◆Gatrim + Kaizu◆
“Today we are going to destroy the Monsin Noble House!” Gatrim declared boldly as he crouched in the bushes next to Kaizu and Chiulu—hiding as they observed the extravagant manor.
“Ehhh?! That’s what we’re doing here?” The Bureaucrat was baffled. “I don’t see how such crazy property destruction could be one of your missions, unless they defaulted on their mortgage or something and the bank is really mad.”
“I believe you’ve confused her, Gatrim,” Kaizu only smiled.
“So I have,” the man was a bit dumbfounded himself, but guessed he could have expressed his phrasing a bit better. “We’re not actually going to destroy their home. Though having them humble themselves by living in a standard accommodation could do wonders for their hubris and rehabilitating their personalities.”
“No, we will be stripping them of their noble status,” The Memory corrected the misunderstanding.
“Did they do something horrible?” Chiulu inquired, trying to understand their motivation.
“Not particularly, besides being generally unpleasant people,” Gatrim had to admit. “But that is the standard for nobility. They believe themselves above others, all because of pointless titles that most of them didn’t even earn. In their minds, nobles are a superior race, and genuinely think that everyone should serve them. I know, because I used to be one of them and acted just like that.”
“But nobility, in its own way, is a prison,” the man bled his heart. “Because of their self-delusions of grandeur, they also feel it’s something they have to live up to. That endless pride is crushing. Once I understood the status itself was the cause, and had the Foilepe nobility dissolved, I can’t begin to express the sense of freedom that came with it.”
“Sure, it will be hard at first for some of them. They have come to expect a certain level of pampering and lifestyle. But we’re also not taking away any of that unless there’s reason to do so, such as if they’re criminals. All we’re doing is removing their claim to nobility.”
“And how do you go about that, exactly?” The Bureaucrat still wasn’t entirely sure what the plan was.
“Well, there’s always a tangible item that denotes nobility,” The Memory explained. “For the Foilepe household, it was an original, ornamental crest that was bequeathed by the king at the time many centuries ago. Most often, though, it’s a doctrine from the government. But it can also be a seal, or even a tithing rite for some who still impose their own taxes on the lands they were gifted.”
“If the noble family loses possession of that item, they can then no longer prove their nobility. It’s not something that’s ever really checked. They don’t exactly have an inspector going around and knocking on doors, requesting to see it. So as long as no one knows it’s missing, they can still claim their nobility, and have the world honor it. Only when someone would challenge their holdings would it ever come up.”
“In the olden days, even if someone lost their noble trinket, they could return to whomever issued it and ask for a replacement. But that’s not really a thing anymore, and why modern nobles are so paranoid. If they lose it now, odds are it’s gone for good.”
“With the recent assassination of the Guzrinn’s King, and that country currently in the process of reforming into a democracy, that leaves only two monarchy’s left in the world. The first is Archlave. I’ve spoken with Feyjrusa, and they are currently planning to establish a parliament to co-lead their country once they take over, making them more of a figure-head than anything. They also plan to pre-emptively dissolve all nobility over the next few years.”
“And then that just leaves Fiendish which has no nobility besides Drim. Hell, even Phon doesn’t have a noble station. It’s unsure what will happen if he dies, but I did ask him about nobility, and he said there were no plans to ever instate it in any form. So that means, any nobles that are currently out there, have no way of officially reobtaining their nobility if lost, unless the government they serve would honor it for some reason—doubtful with what we’re about to do.”
“Okay, I understand the gist,” The Bureaucrat was coming around. “Can’t say I fully understand it, but I’m here to help. Not that I have a choice in the matter. If we’re robbing them, that means stealth, right? I’m not great at that, but how are we getting in?”
“Well I’ve already scouted the place,” Kaizu informed her. “The entire family has left for some political fundraiser, taking most of their staff retinue. All that remains are the exterior guards. Once we make it inside, we’ll be able to move freely. As for getting you in there, I will handle it.” The Streetsweeper pulled out her chains and snapped them taught. “Please do not resist.”
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Before Chiulu could realize what was happening, her torso and arms had been bound in chains, but not merely to restrain her. Instead, she’d been tied to Kaizu’s back and hoisted off the ground. Her new impromptu mount then began scurrying through the grass and bushes, easily slipping onto the noble’s grounds with Gatrim trailing behind. The Bureaucrat did her best to act as a limp doll, not wanting to be the reason their infiltration was a failure.
With one quick flick of her daggers, Kaizu sliced through a window’s lock, and the trio slid inside. Chiulu was then released from her bindings, a little saddened since it had been kind of fun—experiencing the world through the lens of someone who was actually coordinated.
The couple didn’t even say anything before they set off scouring the mansion with The Bureaucrat trailing behind. The first stop was the mansion’s study. “I’d say we find what we’re looking for about 80% of the time in either the study or library,” Gatrim mentioned as he combed the bookshelves, gingerly tipping each book forward just an inch before letting it fall back into place—wearing gloves to not leave any fingerprints.
“A lot of the time, though, it’s in some hidden compartment or secret closet. They think they’re being so clever, but if almost everyone does it, then that makes it trite and predictable. Honestly, one of the most difficult to find was a doctrine that was simply hanging up on the wall in a frame. It looked like a diploma in any other office, and it took us an embarrassingly long time to notice.”
“But so far I’ve gotten nothing in here, how about you, Kaizu?” The Memory glanced over to the woman delicately rifling through the desk.
“I’m not getting any strong readings here,” the woman mentioned as she slowly pushed a drawer shut.
“Kaizu can detect lingering traces of guilt,” Gatrim began to explain. “If an item is heavily associated with a feeling of guilt, she can pick up on it. It’s a crapshoot for what we’re looking for. They’re either teeming with it, or there’s none at all. In case she can’t pick up on anything, we’d also ask for your assistance, Chiulu. Our understanding is that you’re naturally guided to hidden secrets. So if you feel yourself trip or anything of the sort, please lean into it.”
“Uhh, roger that,” Chiulu would try her best, not exactly sure how to be proactive in her search. Even after years with her Curse, The Bureaucrat was no closer to understanding how to actually activate her power. It was like it had a mind of its own, choosing when to activate with no input from its host. And it certainly didn’t take her comfort into mind, only improving her life by any means necessary, and keeping her alive, though not necessarily protected.
“Hmm, the biggest reading I got is from the bedroom,” Kaizu mentioned once they’d done a quick walk of the entire manor. “There was a bit in the kitchen as well, but I believe that’s from all the unused cookware. Seems this family constantly orders catering instead of even hiring private chefs.”
Gatrim sighed. “There is often a lot of guilt in the bedroom, but usually not the kind we’re looking for. Since it’s the biggest, though, we’ll still check it out.” The trio began rifling through the Monsin’s master bedroom—more Gatrim and Kaizu doing the dirty digging, however.
Chiulu was still a bit hesitant blatantly destroying someone’s privacy, so she poked and prodded at the areas that were less likely to be hiding something scandalous. But at some point, her feet caught on each other, and she crashed right into the bed. The mattress went flying off the frame, and The Bureaucrat landed on the box spring with an unceremonious flop.
Just as she was wondering why her Curse had caused such a catastrophe, a sheet of paper fluttered down and covered her face. Gatrim raced over and picked it up. After a brief second to examine it, he held the document skyward with ecstatic pride. “Great work, you found it! It’s the usual doctrine, but to think they were actually hiding it under their bed. I bet they believed they were so clever.”
Chiulu crawled back to her feet, and the group got to work cleaning up the mess she’d made. Kaizu had been smart enough to take a picture of the room before they’d started scavenger hunting, so they were able to put it back just as it was, even matching how the sheets were originally tucked.
“So now that you have the paperwork, what’s next?” The Bureaucrat inquired. “If this is all stealthy, and you steal it without them knowing, won’t they continue to believe they’re pompous nobles?”
“Yes, that they will,” The Memory agreed. “Unless they have a regular habit of checking their hiding spot. But the plan is to reveal it all at once. When we’ve obtained all that we’re able to do our hands on, we’re going to have a big livestream.”
“There, we’ll call out every single noble that we’ve robbed, and showcase the items that we’ve stolen from them. Then, we’ll destroy it right there on the broadcast, so the entire world will know, and there will be no room for uncertainty.”
“My idea is to do it at a bonfire,” Kaizu added. “After each item is shown, we’ll throw it into the fire. And then they can watch their dreams and sins burn away right in front of their eyes. Then I think we should roast cheap meat over it to add to the insult, but that’s more of a personal payback from me since I don’t kill them anymore. They can deal with a bit of mockery.”
Gatrim nodded his head. “As a former noble, I can attest to how scathing that little insult would be. If you want, Chiulu, we’ll invite you to our little cookout when this is all over. But for now, let’s get going. Our work here is done.”
Kaizu came at the woman with her chains again, and they snuck out as easily as they’d arrived—no trace that they’d never been there at all.