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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Against the Dreaded Centifish

Against the Dreaded Centifish

Robert tried to see if the thousands of slimes the centifish killed had left any damage on its glittering scales. No such luck. He saw it use no active attacks and Noah's hint rang in his ears. This creature was using its essence internally. Some sort of body enhancement magic? Most likely. It was fast but not something they could not follow. Regardless, it made sense the monsters in the waters above had some kind of resistance to the slimes.

He reached the centifish. Ten feet from contact, the monster reacted to his presence. He heard a buzzing tinnitus-like sound, almost inaudible from how high-pitched it was. It enveloped him and seemed to be coming from the monster's scales. The hundreds of tiny legs at the bottom of the elongated eel-like monster clicked against the ground, shoveling dirt and gravel behind and to the sides as the creature spun and accelerated at the same time to bite Robert's upper body off of his legs.

That was one advantage it had over most land-based animals. They couldn't both turn and accelerate.

He cast lesser haste on himself, along with thought acceleration and prescience. He also used lesser slow on the monster but the spell washed over its scales like water. Robert rushed to the side, angling his blade so the monster would have to choose between letting him go or getting impaled. The centifish chose the latter. The extremely sharp sword bent as it clashed against its scales. Robert kicked the scales as he pulled his sword away, using the momentum to push himself and vault away from the monster. It was no good. The centifish's turn speed was superb and it followed Robert as he flew horizontally.

The teeth were close enough that Robert could smell the monster's bad breath. Or so he thought. Without a choice, he used his talent to evade. Landing on the liminal void, He used his time to examine the monster thoroughly. Eighty feet in length, fourteen feet tall, three hundred and sixty legs, and one hundred and eighty triangular shark-like teeth.

And the brain of a goldfish.

Yes, that's what Noah said. The centifish had the brain of a goldfish. Which meant it had a brain. Should he risk it and use mind blackout on the monster? Maybe not. It was a joint effort. But the monster was too fast for Amanda. If his slow spell worked, it would be another thing. But the scales seemed to be resistant to both magic and physical attacks. Was it one of those monsters you had to climb inside to kill? No. It was too fast and he wouldn't manage to dodge the teeth. Not to mention it was too sleek to have enough room to act inside of it.

His timepiece chimed. It was time to prepare for his return to reality. He re-cast his buffs, adding thought acceleration this time. Robert went to the monster's midsection, twenty feet away from it. In the blink of an eye, colors returned to the world. The sound of crashing waves and the deep thrum reverberating in the cavern returned as well. The centifish kept moving forward. It ignored Robert's presence entirely.

"It's the buzzing! Somehow, it can use that buzzing to detect things around it!" Robert said excitedly.

He picked a rock and tossed it at the centifish's tail. The moment the rock entered the ten-foot radius of the buzzing, the tail slapped the rock out of the air in a random direction. He sent his findings through a silent message to Noah, Amanda, and Freddy. Robert also noticed that, despite the centifish's ability to move and accelerate at the same time, the body followed the head like he thought a snake would. Other than some jerking motion like slapping the rock away, it would follow that pattern. So if he could dodge the wrench, he could dodge the traffic. Now he only needed to find a way to hurt the monster.

Robert wished he had an affinity that allowed physical attacks. He knew Life had an advanced spell called body weaponry that allowed him to fire parts of his body, mostly used to create a sinew crossbow and fire shards of bones. It was only usable at three or four stars, though. The speed one needed to shape their body in combat was not something weaker Archs could reach unless boosted by a talent.

He ran toward the monster. He was sure that if his lesser slow didn't even reach the creature due to the scales, drain essence or mind blackout wouldn't either. And if he couldn't hit the scales, he needed to go for the legs. Yes, it was a lot of legs, but he was sure every one of them was important. Grabbing another rock along the way, he readied and tossed it when the time was right. He didn't stop running but changed his course a little. Centifish reacted to the rock and turned, coiling around itself like a snake. Robert made an arc and approached from the other side.

As the centifish bit down on the rock, Robert entered the buzzing at a spot the creature's body was curving against him. He aimed low and swung his sword at the legs. He let the blade's side scrape against the bottom scales and scraped against the base of the insectoid legs. He felt resistance for a moment and then the sword cleaved through three or four legs.

The centifish screeched in pain. It ran over its own body, the gaping maw full of teeth appearing from above. Robert swung again and sliced another two legs off. Then he darted to the side, causing the centifish to curl over itself. Robert ran along the curvature of the body, swinging his sword like a baseball bat going at a low ball. He set his foot down and let the monster's own power push the legs against the blade. He stopped when he felt the blade crack and chip.

His loss of moment let the head catch up with him. Robert stared at the gullet, ready to catch him. With a grin, he used his talent once again.

*

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

*

This time, he only had one and a half hours to prepare. He tried to count the legs he cut and estimated he'd severed between fifteen and twenty. Robert used his time to gather as many Void wisps as he could. They were scarce and far apart but it was better than nothing. He found no vestiges loitering around.

Robert was growing bored of the liminal void.

To him, they had been in these caves for two years already. Robert had exhausted all the literature he had in his hands, including the "Gospel of the Pail Priestess" the cultist had. On the outside, their cult was okay. No human sacrifices, or animal torture, one would believe they were freaks who liked dark places and women with buckets. The problem was the hidden agenda, hidden in the subtext of the gospel. The Void, the true Void, capital V, was a force that would swallow the realms and bring oblivion to everything. Including the cult.

Without books to read, the only thing he had to do was train. Music, sword, spear, Qigong. And building his mind palace. With Noah to give him pointers and correct his technique, he was growing to become a decent warrior. The truth was that Robert had little talent in the physical arts, including combat and swordsmanship. His only advantage was the time acceleration his talent granted him.

*

*

When he returned, he was behind the head. Once again, Robert struck at the legs on the right side of the centifish's body, cutting a bit more than half a dozen. He disengaged before the monster could turn around, counting the steps until the buzzing vanished. Then he ducked behind a rock and waited to see if the monster would give chase. It came close but he didn't hear the buzzing. Robert thought it didn't go around solid obstacles.

"Amanda, it's time for you to join. You are to stay more than ten feet away from the monster at all times. If you hear a buzzing sound, at the highest pitch you can hear or even just a pressure in your ears, you are to move to a position at least thirty feet away. Hide behind solid obstacles. The monster's eyesight is bad but it can still detect movement," Robert sent in a series of silent message spells.

He saw Amanda approaching with Freddy by her side. It was time to go and distract the monster so she could attack it. Robert ran into the fray once more. He repeated the strategy of distracting it with a rock and running to the other side. He angled his toss so the monster would expose its right side to him again. Robert believed that if he cut all the legs on one side, it would cripple the monster.

So he started to hack at those tiny stumps like he was Paul Bunyan fighting against the forests of North Dakota. The centifish's behavior became erratic. Robert was forced to use his talent to reposition twice. Puffs of dust started to go up in the air as the monster's belly scratched against the ground. Sometimes, he heard the sound of Amanda's launcher shooting her stone disks.

As the monster lost his speed and maneuverability, Robert found he could keep up with the centifish now. But he also found that the legs were growing back. The first ones he cut were already halfway back. The centifsh stopped and its head rose up in the air. Robert saw what was about to happen. His heart clenched with dread.

"Amanda, Freddy, RUN!" He shouted.

*

*

Noah saw the centifish reach for the lake. The moment the monster's head made contact with the water, a torrent would come down on the cave floor, forming hundreds if not thousands of slimes. He doubt it had enough energy left to swim back into the lake because it would require it to stand on the tip of its tail before the weird gravity of this realm would suck it back into the water. If it had a running start to jump and convert that forward momentum upward, then yes. But not after Robert had severed a third of the legs on one side.

Yet, he needed to finish this fight sooner rather than earlier. They had to move down one of the tunnels and get away from whatever was lurking in the Netherecho. So he decided to intervene in the fight.

He drew an ice rune with his essence in the air. Pressing against it with his hand, he called. "Natural disaster: Blizzard!"

*

*

A cone of hail and snow shot from the spot Noah stood and reached into the lake. Amanda changed her path and went to the side. She wasn't seeing Freddy but the alien hound was good at positioning himself. She was more concerned about Robert but she knew he would use his talent at the first sign of trouble. She stopped to catch her breath and watched as the centifish's head crashed against an iceberg floating upside-down on the lake's surface. Chunks of ice flew down along with the monster. It crashed on its side and squirmed. Its tail swept huge swaths of land in an arc as the monster tried to stand on its tiny chittering legs again.

Then she saw Robert climb on the creature and stab at its belly with his spear. She felt angry that Robert would take those risks but also proud of him for being so brave.

He pierced the thinner scales and then dragged the spear, opening a huge gash twelve or fifteen feet long. Blood and entrails spilled out of the hole as Robert ran and jumped off the centifish. The monster screamed. Then it started to move at half its speed. Robert whooped and pumped his fist as he stored his spear.

At least the chunks of ice weren't turning into slimes. Robert's shout shook her from her daydreaming.

"Amanda, throw something into the wound! The monster can regenerate!"

She took some bamboo seeds from her ring, infused them with plant growth, and conjured a grooved slate disk around them. She took aim and fired. Amanda was glad Robert granted her an extra six months to train her aim. What was just a novelty became one of her go-to fighting strategies. The disk flew true and entered the wound.

*

*

Drain Essence and lesser slow connected with the creature once he bypassed its scales. With how much he trained with the spell on the slimes, it was getting to the point he envisioned. Even against the small slimes, the spell not only killed the slime and paid for itself, but it also gave a small profit essence-wise.

The monster got back on its feet but the belly wound was still bleeding. Robert flexed his hand and grabbed the sword that appeared right where he wanted. He heard the buzzing. The centifish was coming straight at him. He held it in the ox guard, ready to strike.

The centifish roared as it went straight ahead at him, mouth open to bite. Robert sidestepped at the last moment and slashed at the eye in a circular motion. He felt soft resistance and the sharp blade popped the eye like a balloon. He dodged the hot fluid that squirted out of it. The monster screeched, a wail of pain that shook Robert as the frequencies of the buzzing changed wildly.

He dropped his sword as he was forced to crouch and cover his ears. It was useless. This close to the monster's head, the sound's potency was overwhelming. His eardrums popped.

The centifish used the opportunity to bite down. When Robert looked up, he could see the monster's mouth chomping at him, teeth scraping against the gravel around him.