“Is all this production effort really necessary?” Drim had forgotten how much he’d been dreading this over the past weeks since he’d been so busy with work.
The events room of their headquarters had been turned into a full TV production set. There were actual studio cameras and lights, and Niloy was currently applying makeup to their faces. Each of the four main generals had a very comfortable chair to sit in at least.
“Oh yes, this is very necessary,” an extremely hyped Chorus sat in a director’s chair. They were actually dressed down for once, looking a bit more casual but everso more snobby. “People will love this, to see what you all invest in. And more importantly, the absolutely stupid ideas you all reject. It’s such a shame that this will be a limited-run series.”
“Please don’t tell me you specifically found people we’d hate just to film us rejecting them,” Drim stared down Chorus as if he was digging into their mind.
“No… of course not,” Chorus’ smile turned significantly more fake. “I genuinely really don’t know how you’ll feel about any of these. So I myself am excited to find out what happens. All I know is it’ll make damned good television. Still conflicted on what to call it, though. Fiend Tank, Drazahs’ Den, something like that. Whatever, I’ll figure it out later.”
After everything was set up, Roque came in to give them the rundown of their new business. “Everything today will be under the name Fiendish Ventures LLC,” he informed them. “It is in no way connected or associated with the organization Fiends For Hire, so try to avoid mentioning it at all if you can.”
“The business is now fully licensed and registered, and we’ve submitted our tax information. This is legal in every sense of the word, so no one could stop us even if they wanted to. As long as you don’t choose to invest in something that’s a danger to society or illegal in its own right, there should be no blowback. We decided to keep this company private, even though the stock market director personally reached out to try to get us to join.”
“I’ve also had all participants today sign waivers stating that they understand it is not our fault if their business fails. They also have signed one that says there has been no monetary promise for their visit today, so you don’t need to feel obligated to give them any money just because they showed up. However, they have been compensated for their travel and accommodations.”
“So here’s how this will work,” Chorus joined Roque in front of them. “We’ve tried to make this as simple as possible for you. The entrepreneurs have already given us their requested investment amounts as well as how much stake we’d receive in return.”
“Roque, here, has done a preliminary risk assessment of their business ideas already and renegotiated them all to a more sane amount we’d be comfortable with. Some of them really wanted stupid amounts or not nearly enough to actually get their business up and running. It’s quite clear why they’ve had little success with investors thus far. Most of the ideas are quite solid or unique, their creators just haven’t done the best job in selling them.”
“For the purpose of the event, to help streamline things, you all will not be told upfront how much they’ve asked for or the stake we’ll receive. You have to remember that money is literally no issue here. We could immediately invest in all of them for double their evaluation and still be sitting pretty. To get a more unbiased opinion, we want you to judge them based on the merit of their idea alone. That said, you’re allowed to ask for the evaluation if you feel it will better influence your decision.”
“All we want from you is a simple yes or no. It will be based on the majority. Three ‘Yes’s for them to be funded. If there’s a tie, and one side is unable to convince the other, then it will be a fail. You can also ask that certain caveats be met for full funding if an idea is almost there but needs a bit of fine tuning.”
“Now, for a bit of a fun twist, we’ve given you all three tokens. Those are automatic-fund tokens. You can use them at any point to fund an entrepreneur even if the others have voted no. They can also be used as a hyper-fund token after something has been funded normally to triple our investment as a show of faith for their project.”
“Roque will also sign on as an independent contractor, unaffiliated with the Fiends For Hire or Fiendish Ventures, to provide all support he can for their business growth. You only have three tokens, though, so be sure to use them for something you’re passionate about.”
“If there’s any bumps in the road, we’ll address them as we go. So let’s get started, shall we?! Spotlights! Cameras! Cue the music, and send in the first contest- I mean, entrepreneur!
〈Humdiddy’s Garage #2: Big and Beautiful〉
Their first entrepreneur was a familiar face. It was Itsy, dressed up like they’d never seen her before. She was in a blazer that obviously had to be custom made, and her skirt could have been used as a full dress by most other women. The strangest part was seeing her hair actually tidy and styled for once.
“Surprised to see you here, Itsy. What have you got for us?” Phon set her up.
“Ah, yes,” she was clearly nervous. “I am here because I would like to open a proper garage on the compound. As you know, I’ve been doing a lot of work on the vehicles for this place, but I just been doing it outside behind the barracks. While I don’t really care where I work, it is certainly unseemly in appearance and a mess for others tuh see.”
“Building an actual space would contain that and let me store all my tools ‘n such in a proper place, rather than having ‘em all strewn out ‘round the yard. And you know this, Drim, since you’ve had to replace it a bunch, but the grease and oil stains keep killing the grass. Kinda bad for the environment I guess if it keeps up. So that’s the main point, I ‘spose.”
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“But on the other hand, there’s a bigger issue that’s more personal to me. Bisomote don’t actually have a proper garage no more. It actually had a few back when this town was just a trucker stop, but all of ‘em shut down when the Drazahs took over. Now there’s just a nice old man named Bred that people can take their cars to here for simple stuff, but anything worse, they gotta get it towed to the next town over.”
“So, I’d like for the garage to be open to the public folk, another good service we could provide tuh the community. Would like to keep the charge cheap and reasonable too. While we been bolstering their economy and whatall, most folks ‘round here still don’t make a lotta money.”
“Uhhh, that’s ‘bout all I got.”
It had been a decent presentation, but Drim was just more confused than anything. “Did no one tell her? Did no one tell you, Itsy?”
“Tell me what?”
“Ah, you see, I intercepted that information so that Itsy could be the first entrepreneur on our show,” Chorus informed them from the director’s chair. “Something familiar and simple to break the ice.”
“Well why don’t you explain it, Kada,” Drim passed the buck. “Since it was your idea and project to oversee.”
“Okie,” Kada was more than happy too. “I wanted our members to have their own creative spaces if they wanted, or even set up their own businesses if they like. So, we just got done building that space. It should have been done a while ago, but Nathym got caught up in some new discoveries and it’s a bit more complicated than your average building.”
“Since we’re running low on space in the compound, we had to make it more vertical. You’ve probably seen all that construction on the east side. Basically, it’s a series of pods that move around on a rotator. Only a few will be up above ground at a time, while the rest will rotate underground when someone doesn’t need to go in or out. Of course, there’s back doors you can use at any time, in case of an emergency.”
“Anyways, we already made one specifically for your garage in the biggest size. Additionally, yours specifically will connect to additional storage underground for all the vehicles you’re working on. It’s done now, and we were planning on announcing its availability to all members and residents at the next meeting. I was going to tell you, but then Chorus bribed me with my own web-series about melting things. I have no regrets.”
“So you mean I got all dressed up and nervous for nothing?!” Itsy’s face dropped in sorrow.
“Well, the garage being open to the public wasn’t part of the original scope,” Xard added that technicality. “Any public business being run out of the compound should still be voted on and given funding where needed. I doubt there will be any issues, but we should still follow the formality. All in favor?”
A unanimous bunch of ‘Aye’s filled the room, and the first of dozens of pitch meetings had concluded. It was going to be a long day.
《FUNDED》
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〈Futuristic Kitchen Co〉
“I call them: Galaxy Bowls!” the man unveiled his product to the Fiends. “They’re mixing bowls that do the mixing for you. Just put the ingredients in and watch it go.” He poured in some ingredients that would be used to make a batter and then pressed a button on the base.
The bowl lifted up from the base slightly and then started to spin. It didn’t spin just horizontally, however, the bowl began to tilt and sway a bit to agitate the mix further. “It uses gyroscopic technology to make sure that nothing ever gets spilled out of it. You can adjust the speed and agitation to get the exact consistency you want. Then when you’re done, just pop out the bowl and pour, or you can just bake straight from the tin.”
“Sorry, but isn’t it just another mixing bowl?” Xard was unimpressed. “I get that there’s no mixers to clean which is nice, I guess, but the whole thing just seems a bit unnecessary.”
“I have to agree,” Drim tacked on. “The technology is impressive for sure, but applying it to cooking just feels a bit underwhelming.”
“I mean, I could use it to mix paints, I suppose, but it doesn’t really wow me, sorry,” Kada didn’t really have any interest either.
“So, you’re all going to vote no, then?” Phon glanced over to the others. “Well in that case, I’ll be using one of my instant fund tokens!” she picked up one of her three and pelted it at the camera.
“You all just don’t get it since you don’t cook regularly. Mixing is such an annoying part of the process. Even with a stand mixer, it’s hard to get it just right and they take up so much space. It’s not just for batter either. You could use it to mix anything flawlessly with even distribution throughout. So yes, I’m funding it, and I’ll be the first customer. Actually, just give me that prototype, thanks! If it’s the only prototype then give me the next one!”
Not that they had any choice to refute her decision, but none of them cared enough to argue against it. Another funded, and the first token used.
《FUNDED》
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〈Learn to Stab ©〉
“So you’re all a bunch of fighters, yeah?” the man at least knew his audience. “But have you ever been trying to stab somebody, and you’re not sure if you hit them or not? Well then, have I got the product for you. Introducing the Gotcha Goo™.” Yes, he actually said trademarked.
“Just apply the Gotcha Goo™ to the bladed object of your choice and get stabbing or slashing. The Gotcha Goo™ will leave a visible stain on the enemies skin and clothing so that you can know that your hit landed. Plus, it doesn’t conform to metal, so it can be wiped off with a simple rag, leaving your weapons unblemished. When you use Gotcha Goo™, you can know when to tell your foes, ‘Hey, I Gotcha Good!’”
There were a lot of blank stares once the initial pitch ended. Finally, Xard broke the potent silence, “Wouldn’t their blood just tell us whether we hit them or not?”
“Oh yeah… blood…” the man started rubbing his chin and mumbling. “The stuff that’s inside people… Y’know, I honestly never thought about that. But then… for training! Yeah! It’d be useful for training! Just put it on some dull practice weapons and then bam, it’s like you stabbed them for real!”
“We already have paint for that,” Kada jumped in.
“But paint would stain your weapons, wouldn’t it?!” the man could argue anything.
“Uhh, not the paints we use. Just wipes right off,” Kada merely shrugged.
“Hrrm, now what if—” he continued to argue for a while longer, but inevitably ended up getting unanimous ‘No’s across the board.
《Rejected》