Novels2Search
1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Law and Order: Special Prime Vestiges Unit

Law and Order: Special Prime Vestiges Unit

"Mr. Thompson," Robert said. "Can you leave us alone for a while? We'd like to go through the Prime Vestiges at our own pace. If it's not much to ask."

The trader looked at Amanda, then back at Robert.

"Yes," Amanda said. "I believe this will be a lengthy process and we don't want to take much of your time. You know which Prime Vestiges are in the cart and we—"

Thompson raised a hand. "Say no more, Miss Samson. The ATA has complete trust in you and I appreciate you taking my own time into consideration. Yes, this is a reasonable request, Mr. Blaze. You can touch this crystal pad here to call me back. Please take your time. If you need refreshments or anything else, make use of this table to place your orders."

With that, the trader left the room, leaving behind a not-so-small fortune in Prime Vestiges behind.

"Does this room have any surveillance?" Robert asked.

Amanda drew a deep breath, then let out a long squeal, capped by a sigh. She laughed briefly, then grabbed Robert's arm. When their eyes met, she had stars inside her irises and a bright smile that almost caused his heart to skip a beat.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She gushed. "No. The room has no surveillance."

What is happening?" Veronica asked.

"Our boss," Robert said with a chuckle, "Is a big Prime Vestige geek. But keep it a secret."

"Hey!" Amanda protested. "Robert, make yourself useful and fetch the Primes, please!"

He found it amusing that she was trying to act cool. He went around and sat on Thompson's chair.

*

*

Robert picked the first Prime on the cart and opened the glass box.

"About time y'all let me out of there!" The Prime complained.

Amanda took the offered golden ball and almost sang. "𝅘𝅥𝅮 Prime 𝅘𝅥𝅯 Vestige 𝅘𝅥𝅮, what's your power?"

"When pain courses through your veins, let it awaken the beast within, gifting you the swiftness of the jaguar!" The ball answered.

"Is it a speed boost upon receiving damage?" Robert asked.

"No!" The Prime replied.

"Is it more than a speed boost upon receiving damage?" He insisted.

"Yes!"

So it included a speed boost. "Does your talent also grant increased reflexes?"

"Of course it does!"

"Is it a flat speed and reflexes increase to the same as a jaguar or can it make the person even faster than a jaguar if they are already that fast?"

"Nobody can be faster than a jaguar!"

"What affinities you grant?"

"Holy."

"Nothing else?"

"You don't need anything else." Robert dumped the ball in the box. "Ouch!" And shut the lid.

"That one was a dud," Amanda lamented.

"Yes, if the speed boost can't go faster than a jaguar, it's pretty lame," Robert agreed.

"No extra affinities too. Next!" Amanda commanded.

Robert placed the jaguar boost on the far left end of the table, which he dubbed the discard pile.

*

*

He took the next Prime. He handed it to Amanda. She repeated her lilted line.

"Feel the gentle caress of Life's embrace, knitting your wounds with Holy light's tender touch!"

"Oh!" Amanda exclaimed. "And what are your affinities?"

"Life and Holy!"

"Damn," Robert mumbled. Those affinities and the talent were ridiculously good for a healer.

Veronica's eyes shone. It was exactly what she wanted. But she made no move.

"Is this regeneration talent passive?" Amanda asked.

"Yes!"

"What quality healing?"

"Natural!"

It was a demerit. But it could evolve into supernatural or even supreme. This Prime could grant immortality at three stars if evolved correctly.

"Does the talent heal the damage caused by hunger or thirst?" Robert asked.

"No!"

"Put this on maybe," Amanda said. "There must be something better in the pile."

Veronica sighed.

"Next!" Amanda said. They did it all over again.

"Your strikes shall find the heart of your foes, guided by an unseen force that whispers of their doom."

"Does the talent include actual whispers?" Amanda asked the third prime.

"Not really, no."

"Affinities?"

"Only Holy," the Prime Vestige answered, already knowing it had been weighed and found wanting.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"Dud. Next!"

"In the velvet cloak of darkness, your eyes shall pierce through the void, revealing secrets hidden from mortal sight."

Amanda sighed. "Affinities, please?"

"Darkness and Holy!" The Prime Vestige declared.

"Odd combination."

"Indeed. But it's a.... dud! Next."

*

*

The fourth Prime spoke as soon as it got out of the box, without even being prompted. "Let time bend to your will, as your body dances effortlessly through the chaos of battle."

"Damn," Amanda said. "Did those idiots let a unique slip past?" She took the Prime in her hands. "Prime Vestige, I wish to take you into my soul!"

"No offense, but it seems rather crowded in there already, lady," the Prime refused.

"Bummer. Is your talent haste? Time acceleration?" Amanda inquired.

"Partially that, yes."

"What else?"

"Your senses will be sharper. Your wits quicker."

"Affinities?"

"Time and Holy."

"Another for maybe."

"Wait," Robert said. "Does your talent stack with the haste spell?"

"I don't know. Can you show me the spell?" Robert cast haste on the Prime Vestige. "Yes."

"Oh!" Amanda squealed. "This one goes not in the maybe pile but in the 'I'm buying it even if Veronica doesn't take it. Next!"

Robert opened the fifth box.

Amanda asked, "𝅘𝅥𝅮 Prime 𝅘𝅥𝅯 Vestige 𝅘𝅥𝅮, what marvelous power do you grant?" She hadn't lost an iota of vim.

"Command the primal forces of fire and ice, weaving their fury into every strike you deliver."

The girl clapped excitedly. "Great! And what affinities do you grant?"

"Holy, Fire, and Ice!"

Amanda rubbed her hands, giddy. "We got ourselves a triple-affinity battle healer, ladies and gentlemen. Buy."

Robert set that prime back in its box and slid it to the buy pile.

*

*

He opened the sixth Prime. "Talent and affinities," he said to speed up the process.

Amanda, in all her magnanimity, allowed without a complaint.

"Harness the invisible waves of sound, bending them to your will to silence or shatter! Wind and Holy!"

"A useful Wind Prime? That's quite something. Dud," Amanda gave her cruel verdict.

"Wait," Robert said. "How far can the talent manipulate sound?"

"Fifty feet!"

"Can the user create sounds? Like replicate voices, or play music they imagine?"

"Yes. Though it will take skill."

"And what about using the sound to shatter?"

"Supersonic vibrations! Crack your enemies like glass!"

"Is there a limit of uses per day?"

"No."

"This one goes into the buy pile, Amanda. It is a useful Wind prime."

"There's a first for everything, I guess! Buy pile, then."

Freddy whined.

"Sorry, buddy. Wind is cool," Robert placated Freddy. "Here' the seventh Prime."

They repeated the same skit.

"With the voice of the wind, unveil the unseen, mapping the world in whispers and echoes."

"Is the talent echolocation?"

"Yes!"

"Does it depend on sound?"

"Yes!"

"Is the sound audible by humans? By dogs? Bats?"

"No, no, and yes."

"Affinities?"

"Holy and Wind."

Without any prompt from Amanda, Robert slid that one to the dud section. Finding two useful Wind Primes in a row? Preposterous.

*

*

Onward, to the eight Prime.

"With but a thought, command the world around you, moving the unmovable with the power of your mind."

"Wait," Amanda said. "The unmovable? Really? Can your talent move buildings?"

"Well, no," The Prime admitted. "When I said unmovable, I was more or less referring to objects outside your grasp."

Amanda snickered and lost interest.

"What is the weight limit of the talent?" Robert asked.

"A few pounds."

'How precise is the movement?"

"As precise as one's hands can be."

"How strong is the grip on the object?"

"As strong as one's hands can be."

"How many objects at once can be controlled?"

"As many as fingers in one's hands."

"How further away can they be controlled?"

"Five times far as one's arm can reach."

"Does the talent require concentration? Can the user of this talent fight while controlling the objects?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Dud!" Amanda slapped the table. "Next!"

The ninth Prime Vestige made its appearance and squeaked the goods.

"Step through the fabric of reality, traversing the distance in the blink of an eye."

"Affinities?"

"Space and Holy!"

"Buy! Next!"

*

*

"Draw the essence of power from each blow ye receive, fortifying your spirit with every strike endured."

"What affinities do you grant?" Amanda asked.

"Metal and Holy!"

"Robert? Is there anything you want to ask it?"

"Sure. Prime Vestige, how much essence will you absorb with each blow?"

"A good amount, depending on the force of the blow."

"Does the talent mitigate damage received?"

"Yes, of course! Where do you think the essence will come from."

"Essence recovery upon damage received. With the Metal affinity... Prime Vestige, does the blow need to break skin or would a hammer striking one's armor be enough to trigger the talent?"

"My talent would work on blows received on clothing or worn items."

"Does the blow need to come from an enemy?"

"Not really."

"Kinetic energy absorption and essence recovery," Robert reported to Amanda.

"Yeah, buy it."

*

*

The tenth Prime. They reached half of the pile.

"Summon a mirror of yourself, a fleeting echo to aid you in times of need."

"Oh. Quite good. Is the summoned copy physical?" Amanda said.

"Yes. It's flesh and blood just like yourself!"

She rubbed her hands. "How long can this copy remain?"

"As long as needed."

"How many copies?"

"Only one!"

"Does the copy have essence? Can it cast spells?"

"It can do anything you can but the essence is shared."

"Does the copy come with clothes? Does the talent replicate equipment?"

"No."

Naked clones. Robert only glanced and saw that Veronica was blushing.

"What happens if the copy dies?"

"It vanishes."

"Do the copy and the original share a mental link? Can they communicate without speaking?"

"Communicate without speaking? Yes, through gestures."

No telepathy, then.

"What happens if the original dies while the copy is unharmed?"

"Then you die."

Though the talent could evolve to let the person live as a copy while the original vanished, it was a far-fetched proposition. It would be nice, though.

"What affinities?" Amanda asked.

"Life, and Holy!"

"I'm calling this talent two-for-one promo," Amanda said and asked Robert. "Dud or buy?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe it is. WAIT!" Amanda took the Prime. "Can the copy get pregnant?"

"Only if it's a female."

"Does the copy need to eat, drink, and/or breathe?"

"Yes for all of these."

"Definitely maybe."

Robert took the Prime. Before he could put it in the box, he asked, "Does the copy transfer its memories to the original when it's dismissed or dies?"

"No."

"Does the copy automatically obey orders from the original?"

"As long as the person is agreeable, yes."

"Dud," Robert pushed it aside. "The copy can be as much of a liability than an asset."

"I'll follow your judgment," Amanda said. "Two for one bargain bin promo."

*

*

Fifteenth prime. The previous four went all straight to the dud pile with fewer than five questions.

"Command the metal of the earth, drawing it to your will with an unseen force."

"Can the talent push metal away?"

"Only if it's magnetized."

"Can the talent do fine manipulation?"

"No, only attract."

"Stop metallic objects in the air?"

"No, only attract."

What if the Arch attracts a sword sharp side up? Robert wondered. He didn't have to voice his opinion.

"Dud!" Amanda proclaimed.

*

*

"Become a dog! Conjure dogs! Control dogs! Fight alongside your pack!"

"Can it summon mythological dogs? Like the three-headed Cerberus, or a fire-spitting hellhound?"

"No! Only normal dogs."

"Dud!" Amanda sentenced.

"Last question. Can you control Taulusians?"

"They're not dogs."

*

*

"Last one of the batch," Robert said. It was almost time to wrap up the chapter, anyway.

"Prime Vestige, I command you to reveal your secrets to me!" Amanda said like a Shakespearean actress.

"Move with the swiftness of lightning, crossing distances in the blink of an eye."

"Can you fight at that speed?"

"No, only move really fast! Flash steps!"

Robert felt the danger of a close-call copyright violation.

"What affinities will you grant?" Amanda asked.

"Lightning and Holy!"

"Do the steps actually discharge lightning?" Robert asked.

"No."

"How fast can the person run?"

"As fast as a... flash... of lightning."

"Does the person tire while using the talent?"

"At the same rate as if they were jogging."

Most Archs could jog all day long.

"I'll buy that last one too. A healer that's fast on their feet and can shoot lightning is a good thing," Amanda said.

*

*

And now, it was time for Veronica to decide. Twenty Prime Vestiges. One confused former salesperson. Too many choices. Too many variables.

It was all left to the public, yes, you, to decide.

> Call 555-HASTE to vote for the haste Prime Vestige.

>

> Call 555-SONIC to vote for the Supersonic Vibrations Prime.

>

> Call 555-TELEK to vote for the telekinesis talent.

>

> Call 555-KINET to vote for the kinetic absorption.

>

> Call 555-ACOPY to vote for the clone Prime Vestige.

>

> Call 555-LIGHT to vote for the Lightning Healer Prime.

Or just vote in the poll below.