“Is a locked-room murder really something that special?” Xard had to ask as they walked briskly through a back alley in a hurry to their destination.
“Of course it is!” Feyj sounded almost offended by the question. “By definition, they shouldn’t be possible, so they’re supposed to be unsolvable. But there’s always a solution, and finding it is the pinnacle of being a detective! Any investigator who takes pride in their work should be exhilarated by the idea! And they’re not too common, so we don’t want to miss our chance.”
“Alright, well fill me in before we get there then,” the veteran vigilante was willing to let the newbie take the reins. “Don’t want to look foolish in front of the police.”
“Got it,” Feyj pulled up their phone and did a quick study and recap of what he’d already learned. “The victim, male, age 34, was found by police in their apartment after neighbors called in the sound of gunshots. They added a deadbolt to their apartment without the landlord’s permission that could only be locked from the inside.”
“Windows were barred with no other possible entrances. The victim was killed by two shots to the back of the head, so that rules out a suicide. This means the perpetrator somehow killed them and escaped without exiting through the front door or windows. Or they somehow managed to lock the deadbolt from the outside.”
“Well, given our line of work, my first thought would be a Fiend,” Xard dove right towards the supernatural. “Someone like that thief, Krayat, who can compress their body. Hell, even Drim, Phon, and Kada would all have ways of getting inside without messing with the locks.”
“That’s something worth considering,” Feyj couldn’t deny. “But I’m hoping for something more technical and traditional. Even if it is a Fiend, though, doesn’t the idea just get you excited? All the possibilities and impossibilities. We’ll have to work tirelessly to eliminate them all until only the truth remains!”
When they approached the crime scene, they were stopped initially by a police officer. But mere moments later, another came by and let them pass. “Huh, I wasn’t expecting us to be allowed through so easily. I was preparing myself to outwit them with logic and supreme bullzjikery.” Feyj seemed almost disappointed.
“Yeah, that’s been happening a lot more lately,” Xard could only shrug. “I guess I’ve been garnering a bit of a reputation, and the police tend to just step aside and act like I’m not there.” The two then wandered across the parking lot towards the exterior stairs going up to the second floor, but strange happenings buzzed around them.
“Wait, are the police taking down the tape?” Feyj observed, confused.
“It seems most of them are hopping into their cars,” Xard agreed. That put some pep in their step and they rushed up to the apartment. There they found a solitary officer still manning the door outside.
“We’re Feyj and Xard of the Fiends For Hire,” the aspiring detective introduced them. “And we’re here to solve this case!”
The guard gave them an unamused glance and then uttered, “Bit late, I’m afraid. It’s already been solved.”
“Wh-what?!” Feyj spouted in disbelief. “The article about this murder was posted less than an hour ago. Who else could have beaten us to it and solved it in that short of time?”
“News is a bit behind then,” the officer informed them. “Murder happened two days ago. Our internal networks have known about this for quite some time, but I guess you didn’t get the memo. That uhh, famous uppity detective, he solved it. What’s his name, Tusmon?”
“If it makes you feel any better, you’re only too late by a few minutes. He just left not that long ago. May still be somewhere nearby if you want to ask him about it. And he only solved part of it too. Said he was leaving since he’d confirmed that there was no Fiend involvement, that it was no longer his concern, and that he’d leave the rest to us.”
“Well, which part did he solve?” Feyj clung to the glimmer of hope.
“Just how the murderer got inside,” the officer huffed, unimpressed. “He was here for less than a minute before he figured it out. His bumbling partner barely made it up the stairs before he turned back around. But a load of help it actually was. Didn’t get us any closer to catching the perpetrator.”
“Damn it, that’s the best part!” The man’s hopes were immediately dashed. Tusmon had apparently left behind the solution and the officer went to the trouble to explain it to them. For several minutes afterwards, Feyj toiled with the magnet that the real detective had left behind, still stuck to the door. Apparently that deadbolt had a fatal flaw where it could be opened from the outside with a strong enough magnet.
The Royal locked and unlocked it repeatedly, getting more depressed each time. “Cosdamnit, in just one minute, he solved this. It would have taken me at least ten! Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
“Don’t let that get you down,” Xard tried to cheer up his partner. “I’d heard Tusmon became a Fiend somehow just recently. Whatever his power is, it’s probably specialized to being a detective. He’s quite literally made for this. It was just a stroke of bad luck on our part that our paths crossed. Believe me, it’s happened plenty of times before. You just have to pick yourself up and find someone new to help.”
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
◆◆◆
“Yes, it was a thief!” the formerly-rich woman declared. “They broke into our home through that window. Yes, that broken window right there, and stole all of our money!” She then began sobbing uncontrollably as her husband tried to console her.
Meanwhile, as Xard did his duty and inspected the window of the mansion, Feyj could only stare at the couple with disdain. The past few weeks hadn’t been good to him. Mystery after mystery, the two vigilantes had solved them all. And with the one exception where they were beaten to the punch by a superior detective, each mystery had ended stupidly.
Nothing was ever as it seemed. Any time Feyj believed a mystery would play out as he expected, the actual answer was completely off the mark. His perception of mysteries and elaborate crimes in general had been shattered, and that reality had beaten him down and made him bitter. Currently, he couldn’t stand the sight of this bawling couple because he could so easily tell that the wife was lying.
“Oh quit your blathering,” he couldn’t help but snap at them. “That window was clearly broken in such a way that no one could have actually used it as an entry point. Hell, it’s just a hole in the middle with jagged glass all around. Likely someone just threw a rock or a brick through it, considered their job done, and didn’t mess with it any further. It’s one of the sloppiest attempts at staging a breakin that I’ve ever seen.”
“Sir, it is almost assured that your wife is behind this whole farce. She lost your money somehow and came up with this entire ruse to fool you. That’s probably why she turned away an official investigation, claiming that the process would just upset her too much. And we’re only here because we practically barged our way in.”
“H-how dare you insult my beloved like that!” the husband immediately went on the defensive. “To even suggest that she could conceive something so heinous. And you’d spout accusations during this tumultuous time, all without a shred of evidence! I demand that you leave at once before you upset her, and me, further!”
“Evidence,” Feyj sighed, “Fine, I’ll get you evidence. It shouldn’t take long. First and foremost, I feel I should explain that this isn’t how money works anymore. Someone can’t break into your house and take your cash like they used to be able to—if you kept it under your mattress or something like an idiot to begin with.”
“No, now the only way to steal someone’s money is through Common Cards. So for them to steal it without you knowing, they would’ve had to steal some of your fingers or pressed the card against you while you slept, but you said the robbery happened in broad daylight while you weren’t home. So I’ll find the real culprit.” He whipped out his antenna and plonked it onto his head before staring madly at his phone.
“And I’ve found your bank transactions. Funny that you all consider yourself as being broke but you still have more money than most. Sure, the vast fortune is gone, but if you live modestly, you could coast along in the middle class for the remainder of your days. If you could stand to debase yourself so low that is. But here’s some major proof already. The money wasn’t all taken at once.”
“No, there are several transactions in quick succession, each getting larger than the last, almost a flat-doubling each time. That is very indicative of a gambler's behavior. They’ll double their bet so if they win even once, then they’ve made up for their losses. So if we assume that’s the case then…” A bit more time passed as Feyj’s phone flickered even more.
“And here’s security footage of your wife entering a casino just before the transactions to your account started being withdrawn. Fast-forward a few hours to just after the final transaction, and we see her again leaving the casino. Wow, just look at the distress on her face. She clearly just lost quite a significant amount of money.”
“So in summation. Your wife gambled away your fortune at a casino. Why she bothered, I can’t say, since you had more money than you could have ever spent in your lives. For the thrill, I guess. She then staged this breakin so that you’d believe you’d been robbed and she could get away without any consequences, likely banking on the idea that your pension from your company would get you back up to rich status soon and she could leech even more.”
“And in summation for me, this was a waste of time. No real criminal activity happened here since you gave her full unfettered access to your account. All she did was break a window on her own property and tried to lie to you. Frankly, there’s nothing we can do, but I wish you luck, good sir, of breaking free from her harporous grasp. Farewell.”
Feyj stormed out of the mansion and marched over to their lavish garden where he stooped down next to their fountain. Xard trailed after him and squatted next to his anguished friend. “This isn’t going at all like I expected,” the man immediately shared his insecurities.
“I’m nearly in my fifties, yet I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. We’ve solved countless mysteries, and all of them have been duds. We’re not helping people, we’re just pulling back the veil of foolishness that I wish I never knew existed. How I view the world will never be the same again. Has it always been this stupid? This pointless?”
“No, you’re just trying to live in a world that isn’t real,” Xard was relentlessly blunt. “I’ve let you lead this whole time because I wanted to see you fulfill your fantasies. But that’s all they’ve been, a fantasy. You got the idea of mysteries and great detectives in your head, but sorry to tell you this, Feyj, but that’s all just fiction.”
“They’re fantasized versions that have been embellished because reality is rarely as interesting. In those stories, the detectives are helping some great cause or saving lives from evil, but that’s rarely how it actually is. Real mysteries, as you saw, are unsolved not because they’re difficult or convoluted, but because the answer is so simple or stupid that they often get overlooked.”
“Now you came to me with a dream of being a vigilante, one who helps others by stopping terrible crimes. But you let that get twisted by all those stories that you read. If you want to actually help people, you need to abandon the whimsy and romanticization of it all. Real vigilantism is gritty and rough. There’s no grandeur, no spectacle. You don’t seek out lavish stories, you find active transgressions and put a stop to it.”
“Now that doesn’t mean that you can’t find a larger conspiracy or mystery along the way. Pretty much how I’ve stumbled into every major criminal organization and grand scheme has been starting from the bottom. Helping people on the street, and pursuing leads from there—throwing myself into the gauntlet.”
“So, Feyj, you have two options. You can accept that reality isn’t what you imagined, give in to your current midlife crisis, and return home to try and find a new passion for the rest of your life. Or you can come with me and we’ll start over. No more fantastical stories from the internet. We’ll go where real crime festers and actually help people who need it.” Xard stuck out his hand to the still moping man. “So what do you say, partner?”
“Yeah!” Feyj grabbed the man’s hand and pulled himself to his feet. “Show me what it really means to be a vigilante.”