◆Feyjrusa◆
“Sir, I’m here! What’s the problem?!” Chiulu burst through the bedroom door. She was responding to the text she’d received from her partner, instructing her to drop everything and come to Feyjrusa’s bedroom immediately.
“These mawhgers pulled one over on us, Chiulu!” Tusmon whirled around, a newborn baby Rusa in his arms. “Cosdammit, I met with Feyj just yesterday to confirm our appointment. I know about their life cycle, but there’s absolutely no way he was over 100. That means they forced rebirth, all so they could pawn their newborn care off on us.”
“Oh, is that all?” The Bureaucrat let out a sigh of relief. “I thought someone had died. Well, I guess someone did, but that’s besides the point. Is there anything in particular you need help with, sir?”
“Everything!” the detective slightly waved Rusa in Chiulu’s general direction. There was a sense of panic and dumbfoundedness that she had never seen on Tusmon’s face before. And perhaps it was the sudden movement, or The Investigator’s loud grumpy voice, or maybe the baby could just smell Tusmon’s fear. But that was the moment that the sleeping baby Rusa decided to wake up and begin crying her lungs out.
Tusmon jerked the baby away from himself like he was holding a bomb that was about to explode. Chiulu walked up, hesitant to get much closer herself. “What should we do, sir?”
“Can you hold her for a second?” the detective asked, trying to pass the baby off, but his assistant quickly stepped away. “Just for a moment so I can make a call and get this zjik sorted!”
“Err, I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” The Bureaucrat had to refuse. “Given my history, there’s a reason none of my family let me near any of their very young relatives.”
“Well, in my opinion, you’re the safest bet,” The Investigator refuted. “Your Curse will always leave you with a net-positive outcome, right? And any damage or injury to the baby would obviously hamper our mission and relations with this group. Meaning, no matter what you do, it’s logical to assume that you will keep this baby safe while it’s in your care.”
“That’s… I guess I can’t argue with that,” Chiulu relented, gingerly taking the baby and pulling her close. “Oh wow, she’s so soft, or I guess that’s the blanket actually. But look at her cheeks, so squishy! I’ve never actually seen a baby this close before, and I didn’t expect them to be able to leak so much… Calm down, little one, you’re alright.” The Bureaucrat began swaying the child back and forth, trying to replicate calming efforts she’d often seen but never attempted.
Tusmon went to the opposite corner of the room, as far away from the tantrum as he could get, ready to throw one of his own. As he scrolled through his contacts, a text popped up on his phone.
『Dear detective. This is a friendly and completely impromptu reminder that per our agreement, you are required to assist any of our members and residents while they are in need of aid. Such as, completely randomly, one of our younger members crying from neglect. It is also from our understanding that by your authority granted from the Central Peace, you are legally obligated to check on and attend to any Fiend or Lesser that is showing signs of distress or under duress.』
『Failure to do so would both force us to renege our partnership. And also as fine, upstanding citizens of Rathe, we would be compelled to report any breaches of your responsibilities to the Central Peace Bureau of Investigation. I, of course, had no actual prior or coincidental reason to send this, merely reaffirming our stance without prompt.』
“Cosdamnit! Tusmon slammed the phone to the ground in rage, ready to continue his outburst. But then he picked it up a second later, making sure he hadn’t cracked the screen. “No, we won’t let them get away with this just yet. By her own scenario, if we were to deliver Feyjrusa to someone who is capable of taking care of her, then we would have fulfilled—”
Another text appeared.『Oh by the way. This should be a bit more prevalent and less out of the blue. Many of our staff and residents, pretty much all of them, will be away from the compound today. They are all busy with jobs, other work, surprise training, and impromptu vacations. There will be almost no one on the premises, it will practically be a ghost country.』
『Sorry for the sudden notice. It may happen that any inspections you had today might be unavailable due to the abruptness. If this happens, please reach out to Deborah for rescheduling—who also isn’t there, by the way. Apologies for any inconvenience.』
“Damn it, she got us!” Tusmon damn near smashed his phone with his bare hands. But then he calmed himself and readjusted his clothes and hair that had become a touch unseemly. “No, we won’t let them beat us so easily. It’s just taking care of one baby. How hard could it be? Any progress on getting her to calm down?”
Rusa’s continued screaming answered the question for him. “Do you have any idea what’s upsetting her, Chiulu?”
“Uhh, no, sorry sir. I’ve had no experience with babies,” his assistant apologized. “But I guess we should check the basics.” She held Rusa up a bit and sniffed the backside of the blanket. “Okay, I don’t smell anything, so I guess it’s not that. The next step would be seeing if she’s hungry, right? Well, don’t know how we’d know that. Oh! Maybe your eye could pick something up!”
“My eye only works on evidence related to crimes, Chiulu,” Tusmon shook his head at the suggestion.
“Well wouldn’t this count as child neglect if we did nothing?” The Bureaucrat countered. “And that would certainly be a crime.”
“Hmm, well it’s worth a short, I guess,” the detective gave into her logic. “Huh, so it does work. It’s a bit hard to tell, but I can see the primary issue. Her diaper does need to be changed. It’s just the frontside that’s the problem instead of the back.”
“Now let’s see here. Ah, this actually is convenient,” Tusmon scoured the room, finding a dresser with ‘Rebirth Supplies’ written on top. And the very first drawer contained diapers and everything else needed for a quick and sanitary change. The detective grabbed one of each, and Chiulu set the child down on a fold-out changing station they found. “Have you ever changed a diaper, Chiulu?”
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“No, I never have,” the assistant responded. “Though many people have suggested I wear diapers given my clumsiness. But I can proudly say that I have never had such an incident, not even once. Most people don’t believe me, though, for some reason.”
“Well, I have a small handful of times,” the detective relayed. “When parental officers had to bring their children to work and needed someone to briefly cover. It’s not a terribly difficult process, and under any other circumstance I’d be fine doing it, but in this case, I do believe it would be best for you to change her diaper.”
“Now don’t confuse it as me trying to dodge the work,” Tusmon cut off any potential accusations and then his eyes glanced around the room. “Just knowing how that woman works—the texts serving as proof of it just now—we’re certainly being watched and possibly recorded.”
“I bet she’d love nothing more than to capture a picture of us doing something that is completely fine with context, but could be condemning without it. This is a perfectly normal thing to do. But given that Rusa is a girl and I am a man with no correlation or familial ties with her, it could be misconstrued and frowned upon. So I’m asking if you’ll do this to save some potential headache in the future.”
“Well, alright,” Chiulu still had her reservations but was willing. The woman got to work under Tusmon’s tutelage, who was making sure that his eyes were averted the entire time. It took a few tries. The first was a complete botch and the diaper had to be ripped off and disposed of, and on the second, Chiulu put it on backwards, but she nailed it on the third attempt.
“There, isn’t that better,” The Bureaucrat held up the baby, giving her a big smile since she was genuinely proud of her achievement and hadn’t caused any major damage. And to her surprise, Rusa smiled back, practically giddy that the crisis had been resolved. But then all of a sudden, the child frowned again, making an even grumpier face than before, and the flow of tears and screaming began once more.
Tusmon turned around and used his Curse on the baby again, getting feedback of malnourishment. “Ah, now she’s hungry.”
◆◆◆
“Oh, are you a new couple checking out the town?” the cashier at Bisomote’s grocery store struck up some friendly conversation as he scanned baby food and other necessities.
The detective and his assistant had first tried the restaurant at the Fiends For Hire compound, looking for eligible food. They’d already enjoyed a few meals there during their inspections and were confident that Vank and Hazzle could certainly whip up something safe for a baby to eat. But unfortunately, the old couple was out for the day with only takeout meals available.
And the pair of law enforcement didn’t want to put it upon themselves to decipher if anything could be possibly cut up for child consumption, so they decided to go with something premade and reliable.
“Actually, now that I have a better look at’cha, I’m guessing you’re Fiends,” the cashier corrected himself. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen a full Fiend family before, though. Are you new members at the compound, or possibly just residents?”
“No, nothing like that,” Tusmon responded, clear decisive disdain in his voice, hoping to get the cashier to drop the subject.
“Ah, you must be visiting them on business then,” the clerk switched gears.
“Yes, I’d say that’s more accurate,” the detective kept it short. “We won’t be here long.”
“Ah, that’s a shame,” the cashier switched to more generic talk. “The town just got rebuilt not long ago. Now it’s more beautiful than ever, I’d say. Though, there are some who are picky about every little thing and can’t let go of the past, but they’re still happy about it. They just won’t tell you.”
“But I hope your business goes well. The Fiends will take care of you, I’m sure. They’re good folk.”
Tusmon’s eyebrow raised since the conversation had led in a direction that was relevant to his work. “Would you say that most of the town feels the same way.”
“Oh of course they do!” the cashier’s eyes lit up immediately, ready to gush. “We all love the Fiends For Hire. They’ve been nothing but great to this town. We wouldn’t be nearly as prosperous without them—still some bump in the road for the people passing by. They really take care of us.”
At that point, the detective couldn’t help but let his inquisitive side take over, asking something a bit more specific. “And you hold no animosity towards them for how long the siege went on, or that it happened in the first place?”
“Oh that, yeah that was annoying,” the clerk’s face turned a bit downtrodden, but then bounced right back up. “But they made sure we were all taken care of every step of the way! Everyone made it out who wanted to leave, and those who stayed had everything we needed. Heck, living in the tunnels was honestly pretty fun at times, it was like we were some shanty town right out of fiction. And with our community and the Fiends working together, our lives were still fun and fruitful.”
“To be honest, sir, I don’t think you’d find a single person in this town who’d badmouth them. Those who couldn’t stand the Drazahs when they first came back left pretty much right away, and we were better off without them. Though a few did return once they realized their blind hate was stupid, knowing the two siblings were nothing like their parents. And now we all co-exist peacefully. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Well, thank you for the information. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a baby to feed.” Tusmon paid for the groceries and walked away, unable to listen to any more positivity. Once the baby Rusa was satiated, the fake couple tried to figure out what to do with the rest of their day. Tusmon briefly entertained the idea of driving them to Hedgehind, since he’d worked there for a time, but they didn’t have a carseat and didn’t want to waste the funds to buy something they’d only use once.
So ultimately, they just decided to walk around—to take in the new beautiful Bisomote that the townsfolk were so proud of. And honestly, it was just as they’d said, now that the two lawmen could take it slow and appreciate what was around them. The town practically looked like a luxury resort surrounded by mountains, with pockets dotted around of the original quaint village that gave it charm. It was a nice time, and Tusmon was starting to understand why someone would never want to leave. Still didn’t help with his view of their annoying neighbors, though.
But when they finished their walk, the faux family headed back to Rusa’s room. After figuring out how the girl’s wall of screens worked, they flipped through the child’s video recommendations until they found something that caught her attention. Then as Rusa remained enthralled, they used the remaining hours of the day to catch up on their own work.
It probably wasn’t the best parenting, but they also weren’t actually parents. At most, they were babysitters held against their will. So as long as Rusa was safe and not crying, it was good enough for them. Once dinner time rolled around, Chiulu went and grabbed some takeout from the restaurant while Tusmon fed the baby some more pre-packaged food since they’d bought plenty earlier.
Then around the time that Tusmon and Chiulu were discussing what to do with the child overnight, Mallea suddenly came into the room. She plucked Rusa from Chiulu’s arms and bowed. “Thank you for your service,” was all the butler said before carrying the child out of the room.
◆◆◆
The next day, as the two glorified civil servants headed to meet the next Fiends on their lists, they saw Rusa trudging across the compound. She was roughly a teenager in age, and carrying a large stack of files.
Tusmon was about ready to rage at someone as to why the child couldn’t have been aged up in the first place, but Chiulu cut in with a simple smile, saying “Wow, they sure do grow up fast.”