How many times had she died? That was the first question Jaid had when she woke up in her bed. It had been at least once for sure, but she vaguely recalled there being others. There was no memory, but that dreary feeling of death still haunted her. Physically, she was fine and just a touch groggy, but mentally… It was going to be a long day.
Feeling only food could help her forget, Jaid rushed out to the restaurant, wanting to gorge as much as possible before whatever fresh hell awaited them with their assessments. She stared at her clock as she ate, wanting to make sure she had plenty of time to get there, but not too early to the point she’d just be standing around awkwardly.
Thankfully, she had already changed before coming—heeding the warning and wearing the athletic wear she’d purchased yesterday. The combat outfit she’d gotten from Chorus was too nice to ruin on the first day. Jaid had to wonder what sort of trials awaited them if they were told not to wear clothes specifically designed for durability.
Her new sheath had come in handy too, besides serving as proof that last night hadn’t been a dream. The hilt and crossguard of her sword were still too large for her to comfortably wear at her hip. She’d managed to belt it to her lower back, though. Up until now, she always had to carry it with both arms since it was a bit taller than she was, making it unreasonable to sheath anywhere on her body. So, this had been a great improvement to its portability.
Jaid headed out a few minutes before [350], but not before personally thanking Vank and Hazzle for her breakfast. They had made her a stuffed toast that her mother used to make on special occasions when she was a child. She had never been able to find it anywhere else, so the nostalgia hit hard. The only discrepancy was that it had been a little too good.
After leaving the main entrance once more, Jaid found a large group gathered, but not the one she was looking for. They were the group waiting for the emissary from the circus whom they could now see approaching down the main road. The woman was on the back of a Polar Lion which she must have ridden all the way here to traverse the continent so quickly. The crowd was starting to get antsy, and Jaid genuinely wished them the best of luck. Serving as entertainers was a far better use for Fiends than vigilantism in her opinion.
The assigned meeting place for the rank evaluations was the open space just west of the main building, between the dorms and the gym, so Jaid didn’t have far to travel. She made it there with a few minutes to spare and joined the restless crowd. Most were already in attendance with the last trickling in as the deadline approached. The majority of them probably hadn’t gotten to experience Nachi’s eccentricity first hand, but Jaid knew for certain now that she wasn’t someone to leave waiting.
Nachi was already at the front of the crowd performing stretches. She didn’t seem to be guiding the group, but a few were matching her movements in case it was what they were supposed to be doing. As soon as the clock ticked over to [350], Nachi summoned a polearm out of thin air and slammed its butt into the ground to grab everyone’s attention.
“Good Morning, everyone,” she shouted, her authority made unquestionable by her tone and presence. “Don’t do that annoying ‘good morning’ chant back. I detest it, especially since it’s always so half-hearted. In fact, the less you say, the better. Just do what I tell you, without question or complaint, and we’ll get through this as quickly as possible.”
“Today we’ll be starting your rank assessments. Your rank determines what jobs you can take. All jobs are ranked from 1 to 10 based on expected difficulty, and are usually skewed a little higher since the unexpected can always happen. If you’re rank 5, you can take jobs up to rank 5. Simple right? There are a bunch of other stipulations, such as teaming up or going with higher ranked members can allow you to take tougher jobs, but we’ll get to that when you start actually going out on missions.”
“Every rank has a test to pass. It’s to feel out if you’re capable of handling jobs at that level. Right now, you’re all rank 0. If you can’t even make it to rank 1, you won’t be able to do any off-site work at all. Shouldn’t be too hard though, even humans should be able to pass rank 1 with enough attempts. I should say you’re allowed to try and pass each rank as much as you like, so don’t come whining to me if you fail along the way.”
“After this big group wave, you can schedule times with me for individual tests. For today and the coming days, we’ll be moving as a group. If you take too long to pass a rank and fall behind, you’ll be left behind, and any further testing will have to wait until the group session is over.”
“This won’t be something that can be done in a single day either. Some of the tests are simple and can be done in a few seconds or minutes, but others can take several hours or days. For today, I’d like to get through at least rank 3 so we can start rank 4 this evening, maybe get some training done in the afternoon if we have time to spare.”
“Guess I should talk about training. Just because you get to a rank you’re happy with, I’m not mawhging happy with it. My job is to make sure you can be the best members you can be, so I’ll always be pushing you to higher ranks. I’ll make sure each of you gets the training you need. Not gonna go as far as training you to death though, probably.”
“I’ve been bribed by Roque for him to provide an endless supply of his rejuvenation tonic, so I’ll be able to train you all that much harder. We’ve had our resident chemist confirm that there won’t be any long term effects from it, except for maybe a bit of bowel distress. Just means you all don’t get to use exhaustion and sore muscles as an excuse.”
“Not gonna let you all sit around waiting your turn for ranking tests either. If you’re not actively taking a test or if you’ve already failed, you’ll be training the rest of the time. Well, not for today. Today, I’ll let you all observe the first three because they’re going to be damn hilarious.”
“Now!” Nachi slammed her polearm again, “Let’s get right to it.” The ground began to open behind her revealing a rectangular pool. Just barely breaching the surface was a long log that spanned the width of it.
◆Rank 1◆
The crowd drew closer to the pool, but as they did, something seemed increasingly off. “Is this… lube?” Niloy asked as she swirled her finger over the surface of the liquid.
“See for yourself.” The back of Nachi’s polearm slammed into the crouched Niloy’s back sending her plummeting into the pool. It wasn’t very deep, so she was able to stand once she resurfaced, but that didn’t stop her from flailing about.
“So goopy!” She whined once she scrambled out of it. Niloy must have changed the properties of it because it all slid off of her a moment later. “Where’d you even get so much?!”
“Got a problem with lube?” Nachi asked seriously. “It’s cheap, won’t ruin your clothes, and perfect for this purpose.” It was becoming obvious now why they’d been told to wear clothes they don’t care about. While lube may not ruin clothes, it’d certainly be a nightmare to clean.
Fortunately, everyone had gotten the memo and Jaid was wearing some of the new clothes she’d bought yesterday. The one exception was Chorus, wearing the most eccentric outfit Jaid had seen them in yet. It was hard to describe, but it was a dress or a suit or something along those lines that only someone deep in the annals of fashion would even consider clothing. To top it off, they were even wearing matching high-heels.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
“Alright, form a line,” Nachi pointed towards one end of the log with her polearm and gave further instruction as they organized. “The objective should be obvious: cross the pool. Now, I’ve always thought it was stupid in military and training scenarios to make everyone do everything the same way. You’re all different, so how you complete this and every other test is up to you.”
“You only need to complete the main objective. The goal here is not to cross the log, just get to the other side. Do whatever you have to—use any skills or weapons. If you’re a Fiend, use your Curses if they’ll help. I don’t think any of you can fly, but if you can, go for it. These tests are about proving you can overcome a hazard or difficult scenario, not about following specific rules. The only thing you’re not allowed to do in this case is walk around the outside of the pool like a cheeky little zjik. I will drown you in lube.”
“Since you’re so eager, Gatrim, go for it.” The narcissistic noble had raced to the front of the line and was already standing at the log. He unsheathed his rapier and took his fighting stance that Jaid had already seen too much of at this point. The weapon wouldn’t help at all with this trial, but she guessed he used it to center himself.
Gatrim zoomed across the log in a flash, the lube at his feet spraying every which way like a car racing through a puddle. He made it clean to the other side, only for him to fall flat on his face when his feet hit the new friction from the grass.
Niloy was next, and she walked across the log like it wasn’t slippery at all. She must have still had control of the lube’s properties from touching it earlier. Still, she almost lost her balance a few times showing it wasn’t the easiest feat even without the added slipperiness.
A few more went, with only one actually slipping into the slimy deep. Nachi let those who failed try again right away if they wished, something about momentum and getting focused. Jaid guessed it was because they were now covered in the stuff, so it added humor while also making it more difficult. There was some merit to the repetition it seemed, as the person who failed was all that more determined and made it across with no issues.
Tize came next, and Jaid was undecided on whether she should root for him or not. They hadn’t gotten off to the best start, but now that she knew a bit more about his inner workings, she didn’t want to strain their relationship further. Ultimately, she decided to act aloof, but still watched his attempt closely as he army-crawled across without too much difficulty.
Next was Chorus, and they still hadn’t changed their outfit into something more suitable. Instead, they got a running start and then jumped onto the log, sliding across the entire length in their high-heeled shoes. Jaid’s mouth, just like everyone else’s, was firmly agape. They even received a bit of applause from such a stunning show.
The following challenger was Kaizu, and Jaid had been avoiding looking her way as much as possible—not wanting to be one of the many wandering eyes who kept looking at her for different reasons. Jaid personally just found it uncomfortable to stare at her and not just because she was in skimpy clothing. Her sports bra and short-shorts weren’t hiding much, but Jaid kind of wished they did.
Almost all of Kaizu’s countless Curse Marks were on full display. Jaid had never had a problem with people with a lot of tattoos in the past, but even this seemed unnaturally overbearing. It didn’t help that they were all the same color, more red than actual skin. Kaizu really just looked like she was doused in blood from the neck down.
After just one step, Kaizu slipped off the log immediately. However, she never fully fell in; clinging onto the log after stabbing it with a dagger to catch herself. Nachi barely took notice of the fall, not counting it as a disqualification since it hadn’t been a full failure. To Jaid, this seemed circumstantial depending on the real-world hazard. If this were a chasm, she’d be fine, but if it was lava, she’d be dead. Kaizu pulled herself back onto the log, using her two daggers as pitons to clamber across.
Roque had it easy. There were spikes on the bottom of the shoes and he walked across like taking a casual stroll. This must have been the deal Jaid overheard yesterday and the bribery Nachi mentioned earlier. Roque must have been told in advance what the tests were so he could properly prepare.
There were no more falls for the rest of the members to Nachi’s clear disappointment. Only Itsy, Jaid, and Rezin remained at the back of the line. “Might wanna step back,” Itsy advised the two behind her as she walked over to the log. Jaid had been wondering how on Rathe the woman was going to make it across with her large frame. It’d be near impossible to keep her balance and footing. The log was most likely artificial as well, or the wood would be liable to snap under her weight.
Itsy bent down and wrapped her arms around the log. She heaved backwards, pulling the log out of the pool entirely. After whirling the log around wildly to shake off the excess lube, Itsy repositioned the log so it was hanging over shoulder. She stepped back quite a ways, almost to the gym, and started a mad dash. Once she was a step away from the pool, she slammed the log down into the lube, pole vaulting her away across and landing with a Rathe shaking thud. Needless to say, more applause was given.
Jaid was up next after Itsy replaced the log, and her attempt was fairly uneventful. Any time she felt she was close to losing balance, she summoned a clone to steady herself. She really should have army-crawled like Tize, but didn’t want to showcase any similarities. Nachi’s eyes glazed over with disinterest at her attempt, but they perked up for the final contestant.
Rezin was last, and by Nachi’s demented grin, it seemed she expected a lot of failed attempts and slippery trips. To her surprise, and probably everyone else's, Rezin made it across just fine. He took it at a mild pace and didn’t really struggle. Everyone seemed to smile at this surprise, and a few congratulated him, but not Nachi. No, her head was tilted and full of disbelief.
“Why don’t you go ahead and run that again one more time for me, Rez.” Nachi’s suggestion was very obviously meant as an order. “Consider it… Bonus points.”
Rezin repeated the log as instructed, struggling just a bit more this time. He skirted away as Nachi approached and stared at him. “Okay, one last time,” she instructed. After he’d stepped on the log again, Nachi walked right to the other end, blocking the exit with her body.
There was a long pause where Rezin didn’t move for a while, he then finally resumed, struggling even more. He stared at Nachi when he was finally just a foot away and opted to jump around her. When he did, Nachi swung her polearm at him, and he vanished.
“As I thought, a damn illusion.” She sneered at Rezin whose real body was still back on the other side of the pool. “I said you could use your powers, but you still have to actually physically cross the damn thing. Doesn’t matter if you can fool me if you’d still be stuck on the other side.” Several sad minutes followed as Rezin slowly and meticulously slid across the log an inch at a time on his belly.
“Well, I’d say we’re finally done with the first test, but we still have someone left to test.” On cue, a golf cart came zooming towards them but didn’t slow down at all. Instead, the butler driving it spun the cart hard, turning around the other way, and launching the passenger out at the same time. Nachi went over and grabbed the floored boy, picking him up by his scruff.
“For those who haven’t been properly introduced, this is Crucion.” She paused for a moment and then started to slap him roughly on the head with each further word spoken. “He’s a stupid little human who tried to sneak in.” The light punishment over, Nachi left him alone for now.
“And now he’s even following that stupidity with more stupidity. He wants to try to become a member too. While he’ll always be just staff here as long as he’s a human, the gracious powers-at-be have given him permission to test up to Rank 3. However, he’s not allowed to use the power-boosting uniform some of you may have seen him running around in. He must pass with his pure human mediocrity.”
The next piece was solely for Crucion’s benefit, to serve as a warning. “And if he does manage to even pass Rank 1 right now, I’m going to train him harder than anyone else here to make up for his biological deficiency. I’ll be damned if I grade even a human member on a curve. No one that’s part of this organization will be weak as long as I’m around.”
“So get to it!” Nachi pushed Crucion forward, forcing him to take a step onto the log. He immediately slipped and fell in and floundered around in the lube once he surfaced. Satisfied with the results, she left him to his struggle. “I’m going to get the equipment for the next test. He has until I get back to pass. Try to make sure he doesn’t drown. Thanks folks.”
Upon Nachi’s return, Crucion was flat on his back, letting the goo slide from his body, having only just passed the first test moments before.
[Rank 1 Results]
Passed: Gatrim, Niloy, Tize, Chorus, Kaizu, Roque, Itsy, Jaid, Rezin, Crucion
Failed: