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Fiends For Hire [Anti-Hero Action/Slice of Life] (4,500+ Pages)
V5: Chapter 11 - Cult Classic | Part 1.2 - Like the Good Ol' Days

V5: Chapter 11 - Cult Classic | Part 1.2 - Like the Good Ol' Days

“Okay, okay, okay, crisis averted for now,” Kada mumbled to herself as she set aside her phone and sank deeper into her hot tub—up to her mouth where she started blowing frustrated bubbles. “At least until I get some clearer answers.”

The Mermaid had tasked everyone available to gather more information on the ongoing issue and try to defuse it however they could. Really, it was something that shouldn’t require her intervention based on her understanding, just a firm hand. Ideally, it could be solved without her having to make the trip to Ledmer herself, and ideally avoid the worst possible situation of having law enforcement get involved.

At present, there really wasn’t more she could do, and she decided it best to go about her day and distract herself until her attention was required once more. Maybe her time off could be salvaged after all. The main issue, however, was her busybody roommates and coworkers. If they caught wind of this incident before it could be solved, even if she was already doing everything right, there was no way she’d live it down.

The woman didn’t know who was around, but lately, the mansion had been fairly deserted whenever she was home, to the point of feeling a touch too lonely. Mallea was certainly doing chores or errands somewhere, but Kada doubted she’d pry. At most there were probably only one or two generals around, and even then, they likely wouldn’t linger long. Though it was the weekend, so the chances of layabouts was higher, but it was rare amongst the group of workaholics she shared a home with—herself now included.

So the plan was just to act casual and try not to let any of the others think something was wrong. Unfortunately given her habitual patterns, it’d raise eyebrows if she were to just bail out of the house without striking up friendly conversation at the bare minimum with anyone she ran into. Normally, though, she’d pry into what everyone was doing and joke around with them—a bit of a busybody herself, though she liked to think of it as being friendly.

Given the present circumstances, however, she didn’t know if she’d be able to keep up her usual level of casual candor without cracking. Kada already started thinking of excuses of sudden reasons to leave with the job she’d landed on earlier as the prevailing victor. She could just say she had a meeting with the mayor about the art project or something and no one would question it.

Again, though, as part of her well-known habits, there was no way she’d leave without eating a meal first, usually taking her sweet time, letting consequences and deadlines be damned. If she wolfed down the food, it might cause follow up questions about why she was in such a rush. So she had to act as naturally as possible, while also dissuading any reason for someone to dig into her business.

“Should be simple,” Kada tried to hype herself up. “Just a meal and out the door. Once I’m gone, they’ll have no reason to bother me about it even if they find out. Surely they’ll think that I’m dealing with it, and would totally have a valid reason to ignore any messages until it’s done.”

She got dressed, which turned into another conundrum—desperately trying to make her outfit say ‘I’m the usual level of chill and not hiding a big secret’ without diving into the realm of ‘I’m trying too hard to make you think that nothing is wrong.’ Ultimately, she decided that she herself was overthinking it, and just threw on her usual casual clothes, perfect for weekend slacking.

Her cleaning robot, Sir Cleangingsworth, was less than amused by her impromptu fashion show as he picked up the unchosen garments that had been strewn across the floor. She’d putzed around in her room so much that the mechanical janitor had already made her bed and scrubbed down the hot tub the moment she got out of it. Now it was impatiently waiting for her to leave so that it could give the entire place a deep clean.

“Okay, now to skirt downstairs and hope I don’t make eye contact with anyone,” the woman spoke to herself before opening the door. “Mallea will probably bring me food without me having to say anything, and a simple thank you and big smile should be enough. Just treat it like any other day and everything will be fine.”

The Mermaid opened the bedroom door, and stepped out in the hall. Only to immediately jump back in panic to avoid crashing into someone, and then she was even more flustered when she got a good look at their apparel. It was Tize in a bathrobe that didn’t quite fully cover up his chest, and his skin was still blushed and steamy, with his hair wet and combed back. Where he’d come from was obvious, but since she hadn’t been expecting it and was already on edge, the whole situation made the woman flustered.

“Hey there, Tize,” Kada had inadvertently covered her eyes with her fingers but quickly pried them away when it was obvious that there was nothing actually promiscuous for her to block. “Don’t see you here often on the second floor.”

“Hey Kada, sorry if I startled you,” the man needlessly apologized. “Was just coming back from the big bath. I needed it after this morning. Apparently my muscles and strength have been shrinking a bit since I’ve been out in the field less, and Nachi took offense to that. So she ran me dead.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” the woman nodded along. “Had a text from her too. Probably shouldn’t have deleted that…”

“My suggestion would certainly be to put in some hours before she gets too annoyed,” the man spoke from the heart. “Before you have to try and ease the ache in the bath like me.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind. See ya, Tize,” Kada felt like she was able to deftly keep her cool and convincingly end that conversation without incident. Emboldened, she began to walk to the elevator since the man had been kind enough to take the stairs, knowing they were heading in opposite directions. But before she could push the button…

“Kada, my room. Now!” Phon’s bedroom door swung open, and the woman shouted at her from across the hall.

Ah zjik, Kada immediately knew she’d been caught, but still played it cool and tried not to shiver and yelp. Since Queen Snoop was onto her, there was no way everything hadn’t already been exposed. But maybe if she acted cool, it could come off as not a big deal, and she’d get let off easy.

“You’ve been stealing food from my room again, haven’t you?!” The Vixen caught her off guard as soon as she entered the bedroom, pointing an accusing finger at a cake with an obvious chunk missing.

Frankly, Kada had absolutely no memory of doing such a thing, but it undeniably sounded like something she’d do. “Yeah, sorry, I came in late and knew you’d have something,” the woman instantly dove on it and accepted blame whether she’d actually been the culprit or not. “Sorry, I didn’t feel like eating any of Mallea’s leftovers.” Perhaps a little ego-stroking would curry favor.

And it did. Phon let out a sigh and then grumbled, “Well if you’re going to eat it then the very least you can do is write down some feedback!” Before Kada could even deign that with a response, and come up with false impressions on what the cake had tasted like that she may or may not have eaten, a spoon was shoved at her face. “Here,” the chef muttered as she shoved it into the woman’s mouth.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

The Mermaid desperately tried to figure out what she’d been forced to consume, trying not to gag from the oral intrusion. Her tastebuds were failing her given no prior context, struggling to connect the sensational dots, so she glanced around. On the stove was what looked like a meaty pudding, honestly reminding her of canned dog food, so when her tongue finally decided to cooperate, she expected the worst.

But when her tongue finally decided to cooperate, it was a pleasant surprise. The savory flavor melted in her mouth and left her craving more. “Iz dewishus,” she mumbled around the spoon, giving two thumbs up and a grin.

“Ugh, what a useless answer,” Phon retracted the utensil and chucked it into the nearby sink. “Whatever, just get out of here. But if you take any food in the future, I expect at least a critically thought out paragraph about why you liked it. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am!” Kada gave a salute that honestly felt tacky in the moment but still true to her character. She felt she was playing the part of herself rather well, and didn’t question the quick exit to escape from the room. And that little taste had just made her even more ravenous for her first meal, so she wouldn’t have to fake actually wanting to stick around and enjoy it. But she’d had enough heart attacks, so hopefully her inconspicuous escape from the mansion was imminent.

Cosmos had other plans, though, and the elevator door opened up to a middle-aged Rusa staring at her phone. Kada thought about what to say, but found that the woman wasn’t even trying to make eye contact or strike up a conversation, so Kada hopped on. Weirdly, though, none of the buttons were pushed, and she had no idea if the woman was coming or going.

Rusa made no attempt to move them either, and weirdly her gaze was sliding across her phone at blazing speed. “Up or down, Rusa?” Kada eventually got impatient and asked.

“Up, I think, but don’t worry about it,” The Royal didn’t sound remotely concerned. Kada then got a glimpse of what was on the woman’s phone. It was funny internet pictures, so she was able to quickly deduce what had happened.

Rusa had gotten impatient and decided that the elevator ride would be too boring for her, since it’d feel like 315 rides to her time-distorted brain. So she’d pulled out her phone to scroll through something during the otherwise brief trip. But the woman had unwittingly stumbled across an image posting site with endless scrolling.

Now if she wasn’t stopped, Rusa would likely scroll endlessly until either she ran out of pictures, the site stopped working, or her finger cramped up. It wouldn’t be the first time she was caught in an entertainment loop. Kada had helped her out before, but it wasn’t the easiest situation. If Feyjusa was forcefully snapped out of it, they’d be annoyed and pissy the rest of the day at what they’d missed out on.

Usually the best solution was just to help move them somewhere safe and convenient to let them continue their thing. But they could also be distracted by something else, or helped to complete their initial objective so that they’d move on. In this case, if Kada helped Rusa to her room, she’d most likely recognize that the need for time-filler had come to a close and go back to her regularly scheduled day.

However… The Mermaid second guessed that plan. If she brought Rusa to her room, she’d almost certainly abandon the picture scrolling and go back to their usual internet browsing across countless websites and monitors. And that could certainly lead to her finding out about what was going on at Ledmer. So perhaps this was a blessing in disguise.

In the end, the malicious thoughts won, and Kada hopped off the elevator at the first floor and bid Rusa farewell, hoping she’d enjoy her ideally very long break of looking at funny and mindless zjik.

The woman then sat down at the dining room table, already put-off by the atmosphere, and she was unsure of what was to come. Mallea could have very well have run off to perform other errands, and Kada would be left to fend for herself and dig through the fridge for leftovers.

But no, the butler came strolling out of the kitchen and slammed a plate down in front of Kada, clearly looking down upon the woman while serving her. And then a second plate immediately followed, placed just as crassly as the first. “Enjoy!” the butler uttered as she continued to stare with disdain.

“Uhh…” Kada looked at both plates. One was a fully decked breakfast with just about every food one could desire first thing in the morning, and the other was an equally stacked lunch, practically spilling over the plate. No matter how hungry someone was, or how good the meals looked, it was far too much food. Well, except for maybe Jaid, and now Kada was starting to wonder if she’d been given the wrong portion.

“Since you were here, I made you breakfast,” Mallea responded to the unasked question when the diner looked at her in confusion. “But since lunch is now encroaching, I went ahead and served that as well. You wouldn’t make me throw one of them away and waste food, would you?”

“Err no, of course not!” Kada grabbed a fork and immediately began digging into the breakfast platter, which had thankfully been re-warmed at least. She even made sure to present a satisfied smile to Mallea—easy to manage because the food was still delicious.

The butler huffed and walked away. Kada knew for certain now that she’d need to get out of the house, or odds were that she’d be fed an entire buffet for dinner. No matter how good the food was, it was undeniable that she was being punished. And if she dared to try and escape now before cleaning both plates, a worse hell would await her in the future. So she got to digging, shoveling the food one bite at a time, gorging herself with each mouthful so that the two meals wouldn’t take an hour to eat.

At first the forced meals were enjoyable and fine, but her mind and eyes started to wander after a few bites of everything, trying to find something to distract her from the ensuing tummy ache that was headed her way. She didn’t want to look at her phone, since that would just remind her of the crisis looming in the background. There was noise coming from the living room, which made her curious, but getting up to look would almost certainly pull her into something else to drag out her situation.

So the woman’s gaze eventually landed on the person sitting at the other end of the table. His eyes had barely even given her a glance, preoccupied by the work sprawled out in front of him. Kada really didn’t want to engage with him since he looked so focused, and not only that, but whatever he was doing looked uber boring. But alas, her curiosity got the better of her.

“What are you up to, Xard?” The Mermaid asked between mouthfuls, needing the break anyways so she didn’t choke.

“I’m notating evidence files,” The Artillery answered without looking up from the sheets in front of him, continuing to scribble. “These are mostly from Humanity and a few other crimes I’ve taken care of recently. I neglected them during the crusade, and they’ve piled up, so I have to suck it up and get through them.”

“Okay,” Kada’s lips shrugged since it made sense. “But why are you doing it here instead of in your room or something?”

The man sighed and responded, “Because the desk in my room is completely covered in unsolved case files. That’ll take a lot longer to get through. And I didn’t want to move them, because they’re in a very specific order …and would probably topple over if I tried.”

Kada held back a laugh, amused at his plight. It was always fun and heartening to see him act like the regular dork he was in private, since he tended to act so stoic and infallible in public. Back when they lived in a cramped apartment together, he’d also been a bit of a freak for cleanliness and organization, so she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t amusing to see him fall into the lazy trap.

But it was hard to say that the man was slacking, because paperwork wasn’t all he was doing. Off to the side of the table, his left hand was dangling, clutching a weight as he repeatedly did curls to build back his strength. The man practically had a dumbbell with him at all hours ever since their catastrophic space trip.

Kada was even a good friend and didn’t endlessly make fun of him every time she saw the arm and how scrawny it was now compared to his right arm. Alk had told her all about what happened, and the excruciating procedure he’d gone through. So she just couldn’t bring herself to joke about it, at least until he’d made a full recovery.

The Mermaid left him alone after that, though, since he seemed dead set on focusing on his work, and she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to be engaging anyways. So she returned to her food and stabbed away at her breakfast, trying to at least clear all that away.