“Question #2: ‘What is your ideal date?’ We’ll go in reverse order this time, so Contestant #5.”
Mallea straightened herself up on her stool, ready to present her answer that she was clearly ready for. “Well, I think we’d start off by visiting a bookstore. I know one that sells used and antique books. We’d browse around for a while, and I think it’d be fun to actually pick out novels for each other to read.”
“Then we'd go out for a picnic, to some quiet place neither of us have ever been before. Maybe a cliff by a canyon or a peaceful lake. On the way, we’d search around for a few fresh ingredients to use. And then we'd make the meal together right there in the open. After we ate our fill, we’d read our books side by side, just enjoying each other's company, bringing up the interesting happenings in our stories until the sun set. And then we’d lay out under the stars together until we fell asleep in each other's arms.”
“Damnit, she’s good!” Kada couldn’t stop herself from blurting out before she shoved a finger to her mouth, biting the nail with frustration. They were watching their hopes crumble before them since Mallea perfectly knew her pseudo-son, able to tailor her answers to his exact tastes. And it certainly didn’t help seeing the man on the monitor blush slightly at the romantic thought.
“I wouldn’t let it get to you too much,” Xard was clearly annoyed as well but took a deep breath and relaxed. “She’s saying what she thinks he wants to hear, but that might not be the best solution. You’d be surprised how common it is for people to seek out those who are nothing like them. Unlike Mallea, all we can do is be ourselves and hope our genuineness and sincerity comes across. Go ahead, Victori.”
Fortunately for the program, everyone else’s mics to Drim’s booth were muted when it wasn’t their turn, so Drim didn’t hear any of that exchange. “Yes, Contestant #4. Let’s hear your answer.”
“I think I’d want to go to an outdoor market and just shop around. Somewhere I’ve never been before, like Zjiksa. I know it’s generally a dangerous place with thugs and scammers, but with you there, I’d have nothing to worry about. Then as we browse, since you know so much more about the world, you can explain all the things that I don’t know.”
“A lot of people seem to have a misconception about you, Drim, that you don’t like to talk. But that’s not the truth at all, is it? You just don’t want to be the center of attention in a large crowd, especially when there’s expectations of you. When it’s just you and someone close, you love to talk, and can go on endlessly about something you’re passionate about. And I’d just be happy to listen, to learn so much more from you as we went around together.”
There were no shaming giggles from Mallea this time, perhaps because she felt she’d already proven her superiority, so they moved right along. “Contestant #3.”
The room was silent for a little bit, but then with a straight face, Xard answered with, “Crochet lessons.”
On either side of him, the gaggle of girls turned to glance at him agape mouths and looks of confusion. Even the host slightly twitched with bewilderment at that answer. Drim himself clearly wasn’t expecting it either, but he didn’t share the same immediate recoiling that the rest did.
“It doesn’t have to be exactly that, but something along those lines,” the redhead elaborated. “You may think you’ve seen the most of this world, Drim, but there’s plenty of new experiences to be had. I’d like to get you out of your comfort zone, because that’s how we find new joy. And I know you like to learn new skills, especially anything that could be useful in our field. You occasionally weave clothes with your powers, and that would only make you all the more proficient.”
“I think it’d be fun to try something like that together. And if it doesn’t work out, if we find it boring and don’t want to stick with it, we’d still laugh about the experience and then try something else new.”
The answer eventually brought the others around, not as dumbfounded with a few honestly looking a little envious that they hadn’t thought of it. “Alright, contestant #2.”
“This might sound like a boring or safe answer,” the knight sounded a little unsure of herself. “But I’d want to go on a mission together, just the two of us. I think we’re fortunate in that we actually have jobs that we really enjoy, and I believe you’re happiest when you’re helping someone else. And regardless of what the mission was, you’d be helping me just by being there.”
“Whether it’s hunting monsters, stopping raiders, or even finding a lost pet. I just think it’d be so much fun to do it together, and there’s no one I’d want more right by my side. Then when it’s all done, we have a great meal to celebrate, and just relish in the job well done and enjoy the rest of the night as the evening winds down.”
“Hmm, that answer might be a bit too specific in identifying you,” Chorus pondered for a moment. “But I’ll allow it. Alright then, last answer. Contestant #1.”
“I don’t actually have an answer for this,” Kada was forthright. “But that’s because every date would be the best one. It doesn’t matter if I pick what we do, or if you do, or if we throw a dart at a wall of choices. Wherever you are, whatever we’re doing, as long as it’s with you, that’s where I want to be. I don’t want to date you for the experiences, or anything I can get out of it. It’s everything just to be with you.”
“Well, well, well, what a wide variety of answers!” the host took back over. “To me at least, it feels like the trailing contestants picked up some speed and now the race is closer than ever. But will it be enough? Because that’s the last prepared question that we have!” Chorus shamelessly chucked away the prompt cards they’d been holding
“You’re joking, right?” Xard was the first to lambast the quality of the production.
“Yeah, you expect Drim to choose from us with just two answers?” Jaid piled onto the criticism.
“This is certainly not your best-made production,” Victori went for the personal jab.
“I only had a night to prepare, alright?!” Chorus defended themself. “Between organizing everything and preparing the set dressing, research fell to the wayside. But I did watch a few episodes of popular dating shows for inspiration. Have you watched dating shows, though? They’re atrocious. It’s all the same zjik every episode and the one in the spotlight is able to miraculously pick out the hottest person despite having supposedly never seen the contestants before and regardless of whatever droll answers they gave.”
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“It’s clearly all rigged, so I wanted to do it right, and with a lot more passion and attitude. But unfortunately, since the usual questions are so steeped in anonymity being a factor, it ruled out most of them. I can’t ask you all about most of your favorite things or your histories, or it’d give it all away. But that’s fine, and you’re right. Two is too little. It’s always best to stick to the rule of three, especially because that will help fill the runtime.”
“So we will have a third question, but it will come from the man of the hour himself!” the camera pointed over to the man who was clearly rattled by the idea. “Whatever Drim wants to ask, as long as it adheres to the rules of the competition and I don’t think it’s too boring or stupid. But I understand it’s hard to come up with something on the spot, so I’ll give you a bit of time as we move onto our intermission segment.”
Chorus pulled a new stack of cards out of their velvety pink coat. “Alright, I felt five contestants was already pushing it. But a few more wanted to express their appreciation to our king—confessions of their own. So I had them write down their thoughts and will read them now. If I had longer to prepare and ask around, I’m sure there’d be more. They were asked to use a pen name to keep themselves anonymous, but it’s clear that most of them didn’t understand the assignment.”
“Our first letter is from Big Wheel. They write ‘I’ve never really been somewhere where I’ve truly felt like I’ve belonged. But this place is like no other, and you’re the one who made it happen. So I thank ya bunches. Didn’t think I’d get to be able to be this happy in life while being able to provide for my family. Long live Fiendish.’”
“The next is from Side Car. ‘Even though I was just a human, you still took me in.’ Well, that just gives it away, doesn’t it.” Chorus provided color commentary. “‘I thought I’d lost everything, but here I was able to gain new purpose, new direction, and a life I love. It’s all thanks to you, Drim. I promise I’ll serve this place with all my heart in return.’”
“Okay, now onto Snacks. ‘Thanks for not killing me, and for all the tasty snacks.’ Very eloquently put.”
“Alright, this one’s from Why Are You Interrupting Me. ‘Useful One is always useful. That is why he and he alone is Useful One.’”
“Ah, this one is actually a decently clever name, Hello Again. ‘In every life, I can always count on you. Regardless of who I am, even if I’m an insufferable zjik, I know you’ll stay the same. A foundation, a constant, the core that holds this group and country together. Thank you for being you.’”
Chorus immediately grumbled at reading the name of the next one. “From Rishaki’s Shop. ‘Dear valued customer, thank you for your repeated patronage. Enjoy this one time discount the next time you visit my shop when you bring the promotional code:’ Yeah, I’m not reading it.” The host then went so far as to rip up the card that was closer to spam.
“Alright, this one’s a more proper show of appreciation, I think. Coming from Quit Slacking. ‘This place always has interesting challenges and presents new ways to improve, not to mention all the cute girls. Thank you for bringing me here. If you hadn’t reached out to me, I assumed my life would end at the bottom of a bottle. But don’t let my sincerity be an excuse. Even when you’re president of the world or whatever, you better keep on training.’”
“Oh, another one from a business, you could say, but this one’s actually appropriate. From Old Grumpies Diner. “‘The day you younguns first walked into our restaurant, we thought you were a bunch of hoodlums who might try to rob us. But then we were actually robbed, and you saved us. You taught us an important lesson that day, and even after that, you continued to support us.’”
“‘We’re so thankful and happy to return the favor in any small way we can. Wherever life takes you, know that we’re so proud of you. And whenever you come back home, for as long as we live, there will be a hot meal made with love waiting for you.’ Okay, now I’m hungry.”
“Oh, this one’s from me, I mean uhh, from Best Producer. ‘Thank you for always being so entertaining.’ Yes, I’d say that about sums up that person’s feelings.”
“Alright, onto… their name is long, bear with it. Noble Prick. No longer a noble, but still a prick. They write, “Before I came here, I always assumed I was the best. Top of life, top of skill, but upon my arrival, I was so quickly put in my place. It irked me to no end, and I strove to surpass everyone and reclaim my self-proclaimed title, even if it would mean my death.’”
“‘But after facing you and being around the others, I learned how unimportant status really was. If anything, it was just holding me back. Now I’ve learned to embrace what actually makes life matters, and I’m so much happier for it. All thanks to you.’”
“We’re getting there,” the host checked how many cards were left. “From Stained Hands. ‘Everyone else would have condemned me to death without a second thought. For all I’ve done, I can’t say I wouldn’t deserve it. But only you refused to give up on me, helped me out of my addiction, forced me to atone for my crimes. Now I’m healthy again. I’ve made friends, I’ve found love, I’m glad to be alive. Thank you.’”
“Up next is Crying While Watching This. ‘I love Fiends, and I love you, but not in the way the others would say. Watching your antics and dreaming up scenarios is why I live. I’m genuinely a fan, so no matter who you end up choosing for your actual lover, you’ll always be part of the OTP in my head.’ Most people won’t understand that one, so I might delete it in the edit.”
“Ah, it seems we have a royal clash,” the host smirked at the next card. “From the self-proclaimed, King of Commons. ‘I normally hate the rich and powerful. But you’re not so bad. You actually use your vast wealth and influence to make lasting change. It makes me want to invest in you. So I’ve placed my bet, and I have faith you’ll lead me to a glorious payout. Come see me if you ever need a loan, interest free.’”
“Hmm, did they just ignore what I said or refuse to do it anyways? From Mazie and Bray. There’s two different sets of handwriting, I’ll leave you to guess which. First is, “I love living here so much. It’s the best place to grow up, and you’re the best for making it happen. If you don’t want to pick any of those people, then I’ll marry you when I’M older!’”
“And the second set says, ‘Apologies for her brashness, but we do genuinely have you to thank. I can never repay you for saving us and taking us in when we had nowhere else to go. Now I have the chance to properly reconnect with my daughter and give her the life I’ve always wanted for her. Thank you.”
“Almost done. From Vet. “You’ve built a wonderful place and organization, one that rivals if not exceeds any other in the world, and from what I’ve seen, is only used for the betterment of everyone. Thanks for giving an old man a chance and letting him be a part of it. Hopefully I’ve made you proud. And even though your burdens have been divided, know that you’re irreplaceable to each of us.’”
“Now for the last one. It may be a bit of a surprise of who it’s from. The last card was written by Not a Real Doctor. ‘You probably never expected thanks for me, but I have to say it anyways. I always looked down on your group back when we were rivals. Or at least when I thought we were. The truth is, we never compared. There was nothing that made us above you, but even then, you never treated us as lesser.’”
“‘I miss my friends. I miss my home. And I always will. Nothing can replace them, but nothing has to. Even though we were always rude and condescending, your group welcomed us when we had nowhere else to go. We were fools to treat you so poorly to begin with, and I hope this letter can serve as a bit of an apology. I need to say one final thank you on behalf of all of us. You saved Bunchy and allowed us to reunite with her. For that, I’ll be eternally grateful.’”
“And that’s it for the cards!” Chorus let the last scrap of paper flutter away. “Now onto the third question. Have you made up your mind yet, Drim?” The camera spun to the man in the booth, but instead of looking appreciative at all the kind words, he was hunched over with his face in his hands
At the prompt, he raised his head, revealing his beet-red complexion rife with embarrassment. “How am I supposed to think of anything when you’re reading all that, Cosdammit!”
“Hm, fair enough,” the host giggled. “Well, we’ll give you a bit more time as we go to a brief commercial break!”