The next visitor was an unexpected one, at least this early. By Roque’s best guess, this shouldn’t have happened for a few weeks or even months down the line. It really spoke to this person’s character.
“Hello, I’m with the Radid County SOHO. That’s the Society of HomeOwners, if you weren’t aware. It reached my ears that you are building a new community, which I find simply fantastic. Such a great feeling to see our humble county growing. I look forward to seeing its completion.”
“Now, this may seem a tad forward, as construction has only just begun, but I would like to get the ball rolling. And it may benefit you as well, because you can take it under consideration during your final touches. Might save you a bit of money if you didn’t have to repaint down the line.”
“I’m proud to say that every single neighborhood in Radid County, regardless of their class of citizen, is part of our society. What we do is make sure that everyone follows a simple set of guidelines so that we can all get along peacefully and maintain the beauty of our county. I imagine the beauty is part of what drew you here in the first place.
“Okay, that’s neat and all, but we won’t be participating, goodbye,” Roque tried to slam the door in his face, but this was likely a man who had experienced many doors slammed in his face in times past. He was prepared, and slid his foot in the way.
What he wasn’t prepared for was Roque being a Fiend. And as a Fiend, though subconscious, Roque added a little extra force than the man was used to. The door punched right through the steel-toed boots, warping the metal and crunching into his toes.
To give the man some credit, he didn’t scream right away. First, he hobbled over to his car and leaned over it, not wanting Roque to see him cry as he teared up and whimpered. Surprisingly, that wasn’t the end of it. After he’d recomposed himself, and removed his shoes, he was back at Roque’s door, ready to resume their conversation with a perfectly level head.
“So as I was saying, SOHO is part of every single neighborhood without exception. You wouldn’t want to break the streak of an entire community would you?”
“Well, only missing one isn’t too bad. I think they’ll live,” Roque, of course, wasn’t budging.
“I don’t think you’re quite understanding what we’re offering here. Without order, there is only chaos! If you leave your residents to their own devices, next thing you know, their yards will be filled with weeds and someone’s house will be painted a dreadful color, like a horrendous mint green!”
“I actually enjoy mint green, though. I find the color quite soothing.” The man glared at Roque after that response, like he’d just insulted his entire world.
“Tastes aside,” the man pushed forward, “I’m afraid I must insist. If you continue to be noncompliant, you’ll leave me no choice but to lodge a formal complaint with the mayor’s office. And if you still yet persist, we may have to take even more drastic measures!”
Roque didn’t say anything for a while after that, wondering just how hard he had to laugh in this man’s face to cause permanent trauma. Ultimately, he decided to abandon that route and shook the man’s hand vigorously. “Congratulations, good sir!”
“Eh?!” The man was confused. “Does that mean you’ll cooperate?”
“Zjik no!” Roque flashed him his award-winning grin. “I’m congratulating you for saying the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day! It’s amazing how delusional you are when it comes to your perception of how much power you actually have. I will never succumb to your petty peer pressure—not today, not tomorrow, not ever. In fact, I’m going to write a clause in the community terms that they are not allowed to join SOHO forever in perpetuity. Just to spite you, specifically.”
“If someone has a problem with how their neighbor’s home looks, they can shove it right up their ass! I hope we get some wild and crazy houses, and if one remains unkempt, well that is their right. Once the resident has vacated, Fiendish Realty will make it good as new. So with absolutely no due respect, mawhg off you sad Draz!”
The man’s face was boiling, but there was nothing more he could say. Roque could see the wheel’s turning in his head of how he could retaliate, hoping the man could provide him a bit more entertainment. For now, though, he retreated, but he was back a moment later. “I can’t seem to find my keys!”
“These keys?” Roque dangled them in front of his face, but when he went to grab them, Roque slipped them away into his pocket. “Are you asking to borrow my car?”
“What?! Those are my keys!” the man entirely invaded Roque’s personal space and dug through his pocket to retrieve them. The Fiend merely looked on in anticipation when the man tried to start the car. It didn’t even putter. When the key was inserted and turned, nothing happened.
“What’d you do, you dirty Fiend?!” The man was back in a huff.
“Wow, no need to get specist,” Roque pretended to be offended. “I was even planning to let you borrow my car. But now I guess I’ll rescind that offer.”
“It’s my car!” the man declared once more.
“Not according to this it isn’t,” Roque unfurled his mystical contract for the man to read.
“Whatever, I’ll get it started myself!” the one-shoe’d man turned around to hobble once more.
“With what keys?” The man, who had just had them in his hand, started patting all of his pockets in disbelief. Roque dangled them in the air once more. This time when the man went to grab the keys, Roque didn’t resist at all, and let the swipe happen. “Hey, what are those keys for?” Roque asked suddenly.
“For MY car, idiot!” So much spit pelted Roque in the face with that abrasive statement that he had to pull out his handkerchief to wipe.
“What car?” Roque asked while he cleaned himself up.
The man turned around and fell to his knees. “Buh, buh, buh, but!” The man mumbled endlessly, unable to say a full sentence while he spun rapidly, back and forth from Roque to the empty space where his car had been. Now it was nowhere in sight.
“Huh, you seem quite interested in my car, friend,” Roque was really ready to have some fun. “Tell you what, if you do me a favor, I’ll consider selling it back to you for cheap. All you have to do is go fetch some supplies and then paint it a lovely mint green. The better of a job you do, the cheaper I’ll sell it for. Sound like a deal?”
Nothing was sad for a while after that, but the man seemed to finally accept his fate. “How am I supposed to get supplies without a car?”
“Well, I’d start walking,” Roque suggested. “Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll come across a nosy farmer driving by on his tractor.”
◆◆◆
“Would you like to buy some land insurance?!” A saleswoman came knocking.
“Absolutely not!” Roque slammed the door immediately and didn’t play along when they knocked again. He enjoyed swindling a swindler more than anyone, but even he knew there were some fights just not worth having.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Not too long after that, a clerk arrived from the permit office—assumedly the one who had ratted them out first thing in the morning. She handed them an envelope with their various permits inside and departed without any confrontation. Roque guessed that the woman-in-charge from this morning was too embarrassed to return and deliver it herself.
There was only one more big guest that visited them that day, but it was the biggest fish that they could have hooked. “Greetings sir and madam,” Roque actually had someone beat him to grabbing the other’s hand for a handshake for the first time in his life—something that perturbed him greatly.
“I’m Jinet Soenso, mayor of Radid county. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance!” She grinned viciously at her new constituents.
“Well how do you do?!” Roque’s energy levels spiked, not to be outdone. “I’m Roque Personson, executor of this construction operation, and this is my assistant, Deborah. How can we help you this fine day?!” Refusing to back down, Roque sold her a smile of his own.
“Oh Cosmos, there’s two of them…” Deborah muttered to herself. “And they’re having… a smile off?”
Ting! Jinet’s smile widened and it somehow even actually sparkled. Ting! Ting! Roque toned his smile even more to match, and Deborah swore she saw it sparkle twice. Four, four sparkles! Deborah couldn’t believe her eyes when Jinet doubled Roque’s output.
They had still been shaking hands this whole time, but Roque stopped for a moment to focus and really give his full attention to his opponent. Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! TingTingTing!
Jinet broke off their handshake and recoiled as if she’d been blinded. “Tch, seven, I’m outclassed…” She probably hadn’t meant to actually say that out loud, and it was barely audible, but Roque’s greedy ears still caught it. “Well, I’ve been hearing about your project all day,” Jinet recuperated as if nothing had happened.
“I wanted to come and welcome you in person to Radid county. It brings me such joy that you’ll be blessing us with such a swath of new life and community!”
“And the tax money that comes with it, I’m sure,” Roque sent a playful jab her way.
“Of course, of course. That I can’t deny,” Jinet didn’t even try to play it off, and even lowered her guard a little when she realized she was dealing with a fellow connoisseur of commerce. “I hope this project brings prosperity to us both!”
“However, I’ll admit, I did come here for a speck of unsavory business. But when we get that out of the way, I’d be happy to take you both out for a lovely dinner and really show you what Radid hospitality really has to offer.”
“And we’d be delighted to take you up on that,” Roque was always open for more opportunities to make friends in the right places. He doubted the mayor of such an insignificant county would ever make a great ally, but it couldn’t hurt to have. “Please do inform us of the problem, and hopefully we can sweep it under the rug to make it go away.”
“I just happened to hear the strangest rumor. Among all the positivity I’ve heard about your plans, one tiny iota of information really stuck out just because it was so baffling to my ears. While I’m certain I must have misheard, I figured it was best to clarify it with the person in charge, himself.”
“Your builders have really made some fine progress. They’ve already got the framework up for some homes in just a day. Truly impressive stuff. You’ll need to give me their cards since I’d love to employ their services in the future. Just from the rough outline, I can tell that these will be spectacular.”
“Hell, some of them will even be nicer than the ones in my neighborhood. And let me tell you, my neighborhood is the nicest in all of Radid. So help me understand where the confusion must have gotten my staff all mixed up. They were saying that only those below a certain income would be allowed to purchase homes here—blockaded to those even in the upper-middle class.”
“Nope, you’ve heard correctly,” Roque clarified instantly. “Of course, we may be flexible with the exact number in certain situations, but that is our policy. Let me know if there’s anything else I can help clarify.”
“Uhuh…” a scowl grew across Jinet’s face. “I would invite you to seriously reconsider that policy. We have citizens of all means here in Radid, and while I can not deny that some neighborhoods may skew more to certain incomes, we do not deny the right for anyone to live where they so please as long as they can afford it.”
“I hear your discontent, and I’ll be sure to pass it along, but unfortunately, my hands are tied,” Roque made a point to mimic as if his hands were bound by tight, unyielding rope. “My boss has decreed that this must remain low-income housing. You’re welcome to send a request for change his way, but I must warn you that his will is stronger than even you or I.”
“Well then, I suggest you try to make your boss understand that this is blatant discrimination!” Jinet had pulled off the metaphorical nice-gloves and had thrown them into the dirt. “If your policy is not changed, you can bet that I will be taking this to the highest court and authority I can levy!”
“This is about the taxes, isn’t it?” Roque was tired of dancing around the issue.
“Of course it’s about the taxes!” All other pretense was dropped. “How am I supposed to explain to our more wealthy citizens that they are excluded from this section of the community when they’re the ones who contribute the most?! Instead, you’d fill this prime location with a bunch of paupers that I can barely extort. They’d pay next to nothing on their taxes comparatively while they get to enjoy superior luxuries. How is that fair to anyone?!”
“I see, I see, I see your point, and I don’t really have a counterpoint for it,” he didn’t feel like pushing this argument further, but there was something else he should mention. “Would this be a bad time to bring up that this entire construction project is tax-exempt?” Roque unfurled the edict with Harth Boldur’s signature on it.
“See, this is actually an approved project by the Central Peace Reconstruction Division. And I’m sure you realize that it means there are absolutely no taxes imparted during the construction process. Also, the Central Peace covers their property taxes and utilities for the first five years. I’m sure you know by now that the CP pays the lowest tax rate possible, even less than those in poverty. So, it will be a while before Radid sees even a cent, and even then, it’ll be coins on the common for the next five years.”
Jinet rushed at him and snatched the edict from his hands and tried to rip it to shreds. Roque had foreseen such a bout of crazy behavior and had been sure to print it on heavily reinforced paper that even scissors couldn’t cut. Of course, that was only just a single print. He had countless more copies and digital backups.
Once she exhausted herself with the edict, Jinet tossed it to the ground and then pulled out her phone. “May I ask what you’re doing?” Roque inquired, though he already had a good guess.
“Calling the police to shut down this project for good!” the mayor was pulling out their trump card. “Even if the CP will try to reopen it, I’ll see that it goes through bureaucratic hell and doesn’t see the light of day in either of our lifetimes!”
“Of course, as is your right as mayor,” Roque merely nodded. “I’ll wait with you. Deborah, would you please fetch us some chairs and refreshments.”
She did as she was asked and retrieved two folding chairs, a small table, and a pitcher of berryade with some glasses. “Mmm, delicious. Deborah squeezed it this morning from fresh berries. Do try some,” Roque relaxed with his drink and then poured some for the mayor.
The mayor eventually did take a seat and partake in the drink after some pacing, but they didn’t want for long. The police response was respectfully prompt—a good test run for how quickly those living in this community would receive service.
“Ahh, Mr. Personson!” The sheriff had come personally, and he strolled right past the mayor who had hopped up to meet him. He then shook Roque’s hand and patted him on the back as if they were old friends. “You called us, yes? How can I be of service?”
“Umm, actually, I called you!” Jinet huffed. “I would like this person and his sniveling assistant arrested immediately. And then I want you and your men to shut down this construction operation at once!”
The sheriff glanced over to the mayor, sized her up, and then frowned. “Is this person bothering you, Mr. Personson? It wouldn’t do for one of Radid’s citizens to be upsetting the biggest donor to Radid Police’s retirement fund since the department's founding, now would it? Shall I remove them?”
“Oh, if it’s not too much work for you. Wouldn’t want to make your day any harder,” Roque acted coy.
“No trouble at all, and no need to fret,” the sheriff insisted. He nodded over to the other officers who approached the mayor.
“Let go of me!” she started to resist the moment one of the officers even laid a finger on her. “You know who I am, don’t you?! I am the mayor! I pay your salaries! I’ll see you all fired if you don’t let me go this instant!”
“Oh, actually I do have one final thing I’d like to say to her,” Roque added and the sheriff signaled for the officers to temporarily stop dragging her away.
“I’ve been thinking about the policy change you mentioned and I’m ready to give you a firm number. It’s whatever your salary is minus one common. If your salary changes, so will the limit, though we’ll make sure you can’t purposely manipulate it. Yes, this is to spite you specifically to make sure that you’re never allowed to live in the new best community in Radid. Have a nice day mayor, I look forward to seeing you at the ribbon cutting!”