Drim didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, and woke up in a daze. He blinked as he looked around, feeling like he was forgetting something. He felt a little sad when he suddenly remembered the creature from the night before, and that it was nowhere to be found. In the corner of the tent where it had been, was now just his cloak folded neatly. How does it know how to fold, and why would it know that it’s a polite gesture? What a weird animal.

On top of the cloak were three small white balls that Drim didn’t recognize. They were a little bigger than golf balls but smaller than baseballs. He poked one a few times to make sure it wouldn’t crumble instantly or do something unexpected like explode. When he was satisfied, he picked it up and fumbled it around in his hand. The consistency reminded him a little of a hard boiled egg. It was smooth, soft, and a little squishy.

He gave it a big sniff, but couldn’t make out any smell coming from it. He didn’t want to fully eat it in case it was dangerous, but he gave it a little lick. There was nothing, no taste at all. For now he decided to pack them away in his quiver, thinking that he could send them to Nathym to see if he could figure out what they were. Drim packed the rest of his things and headed outside.

When Drim got out of the door of the house, he stretched, let out a yawn, and looked up towards the sky. There was normally a slight yellowish-green tint in the air due to the radiation, but that was mostly unnoticeable today due to the overcast. The relaxing start to his day ended quickly when he heard faint noises nearby. Damn, the smell must have attracted something. It’s too early for this.

Even though he had killed every monster even remotely nearby, there was nothing he could do really to cover up the smell. He had tried several methods in the past; burying the corpses, covering them with plants, even aerosol sprays once. Nothing could remove the stench of blood from the air.

Drim headed over to the noise slowly, shuffling his feet along the way while his eyes continued to droop, not fully awake yet. He was thinking that he could go for a nice breakfast, but he would have to either go somewhere safe or clear the area first. However, his eyes shot open when he saw what was happening. The koala-fox from last night was pressed up against a wall; its arms filled to the brim with garbage, like it had been stocking up. It was surrounded by three boarcupines, which clearly had no intention of letting it escape.

Boarcupines were a combination of porcupines and boars. They were regular boars in almost every way such as size and general appearance, but they had long spiky quills on their backs. In the scale of monsters, they were actually quite low on the threat level. Anyone with even a remote sense for combat could easily kill them.

They would attack by charging at their enemy, then fling themselves forward while spinning, so that their quills would strike. However, once they started charging, they couldn’t really change direction. They were fast, but someone could still manage to dodge them without too much strain. After they’d attack, assuming they missed their target, their quills would get stuck in something almost every time. That left a good opportunity to strike their bellies, which was their weak point.

I guess I should do something about this, but I really don’t feel like fighting yet, Drim thought as he yawned again. Five vines shot out from him and flew over to the direction of the monsters. While in the air, they braided together forming a long rope, but with the far ends still split apart. When they were just above the creatures, Drim did a movement with his right arm like he was mimicking an arcade’s crane game. He had his fingers spread out and pointed them down towards the ground.

When he moved his arm down, the vines did the same just above the koala-fox. He pinched all of his fingers together and the split ends of the vines pinched around its head. He lifted his arm up, and moved it towards his own head. The vines lifted the animal up, and sent it soaring over towards Drim. “Is it alright if I kill them?” Drim asked the creature whose face was now right next to his.

The koala-fox licked his face which Drim took as consent. He had his vines place the creature down and then reabsorbed them. He lifted his foot up and tapped the ground with the tip of his shoe. It was quite hard as he expected. This will be difficult without my blades, but it’s too much of a pain to put them on just for this, Drim thought as he began scrunching and flexing his fingers, as if he was warming them up.

He remade the claw gesture from before with both hands and slammed every one of his fingertips straight into the ground. Up until now, the boarcupines had just been scrambling around trying to figure out what had happened. However, they had refocused on their target and were preparing to charge. They broke out at full speed, but only made it a few feet before all of their movement had stopped completely.

Black thorns had shot out from the ground, skewering their bellies in multiple places, and killing them instantly. After a few moments to make sure they were really dead, Drim recalled the thorns and sucked them back up through his fingertips. When he dug his fingers out of the dirt, he pulled out a wet-wipe to clean them as he walked over towards the fresh bodies. “This will make a decent breakfast,” Drim mumbled, feeling a bit more awake at the prospect of food.

Contrary to popular belief, mutated monsters actually could be eaten. Fiends could even eat the decaying flesh if they wanted to. It certainly wasn’t the most appetizing thing in the world, but it wasn’t lethal to them like it was to humans. However, monsters rotted from the outside inwards. If one was to cut out the inner meat before the decay reached it, it was fit for even humans to consume.

Also, only the flesh of monsters decayed away. The bones didn’t, and could be used for broth in cooking. They could also be used for crafting, along with any other extra materials the creatures had, such as scales. In this case, the quills could be used as a replacement for nails in a tight situation. They were quite sturdy, but not really recommended for long term use.

Boarcupine meat was quite similar to that of a regular boar. The taste was almost the same, but the texture was a bit stringy in comparison and just tougher in general. Also, the smell was vastly more pungent. Drim wouldn’t recommend cooking it in a home, or it would smell like rancid pork for at least a week. It also had the slight chance of attracting other monsters, but it wouldn’t do any more than the smell of blood already was doing.

He cut out all the meat he could, getting several pounds worth. It was enough to feed a starving family for quite a while, so he felt sad that he was so isolated. In cases like this where he had too much, he would usually give any leftovers to anyone he could find. He’d bring large food storage bags on trips as part of his supplies, which he put the meat in for now. They were good for situations like this, and for transporting things like soiled clothing that he didn’t want touching the rest of his things.

He went back over to his belongings and pulled out something that looked like a small briefcase. It was a cooking set meant for travel, mostly used by campers or hikers, and it served his needs quite well. Phon had bought it for him. It was just waiting for him at a tavern one day during their separation.

He would write to her after almost every place he visited. She would use that to chart out his route, and send letters and occasionally items to where she thought he would be. She had been right every time, which Drim originally found a little disturbing; like he was being watched even though she was far away, but grew to take it as a small comfort over time.

Included in the kit was a small skillet and collapsible cooking pot, a few dishes and utensils, as well as two mugs. There was also another smaller container that held various bottles filled with spices and sauces. It was just a few basic ones, and generally he would just pick them at random. This worked most of the time. By now he knew what worked well together and what didn’t. He grabbed a couple that sounded good, and dumped some of their contents into the bag with the meat. Then, he set it aside to let it marinate for a little bit.

Drim went over to the trash can where he originally found the koala-fox, and sliced it in half horizontally. He would use the flipped over bottom half as a seat, and set the also flipped over top half on the ground. He began spinning it back and forth as he pushed down, to get it to dig into the ground a little. He threw as much wood as he could find into it. There were a few dried branches but it was mostly broken off planks of houses.

When there was enough, he laid a grate over the top and lit the wood. This would function as a makeshift stove he could use to cook. He placed the skillet and the pot on the grate to get them warming up, then headed back over to the corpses. At this point he noticed the koala-fox over by them as well. It was pulling out quills from their backs. Drim just watched, intrigued, while he pulled out a few bones.

He poured a bottle of water into the pot, tossed in a few bones, and then added a couple of tea bags after it started to boil. This would make a concoction that few would dare to try, but he enjoyed the rich flavor it provided. It was quite good for getting energy early in the morning. He checked on the meat and decided it had marinated long enough.

He cut a few pieces into thin strips in an attempt to make bacon, and cut out a good chunk for a steak, then set them frying in the skillet. As he watched it cook, the koala-fox came over carrying a large bundle of quills, then sat down near the fire and dropped them. It picked up one of the quills and tried to break off the pointy bit, but didn’t seem to have enough strength.

The creature turned to Drim and held the quill out to him. Drim stared back, confused, and the animal began to wave it impatiently. I guess it wants me to break it, Drim thought as he took the quill. He snapped off about two inches down from the point and handed it back. The animal took it happily and began munching on it from the top down. Drim found the way it ate quite adorable.

He took the rest of the quills and placed them on the side of the cooking kit case, which doubled as a cutting board. He used his knife to cut off all of the tips, as well as cut the remainder into smaller, more bite-sized parts. He put the bits into a small food bag and handed it back to the creature. It began to bounce happily and sway a bit when it received it, and began munching on them one after the other.

When the food was ready, Drim tried to offer some to the animal, but it politely refused by shaking its head. So, he enjoyed his meal of faux pork and a strange tea-broth mixture, in the company of an exotic creature, in an abandoned area that reeked of death. “This definitely isn’t how normal people spend their mornings,” he smirked before taking another sip of his drink.

After Drim finished his meal, he shifted back and forth from watching the fire that was slowly dying out, and the animal that was still snacking away. He didn’t really want to move and ruin this peaceful moment. Once he got up and got going, the rest of his day would just be filled with violence and blood. He wanted to let out a sigh, but his mind suddenly shifted to the balls that were on his cloak before.

“Can you tell me what this is?” Drim asked as he knelt down next to the creature, holding one of the balls out to it. The koala-fox took the ball, mimicked taking a bite out of it, then handed it back to him. So, it is food after all. He studied it from all angles, took another whiff, then decided to just go for it and took a small bite.

The texture of it was amazing. It practically melted in his mouth. It was soft, and a delight to chew. However, when it came to taste… Well, there wasn’t one. It was the most bland food he had ever eaten in his entire life. After he swallowed, Drim looked at the ball, depressed. He wanted to eat more, but at the same time his taste buds outright rejected the idea. That’s when he had the sudden idea to dip it into the skillet.

When the ball made contact with the juices that were still in the pan, it began soaking them up immediately, like a sponge. He took another bite which caused his eyes to shoot open in surprise. His mouth was suddenly filled with rich intense flavor. The ball had amplified the existing taste of the juice and magnified it several times over. Combined with the texture, it was one of the best things he had ever eaten.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

He hurriedly wolfed down the rest of the ball and went to grab another, but before he went to eat it, he decided to turn to the animal and ask, “These are great, where do you get them?!” The creature suddenly stood up, took a squatting position, and held up a finger like it was implying for Drim to wait. After a few seconds, another white ball plopped to the ground from its rear end.

Drim looked from the ball in his hand, to the one the ground several times with his mouth slightly agape. After a few moments of this, he just shrugged, dipped the other ball in the skillet, and ate it in one bite. “I don’t care where it comes from, it’s just too delicious,” Drim said with a slight bit of drool coming out after he had finished off the second ball.

He picked up the fresh ball, and put it with the other one he already had. Since he only had two more, he decided he would save them for later, or maybe share them with Phon and Kada if he could stave off the urge to eat them. He really wanted to try them with other things. Drim looked at the still remaining vast amount of raw meat and felt a little glum. There was no way it would keep until he made it back from his trip.

He wished that he had the ingredients he needed to salt-cure it, but didn’t carry that around with him. He could attempt to turn it into jerky, but that would take too long. Then, a sudden burst of inspiration popped into his head. He remembered where he was, and thought that if headed towards the center, he could use the radiation to quickly microwave and dry it out. “It’s crazy, but it just might work!” Drim shouted as he leapt to his feet.

He began cleaning up with a newfound ambition, and was ready to go after just a few minutes. The creature had just been watching him, curious the whole time. When he was all packed, Drim knelt down next to it and patted it on the head while saying, “I’m glad I met you. I hope you have a good life. Try not to get eaten, okay.” He also handed it the used tea bags, which it accepted and stored in its pouch.

He spun around, and headed out of the suburb with a brisk pace, wanting to reach his destination before nightfall. As he walked, he couldn’t get rid of the eerie feeling that he was being followed. He kept looking around and scanning the area, even going as far as taking out his monocle to scan areas further off. Eventually, he got too annoyed to the point where he had to stop walking.

That was when he suddenly felt that his cloak was heavier than usual. He spun his head around and found the koala-fox clinging on to it. This made Drim chuckle a little before he peeled it off of his cloak. He plopped it onto the ground next to him and said, “I appreciate that you like me, but it’s probably time we go our separate ways. Also, I really don’t have any more trash I can give you.”

Drim began walking off again, but could hear the creature’s small footsteps behind him. After a bit longer, he turned around again suddenly to scold the animal, only for it to slam into his legs. Drim just sighed and began walking again, steadily increasing in pace. He could hear the steps behind him grow in speed to match. This went on for a few lages to the point that Drim was almost sprinting, when the sound suddenly stopped.

He couldn’t help himself from turning around, hoping that the creature had just given up and gone off. However, his heart sank a little when he saw it collapsed on the ground a few paces back. He rushed over to it to check on it. I guess it wore itself out from overexertion, Drim thought to himself as he stared at the pitiful sight. Well, I can’t just leave it here.

He couldn’t really carry the animal and all of his things at the same time. So, he decided to rest it, belly down, on the top of his hooded head, and continued walking. After a few minutes, the creature came to. Once Drim could feel it shifting on top of his head, he said, “You can stay with me for the rest of my trip, but there’s absolutely no way I can take you home with me, alright? Understood?”

The animal suddenly pulled back Drim’s hood, adjusted itself in his hair, then pulled the hood back up over its body. When it was situated, it poked its head out and licked the tip of Drim’s nose which he took as a symbol of understanding. After a while, Drim spotted monsters in the distance. He set down his belongings and tried to leave the koala-fox with them, but it kept following him.

He couldn’t really leave it on the top of his head for this, nor could he carry it and still fight efficiently. After a bit, he decided to pull his hood down, thinking it was okay since there were no humans around, and set the animal inside it. “Hold on tight alright,” Drim said as he headed off to face the monsters.

Fortunately, the animal had managed to keep itself from flying out, and the two of them continued on like that for the rest of the day. In the middle of the afternoon, they reached a ruined city near the epicenter of where the explosion had been. The radiation was much thicker here, and the air was practically glowing.

That is, except for the area right around the koala-fox. It was surprisingly clear and continued to be so as they continued in. “Are you, purifying it...?” Drim asked the creature from which he got no response. He thought that the weird things about it just kept piling on. “Well, this should do,” Drim said when he found a particularly intense pocket of radiation.

He set his supplies and the koala-fox down, which then wandered off immediately. Have fun, I guess, Drim thought as he pulled out the bag of meat. He cut all of it into thin strips, then skewered a first batch of it with his thorns and sent it into the radiation pocket for a few minutes. The jerky turned out surprisingly well, but he felt that it was still lacking in some way.

He decided to pull out one of the white balls, along with a bowl. He put the ball in it, along with some water, and crushed and mixed it until it formed a paste. He applied a thin layer to the second batch and radiated them again. When it was done, he took a second bite. It was so amazing that he took the remaining bit of jerky in his hand and held it up towards the sky, as if he had just found some amazing item while exploring.

He hurriedly cooked the rest of it, now excited to share it with others. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be able to give any to humans, since it would undoubtedly kill them. However, he thought he could try again, with properly cooked jerky next time. This thought was dashed when he remembered that he couldn’t take the creature with him, and that it was the only current supply of the substance he knew about.

He thought hard about the little thing, and was starting to get torn up inside. He really didn’t want to leave it behind, but knew that it probably couldn’t live a happy life cooped up. His feelings grew even stronger as he watched it struggling to pull a large rock, seeming determined to do so.

◆◆◆

Drim returned home late on the 29th. The trip there and back, as well as a few days clearing the area, had taken five days in all. As soon as he entered the apartment, he was met with a flying tackle by Phon. This pushed him to the ground as she shouted, “You were gone for too damn long!” He was about to respond, but then his chest tightened a little when he saw her blink. “Uhh Drim, what’s that?” Phon asked now looking at his bag.

“What’s what?” Drim replied as nonchalantly as he could, trying to play it off. An extremely unamused expression drew across Phon’s face as she unzipped the bag. She grabbed the head of the koala-fox that popped out, and lifted it up by the scruff of its neck; all without breaking away from the intense stare she was directing at him.

The koala-fox had followed him throughout the rest of his trip, and even continued trying to follow him after they passed the country’s borders. In the end, Drim just couldn’t leave it behind. He hid it in his bag before getting home, in the hopes that he could store it away in his room since Phon tended not to look in that direction when she had her eyes closed, for the sake of privacy. He knew he couldn’t hide it indefinitely, but hopefully long enough for him to think of how to tell the other two. It wasn’t a great plan, but it was all he could think of on short notice.

“Sooooo cuuuuute!!!!” a cry echoed through the apartment that was met with another flying tackle. It was Kada this time, she had leapt at the koala-fox, grabbed it from Phon, landed with a roll, and was now snuggling it. This continued for about a minute before she seemed satisfied and looked over to Drim and asked, “So are we keeping it?!”

“No, we’re not!” Phon insisted instantly. Kada’s expression shifted immediately from happy to severely sad with puppy-dog eyes. “Ha, that will just make things worse coming from you!” Phon snarked. Drim moved over next to Kada and did his best to make the same face. “Still no...” Phon said doing her best to look away, but they just kept on doing it. She kept glancing back at Drim, a little longer each time, until she shouted, “Okay fine, you can keep the damn thing. You know that’s not fair Drim…! What is it anyways?”

“I think it’s a new species,” Drim said as he took the animal from Kada and placed it on his head. “I’ve seen a lot of animals, but I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s also really freaky in a lot of ways.”

“So, what do we call it then?” Kada asked. “If we follow the usual convention of naming things, then a koala-fox would be…”

“Pox! Its name is Pox,” Drim belted out as he stared coldly at Kada. He knew she was setting up for innuendo, but that wasn’t really what bothered him. He really just hated that naming method. If there was one person that was on the top of people he wanted to harm, it was definitely the person who named all these creatures. ‘Pox’ had just been what popped into his head, and he felt it fit its nature.

“Well, I guess we need to buy it some supplies then. What does it eat?” Phon asked, staring at the creature like she was still unsure about it. Drim told them of its eating habits, and even went into the kitchen to grab a takeout food box and a plate to demonstrate. He set down Pox on the coffee table with the items, and they watched as it dumped the food out onto the plate and began eating the box.

“Oh, and these are its favorite!” Drim said after suddenly remembering and pulling something out of his bag. He had taken the rock that Pox was dragging earlier and cut it up into small bits, he had used a few quill tips he had saved to turn them into what looked like lollipops. He handed the slightly glowing treat over to Pox, who accepted it eagerly, licked it three times, then bit into it with a crunch.

“Uh Drim, is that uranium?” Phon asked with a slightly worried look.

“Sure is, Pox can’t get enough of it. I found quite a bit near the center, so I made several of those. I’m not completely reckless, though. I went and bought a lead box to hold them in, so we don’t accidentally overexpose the neighbors,” Drim said proudly.

“Okay, what about its poop then? Do we need a litter box?” Kada asked. “Oh, should we add it to the rotating chore list to clean it up?” Drim pulled out one of the white balls, which he had several more of now, and showed it to them as he explained. “Oh Cosmos, you ate them?!” Kada cried out after he was done.

“Hmm, does it actually amplify flavor like that?” Phon asked curiously with her hand on her chin, giving a somewhat unexpected response. Drim took this time to offer them both some of the jerky he had made. Phon took it instantly, but Kada vehemently refused. After Phon took a single bite, her eyes widened just as Drim’s had done before. He wondered if he had made such a strange expression when he first tried it too.

Phon quickly inhaled the rest, and then glared at Kada who was still refusing to try it even now. She tackled Kada and held her down while Drim forced a bit into her mouth. She instantly stopped resisting and happily ate the rest. Phon claimed the remainder of the balls and exclaimed that she’d be in the kitchen for the rest of the night experimenting, and to not bother her. Before she left the room, she patted Pox on the head and said sinisterly, “As long as you keep making these, I won’t skin you and turn you into shoes!”

After Phon had left, Kada grabbed Pox and shouted, “I call dibs on sleeping with it for the night! You already had a few days, yeah? So no complaints!” She laid on the couch, pulled a blanket over her and Pox so just their heads were sticking out, shooed Drim away.

He headed into his room and collapsed onto his bed. He was too tired to unpack and would do so tomorrow. He was happy to be home, but felt a strange sense of loneliness as he drifted off to sleep.

Fiends For Hire Text Conversation 4

Date: Monarchber 30th 2077

『Kada: So I decided to go to the pet store and buy some things for Pox. Any suggestions?』

『Drim: I don’t really think we’ll need much, maybe a pet bed so it has somewhere of its own sleep.』

『Kada: Pssh, like I’ll ever let it sleep on its own.』

『Kada: Oh, I found some animal outfits. What’s Pox’s gender?』

『Drim: Uhh, I checked all over but I couldn’t find anything discerning. It might be genderless.』

『Kada: Well, I’m just gonna assume it’s a boy. It gives off that vibe, and I will now treat him as such forever.』

『Kada: Ooo. I found this adorable little top hat. I think it’ll look great on him. (Attached File: Tophat.pic)』

『Drim: That is pretty cute...』

『Phon: Don’t waste money on that. We don’t need more stuff cluttering the apartment. He’ll probably just eat it anyways.』

『Kada: Too bad, I bought it! :D』

Date: Monarchber 31st 2077

『Phon: He ate it.』

『Kada: D:』