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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Up the S**t Creek with no Paddle

Up the S**t Creek with no Paddle

Fairy-Robert had to remind himself that the first word in this realm's name was "Gravity". Then "Slime." Only last, "Caves." The rocks displaced by his stunt of shifting matter to the liminal void didn't fall down. There was no down in this realm. Down in this cursed place meant, "toward the nearest wall".

And whenever a path formed, the floating water followed. When he displaced dozens of tons of rock, the other debris fell to the sides, opening a hole in the clogged tunnel. That changed the gravity and pulled a tendril of water, a small stream toward the rocks. Momentum drove the water to close the gap and hit the rock, causing the dregs of essence inside it to form slimes.

He flew away and watched. Most of the water seeped deep into the rock while only a handful of slimes sloshed over the rocks. Back when they first came here, this would create dozens if not a hundred or more slimes. But if the water was so poor in Ether, how did that humongous slime that was underneath the rocks at the bottom of the cavern form?

Too many unknowns, too many variables, too many moving parts. Robert hit each of the new slimes with a low-power essence drain. That drove them into a frenzy, accelerating their movements by almost double. He didn't want to know what would happen if he turbocharged the big slime. Nothing good was good enough for an answer to him. Let sleeping dragons lie.

He waited and used the extra essence to circulate lavi flows and get his workout for the day done. The feeling of the tempering technique working and improving his muscles as they were at the same time damaged from exertion and healed was something he got used to.

The handful of slimes popped into yucky water, all their magic gone. Not even the cores remained. And Robert went to find more rocks to shift into the liminal void.

*

*

Each time, the process repeated itself. The rocks shifted, and a small amount of water was pulled from the lake to form a stream that, after splashing against the rock formed one or two slimes, and then the arm of brackish water would just hover mid-air, without a current. It was growing thin as he progressed so the amount of water pushed down from the lake also diminished.

It would take days to create an opening big enough for humans to go through. Because if he wanted people to walk down the opening, he needed to open a circular hole that was as wide as twice the tallest person's height, plus room for the water in the middle. It would be a donut-shaped cave, whether he liked it or not.

He guessed he could make something to crawl through but the tunnel needed to have miles of extension. It would grow old soon enough. Grab a rock, use talent, fly away, let the landslide settle, water sloshed, slimes formed, slimes died, rinse, repeat.

Boring as fuck.

But it was the way home.

He thought of bringing Amanda here. She had the Earth affinity, and would probably manage to merge the rocks, pushing material away or making big rocks even bigger so he could move more stuff away. And yet, it was too dangerous. He could escape the landslides because he could escape through the liminal void. Amanda didn't have that luxury. Nor would asking Noah to create an earthquake work as intended. That could be catastrophic if the humongous slime decided it was snack time.

*

*

Bored, Fairy-Robert stared at the rocks. A week of work and he had advanced only about five hundred feet. If compared to a person excavating through solid rock alone, it was a fucking good progress. But he was not happy with being fast if compared to a miner. Or even an Archhuman miner.

Channeling his hatred toward the rocks, he conjured a void spear, tapping his two stars for power. The massive bolt formed and he fired straight at the rocks blocking the tunnel ahead. The projectile moved instantaneously. It had no mass and no physical form. It was a beam of pure nothingness, annihilating matter in its way. Even against a three-star Arch like Damien, it was destructive. Against mundane rock? The Zoltraak beam dug a horizontal hole seven inches wide and God-only-knew how deep. Some rocks shifted. A thin stream of water, as thick as his fairy fingers flowed into that hole.

Damn. He measured the thickness of the water. One-eight of an inch, give or take thirty percent. Seven inches was not enough for him to move inside. It meant he had three inches of clearance. The hole was smooth. The rock was cut to a polished finish. Then a thought struck him. What if he made the hole thicker? Robert returned to the tunnel and focused on doing that. He tried to shape his void lance to become as thick as your momma. He fired and ducked away. He managed to get ten inches. Then another one. Eleven inches. Twelve. He stopped because he would get too low on essence with a fifth cast.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

The rock crumbled around the holes, making them uneven. The water once more splashed around and formed slimes. Robert drained these as well. But now he had formed a monstrosity with the water splitting five ways to point at each failed hole.

This was getting nowhere. He would waste months to open a hole big enough.

*

*

Pissed, Robert flew back to the lake cave. He took a look at the giant slime and decided to act on a whim. He flew down, touched the monster, used his talent, and then tried to fly away. The liminal void flared to life. The giant slime, now free from its rock prison, shot tendrils in every direction. Even without a physical connection to Robert, it could move and act. Without slowing down. Time wisps burst from the monster, flooding the liminal void. They were drawn to Robert, and his mind blacked out from the sheer volume of Ether forcing itself into himself and his Ethercosm.

A slime tentacle wrapped around him, engulfing him completely. Acid started to dissolve his clothes. His body was only fine because of his chronal shear tempering, as any wound on him needed to exist in the past, present, and future to really act on his body. But the ablative technique soon lost its power as the contact prolonged itself. He screamed and used the void fist technique on his hands, feet, and even head. Slime exploded and vaporized, the technique several times stronger and closer to the void as they were.

Momentarily free, Robert conjured new wings and flew away. His Ether conduits burned and only because he tempered them enchanting the rings could he keep a sliver of his wits.

The Time wisps flooded his vision with images of clocks of all sizes and shapes. Hourglasses, digital, analog, solar.

Only when he dove into his mental palace did he find the clarity to know what he should do. He used his talent again and dove deeper into the void. The massive slime, its volume easily more than that of a dozen Olympic swimming pools, became insubstantial. The Time wisps couldn't reach him anymore.

Robert sighed in relief. He used reconstruction to heal himself from the damage caused by both the acid tentacle and his own void punches. Once back to full health, he paused. His essence pool was full and he became greedy. Could he go back to the liminal void and harvest the remaining essence of the monster? No. He couldn't That would be stupid.

Instead, he slipped through the true void, imagining the place where they entered the Gravity Slime Caverns for the first time.

*

*

When he resurfaced back to reality next to where he estimated the passage should be, he was greeted with a concrete wall. The wall was not in the same realm as he was but on the other side. On Earth. It shimmered with an Ether shielding. Something that he didn't think he could break even with the cheat that was his void powers. He checked and the concrete was flush with the passage. Not even a fraction of a millimeter between the portal and the obstruction.

At least this section of the tunnel was not caved in. In fact, it was the same as the other passage to the Puffbloom Islands. It was hanging in the air at a height of around twenty to twenty-five feet. Hard to tell in this darkness and with the irregular terrain. It was also close to the water. It wasn't flowing, proof that the tunnel between there and the cavern was obstructed by the landslide.

Fucking hell. Still angry, Robert wanted to blast the concrete and the shielding, call for help, and see how the other side would react. They'd written off this realm as a lost cause. If they could, they would've broken the passage but Robert knew of only one entity strong enough to make and close passages. Such power was beyond the capabilities of mortal men.

Shit. He had no idea what to do. Even if he opened the blockage, they still had the issue of the shielded concrete. Perhaps Noah knew more about that.

Without any recourse, he dove back into the deep void and traveled back to the cavern. But he only re-emerged close to the camp, to bear the bad news. Before returning to reality, Robert shifted back to his human form and put on some clothes.

*

*

He explained everything to them. The blocked passage, the tunnel, the big slime now stranded in the liminal void. it should be dead but instead, it was there, waiting for him. He didn't check but his danger sense tempering almost drove a nail into his head whenever he thought of visiting that particular spot in the liminal void.

"It is as you feared, Robert. They wrote off this passage as too dangerous and sealed the passage. And tampering with that shielded concrete will only trigger an even stronger protection. It's expensive to maintain but is funded by the government. The people who owned this passage had written it off as a loss for tax purposes.

Amanda nodded sagely. "Which means they don't want it opening up. Because they no longer own it and they would lose the tax benefits if it ever opens back. Granny had people killed for less."

Robert stared at the corporate scion. Was that something she should be disclosing willy-nilly? But then again, he was a Samson employee with high clearance and Noah was oath-bound to keep their secrets. He shrugged.

"What do we do?" Robert asked.

"We go back to the Puffbloom Islands and take another route back home. This realm is now a depth six in the interspace map. It's Puffbloom Islands, then the Caustic Ocean, the Deserts of Desolation... I know, very creative names. Next is the Maze Corridors, and finally, Faralethal. From Faralethal, we can charter a transport back to Earth. We should apport in district Nineteen. Close to home, Amanda."

"I know," Amanda said. "But how will we survive the Caustic Ocean? We have no diving gear and no acid protection."

"If we harvest some slime cores here to craft more base crystal," Noah explained. "We can forge the equipment we need. You have the Water and Earth affinities, and Freddy has Wind. I can use your essence for these two enchantments."

"How long till we get back home, then?" Amanda asked with a groan.

"A few months," Noah lamented. "Most of it will be spent harvesting cores in here. With the low Ether levels and Robert's experience with the water, slime spawn rates have crashed drastically."

"Fuck me," Amanda bemoaned, losing her shit. "We will lose most of the second semester. We won't qualify for the tournament!"