“If it weren’t for your relationship with The Vixen, I would’ve had you arrested the moment you stepped foot on the premises. I hope you know that,” A woman sneered at Xard from behind her desk. She was the deputy warden of the Eastern Constead Penitentiary.
“I can understand that. You’d just be doing your job.” Xard agreed with her. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t know you had any history with her, Lieutenant Malogney.”
“Yes, she helped us a few years ago, though I doubt she even remembers it.” Malogney explained. “There was an… unfortunate cooking accident in the kitchen one day. The resulting explosion caused the cafeteria to collapse during dinner. About half of the inmates took the opportunity to escape.”
“We were scrambling and getting ready to go after them, but then they started appearing. One by one, they popped into our holding cells, as if by magic. It was inexplicable at the time, eventually ruled to be a gas leak that caused both the explosion and a mass hallucination. Now that the truth of Fiends is out, there is no other rational explanation than that The Vixen captured them for us. It was likely just a stroke of luck. She must have just been passing by at the time.”
“Quite the crazy set of circumstances,” Xard agreed once more. “But I’m thankful for it. I didn’t want to, but I was fully expecting that I’d have to perform a show of force before you’d be willing to cooperate with me.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Malogney insisted. “If you wanted one of our death row inmates we’d have to be a bit more scrupulous, but no one will care if the prisoner you’re here for suddenly gets probation. I will say that if it does fall back on us, we will claim that you did force our hand. I assume you’re fine with that.”
“Yeah, just one more crime for the pile,” Xard sighed.
“Even though we’re doing this above board, it’s still going to be a lot of paperwork,” Malogney sighed in return. “It will take us a couple of hours to process them. I suggest you take this time to go speak with the inmate and make sure they’re willing to be released into your custody. This will all be pointless if they don’t agree to it. Oh, and let The Vixen know we’re even.”
Xard was escorted out of Lieutenant Malogney’s office and led through the prison by an entire platoon of guards. He received endless jeers and calls from prisoners as he walked by their cells. There seemed to be just as many that wanted to fight him as there were that wanted to garner his favor, assuming him to be a new inmate.
Eventually, Xard heard a familiar voice when he stopped in front of one of the cells. “I always knew you would come to see me, Xard. In fact, I’d say you’re even earlier than I expected. I knew you’d have to come confront your past eventually.” Mr. Valker slowly walked to the front of his cell, his knees still weak from their encounter. He gripped the bars while grinning at Xard.
“Oh… well this is awkward,” Xard averted his eyes to ease the tension. “I’m actually not here to see you, Mr. Valker.”
“Wait, then why did you stop in front of my cell?!” Valker’s face dropped in disbelief.
“Uhh, I was just waiting for the guards to open the door to the next prison block. Your cell just happens to be at the end.” Xard informed him.
“You can’t just play with people’s hearts like this, Xard!” Valker barked at him. “I always knew you were a bastard!” The door finally buzzed open and Xard went on his way. The echoes of Mr. Valker’s cursing could be heard for some time.
Finally, they reached their destination in the minimum security block of the prison. Xard peered into the cell, which he found unusually nice. It was somewhat reminiscent of their bedrooms in their old small apartment. There was a decent bed, much better than the inmates in the maximum security cells got, a dresser, a desk, chair, a sink, a toilet with a semi-privacy curtain, and even a television.
Despite all these luxuries by comparison, the occupant of the cell was sitting in the corner, curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth as if they were locked in a mental institution. Xard sighed at her sad state, second guessing if she was the right choice. “Hello, Ms. Jaimess.”
Andi Jaimess immediately leapt to her feet and rushed to the cell’s bars. She grabbed them much like Mr. Valker had done a few minutes ago, her bloodshot eyes as wide as they could be. “Xard, thank Cosmos it’s you. Quick, you can break us out of here, yeah?! Just blow down that wall and blast us out of here?!” Ms. Jaimess boldly asked, ignoring the several guards standing directly behind him.
“Well, I’m here to discuss something along those lines.” Xard informed her. A guard let him into her cell and he sat down in the chair. “Okay, so I have permission to take you out of here, but—”
“Awesome, let’s go. Right now, yeah?!” Ms. Jaimess headed to the door but was met with stern looks from the guards.
“Please sit down, Ms. Jaimess,” Xard requested. “At least hear me out before being so eager. It’s been hammered home to me recently just how important it is to know the full scope of what you’re signing up for before accepting it. I don’t want you to end up in a similar situation, so let me finish.”
“I have permission to take you out of here, but that’s all the permissions you’ve been granted so far. You’re still a felon, and the Domister government still wants to see you serve out your sentence for your crimes. Umm, how long was it exactly?”
“58 years…” Ms. Jaimess was on the verge of bursting out into tears just mentioning it. “One year for every person I infected.”
“Wow, that really is quite the sentence.” Xard noted. “Even I think that’s a little harsh for something that wasn’t exceedingly malicious.”
“Apparently what I did counted as an act of biochemical terrorism,” Ms. Jaimess admitted.
“Anyways, the point is that you’re still a criminal, and will continue to be so even if you leave here.” Xard continued. “However, we did manage… through a little combination of blackmailing and bribery, to get custody of your conviction transferred to the Segrevide judicial branch. That still leaves you as a felon, but they’ve agreed to put you under probation in our custody.”
“In short, you’ll be working for us. More specifically, you’ll be working for our head researcher as her assistant. I’ll warn you now and won’t split any hairs, she’s mawhging insane. If you thought the principal of our school was eccentric, he’s nothing in comparison. We also expect to have some younger members join us soon, ones that haven’t finished their schooling yet, so we’d ask that you assist with their education and tutoring as needed.”
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Other than that, you will live a mostly normal life. You’ll be restricted to the compound during your work hours, and restricted to the town of Bisomote during your free time. You’ll be escorted if you need to go elsewhere, at least until your probation ends, or until we’re comfortable with it.”
“I’ll be honest, and it may seem weird coming from me, but from our perspective, we don’t know how much we can trust you. You had everyone fooled, except maybe the principal, and are now known to act impulsively and aggressively. That all said, we still think you’d be a valuable employee, and believe this would be your best shot at a second chance in life if you’re willing to put in the work.”
“Xard… that was all super unnecessary,” Ms. Jaimess mildly berated him. “You had me at getting me out of here. It doesn’t matter how or why. I will do literally anything you want, for however long you want, as long as it gets me out of this zjikhole. Seriously, any single minute we can get out of here faster, I’ll worship you even more.”
“Okay, now I have to ask,” Xard’s curiosity was piqued. “What do you hate about this place so much? You have decent accommodations, nicer than some actual living areas I’ve seen. The staff seems friendly and competent enough for this block. And you even have entertainment. I’m sure countless other prisoners would literally kill to be in your cell. Or is that it? Is someone trying to kill you?”
“I wish someone would kill me. Put me out of my misery,” Ms. Jaimess scoffed. “This place is an affront to humanity. You say I have entertainment but this TV only gets three channels: The Prosper City News Network, an educational channel for children, and a channel that plays soap operas nonstop. Sure, keeping up with the news helps me stay sane, but those zjikky songs on the kids channel cancel it out, and I couldn’t give a flying mawhg who is sleeping with whose evil twin-sister.”
“The only other source of entertainment is books from the library, but they only let me check out one book a day. I’ve already read every book with even a hint of intellectualism. The rest are poorly written fiction and trash smut. The showers are filthy and only get up to lukewarm water. The food is surprisingly very healthy, but it has absolutely no flavor. All the equipment in the exercise area squeaks incessantly.”
“Oh, and don’t even get me started on my cell neighbor who practices rapping for several hours a day, delusionally thinking their career is going to take off when they get out of here.” Ms. Jaimess then raised her voice. “You hear that? Your rapping sucks, and the name Lil Mincemeat is stupid!”
“Yeah, well I’m going to turn you into mincemeat the next time I see you!” A voice yelled back.
“Oh umm, the thing about someone wanting to kill me may be accurate after all. We should probably go now,” Ms. Jaimess was starting to panic.
“I can see you’ve struggled here,” Xard surmised. “Most of it seems to be your inability to cope rather than the fault of the prison. However, I can promise you’ll not have any of those problems with us. Guard, we’re ready to go.”
Processing did take several hours as the deputy warden had promised. Xard’s phone had been held at the front desk until they were ready to leave. There was a bombardment of messages from Kada waiting for him when he retrieved it, mostly about a pair of senior arsonists that he skimmed through.
Once Xard and Ms. Jaimess were outside, staring up at the sky on the lookout for a flying car, Ms. Jaimess leaned over to Xard and questioned him. “So why did you pick me for this anyways? Do I really give off that much of an impression of a pushover lackey who will do whatever is asked of them?”
“It has nothing to do with that, Ms. Jaimess,” Xard assured her. “Your name was actually near the bottom of the list. I was especially against it given our past and how rashly you acted. However, your new boss asked for you specifically. She was impressed by your chemistry knowledge, degrees, background, and work ethic.”
Ms. Jaimess tried to hold back her smile but failed miserably. However, there was one thing she needed to mention. “I’m no longer your teacher Xard, you can just call me Andi.”
“Ahahahaha, absolutely not.” Xard glared at her with a dead-serious gaze.
◆◆◆
The door leading into the visitor’s entrance of the city hall dinged exactly one minute before closing time. Deborah sighed and turned back around toward the counter, reopening the shutter to the clerk’s window that she’d already closed. She then started her usual greeting to her rudely-overstaying client. “Welcome to the Cotagerie city hall. How can I—”
Deborah couldn’t finish her words. After finally getting a good look at who it was, her eyes felt like they were going to melt out of her skull. “Good evening Debby. It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?” Phon Drazah, The Vivacious Vixen, the bane of her existence, smirked at her.
After a deep breath, Deborah closed her eyes and smiled at her. “Sorry dear client, but we have just reached our closing time. Please come back tomorrow… or never, if that works for you!” Deborah then rushed to close the shutter again, only to have it stopped by The Vixen jutting her hand under it. Normally, that would have lopped off a few fingers, but she raised it as easily as a pair of blinds.
“Now now, isn’t there a rule that as long as a client is in the office before closing, you have to assist them?” The Vixen smugly cited to her.
“Yes, of course. That certainly is a rule that exists,” Deborah regretfully agreed. “How can I help you today?”
“Y’know, I’m kind of surprised you’re still working here,” The Vixen ignored the question. “I would have thought you’d invest the money I gave you and live off the interest, or start your own business or something. Oh no, you didn’t gamble it all away, did you?! You seem like the kind of everyday pleb who thinks they can magically multiply their money at a casino.”
Deborah broke into tears at her words, eventually slumping down onto the counter and banging her fist against it. “They didn’t let me keep it!” she cried. “They said that it would be a bribe and they’d have to arrest me if I didn’t ‘donate’ it to the city.”
“Oh, you poor soul,” The Vixen feigned sympathy. “This seems like a terrible place to work if they’d manipulate their employees like that. Lucky for you, I’ve come with an enticing job offer.”
Deborah immediately jolted upwards, standing straight and calm. She stared directly at The Vixen and stated bluntly, “I will have to decline. I do not want to be part of any professional relationship with you.” Deborah even surprised herself by how bold and straightforward she was, having done it out of survival instinct. She knew if she wasn’t clear and completely confident in her answer, The Vixen would try to sway or trick her somehow.
“Oh, I can respect that,” The Vixen accepted it amicably. “However, you turned me down without even hearing the details, which I find rather rude. The offer has now turned into a demand, or a threat if you prefer. See this bag I have with me? It has a gas can in it. If you refuse to come with me, I will burn this entire building down with you and your snoozing backroom coworker inside of it.”
Deborah panicked slightly for a moment, but decided to call the bluff. She’d learned a lot about The Vixen from the news in the past months. While she was an insane sociopath, she wouldn’t kill an innocent person, if for no other reason than to not upset her brother. “Thank you for helping keep us warm. It is starting to get chillier this time of year,” Deborah said as strongly as she could, doing her best to not let her voice waiver.
“Ohoho, you’ve gained quite the spine haven’t you? Now I want you even more.” She’d earned The Vixen’s respect. “But if fear won’t work, then let’s try greed. Take your current salary, and add an extra 0 to it. That’s what we’ll pay you. Ah, and to sweeten the pot, we’ll give you an additional thirty percent of that as a sign-on bonus. So what do you say?” Phon Drazah stuck out her hand eagerly, prompting it to be shaken.
Deborah hesitated, and ran a few quick cost-risk analyses in her head. Money won every time, so she grabbed Phon’s hand and shook it vigorously. “Happy to join the team, boss. I have to ask, though… I’m assuming you want me for clerical work, but I’m just a low-station attendant. There have to be people with more experience who are much better at their job. So why me?”
“Well that’s easy,” Phon blurted. “You were the best at dealing with me.”