“What’s wrong, Kalter? You’ve barely touched your Mighty Meat Mountain,” Lieu pointed over to his friend’s still mostly-full plate before resuming his own splurge of gluttony.
“No, I ate a reasonable amount of it for a reasonable person,” Kalter protested. “Maybe even a little more since I’m still trying to gain some muscle. The amount you’re eating is disgusting and beyond unhealthy. Even if I took this with us—which I’d rather throw to the dogs—it would last me a week.”
“Well, I can’t help you if you can’t appreciate fine dining,” Lieu shrugged. And after practically licking his plate clean, he asked for Kalter’s as well. The lad happily slid it over.
“What are we doing here, Lieu?” Kalter eventually asked as he watched his friend devour the second meat pile. If he was still a human, surely he’d die early from a heart attack or clogged arteries.
“Uhh, lunch?” the big soldier answered once he’d chewed away most of his mouthful.
“Yes, but why here of all places?” The athlete let his eyes wander for a second, immediately regretting it when his gaze accidentally met with one of the waitresses—the overly friendly waitresses that were scantily dressed in short and tight fitting clothing. The restaurant was called Awooga, and was almost exclusively patronized by older men and women with specific tastes. That alone should be enough to imply the kind of place it was.
“What?! It’s great!” Lieu immediately defended the place. “Unless none of these fine ladies are to your liking? Is that it? What’s your type, then? Like ‘em older, bigger? What spurs a man like you, huh? C’mon, give me the deets.”
“They’re fine,” Kalter answered quickly, wanting to get the heat off of him, but then he turned it right back around. “I’m more curious about whether any of them are actually to your tastes, friend.”
“Wuh, kuhh, c'mon man! These ladies are smoking!” It seemed he wasn’t quite ready to admit it himself, even if everyone around him had already accepted him for it. “What’s not to appreciate? But this trip isn’t about them, anyways. I told you. This is a Mancation! And what manlier place could there be, yeah?!”
Kalter tisked his lips. “I wouldn’t label ogling bodies and try to sneak a grope as manly.” He grabbed his knife and flung it across the room after there was a gasp from one of the waitresses. The knife curved and flew straight into the offending woman’s hand and then dragged her with it, pinning the pervert to the wall.
There was a lot of screaming and panic after that, but the two men sat calmly, ignoring the chaos that swirled around them. Eventually, the waitress in question came over to thank Kalter and gave them their meal for free. She also insisted on bringing them two Big Double Scoop Sundaes, which Kalter tried to refuse, but gave up after any pushback. He was sick of receiving attention after that, so he headed outside, but brought the ice cream with him to not rudely reject the woman’s kindness.
“Let me ask you again, Lieu,” Kalter spoke up suddenly as they sat on a bench outside, eating their ice cream. “And be straight with me. Why are we here?”
“Well, things have just been a bit too feminine lately,” the man insisted. “That place was so great when we found it, but now Alk’s placed those black doilies everywhere. And my bed has a skirt now, Kalter, a Cosdamned skirt. I’ve been lucky most of my life if my bed has a sheet, clean or otherwise. And this skirt even has fuzzy teddy bear patterns.”
“Not to mention the zjik the girls watch on TV all day, nonstop dating shows, tearjerker movies, and the shopping network. But Cosmos forgive if I try to watch a war documentary or you try to watch a zoneball match. They get maybe two minutes in before they complain about wanting to watch something else.”
“And hell, I even saw you letting Creti braid your hair the other day. So I just wanted to have some time away, just us bros. Cosmos knows we’ve both got no other friends. So let’s have some fun we can’t have with those two chicks around.” He then turned to the man sitting next to him, who was staring off into the distance with clear disappointment on his face. “And you’re not buying this at all, are you?”
“Not in the slightest,” Kalter shook his head. “Especially since you’d certainly let her braid yours too, not that it’s long enough.” He then repeated himself one last time. “Why are we here, Lieu?”
“Because I’m worried about you, man! There, Cosdamn, I said it,” Lieu slumped back on the bench as if he’d just lost a brawl. “Something’s been up with you lately. You’ve been pissed off more than usual. Like you’re always a bit snippy, and getting mad at others, but you even snapped at the girls the other day when they were being slow after a mission. Yeah I saw you apologize too, but that shouldn’t be happening to begin with, and we both know it.”
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“So we’re out here for two reasons. The first, so I can hopefully figure out what’s been bothering you, and the second, so I can help you work through it. And if I’m the right person for the job, or if it’s zjik you need to figure out yourself, I was hoping to at least help you blow off some steam.”
“What a waste of time then,” was all Kalter said at first. The two men then sat in awkward silence while once again, Lieu polished off his ice cream and literally licked the bowl clean this time.
“I think my definition of manly is fundamentally different from yours,” the boy eventually threw the well-intentioned soldier a bone. “I’ve never cared or really thought about what it is to be a man, but if we tie it together with pride, then that I understand. For me, it means being the best at whatever I’m trying to achieve.”
“You should know that about me based on how I became a Fiend,” Kalter suddenly got sentimental. “I lived in someone’s shadow for far too long, always striving to be better than them. Second on the team, second to make friends, second to be asked out, second to be recruited, second to be praised. First to be blamed when he screwed up. I was there supporting him every step of the way, but when things went sour, he threw me to the wolves.”
“And worst of all, he’d been cheating the entire time, using drugs to get ahead. I was always better than him, but I could never see it because of the shortcuts he took. He always made it seem so effortless, because it was. So now I will never settle for second place ever again.”
“That’s why I love our group. When Creti came to scout me, she came to find me specifically, because she knew I was someone she wanted to work with, not a consolation prize. And that’s how you and Alk were scouted too, right? We’re not like those bastards who take in every stray puppy. We pick and choose who would be in our best interests.”
“Our leader is charismatic and can convince anyone to work with us or let us take any job we want. We have the best doctor who can even stop us from feeling pain. We have you who can escape from anything—never to be caught or killed. And we have me who will never miss a shot. Our group has only the best.”
“Yet somehow, we’re still considered second, and it’s not even close. We have higher completion rates, turn around times, and overall satisfaction results. Each of us works harder than they do, and yet, we are still in their shadow. So what are we missing? That’s what I’m struggling to figure out.”
“Is it just publicity? We don’t have the income yet to match their output. Is it just because they’re the first and cornered the market? I can see the appeal of something new, but mercenary groups have been around forever. Or is it just because it’s being led by the Drazahs? There’s nothing we can do about that but make ourselves equally as famous through hard work, or more likely, pull stupid publicity stunts like they did.”
“The only other option I can think of would be to fight them, properly square off in a fair match and prove that we’re better. Then people would understand our worth and that would give us the publicity we need.”
“And… I’ve never doubted Creti’s leadership, not for a single moment. But when it comes to the Fiends For Hire, she’s very dodgy and restrained—always finding some excuse to avoid coming to blows with them. It always looked like she was intimidated by them to begin with, but it’s only been exacerbated after the Starbits and when we saw them at the haunted mansion. Something has her seriously spooked, but she won’t tell us—refusing to even acknowledge it.”
“How can we be better than them, to overtake them, if we’re not even allowed to see them as a goalpost, something to conquer?! And their arrogance only gets worse by the day—the gap widening further and further. Hell, even the Central Peace has started ignoring them, and we’re picking up the heat from law enforcement because of it, but we’re not doing anything that they’re not!”
“So why do they get special treatment?! Why do they get to soar while we have to struggle?! We’re scrounging for meals some days while they live in luxury. It’s not fair, but that I’m used to. I can accept that it falls on me to change my own fate, but no matter what I try, it’s never enough.”
“That, Lieu, is what’s been bothering me,” he finally spelled it all out. By this point, he was holding back tears, not wanting to let his friend see him so weak and vulnerable.
“Alright, I get it,” Lieu shook his head supportively. “And I’m guessing part of it is you still being pissed off that Randex shot you in the head at that zoneball match. Seems like the kind of thing that you’d get fixated on.” He was indeed.
“And I think we should talk through some of this, I’m really glad you opened up to me,” the ex-soldier was being genuinely sincere, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder who surprisingly didn’t shake it away. “But first, I think we need to work off some frustration. We’ll be able to problem solve more efficiently if we’re doing it with clear heads.”
“So let’s go do something fun and competitive!”
“I hope you’re not suggesting sports,” Kalter’s head immediately drooped in disappointment. “Because sorry, but you’d be no match for me. It wouldn’t even be a competition or fun to completely destroy you.”
“Oh, I can think of something even you can’t cheese your way out of with your Curse.” Lieu grinned at him. It immediately sparked the obsessive competitive side in him and his interest was peaked.