“Tonight here at Fiendish, we have so much to celebrate,” Phon raised her hands high, gesturing to all around her. “The war we just won, our newly established nation, and the coronation of our new king. I’m not one for frivolous parties, but even I’m excited. It’ll be a feast for the ages. The only real downside is that we’ll be having all that fun to ourselves.”
“So that got us thinking. Isn’t there a way we can share this joy with the rest of the world? Give them a reason to celebrate along with us and help take our minds off recent tragedies? Well, we might have just the thing. We weren’t planning on doing this just yet, but in honor of our nation's founding, we’re going to reveal one of the plans we’ve been working on for some time now.”
“A while ago, we were approached by the Director of Drome Coli. He presented us with a problem. Ever since the revelation of Fiends, interest in sports as they currently exist has been steadily dwindling. People would rather watch Fiends battle monsters or complete jobs than another basic sports match. Sorry humans, but you have to admit, we’re just more interesting.”
“So the Director made a request. He wanted a way for Fiends to be able to compete, and not just in private matches or skirmishes as you’ve seen clips. Openly, legally, and most importantly, safe. That was the goal. And so… we’ve been working in secret, and now, we’re ready to show it off to the world.”
A remote with a comically large button was handed to Phon from someone just off-frame. “I hope you all are ready.” The woman walked back over to her brother. “Drim, if you’d like to do the honors. Oh, and if you’re currently in Drome Coli, you might want to hold onto something.”
Drim pressed the button, which bonged with glee. The feed cut away from the throne room to a satellite image. To most viewers, it probably just looked like a barren landscape, but there was a tiny clipping of one of the Drome Coli arenas on the corner of the screen for any discerning viewers to notice.
The blank patch of land suddenly split, a massive crack surging down the middle, kicking up dust in every direction. Whatever dirt and foliaged laid on the surface sank into the dark chasm that grew wider by the second. Finally, the giant hole stopped expanding, having created what looked like an abyss right on the surface of Rathe.
But then lights blasted from below, illuminating the giant building that laid just inside. And then the building started to rise, slowly but surely, inch by inch out of the gaping chasm. The camera angle swapped to a few different views around the area, switching between them every few seconds so that the audience could properly bear witness to the uprising of the massive structure.
Finally, all the mechanisms came to a halt, and what remained was a giant building, sleek and pristine. In glowing letters above the main entrance read ‘Fiendish Coliseum’. “That’s right everyone!” the feed cut back to Phon. “We built a brand new stadium. And it’s not just any stadium, but a fully realized coliseum. Not only can it hold more occupants than any other venue in the world, but it also has full accommodations for all participants and staff of any event, along with an abundance of vacancies for the spectators.”
“You may think that this coliseum isn’t too dissimilar from all the other stadiums in Drome Coli, but I guarantee that it stands out. Unlike those that are centered around a single sport, our playing field can be customized to meet any need. On top of that, it was built with Fiends in mind. Everything is more durable, from the chairs, to the light switches, to the ground you walk on.”
“But most importantly, the field is surrounded by an adjustable barrier, designed to meet the needs of the sport, so that it can perfectly fit the space needed. This will keep out anyone who isn’t supposed to be there, but more importantly, it will keep the audience safe. If you’re there to watch Fiends, I bet you don’t want to see them hold back. With our modifications, they can unleash their full power.”
“So we built this coliseum for all to enjoy. However, the Fiends For Hire won’t be running it day-to-day. We’ve left it in the Drome Coli Director’s hands. He’ll be seeing to all the programming personally, and he’s got some great stuff planned. And he wanted me to mention that after this is over, signups to try out for a Lesser Zoneball league will be available on the coliseum’s website immediately.”
“But that’s still ultimately more of the same. It will revolutionize the sports you already know. However, we want to offer something more. So for the grand opening, we will be hosting an event of our own. We here at the Fiends For Hire know what you want to see more of. You won’t stop damn telling us in the comments of our videos.”
“You want action, but not fake action. No scripts, no special effects, real raw battle. And it’s not just Fiend vs Fiend that you want to see, though that is still the huge majority. Even human vs Fiend and human vs human would appease you all if it’s done right. The problem with the fights we’ve showcased until now is that the footage is both rare and can be hard to follow. Even with our specialty cameras, it’s difficult to track at times.”
“So let’s do it live! Right out in the open for all to see! That’s right, we’re holding a full-fledged fighting tournament! Unhinged, unrestrained fights with no holding back! Barring a few minor rules, there will be almost no restrictions. Do whatever it takes to win!”
“And the tournament is not reserved for Fiends. Any and every race is allowed to participate, whether you be a Fiend, Lesser, or human, or even a sentient monster. Though the only one of those we know about would sadly be too big to fit in the arena.”
“However, with that comes the first of our very few rules. Given the power difference between the races, and just the population discrepancy, humans fighting alone would both be too unfair and take far too long to get through all of them. Plus, let’s be real, it would get boring quick.”
“Because of this, humans must fight on a team with a minimum of 5 participants. We’ll set a soft-cap of around 50, but you can have more as backups, or if we just feel like it’s a better matchup against your opponent. For Lessers, you’ll need to have a minimum of 2 on your team, up to a maximum of 5. And since we want to make it as inclusionary as possible, a Lesser team can have a few human members as well that exceed the cap, but must still have at least 2 Lessers.”
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“Fiends, sorry, but you’re on your own. You’re a rare enough commodity that we won’t want to be wasting. And on top of that, not all Fiends will even be participating, we have to take what we can get.”
“So here’s how this will work. At the start of the tournament, each race will be divided into their own brackets. Its single elimination. Either subdue your opponent so they can’t keep fighting or knock them out of the raised arena so that they land on the ground. And each round, the roster will be randomized so you never know who you’ll be fighting next. Though we may influence the matchups just a tidbit if there’s one that will be more interesting. We want this event to be as exciting as possible.”
“Humans and Lessers will fight their bracket out to the end, and become the winners, receiving a big ol’ cash prize. However, the two top teams from both brackets, along with the last two remaining Fiends, will then go on to fight in the grand finale; an all-out free-for-all.”
“Now you may be wondering why the last two Fiends won’t fight first to win their bracket. Two reasons. First, the Fiend bracket will happen last after the other two brackets. We want things to become increasingly interesting as the tournament goes on. Since the finale will be shortly after, the Fiends won’t get as much time to rest between, so they don’t need more action to wear them out. And second, let's be real, odds are that the free-for-all will turn into a final fight between the two of them anyways.”
“As for what the winner will get for fighting their way to the top, besides more money than you can ever spend in your life, we’ll also give you whatever you want! This comes in the form of a wish. You may tell us, the generals of the Fiends For Hire, whatever your heart desires, and we’ll do our damndest to make it come true.”
“Of course we can’t perform the impossible, but if it exists as a tangible outcome, we'll do whatever's necessary to achieve it. Want us to turn you into a movie star? Absolutely! Want us to kill your neighbor Kent for putting their plastic lawn ornaments just a bit too close to your boundary line even though you’ve asked them to stop for the dozenth time and even tried to get the city involved? Done, no questions asked. Bye Kent.”
“Or maybe you’re a soldier fighting for the Central Peace and want the nation of Fiendish to become a member. Cough cough, wink wink. We’ll make it happen. There will of course be a few caveats and contingencies. We won’t do anything actively detrimental to the citizens of Fiendish. So if you ask us to dissolve our country or kill one of our own, won’t happen. Though us generals ourselves may be more flexible depending on the request. There will be more rules, but we’ll post those later.”
“And I should clarify one thing. There will be only one winner in the free-for-all. Even if you enter as a team. Even if you decide to group up with your competitors and fight together, since that will likely be the only way to take the Fiends down. One winner. One wish.”
“As for rules of fighting, like I said, there aren’t many. You may use any weapon you or power you like. However, if you’re using firearms, we will require you to use paralyzing rounds that we provide. Which brings us to the second rule. You are not allowed to actively try and kill your opponent. If it happens accidentally, you’ll be fine, and hopefully our staff will be able to revive anyone if they’re not too far gone. But we reserve final judgment of your actions and intentions.”
“Same goes for the audience. If you actively try to hurt them in any way, that is grounds for immediate disqualification. This will be a zero-tolerance policy. If you even shove someone standing in front of you, you’re out! We’ll post the finalized rules on the website where you can find the entry application.”
“That site will be live as soon as we’re done here. Entries will be closed a week before the competition starts. We need time to compile the roster and plan the timeline of the event. That said, we do have a start date, and that’s, dun duduh dun! September 29th!”
“Actual fighting will begin on the 30th, but that night we’re going to hold a grand opening ceremony in honor of our new king's birthday! I know that’s not the longest time in the world to prepare, but too bad. If you weren’t ready now, you wouldn’t make it far in the competition anyways. Maybe start training for next year if we do this again. Who knows, we’ll see how we’re feeling.”
“Oh and something that may be a little bit of encouragement to those hesitant to sign up. I’ll guarantee it right now that the four of us Greater Fiends will not be participating. As for the rest of our group, a good amount certainly will be, but a few are sitting in reserve. We’ll see how many outside participants we get and fill the roster as needed for the bracket lineup.”
“So that’s about it… oh wait actually I didn’t talk about the audience, duh. That’s one of the main reasons we’re doing this anyways. For this event only, most tickets will be completely free. About a quarter will be reserved for friends, family, and sponsors of participants. There will also be a few very expensive VIP tickets in case you want to reserve a spot.”
“The rest of the tickets will be distributed via lottery. You’ll be able to put in for how many tickets you want through a new app on your Common Cards, mostly so we can track legitimacy and prevent scalpers. We’ll be giving away a chunk every day up until a week before the event. If you’re selected, you’ll have two days to claim them before they go back into the pool. And since we want a full house, if you don’t show up for the event, your ticket will be given to someone in the nearby vicinity.”
“Now I can understand that this is a sudden commitment for a lot of people. Travel can be expensive, and we don’t have enough accommodations for everyone. So like the tickets themselves, any remaining rooms at our venue will be given away to ticket holders only. The more you can cram into a room, the more likely you’ll win one.”
“Also, we’ll be partnering with Skighway. Any and all ticket holders will be able to receive free round-trip flights. Food isn’t covered, but Drome Coli has plenty of fabulous restaurants as long as you stay away from the health-nut side. And our coliseum will have ridiculously upcharged-yet-delicious grub as well. We’ll also have some tacky limited-time merch you can only get during this event. Those horrible business practices aside, this is a deal that most of you have no reason to refuse.”
“The biggest problem for a lot of people will be the length of the event. At this point, we’re not really sure how long it will last. Could be a few days, could be a few weeks. Depends on the number of participants and the matchups to determine the length of the fights. We’ll send out our estimated breakdown of the schedule once the roster is finalized.”
“I hope we see you there, it’s definitely something you won’t want to miss. But unfortunately, I understand that we can’t accommodate everyone. That’s why the tournament will be broadcast everywhere for free, anywhere you watch Fiend TV! It won’t be as good as seeing it in person, but you won’t miss a second!”
“That’s all from us here at Fiendish! Be sure to check the website for more news about the tournament. And start thinking… What is your wish?!”