Novels2Search
1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
B4 start - Identity Crisis

B4 start - Identity Crisis

Amanda Samson was having a dreadful day. No. A bad week. Wait. The month wasn't that good either. The feeling that she lost something precious, that regret of picking the safe option instead of, Dunno, being herself. No. That was just another lie. Because she had no idea of who was Amanda Samson.

But the emptiness remained.

She stood from the bed and walked into the shower, the bedsheet trailing after her because it wrapped around her body. She shivered when it finally fell down. Then the hot water hit. She wept under the shower, letting the water hide her tears.

The water cut off. Her wet hair clung to her face, her shoulders. A wave of chilly air hit her, causing the young woman to shiver. No longer a teenager. Her birthday came and passed, only a inane party thrown by her immediate family and some estranged kin that came just to see if they would gain an advantage in life. Instead, they gained all the fucks she had to give. Legend says they were still searching for the fucks to this day.

Water essence dried her body and hair without removing those nice oils people talk about. Leaving the steaming bathroom, she walked back into the bedroom in a stumbling gait like a zombie. Her nipples protested painfully. She almost tripped on the bedsheet. A stray thought of cleanliness passed and was immediately shot down. The new, twenty-years-old Amanda was a slovenly mess, she decided.

Her eyes fell on the Academy uniform. It was the first day of the second semester. But her class was now all-female.

Because he never made it back.

And she missed him. The world missed him.

Titania tried to keep her protected from the news, but she couldn't. Or, more likely, she just made it harder for Amanda to get the information. Robert was all around the world. All around the news. Whoever posted the ten-billion-dollar bounty never paid it. What an absurd amount of money for one life. Robert was worth at least ten times that, morons. And now that he was missing for two weeks, many opportunists were trying to collect the bounty. When whoever posted said bounty refused to pay, they cracked down their identity.

She slid her underwear on. Then the pantyhose. Did she gain some weight during the vacation? Was the pantyhose always that tight? With a final push, it got over her hips, squeezing her lower stomach.

Amanda sat in front of the vanity and did her makeup. She ended up doing only the bare minimum. The new, twenty-years-old Amanda was a slovenly mess who wore light makeup. People would tell her she was trying to compensate. Maybe, they were correct.

The uniform was also tight. She had to diet. A wry laugh escaped her cracked lips. Two-star Archhumans didn't grow fat. The fit of the clothes was perfect. It was her who felt restricted, constrained by the uniform and what it represented.

With a quick check in the mirror for any issues, Amanda Samson left her dorm apartment.

*

*

Professor Noah Actus took a moment to look at his two students. They should be three but... Robert got involved in some serious business. Maybe too much for him. Most likely not.

"Amanda, Caroline, welcome," he exchanged greetings and proceeded to give them the first-day talk. How this semester's focus would change from tournament preparations to shoring up the fundamentals. Advanced essence efficiency calculus, affinity aptitude testing, challenge evaluation, battlefield survival, Archhuman ethics, and New Earth history.

All the fun stuff. He couldn't help but let a brief grunt out.

"Professor," Caroline called with a raised hand.

"Yes?"

"Where's Robert?"

Sitting by Caroline's side, Amanda winced as if the words had assaulted her.

"He's dealing with personal issues. That said, he didn't contact us. He'll be marked as absent today."

Caroline nodded and turned on the seat to comfort the other girl. "Hey. He's alive. Don't worry. He'll come back."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Did anyone notice if his monsters went berserk?"

"No. Veronica would've said something."

Veronica would be torn to pieces by his monsters, Noah thought. Those three Minotaurs were no joke.

"It's more likely that he's alive than not," Noah said.

He could see those assurances didn't comfort Amanda. But finding a person like Robert was like trying to find an elemental wisp that flew past your house ten years later.

*

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

*

Emmerson Murphy wished the tiny killer had succeeded in its mission. Sitting in a board meeting, he faced the worst news. Never mind the missing nephew and elders. In that same night, someone raided their vaults and left them empty. No matter the size or the weight, the thieves took everything. The morning guards saw their coffers wiped clean. They suspected someone with an infinite storage talent.

And now, after a week-long audit, the bill finally came. The damages reached eighty-three billion dollars.

It wasn't a trivial value for anyone. Even for an organization as big as theirs. But the worst part was that someone tipped the Imperial Knights to all of their illegal operations. And now the government was cracking down hard on them.

If he had died that night, at least they would have five years of protection. Not that it did either the Shayver group or the Kraven Industries any good. Fate was fucking them left and right. Or perhaps, it was karma. But Emmerson refused to believe in such things.

*

*

In his bed, Fairy-Robert stirred. The nightmares repeated themselves. A giant, a terrifying giant of insurmountable power crushed him. Killed him. And yet, he lived.

When he lost his head, did he die? Did the "he" who lived inside that head die? If so, who was he? Why did he remember that pain of having his brain "squeezed like grape"? Mr. Miyagi? Help? Was it because he walked on the "middle of the road"?

"He's still having nightmares," Minnie said.

"Oh, gee! It can't be helped," Mickey said. "We should see if he wants more relaxing tea."

*

*

The public domain mouse looked at his suffering friend. He was there by Robert's side when he saw the evil man grab his head. Once his talent released Robert, Mickey tried to drag Robert to the liminal void but he wouldn't come. That's when a raw Void essence manipulation severed his neck. Mickey suspected that Robert had somehow created a second brain or something, that kept his body alive and used his powers that way.

Mickey brought Robert to this secluded island he seemed to favor so much. There, he watched as the body regrew a head and slowly fixed itself. All the memories and feelings that made Robert, Robert returned to their place. It took even more time to fix the little defects from regrowing the head.

Then the nightmares began. At first, Mickey thought Robert's new brain would reject the memories but the truth was that he needed time to process the trauma.

All that Minnie and he could do was to keep him fed, hydrated and comfortable. The rest was up to Robert.

*

*

One month later.

***

Noah entered the classroom, noting his two students were still in a bad mood.

"Good news, we located him," Noah announced. It took a lot of time and quite a few favors but he contacted an Arch from France who could track people through a bond. Noah took the puffblooms to that person and got Robert's location.

"Where?" Amanda shot up as if she would go there immediately.

"Hold on, hold on. He's in the Puffbloom Islands. The realm seemed to have gone through some changes. Take a look."

He showed them a realistic drawing of the passage to the Caustic Ocean. Amanda recognized the steps she created when they used that passage to return to Earth.

In front of the passage was a sign. "This realm is private property. No trespassing. The owner has removed the gliding platforms as well as some of the islands. The owner has also moved other islands out of the way. Do not trust the old charts. Invade at your own risk. Trespassers will be killed on sight."

"The bad news is that we can't reach him," Noah said as he frowned behind his mask.

*

*

Robert sat on a six-story building in the abandoned city. His city. He contemplated whether he should return to Earth or not.

The feeling of dissociation, of not being the same person as before remained. They were fainter now, but he felt like a replacement. He felt that old Robert had died. The guy who was frantically running around trying to survive ever since his parents died was gone.

The dumbass who thought he was powerful enough to take a four-star and his major organization paid the ultimate price for his hubris.

He was a copy of the backup imprint. Sometimes, he thought all this was a fabrication of his regrown brain. But just like a boy who had gone through a growth spurt, he didn't feel like he belonged in his own skin.

A group of three puffblooms, white as a wispy summer cloud floated by. His hunch was correct. They feared the platforms. With them gone, the realm finally started to heal.

Robert shapechanged into a falcon and joined them. They flew and played but then the puffblooms went away onto a new island.

What convinced him that he should return was that. He missed his friends. Not that Mickey and Minnie weren't his best friends but he had other friends he needed, wanted to see.

He gave the Mouse couple his profuse thanks and said their goodbyes for now. Then he was off.

*

*

Robert ascended to the liminal void inside the gym they earned for the year. He saw Noan and the girls in a classroom and smiled. A quick dip in the near void and he was next to them.

The mood didn't seem happy. Amanda looked tired and had only light makeup on. Was this a new fashion trend?

He waited until his time was up and appeared in the room with a faint pop.

Noah straightened his back and smiled, the characteristic tells of his ears and scalp unmistakable.

Amanda turned, stared at him, and swooned. Caroline caught her before she hit the ground.

*

*

Amanda woke up on an infirmary bed. Her electrolocation sensed a person next to her. She looked to the side and saw Robert.

Her emotions flooded and she cried. Robert's fingers caressed the side of her head, above the ear. She leaned into that caress like a cat.

"Hey?" Robert called.

She bawled. Robert pulled her close and leaned until his lips touched her cheek. She wanted to turn around and reach those lips with hers but he had other plans. Robert scooped Amanda in his arms and stood up. She saw the colors vanish from the infirmary, then the infirmary itself vanished.

They were floating in absolute darkness but she could see him and herself, despite the absence of any light source. Except for his eyes. His irises appeared as if made of liquid metal. And they had a shine to them. She felt like he could see her soul. She wanted to bare her soul to him and then more.

"Hey," she finally found her words. "What happened to your eyes?"

Dummy! So many things she wanted to say and she had to ask about his eyes?

"Talent evolution," Robert answered.

She stared, those elusive words running for the hills. "You. Three."

"It's complicated. I did ascend to three, but then I did a thing. I'm a two-star right now, just like you."

"What happened? Why did you vanish?"

"I got hurt really badly doing something stupid. I needed time to heal. I wasn't in any condition to come back."

"You missed my birthday," she protested.

"You missed my many summer vacation adventures."

She grunted in protest, without much strength.

"How were your marriage meetings? Did you find any prospective groom interesting?"

"Shut up! It was Granny's idea!" She protested, then made a squeaky Titania impression. "Hey, Amanda, why don't we swindle some horny guys for their hard-earned treasures by dangling you as bait?!?"