said Isabelle. She rolled her eyes.

Tahsi Junior wandered off, trailing behind Jopher and harranging him with questions about rocks and male biology.

Isabelle stared out at the clouds and sighed. Her party was bigger than it had ever been, but for some reason, she started to feel at this moment terribly alone.

Isabelle walked over to the side of the airship and looked out into the wide expanse of the sky. It

was a beautiful day, but Isabelle felt no joy in the sight. She was certain that it all seemed very beautiful to most people, this vastness of the sky. But to Isabelle all she saw was a wide, endless obligation. And for what?

Ever since she'd reincarnated in Beaubinte, Isabelle had had scarcely more than a second to think. She'd been taking action, progressing, at every single turn. What had clearly only been, what, a couple of weeks? Felt much like months to her.

She'd fought a giant. She'd slain dragons. She'd saved herself from multiple ambushes and traps. She'd saved the world from the Overlord. And she'd done it all without even thinking about what it all meant. All she knew was that at the end of the day the world was somehow still doomed. And it felt like the world needed her to save it.

Now, though, she wanted to take the time to try and figure out what she would need to do. Not just to save the world, but to save her sanity. And the first step on that journey, it seemed, might be to find out who she was.

Isabelle stopped looking over the side of the airship and pointed her eyes back up to the heights of the skies.

Was Isabelle happy to be here? Was she happy at all?

Did leveling up even make her feel joy?

She was a hero, she knew, but did she like being one? The idea of heroism was something that had always been important to her, but not for any noble reasons. Her whole life, she'd been raised on stories of heroes in her family. She'd grown up watching movies about them. She'd read novels and comics and manga and watched anime about them. But Isabelle had never thought of herself as the hero.

Did that make her the villain?

It didn't seem so, even though people kept calling her a mage of shadows for whatever reason. She'd always loved the idea of being the baddest bitch alive. She'd spent her entire life wishing she had more power, more strength, more skill. She liked the idea of the strongest and most powerul person in the world. The smartest. The best.

But now, was she happy to be one of those heroes? Could she even be a hero if she didn't want to be one? As far as Isabelle could tell, the answer was no.

And if she couldn't be a hero without wanting to be one, Isabelle figured, then she couldn't be a mage of shadows without wanting to be one either. And so, maybe, Isabelle would try just wanting to be Isabelle.

Whatever the hell that meant.

"So, Isabelle," said the voice.

"Hm?" said Isabelle.

"What's masturbation?"

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Give it a rest, Tahsi Junior." Her party member sighed and walked off.

Isabelle stood there alone and just thought. Her mind kept spinning like a reel until she grew quite drowsy.

And so, Isabelle closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was staring at a dragon.

A dragon with wings.

A dragon with wings and fire coming from its mouth.

A dragon with wings and fire coming from its mouth, and Isabelle was standing in front of it. She wasn't scared of it, but she was definitely confused. It was like she was seeing things from the outside, rather than experiencing the world through her own eyes.

The dragon looked at Isabelle and made a noise. "Hello," said Isabelle.

"Hi," said the dragon.

"What the fuck is this?" said Isabelle. "Am I meditating?" "Nope," said the dragon. "You're on a vision quest."

"A vision quest?" asked Isabelle. That phrase conjured to mind jungle retreats with hallucineagenic drugs. But Isabelle was pretty sure she hadn't taken any drugs.

"Yes, a vision quest," replied the dragon. "You get some alone time and try to connect with your inner self."

"Well, I have absolutely no idea how to do that," said Isabelle. "I'm not even sure where my inner self is."

"Oh," said the dragon. "I guess you're a little lost."

"That's an understatement," said Isabelle. "I don't know who I am."

"I'm not surprised," said the dragon. "Everyone's kind of lost. Most of us are just too busy trying to pretend we're not, so we can keep living our lives."

"But who am I?" Isabelle asked. "I've never really thought about it." "Don't worry," said the dragon. "It'll come to you eventually."

"How?" asked Isabelle. "I mean, it's been my life's work to try and figure out who I am, hasn't it? So I should know."

"Not really," said the dragon. "I mean, everyone thinks they know who they are. But the truth is, most of us don't. Which is kind of what I was trying to say earlier. It's probably why I'm here."

"Huh," said Isabelle. "So, what's your name?" "My name is Now," said the dragon.

"That's a weird name for a dragon," said Isabelle. "Yeah, I know," said Now.

"So, what's with the wings and fire and all that?"

"It's part of me," said Now. "It's what I am. The other part of me is you."

"Me?" asked Isabelle.

"Yes," said Now. "You. You're my other half. The other half of me." "Are you saying I'm like you?" asked Isabelle.

"No," said Now. "I'm saying that you're like me. We both need to find our true selves in order to reach our full potential."

"Oh," said Isabelle. She thought about this for a moment. "And that's where I come in?"

"Pretty much," said Now.

"So, I don't have to learn anything or do anything special," said Isabelle. "I just need to be myself and everything will fall into place?"

"I wish," said the dragon.

"You wish?" asked Isabelle, confused.

"I'm not sure if I should tell you this," said Now, "but...you're kind of an asshole."

Isabelle frowned. "An asshole?"

"Yeah," said Now. "I mean, not all of the time or whatever. Not exactly. But you're not always nice, and sometimes you don't think before you speak."

"I'm pretty sure I've never actually said something I didn't really mean," said Isabelle.

"Okay," said Now. "But there are times when you don't care how people feel."

"I guess," said Isabelle. "I mean, I can't help how I feel about things."

"Yeah, that's true," said Now. "But you're not always considerate of others."

"That's a stretch," said Isabelle. "I've never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings."

"Well, I suppose that's true to a degree," said Now. "It doesn't make a difference, though. You're not being honest with yourself about it."

"I'm being honest," said Isabelle. "I'm always honest."

"No, you're not," said Now. "You're lying to yourself."

"Why would I lie to myself?" asked Isabelle.

"Because you're afraid of what you might find out," said Now.

"You think I'm afraid of myself?" asked Isabelle. "I mean, I've known myself pretty well for a long time now."

"No, you just don't want to change," said Now. "If you were honest with yourself, you'd admit that you hate yourself. Because you're scared of what you might become if you let someone else take control of you."

Isabelle didn't say anything at first. She was a little upset that Now was accusing her of hating herself.

"Who are you to say all this shit about me, anyway?" asked Isabelle. She could feel anger building up inside of her.

"I just told you, I'm you," said Now.

"I'm me," said Isabelle, exasperated. "You're not even human. I don't know what's going on here, but I don't need you telling me who I am and what I'm doing wrong."

"Look, let's change gears a little bit," said Now.

Now shot into the air, coiling around like a snake in the air. Isabelle looked and saw three stepping stones leading across a deep, flowing river.

"Walk this path, Isabelle, and find out who you are," said Now. "Who you truly are."

Isabelle felt terribly uneasy. She had no idea what to do.

Chapter 108 - Knowing Self

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