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Fiends For Hire [Anti-Hero Action/Slice of Life] (4,500+ Pages)
V4: Chapter 8 - I Object | Part 1.1 - Pre-Wedding Jitters

V4: Chapter 8 - I Object | Part 1.1 - Pre-Wedding Jitters

Phon’s morning had been off to a pretty good start. She’d broken a new record during her workout. Then, she’d had a nice hot bath to wash away the effort. And now, she was slipping into her freshly laundered combat outfit—definitely the way to start things off right. There was no cooking bout that morning with Mallea that morning, because Drim wasn’t around to cook for, so that was one less stresser.

And while Phon had been taking her bath, she’d received word that their Drome Coli project was ready for final walkthrough and approval. So after getting some breakfast, she’d begin the teleportive journey. The girl had been quite delighted that she’d been tasked with overseeing the project—one less thing for Drim to worry about.

It was something rather important for their plans as well, but her brother had yet to see a single detail, instead entrusting her and Nathym with unyielding faith. And the results had been spectacular. She was genuinely excited to unveil it for Drim and everyone else to see. Imagining the dumbfounded looks of the public already brought her so much joy.

But there was no firm date yet. Its necessity relied on outside factors beyond their control. But it was also an inevitability, and they wanted everything in place before that day came—not wanting to be caught off guard or having to make adjustments. There was one more part to the plan that Phon hadn’t told anyone about, not even her brother—something she’d have to have made in private.

Those little lights in her life were helping the depression of the past few days. Drim had been gone for a while on some mission with an unusual bag of members. Her brother hadn’t given her many details and rejected her when she offered to come, saying she was better off doing any other mission. How vexing it had been, but she had to stay busy, and would have plenty to surprise him with upon his return, even if he may not deserve it. His jerkiness aside, the future was looking bright.

Or so she thought.

The pace of the morning was brought to a screeching halt by a letter sitting on her desk. How odd. She never got mail. Like never ever, literally not once since they’d moved back to their family compound. It was doubtful that solicitors would leave their spam, and Phon wasn’t even sure that they had a proper mailbox—maybe something at the post office that Deborah checked on occasion.

It was even weirder that it had been delivered to her room without her noticing. Must have been Mallea’s doing to see if she could slip the letter by. Annoying butler, always invading her personal space.

But Phon double checked the letter and it was certainly addressed to her. It was hard to tell if it was actually handwritten or not. The ink looked like it was from a pen, but the font was so immaculate that no human could achieve such perfection unless they were one of the top calligraphers in the world.

Not to keep herself in suspense, the girl sliced the envelope open with her pocket knife. She could have just looked at it with her vision, but concealed text hidden between multiple layers of paper had always been more headache than it was worth, especially if she could just look at the real thing.

She slid a card out of the envelope, already a little annoyed that she was getting glitter on her fingers. People who used glitter on anything should have it sprinkled into their eyes in her opinion.

‘You are cordially invited to the wedding of’ Phon got bored after just reading the top line. She’d be dead before she went to a wedding voluntarily. Terribly dreadful affairs. The only time she’d actually attended one in the past were to claim bounties since that was one of the few times notorious criminals would willingly show their faces in public. It also added an extra layer of fun for her to ruin some whining woman’s big day. Even then, though, she would be bored out of her mind as she waited for her opportunity.

Just what schmuck would actually invite her to a wedding and expect her to come? It was probably some celebrity or politician trying to gain clout by having the Drazah’s attend. Maybe she would go to cause a little ruckus—just enough to make sure they were never invited to another ever again.

Phon then read the names of the soon to be unhappy couple. And then she reread it. Once more because there must have been some mistake. Clearly this was some elaborate prank. Probably from Kada, what a prankster she was, and a dead one if the more-unhinged-by-the-moment woman found out she was actually the culprit.

Because there was no way that Drim and Feyjrusa would actually be getting married, right? Right? Impossible. Definitely impossible. Some sort of mixup or misunderstanding. Or maybe an elaborate ruse for their mission. Phon had certainly found it odd that Drim and Rusa went on a mission together—even weirder since it happened after Rusa had Drim rebirth her several times, wanting the exact perfect appearance.

She really had been quite picky, as if she was preparing for some big event or… her own wedding. Cosdamnit! This was silly. It was just a mission, and this had to play some part in it. Tize and Nachi had gone with them as well, and that didn’t exactly sound like plans to run off and elope.

Though… Tize and Nachi had played as pseudo parents for Feyjrusa during one of their incarnations. Maybe the little zjik felt some familial ties to them, but that would only matter if they really wanted to go traditional and have someone give her away. Zjik zjik mawhging zjik! Things were starting to add up.

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Phon had been trying to give her brother a little more privacy and not obsessively check his location every waking moment. But surely one little peak wouldn’t hurt, so she made an inquiry with Phontext.

『Archlave』

Zjik! Cosdamned zjik! Well, that settled it. She’d just have to go and find out for herself. The girl had some concerns for the wellbeing of her brother, so that was more than enough reason to investigate. Clearly he’d been caught in a trap or was having his brain tampered with somehow. That bastard Rusa had probably learned some hypnosis techniques. She wouldn’t put it past the scumsucker—clearly plotting something heinous, betraying them after all their good will.

Plus, Phon had actually been invited, so it wasn’t like they wouldn’t expect her to come. That made it all the more confusing why she’d received an invitation if it was supposed to be something done in secret. The small detail made her realize that she hadn’t checked the time. Tonight?! Who sends out a wedding invite the same day as a wedding! Someone not expecting anyone to show up, that’s who!

Clearly this was some kind of conspiracy, to make it look like effort had been made. She briefly considered the idea that they had been sent out a while ago and just now arrived. But no, this was just too concise. Trickery was afoot. If they wanted people to actually know about the wedding before now, there’s no way it would have escaped Phon’s ears.

Or maybe this was all some code, some cry for help from Drim. He knew that she’d never ignore this. Perhaps Hand Guy had delivered the letter and that was how no one else had noticed.

So to Archlave, then, but uhhh, which way is Archlave again? Her mind had gotten a little fried from all of her racing thoughts. It was getting harder by the moment to think straight. Maybe she just needed to take a minute to sit down and collect her thoughts. But no! She had to keep moving, unable to rest until she figured it out.

Phon landed on packing. For what, she wasn’t sure. If she showed up and it was all a misunderstanding, maybe she’d stay a few days to help them with whatever they needed. That’s why she was packing, sure. It could also give her an excuse as if she was playing it off as a joke, going along with the fun.

Her packing started getting a little weird, too many mismatched outfits in her daze. Why would she need seventeen pairs of socks with only one bra? Then things like some of her yoyos, and a shoehorn, and a tire iron. Maybe her packing was getting a bit out of hand when she thought of ‘borrowing’ a nail gun from Nathym’s workshop—imaging Rusa dangling from a Cosmos star for no real reason.

But that brought a particular thought to mind: Nathym. Aside from her, the man was Drim’s strongest confidant. They shared a few little secrets and ideas that even she wasn’t privy to. Maybe the builder had a better idea of what was going on. If he’d been sworn to secrecy, she’d just have to remind him that nothing was secret to her. At the very least, she should talk to him before going off and doing anything crazy, right?

Before she got the chance, though, her bedroom door burst open and two dimwits she didn’t want to deal with at the moment began shouting at her. “Phon have you seen this!” “What the zjik is going on!” Xard and Kada were rambling over each other, wedding invitations flapping in their hands. It seemed she wasn’t the only one caught unaware. Oddly enough, seeing them panicking put her at ease.

“I was just about to head to the lab to see if Nathym knew more. You can come along if you want,” Phon teleported right past them and they gave chase.

◆◆◆

“Sorry, I really don’t know anything,” Nathym insisted for at least the dozenth time.

Their group had gotten a little bigger as they met in the secret lab. Mallea was now accompanying them, having received an invitation too. She was just as surprised as the rest and claimed that she wasn’t the one who delivered them. Since Nathym and Ahvra had found them in the secret lab, that meant it had to be Hand Guy who’d brought them. The odds that it was a cry for help had shot up exponentially.

“How the hell are all of us supposed to get to Archlave by the start time?” Xard wondered. It had apparently been decided that a good few of them were going to make the journey, but this meeting and their back and forth were stalling them even more.

“And there’s really no way Valen could be up and alive by then?” Kada looked over to Ahvra to reconfirm.

The small girl, who had just been participating for her own amusement, answered coldly, “Apologies, that is my doing. She had been misbehaving and needed to be punished, and I needed to perform special dissection. Literally took her apart and put her back together again. Will need at least another day or two to recover.”

“Hmph, the one time she could have been useful,” Phon was getting more antsy and irritable with each passing moment. “Forget it, I’ll just go by myself. I can’t bring you all along because that would take too much time and too much damn energy. You can just cram into the tourist and fly behind me. Maybe if you hurry, you can make it in time for the reception. Not that there will be one!”

“Sorry, Phon, I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Xard had to disagree. “With uhh, how you’ve been behaving, I don’t think you should be teleporting sporadically. Frankly, I don’t think you’d make it all the way to Archlave without incident. I think I should fly ahead instead. If I push myself… well, I might burst my limbs, but I should just be able to make it in time.”

“May I offer an alternative suggestion,” Nathym, per usual, had to be the sensible one around. “I’ve been working on a new vehicle, one more suited for our needs as a group. It’s faster than The Tourist, works on land, sea, and air, and can carry all of our members at once. So it could surely get you all there comfortably, and if you leave soon, with time to spare.”

“It’s done, but I haven’t had a reason to test it out yet. I’ll just need to give Mallea a brief tutorial to operate it and you can be on your way. Meanwhile, I’ll head over to Drome Coli for that final walkthrough, since honestly I don’t want to be anywhere near this crazy ordeal.”