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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Why is it that the Trip Back always feel shorter?

Why is it that the Trip Back always feel shorter?

The month spent in the monkey-infested jungle was hell. Hordes of monkeys found their way to the secluded tree they were at. Noah had trimmed some big branches to create a chokepoint but even that was only marginally useful. The monkeys were so good at climbing that they could hang off the sides gripping the tree bark. When they weren't fighting, they were training, gathering, tempering, and solving essence calculations using Dinniman's five theorems.

"It's too bad we won't stay for a while longer," Amanda said in a lighthearted complaint. "It would be nice to return to Earth as a three-star."

"You what?" Robert did a double-take. "How close are you to three stars?"

"Seventy-two percent?" She said as if guessing. "Yes, Seventy-two."

"That's an impressive advancement speed," He said while he checked his own progress. His second star was at thirty-nine percent full.

Noah approached. "Did you notice it?" He asked Robert.

"Yes. Is it the unique?"

"Indeed it is. The price you pay for such a strong ability is the reduced speed in your advancement. And the two Prime Vestiges you manifested. They come right out of your star's growth budget. But not the unique Prime. Though people theorize that manifesting Primes is your soul's way to vent excess Ether that might become harmful. When a boiler's pressure becomes too big it might explode. I think it's bullshit, though."

The revelation shocked Robert. He was growing slower than Amanda because of the spirit he gained from Cerebelon?

"But you shouldn't think it's a bad thing. Everyone seeks these unique ether constructs or items like the plague. Because the power they grant might be the thing that will keep you from getting stuck at a bottleneck. For example, a normal raider takes around ten years to go from two to three stars. But most get stuck at ninety-nine percent and never leave that spot. Because to ignite one's star, you need a catalyst. It can be a major breakthrough in your craft or a big fight against a deadly enemy. Safe and steady only takes you so far. But most lack the power necessary to fight and win against a deadly enemy. Uniques bridge that gap."

"Do you think I will get stuck?" Amanda asked with a shaky voice.

Noah grinned, his ears shifting along with his scalp. "Not under my watch. And if you think you will, there's plenty of monkeys more than willing to fix the situation."

*

*

Robert had an extra eight years and three months of solitude in the liminal void. Around the central flower meadow of his mental palace, he added mountains, a lake, grasslands, rocky hills, and at one end, a saltwater beach. The latter was right at the edge of his imaginary realm and didn't have much water to do more than wet one's ankles. But it was a sunny beach with pale yellow sand.

He finally felt the mental palace was ready to take in the two bastions. He started with the tower of iron will, right in the middle of the realm. Brick by brick, he imagined an imposing tower of gray stone, a medieval keep that couldn't be besieged even by a horde. It was brutalist and militaristic, with sparse arrow slits, spartan accommodations, and barrels of arrows for the archers that didn't exist. The entrance to the tower had a wrought iron portcullis surrounded by a cubic gatehouse. The tower rose ten floors before he started with the next project.

The intellect fortress surrounded the tower. A square building with wide windows and rows upon rows of bookshelves, most of them empty. For now. The space between the tower and the square library had fountains, garden mazes, small ponds, places to sit and relax, ample shade, and a canal with flowing drinking water. He couldn't add animals, though. If he could, he'd add some koi carp to the canals and ponds. The library had three floors twenty feet tall each.

A hundred feet from the corners library building, he erected massive walls, copying the brutalist medieval design of the tower of iron will. This took the better half of the eight years. It rose eighty feet from the ground and was twenty feet thick at the top, growing to fifty feet thick at the bottom. Tunnels and armories crisscrossed on the inside of the star-shaped wall. This design left no blind spots where attackers could hide from those up on the walls and offered a vantage point at the eight points of the star pattern where siege weapons had the biggest angle of attack.

Each of the four cardinal points of the wall had a huge gatehouse with a set of four portcullis. The entrances were tunnels eighty feet long dotted by arrow slits and murder holes. Between each gate and the library, townhouses and shops filled the space, a medieval-esque neighborhood.

Robert stood at the topmost floor of the unfinished tower and watched his domain. The time acceleration had reached 3.5 times the outside flow, giving him way more time than he ever wished. But his mental palace was far from done. He wanted to double the number of tower floors to twenty and also to add thousands of books to his library.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

But now, it was time to travel back home.

*

*

A tribe of monkeys took residence on the passage platform. Though the monkeys didn't cross over to the salamander pools because it was too hot, the warmth coming from the passage was very welcome, especially during the nights.

They dropped straight out of the liminal void right in front of the passage. Noah stayed behind while the rest crossed over to the salamander pools. The silk rope tethering him to Robert was pulled taut through the passage.

"Unnatural Disaster: Spatial Fracture!" Noah shouted before crossing the passage.

Robert only heard the cries of the monkeys, all at once, then silence. When he looked back through the passage, he saw the previous realm as if it were through a pane of shattered glass.

"Let's cross the realm through the void again," Noah suggested.

Robert checked if the knots were still firm and used his talent. Everyone, human and Taulusian came along and they put their ether-reinforced legs to work. The advantage of running in the liminal void was that they wouldn't grow tired, only sleepy. And they wouldn't need to endure the caustic heat of the magma pools.

*

*

And then they were back at the Puffbloom Islands. This time, Robert went ahead to the abandoned city while Amanda, Freddy, and Noah took the gliders. He went in his fairy form, flying through the liminal void instead of diving down into the true void to go faster. He wanted to get used to flying and think about what he would do with his newfound form and powers.

During this month, he tried to form some Space spells but had little luck. It was a really hard affinity and both he and Noah decided it was best to buy some ether scrolls and swap the spells that were a bad match later. He would waste some effort he spent developing those spells but he would waste a lot of effort trying to figure out things on his own anyway. Using the ether scrolls would let him get some mileage out of this wasted effort, which was a win in both men's opinions.

As for the elusive Fairy affinity, nobody had a clue. Not even Blossom, though the unique Prime Vestige was silent most of the time.

Robert flew around the city, checking if anyone was in it if the workshop had been disturbed, and if the materials they left in the liminal void were still there. Everything was as expected. He saw no disturbance or presence in the city. He waited until his time was up and shifted back to reality still in fairy form. He remembered to activate his invisibility before that.

"You should by default remain invisible," Blossom said as colors returned to the world. "It costs you nothing and that's how fairies survived for millennia."

"Sure," Robert said, chasing himself for not thinking about that. "Thank you."

He made a mental note to remind himself of that. In that instant, the note appeared on a book in his intellect fortress' inner sanctum.

In fairy form, he flew around the city, checking for sounds or other signs of creatures, most specifically, humans. He had quite a lot of time until the other three arrived so he wanted to explore the city. Most specifically, the buildings and what they might hide. What trinkets and gadgets did the people who lived here left behind? Books? Most likely the city had a lot of ancient books lying around.

But he had one problem. Going through the doors. Any apartment that was left with a window open was ruined by the weather and decades of dust. Robert could use his talent to cross physical boundaries through the void but he wanted to try a novel approach. He went to the tallest buildings with the fancier-looking apartments.

"Hey, Blossom, if a fairy wanted to go through a closed door without opening it, what would they do?"

"Is it wooden?"

"I guess so."

"Warp the wood."

Robert placed his hand on the door and imagined the wood warping and ripping open like a curtain. He felt some essence leaving his star and moving through his hand. Then, he heard it creak and looked. The lower part of the door had a crack in it. No. The wood folded inward, creating a triangular opening. Robert crossed and entered the apartment.

The furniture was covered with sheets and he could sense a faint smell of mold. He could see some depleted crystals on the walls, any power they held long gone. He flew around and found an office. It had less dust than the rest and rows upon rows of books. He took all of them into one of his storage rings without looking. Searching the desk, he found a stack of letters which he also took. The rest of the apartment seemed to be worthless to him except for the paintings. He took these without their frame and without rolling them into a tube. This way, they used up the least volume in his storage ring.

He ransacked the other apartments, not bothering to warp back the doors.

One day later, he was dragged by his talent into the liminal void against his will. He'd forgotten about it and now it was time to add all the books and paintings to his intellect fortress.

He found he had several copies of the same book and the vast majority of them were fiction books. Of those, more than half were directed at a female audience. Of the non-fiction, he had some history and geography books, and even a few depicting the world from before the rift cataclysm.

It put a smile on his fairy face and pride in his tiny heart.

His library was enormous. It could fit every book in the Samson arcology public library and the one at the academy together twice.

And he could always devote a few years to expanding the intellect fortress to add more room for books.

Back in human form, as he could have any shape he could imagine inside his mental imaginary space, he sat down and started to read a book on the XX-century pre-rift Earth.

*

*

He was back to human form.

When Noah and Amanda returned, the professor asked Robert to bring back the smuggled items they left behind in the liminal void.

"I will forge some items for the next week," Noah said. "you two do whatever you want, relax, go on a stroll, anything. Just don't leave the island."

With that, he shut himself in the workshop and locked the door.

Amanda took Robert's hand. "Come! I think I know where we can sew some clothes!"

"Do you even know how to make clothes?"

"Yes. Kind of. A little. You need clothes for your fairy form, right? Come on, it will be fun!"

They went in the direction where Amanda saw a seamstress atelier on their previous visit. That's when Robert's new danger sense tempering alerted him. Two creatures were approaching.

He looked up and saw what he thought was a small black cloud of smoke approach, with a bright shining white cloud. As he focused, he sensed these were the ones who triggered his danger sense.

"Deviants!" Robert alerted.