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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
All Corporations and Clans, they are Equally Awful

All Corporations and Clans, they are Equally Awful

"You can't possibly believe you have a talent so special you need to keep secrecy about it," Jeremiah said in jest.

"That's not it, sir. My talent is at best a mixed blessing. But I won't disclose it, especially not in the level of detail your company is expecting."

"Robert, we can—"

"Let him speak. Would you tell me what's it about, off the record?" Jeremiah asked.

"No."

The friendly salesman vanished. Jeremiah Samson, a member of the board of directors of the megacorporation wasn't used to hearing that word.

"Is that final?"

"Can't you waive that requirement?"

"It depends. You have my word neither I nor my daughter will disclose anything about your talent. But now I must know."

"Are you aware of the other party I delved with last week?" Robert asked. "Of course you are. I will assume you already interviewed them."

Jeremiah just crossed his fingers and assumed the Gendo Ikari pose.

"Then you know what they speculate my talent is."

"Teleportation," Amanda said with a guilty and apologetic face.

"Is that enough to sate your curiosity?"

"Show me," Jeremiah said.

"A demonstration will cost you a million dollars."

"Deal," he said at the word "cost".

Robert sighed. Then he entered the liminal void. The room was almost pitch-black. He sat and checked his notebook. A week and a half of waiting. He lay on the floor and fell asleep.

When he woke up, he did some quigong exercises. Then he sat, gathered the few Void wisps he could get, and paced around the meeting room. He showed Jeremiah his best finger, tried to leave the room by any means, found none, then more qigong. That was one of the worst weeks in the liminal void. He cursed, he screamed, and he waited. Robert spent some essence trying to combine lavi flows with qigong. They paired really well. Then he slept most of the time waiting to get back to the real world. When the time was close, he went to a chair on the far side and wiggled himself on it.

Then he reappeared. Jeremiah turned, already aware of where he was. "Excellent. Can you do it again?"

"Another—"

"Robert, I'll pay you up to five million if you can teleport five times in rapid succession."

He knew he shouldn't take it but he was annoyed and not in his best mind. Robert just slipped into the void, walked back to his chair, and waited for a few minutes. As he emerged, he nodded at Jeremiah and went back. This time, he resurfaced leaning on the window, and then he did it four more times. He wasn't counting but later on, he firmly believed he had teleported six times.

"Excellent. Can you take people along with your teleports?"

"No." Robert failed to reply immediately and winced. He wasn't built for these kinds of high-pressure social situations.

"You can, but there are consequences."

"You can think that."

"But teleportation is not your real talent, is it?"

"No comments."

"I already sent the five million to your account. You can check if you want."

"Thank you, sir."

"I will waive the disclosure clause if you answer these two questions. Do you have other affinities?"

"Yes. Two, one of them is Time. I know the lesser haste and lesser slow spells. I won't disclose the third one."

"Robert Blaze, consider yourself hired."

Robert stammered. He hadn't agreed to the job yet. Jeremiah knew that, and still played that dirty card. He glared at the man.

"In a life or death situation, can you teleport with Amanda to keep her safe? Would it threaten her life?" Jeremiah asked, ignoring Robert's glare.

"Yes. There might be unforeseen consequences and even long-term complications, though. I still didn't have a full grasp of the... teleportation."

"Is death one of those long-term complications?"

"Most likely not."

"Excellent. Most excellent. I'm increasing your pay to three million per year, now that we know you can take Amanda out of almost any situation."

Amanda was brimming with excitement. Robert, on the other hand, regretted even coming to this interview. Yes, money was good but he was basically signing for life with Samson.

"Everything will be alright, Robert. I guarantee it to you," Amanda vowed.

"Yes, you don't have to fear anything, Robert. I'm going to send you two away, Amanda will give you a tour of the arcology. Meanwhile, I'll get all the documents for you to sign ready." Jeremiah stood up and approached. He offered another handshake. Robert stood up and took the hand. "Welcome to Samson!"

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

*

*

The arcology tour took the remainder of the day. The place was huge. Sixty floors and everything to make it entirely self-sufficient, from food production to waste disposal. It even had two passages inside its megastructure. Everybody inside was either an employee or a family member of one. Several of the people they met along the tour recognized Amanda, and he even heard a few rumors about him.

Back at the meeting room, on floor fifty-one of the arcology, Robert signed away his life to the corporation. Or at least he thought. Right before he was about to sign the last set of contracts, someone entered the room.

"Mr. Samson, the new recruit's background check came red."

"What? Impossible!" Jeremiah growled. "What is it?"

"Apparently, Mr. Blaze owes the Kraven corporation five million dollars. And they are accusing him of murdering twenty of their employees."

"That's all a fabrication!" Robert burst into a fit of anger. "These bastards made up that debt, bribed the already corrupt insurance company. And I murdered nobody."

"Still, they have court filings for these allegations. The Kraven also demands that we deliver Mr. Blaze to them so he can work a repayment plan with them."

"That's an absurd!" Amanda also stood up. "Dad, do something!"

"Robert, why don't you explain your side of the story to us?"

"I was at the library a couple of weeks ago, when this Kraven guy, Bernard, I think, approached me and offered me a job. I declined. Then, I believe he dug up all he could about my life. When he couldn't find anything on me, he went to this shitty insurance company that instead of paying the proceeds for my parent's death, instead turned predator and took everything. My house, my name, and now, my reputation and freedom. The insurance company was most likely bribed to inflate the debt and then sold it to the Kraven."

"And what about the deaths?"

"What deaths?" Robert replied straight away. He was learning.

"The deaths they allegedly say you caused," Jeremiah replied.

"The Kraven says there are eyewitnesses to Mr. Blaze killing the acolytes and Mr. Bernard Kraven."

The assistant handed a folder to Jeremiah. He flipped through the folder with amazing speed. If Robert could bring a library with him to the liminal void and read that fast, he'd get bored of the void even faster.

"All bought."

"Did you fight them?" Jeremiah asked.

"No comments."

"Smart. But if you want us to help you, then you must help us."

And owe them a huge debt.

"It's okay, Robert. You can trust Dad. Us." Amanda said.

Like hell he would. Robert ground his teeth.

"We cannot afford to antagonize the Kraven right now, sir. With their mining rights in Faralethal, their position is too strong. And they won't relent on their claim. Our only recourse is to fight in court on Mr. Blaze's behalf but that will have repercussions. I cannot in good consciousness advise you to hire Mr. Blaze."

Jeremiah frowned, his face scrunching in anger. Robert knew the deal was shot. Flustered, Amanda was looking between her father and Robert. And yet, he felt like doing a gesture of goodwill. He pulled the papers that were yet to be signed and then signed them. Jeremiah didn't stop him. Instead, the executive grinned. It was on Samson now, to decide between firing him or not.

"It is a pleasure to work with you, sir," Robert said with a smirk. He looked at the advisor. This wasn't Robert trusting Samson. It was Robert pulling Samson in front of him to take Kraven's bullet.

"Edward, it seems we found out about Kraven's outlandish claims after we had already hired Mr. Blaze," Jeremiah said with a dash of hubris as he stacked the papers and placed them in the same folder Edward gave him.

"Sir, I—"

Jeremiah stood and put a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Kraven has no idea what an asset Mr. Blaze is. I can assure you his value is more than what we will spend if we fight those allegations in court. Do you need a demonstration or is my word enough for you?"

Robert gulped. Amanda's faint squeal punctuated the silence. Jeremiah played a tough game, one exclusive to people with overwhelming power.

"I'll take the demonstration if it is not much trouble, sir."

"Robert, make it flashy."

"Yes, boss," Robert said with a dash of mockery. He then vanished from his seat, crossed the void, read the Time affinity primer once more, drew a pen, placed it against Edward's throat, and waited. When he returned, Edward jumped. The fear he'd do that was what kept Robert from using something sharp. He didn't have his sword with him, anyway. Meeting Edward's scared eyes, he said, "It could be a dagger."

Then he repeated the feat a few more times, poking Edward in the kidneys, over the heart, behind a knee, and holding both of his temples in the last jump.

"This is Amanda's new bodyguard," Jeremiah said with unbridled pride. "Do you think grandma will approve him?"

Edward recomposed himself. Meeting Robert's eyes, he asked. "Is this how you murdered the Kraven acolytes?"

"No!" Robert barely suppressed his laughter. "I didn't kill them. They killed themselves."

Jeremiah snapped a finger. "You can drop teleportation passengers behind if you want! That's why Kraven didn't find the bodies. And why did you say taking Amanda along for a ride could be dangerous."

Not only powerful but also smart.

"And how you hid the equipment in the Mollusk Realm," Amanda guessed. "They'll never find it," she lilted to herself.

"Not really," Robert lied. "Remember, I have the Time affinity."

"You can send items to the future?"

"Everybody can, sir. But only one second per second."

Jeremiah laughed. "Keep your secrets. So long you do your job, it's fine."

Amanda clapped her approval.

"What we should do about the Kraven, sir?" Edward asked.

"Get the people at that insurance company to spill the beans. I am sure that they have played that shady reversal card so often you can find hundreds of their victims. Then, we can dispute Kraven's claims of debt. As for the deaths... we can attack their reputation. Start a covert campaign on the right circles asking them how an Arch within barely a month after ascending can make eighteen of their Archs vanish unscathed. Hint at a weakness in their clan, use the debacle with Basilisk and Morleppe. Go after their witnesses too. I bet they are bought. Don't buy them back, just ruin their credibility."

"Yes, sir."

"The Kraven clan is stretched thin with their mining operations in Faralethal and other business. Their patriarch hasn't shown his face in a few weeks. Make it expensive for them to pursue a single one-star Arch and they will give up."

"Yes."

"But Edward. Did you see why I insist on getting Mr. Blaze with us?"

"Yes, sir. I believe your grandmother will be most pleased with your most recent hire."

"Good. You're dismissed."

Robert bit his lips to keep himself from whistling. It seemed he could only choose which snake would bite him.

*

*

Amanda and Robert were taking the lift to the shopping area on the fifth floor.

"Bodyguard, really?" She glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Young miss, ma'am," Robert added in mockery.

"I can't hope to delve and grow with a squad of two-stars breathing on my neck," she vented. "It was all touch and go. After the trouble with the variant, it was either to find a bodyguard who wouldn't get in my way while delving or getting coddled and spoon-fed my wisps. I'm sorry, I should've consulted you but then you wouldn't be so spontaneous in front of Dad. Not to mention—"

"I could've run away."

"Yes."

"I still can," Robert said. Amanda made a shocked and betrayed face. "I already have the Kraven clan after me, what is another big corporation? And you can't believe how good at vanishing I am."

"Do you want to go away?"

"Nah. The pay is good. I'll give it a try, if this doesn't work I'll vanish into some passage. Besides, I always intended to stay independent. The five-year non-compete is not a problem."

The elevator pinged.

"We are here," Amanda announced, trying to put a pep in her voice and shove the troublesome conversation behind them. "Let's see how far your newfound wealth can take you."